City of Lies (Possible GTA IV spoiler)

[Corndawg93 941]

Can we expect anytime soon that you will type/write City Of Lies 2 in the near future???

Well it's in the planning stages. The first chapter is done but it's an intro. The story will span from there.

It's NOT a sequel of COL. I'm calling it an 'alteruel' as it takes place at the same time as COL but this time follows the REVENGE endin of IV. The coin is flipped.

THAMES remains my priority; I need to get it done, and the recent setback has not helped. I'll still work on COL2 intermittently but TC is the focus.

Unfortunately I can't say 'it'll be done by xxx'

I can suggest to follow THAMES and that'll give an indication as to how close col2 is

Good, Good

[djbranston 0]

Has anyone made a machinima of this, i would love to see one!

[Mokrie Dela 2,843]

 

Has anyone made a machinima of this, i would love to see one!

Nah. I thought about it but it was impractical. Only on the PC - with mods to support various aspects - would it be possible and i think it'd end up being likemost game-cum-films.

 

I'd be stoked if anyone redid some of the scenes, but tbh i don't think i'd want to see the whole thing done.

 

Thanks for the interest btw

[megahypernova 0]

I Finished It, And Might I Say Great Job!!!!!!

[Mokrie Dela 2,843]

I Finished It, And Might I Say Great Job!!!!!!

hey, you're back!

 

Thanks! Won the award too Thanks for your support

[PINKbubblegum 0]

holy cow, i started at about the last 3 "missions" , and now i have to start from the beginning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mokrie Dela 2,843]

ha I hope you haven't ruined the ending for yourself!

 

I hope you enjoy it.

[Mokrie Dela 2,843]

I'm aware this is a bump, but i've made a PDF version of this story, available here:

 

http://sdrv.ms/Noabpd

 

Thanks to Cammi for his help i setting that up

[dansgas1000 4]

Can you make a blurb please

[Mokrie Dela 2,843]

http://www.grandtheftwiki.com/GTA_Fan_Fiction

 

You'll find one on there

 

May I ask why?

[Kifflom112 7]

I just finished reading this and must say, what a truly magnificent story. I was surprised by the emding though.

Very wonderful story.

[Mokrie Dela 2,843]

Thank you man.

It pleases me to know people are still reading this. I should crack on with my next project so I can give you all something new!

[Gnocchi Flip Flops 26,293]

I hate to bump this but it's always a good read. Just finished it for the 2nd and a half time - I tried reading it last year but got too busy - and I dragged it out for 7 weeks. Now I'm going to read Justice in Flames all over again.

[Carbonox 870]

I've recently finished reading this. Quite the experience, I must say. Now even though my upcoming review may seem negative and cynical, I'd like to make it clear that if I didn't like it, I would never have gone this far.

 

Right, some spoiler-free critique first. I thought the in-game characters were pretty well spot-on. The descriptions were usually simplistic, but you didn't waste time with unnecessarily long blabbering, which helps keep interest up as something's pretty much always happening. Though sometimes the language use was too repetitive - it caught my eye that you said "fired" almost every time someone fired a gun. There's probably not many synonyms for that, but some kinda colorful indication of shooting would've made those sections less tedious.

 

Spoilerific content:

 

- It's not really your fault, but because of the overused feel of the trope, I kinda could see it coming that the distorted voice would belong to a woman.

- Speaking of the Voice, another issue of mine was that much of the plot consisted of mission after mission for them, with no explanation of what's going on. The plot sure advances faster and makes the reader anticipate the grand revelation (I imagine this was what you aimed for) but I personally found myself forgetting about half the details by the time we got to that part, due to those missions feeling disconnected and forgettable. Kinda like the assassination sub-missions now that I think of it

- How come Johnny was named as a casualty in chapter 7 if he ended up surviving? I thought those in charge of identifying victims would at least make sure they're definitely dead before stating it on the news. Yeah, just bugs me.

- The unnamed man that Niko, Johnny and Luis encounter in the end felt like a walking cliché to me. From uttering Niko's full name as he arrives to acting high, mighty and dismissive even at gunpoint, and finally insulting Johnny's dead brother like a school kid - that part could've been written a lot better, that's for sure.

 

As for what happens in the ending, I guess that's up to my imagination. Personally I'd hope for Niko to finish Johnny off as his life's already ruined and he deserves better than the bitchy death at Trevor's hands, assuming that meth-headed bully is even canon to this story. As for Niko, eh, he could still manage as long as he's got Brucie, Jacob and the likes around him.

 

And I so should've seen the title drop coming at the final sentence.

 

[Mokrie Dela 2,843]

Yeah the guy at the end is probably my biggest regret in this story. Was, in hindsight, halfassed; a throwaway character that, thinking about it, had no real chance for development. I deliberately avoided having the bad guy as someone Niko etc knew - instead I wanted to have him as a completely unknown; he was behind it all, but to Niko, he was as interesting and memorable as you found him - in a way that was deliberate (though poorly done as you identified).

 

Thing is, I've noticed that I'm almost heralded as this writing deity by some and I know some people think I've been writing for like fifty years. I've been writing for about 16, but City of Lies and Justice in Flames show my growth as a writer. I'm not this super perfect craftsman, but as you can see from the critiques in here and JIF (it's important to read them!), I have grown a lot. So the cliches, the laziness (fired!!!!) or what have you, it's a sign of (I hope) how I've grown, if that makes sense.

 

This still remains something I'm immensely proud of and I do feel JIF surpassed it. However I've gone too long not writing and I only hope COL2 can at least equal these two stories (which reminds me, I have to get chapter II up). Even now, about six years later (Jesus f*cking Christ!) it still means the world to me that someone's read this, especially with my negligence in offering in depth feedback on others'

 

As for the 'mission' structure you mentioned - it was kind of intended; partly as a homage to the tried and tested GTA-format, partly because I loved the 'professional' vibe GTA iv had with some missions and assassination missions (at least in my play style) and my wish to expand one of my all time favourite games. As previously said about my 'growth', it's clear in this story that I was still learning. Indeed I will still be learning while COL2 is active. I'm not a university-learned writer. Aside from school, I am entirely self-taught - that is until I posted City of lies. Just by writing you can improve but as you'll see in here and JIF, feedback is crucial!

 

Thanks for the reply and feedback. I'll warn you though: JIF is about 3 times longer, and COL2 is looking to be unintentionally longer still!

[Carbonox 870]

Thanks for the reply and feedback. I'll warn you though: JIF is about 3 times longer, and COL2 is looking to be unintentionally longer still!

C'mon, it's me you're talking to here - length is definitely not an issue.

 

In fact, there's nothing more satisfying (off the top of my head) than reading a good fanfic that comprises several dozen chapters and manages to push out quality content all the way to the end.

[Prasdana21 157]

I have been following this story since day one you posted the first chapter, and I must say, what a great story =D. You are able to connect Niko, Johnny, and Luis in one storyline since IMO they don't belong in the same "group" yet you did it so perfectly. I'm a big fan of IV trio (although IMO Gay Tony is the real main character of TBOGT) so it's very worth reading of my time.

 

I have seen COL 2 as well and I can't wait for it

 

By the way, I forgot my first account password, hence why I decided to make a new account, lol.