Teenangst

[Ziggy455]

Prologue

 

A crisp blue sky was draped over Bristol, patchy rain hit the surfaces of buildings, and nothing was different. The morning was mellow; nothing was bothering me as I watched the sunny weather continue.

 

My feet shuffled quickly on the floor as my hands rested on the bench; each arm outstretched as if I had two people on either side. The half burnt spliff rested gently in-between my fingers as a couple of track suited twats clobbered by.

 

c*nts.

 

That was my genuine thought for chavs here. c*nts! Purely for the fact I was beneath them, they were just normal twats dressed like twats! ‘f*ck you looking at wasteman?’ the smaller one asked with an aggressive look. – knocking me out of a daydream.

 

‘A c*nt. Why? What are you looking at?’ I smirked lightly, waiting for a reply.

 

‘f*ck you.’ Was the pricks reply.

 

‘Jog on.’ I replied with a middle finger to his face.'Prick.'.

 

That last thing I saw was the prick’s arse run away as he began to catch up with his pal – the taller one- which kept his mouth shut and distance far.

 

I took my attention back to the city’s neat landscape in front of me. I myself was sitting on a bench overlooking Bristol’s main river; my eyes fixed on the sky above the buildings facing me across the waterway.

 

I was supposed to be at Induction, but obviously you could tell I couldn’t be f*cked. The morning was peaceful and I would of rather spent it getting spliffed and hassled then sitting in a dull boring room listening to knob heads discuss my future –rubbing elbows with students who cared more about their exterior than their interior –if you caught my drift.

 

My phone had been ringing all morning – annoying the f*cking sh*t out of me, I didn’t pay attention. Didn’t really bother me except when it rang –I was counting the times it rang and by the end of my first spliff, it had hit the fifth mark. f*ck was I really that popular?

 

By the end of the spliff I was smoking I decided to give up the ghost. Answer it, and take whatever sh*t was on the other end.

 

It rang quickly as I flicked the dub away into the river. I answered.

 

‘Hello?’ my voice was dull, the mood was getting to dull anyway so I thought-f*ck it, they don’t care how I’m feeling.

 

‘Oi Prick!’ was yelled loudly into my already mellow adjusted ears.’ Where the f*ck are you, knobhead?’

 

The cockhead that had called me was -in fact- my best friend. Johnny Chase – also referred to as the ‘Pervert’ by most girls he always seemed to attract himself too. To me and his other mates he just liked to be called Jace.

 

‘I’m at riverside…why? Where the holy f*cks are you?’

 

Jace was the hunter of my mates, always tailing girls, always banging them inadvertently by their own accord…stupid slags. The funny thing was the dodgy f*cker always seemed to get them, even if he wasn’t in the mood and felt like ripping off some poor f*cker’s head.

 

‘I’m at College.’

 

‘Ha! Induction?’

 

‘f*ck off...Locker room.’ Day one and the monkey was already trying to bang his dick into something.

 

‘So the girls are done? What about violence? A tenner goes on you’ve already whacked some poor bastard.

 

I’m always the one to calm him the f*ck down when he feels like he’s about to blow off another clout to some guy who thinks he’s going to strike him out-not to say Jace hasn’t had times where he’s been in the wrong…He once punched the wrong guy who ‘supposedly’ got to a girl before he did! – Jace is competitive.

 

‘The few odd looks now and then.’ he whispered.’Y’know how it goes with Jacy Baby!’ violence magnet was a f*cking high for prick.

 

‘Where’s Cid?’ Cid was the third of the Trio. He was the quiet one, he was heavily into the whole Pill scene, but he was descent minded and his cock was always screwed on tight when his f*cking brain wasn’t.

 

‘Cid’s here with me.’ The pill popper was obviously pulled into the situation.’f*cker’s being a homo though and is waiting outside.’

 

I started to walk, my bag was draping behind, and my vision was blurred as the effects of the spliff hit me like a bitch. Something else hit me like a bitch as well.

 

‘Please don’t tell me you’re in a locker?’

 

‘I am and mate…these babes look like they’re prep, shaved and ready for action.’ His voice was louder, I could tell his bastard eyes were fixed on the girls undressing.

 

‘Put a glove on it John Holmes, I’ll be there soon.’

 

‘Prick hole Wait…’ I clicked the red button. His yells were loud as I clicked it off, no doubt the girls were all bitch slapping the dozy sex maniac by now, ha! Sid was probably three miles down the corridors whistling all the way.

 

It was time to get to college.

Edited March 18, 2010 by Ziggy455

[Cashy]

Has potential, Ziggy.

 

I would like to see more .

Reminded me a bit of Skins :L

[Canofceleri]

I enjoyed this, I always find the way Brits talk to each other to be very amusing and you captured that brand of sorta playful vulgarity there. I think, like the other guy said, the piece has a potential and you as well. There's a few things to work on, try trimming it up a bit. One of the most important tools a writer has is economy, it is better to be concise than to overwrite and stuff more words in than is needed--I need to work on this badly as well I think.

 

not anything was bothering me as I watched the nonstop weather continue

 

It would be better if you wrote: nothing was bothering me as I watched the weather. Saying the weather is nonstop is redundant to the point of being absurd, it is understood. Now, if you meant a specific aspect of the weather, you need to specify: as I watched the unrelenting rainfall.

 

Of course, some things can be forgiven because this is written in a very colloquial first-person perspective. I would urge you to read what you've written aloud when you're finished and really listening to how it sounds and seeing if you can change anything to make it better.

[LittleMiss17]

I think this story is very similar to skins in the way the person is describing other people and the speech that is used, i think it sounds alot like cook as he seems aggressive.

 

Very good though and very different as I have noticed you dont normally write like this. Keep it up I look forward to the next chapter

[Ziggy455]

Chapter One

Arrival of the fittest

 

‘Move it’ I’d yell every few seconds, ignorant arseholes just love to get in my way. I was riding my very old, very handy skateboard.

 

The college wasn’t even far enough to make a solid effort on stunt wood so I just gave up and pushed my way through the crowds of people near the riverside.

 

‘c*nt!’ was yelled in about seven different accents as I sped past. I felt f*cking stupid for pushing myself to get there, of course just in time to miss induction.

 

As the college was coming into view I quickly skidded past some stylists, obviously followed by the tall skinny acne covered fa**ot.

 

‘Oh sexy!’ came an overacted gay accent.

 

I kept rolling, my head turning to the fudge packer.

 

‘Eat sh*t, sh*t eater.’

 

The college was a generic sh*thole, even the big banner saying ‘Welcome future students.’ Was the same one which I’d noticed last year on a taster...

 

It was my first spliff, sue me.

 

As I got closer to the door I came a skidded halt, the homo from before gave a straightforward walk away of ‘I’m ignoring you.’-like I gave a f*ck-most people who spoke to me were genrally speaking to themselves.

 

My eyes kept a dazed glare at the banner, my concentration f*cked off with my competence a while back. Then I heard a unfamiliar voice, which shook me when I turned to see who it was.

 

It was this gorgeous red headed girl, she was chatting in-between these two people; some blonde haired girl and some other black headed girl. My eyes were focused on the red headed girl fully now. f*ck! She was gorgeous, no she was more than that, she was beautiful. As she walked past me her eyes focused on my tattered self but her lips were still moving to what her friends were saying.

 

‘Wow’ was all I could think of. I had to know her name.

 

As I watched her perfect ass disappear into the entrance I started to follow after her until...

 

‘Prickhole!’ a figure yelled as he jumped onto my back, his recognizable laugh easy to give away his identity. I struggled to wrestle him off my back as we fell to the floor, you could tell it was Jace, f*ck every knob head around us could tell it was Jace. Cid was watching us both wrestle, a serene smile across his face.

 

As he started to give up pushing me onto the floor I managed to pick myself up and dust myself off.

 

‘Thought you had a beat down with some girls in a locker room.’ I dusted off my jeans as I asked.

 

‘He got invited to a big party...’Cid began to speak-he rarely ever does for long. ‘Only Jace could do that when in the face of imminent death...well not death but...you know what I mean.’ Cid wasn’t well with the expression of words.

 

‘Yeah man, they were all over me...couldn’t get enough of Mr Meaty, they invited us to that Danny P house party.’ His voice was excited, you could tell he was planning something which would result in me or Cid taking the sh*t for.

 

‘I’ll get the pills’ Cid said before walking off –he seemed more interested in education than having fun.

 

‘f*ck it man, I’m off to class, Teacher’s gotta’ bore, I gotta f*ckin’ sleep. ‘replied Jace, he jogged off after that and I was left at an empty entrance.

 

It was funny-even tough I’d been surprised raped and invited to a party in the same minute my thoughts were still on that red headed girl-who was no doubtedly the most gorgeous girl I’d seen in Bristol since a long f*cking time.

 

God-I sounded like fag. After a few seconds of trying to figure out what the f*ck I was doing I headed inside...

Edited March 18, 2010 by Ziggy455

[Cashy]

Zigman.. you cease to amaze me.

 

This really feels like Skins now.

Main character is Freddie, Girls are Emily (redhead), Naomi (blond) and Katie (black hair)

and the best mate has got to be Cook.

 

Really want to see more of this, Ziggy.

 

Keep it up son

[Eminence]

This really feels like Skins now.

Main character is Freddie, Girls are Emily (redhead), Naomi (blond) and Katie (black hair)

and the best mate has got to be Cook.

I haven't read this yet, so not a dig at Ziggy or at the writing itself. But... is this not a bad thing? Seriously, lol? Should it not at last differentiate itself from the source material a little?

[Cashy]

No, I do not think it's a bad thing. I was just comparing it to Skins, saying it had the same interesting vibe. A technique that would want to keep me reading? I was merely saying of how it reminded me of Skins (which in turn I am a big fan of), so I'm intrested to see if this is Ziggy's own version or interpritation of it.

 

Having said that, I'm interested to see how this pans out (whether it be like (to me, at least)) Skins or not.

 

(talk about skills for replying on an iPod touch )

 

[Ziggy455]

 

No, I do not think it's a bad thing. I was just comparing it to Skins, saying it had the same interesting vibe. A technique that would want to keep me reading? I was merely saying of how it reminded me of Skins (which in turn I am a big fan of), so I'm intrested to see if this is Ziggy's own version or interpritation of it.

 

Having said that, I'm interested to see how this pans out (whether it be like (to me, at least)) Skins or not.

 

(talk about skills for replying on an iPod touch )

Yes, the vibe is supposed to be Skins, The story is set in Bristol about the same time as Skins, the material which inspired me...was Skins!

 

However although the characters share a likeness, they're not: Freddie, Cook and JJ.

 

You'll understand more the further I write.

 

Eminence- It's very much like Skins, I agree. However It's obviously going to differentiate as we go further on into the story.

 

I've always loved Skins, and I've always loved writing-I thought to myself (After about fifty thousand viewers knocked the writing of the fourth season.) Maybe I should write a teen drama, parallel to Skins-like it in some ways and different in others-I want to capture that Skins-esque like feeling.

 

The redheaded girl is not Emily-She's definetly not gay., the blonde girl is not Pandora-she's not that nice as you'll see and the black girl is definetly not Effy.

 

All these characters are like them in some ways, but the storyline and general plot is not Skins, the characters are VERY MUCH like some characters but it's my story-set at the same time as Skins, and who knows! I might splice in a recurring incident or not.

 

However, if you think I'm cloning, copying, stealing Skins, then you shouldn't read it-however I can garantee, I'm trying to keep the vibe and skins atmosphere and characteristic atmosphere. Think of it as a couple of different A level students in Bristol, all very much like the Skins crew, but also very different in numerous ways.

 

That's all I have to say.

Edited March 19, 2010 by Ziggy455

[Cashy]

Hey Zig, never said it was going to be like Skins or anything like that. I was just saying how I could relate it to it.

My bad if you thought I was saying it was like it, mate

[Ziggy455]

Hey Zig, never said it was going to be like Skins or anything like that. I was just saying how I could relate it to it.

My bad if you thought I was saying it was like it, mate

No, I know Cashy, I'm making it relatable to the story. I'm not cloning it though.

[Cashy]

Alright man .

Nevertheless though, Im really intrested to see where you go with this

[Ziggy455]

Alright man .

Nevertheless though, Im really intrested to see where you go with this

Yeah, Same Vibe, Same Atmosphere, Different Characters, Different Plotline

[solitudeandbored]

i like alot mr zig. i notice oyur characters have unusual sexual want levels. they should take up un asked for rape celibacy like me. i notice they smoke pot as well. very spiritual or are they doing it to be cool. more description. go with your mind. get the juicy sex scenes in as well. nothing says teenage life as much as juicy spliff boggling pill gargling f*cking shagging noncing boncing concing poncing ducking shucking mucking and general all over sexual intercourse.

[Cashy]

 

Yeah, Same Vibe, Same Atmosphere, Different Characters, Different Plotline

Gotta be lovin' that vibe