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Ronnyboy

You Wouldn't Know...

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Ronnyboy

They said we would be fine. They told us we would never go there. From the first day we got off the bus and met our instructors, our teachers, our sworn protectors, they told us we wouldn't go. We always believed in that, and hell who knows, maybe that's what made us stay. Army training isn't for the weak at heart, but it sure as hell beats the Marines.

 

All my life I wanted to be a soldier, wear the uniform, give the salute, all that jazz. I remember as a kid I used to spin a toy rifle like I saw on TV, give a Boy Scout salute to all the guys I saw in uniform. They used to smile and salute back, and I felt like I was a real soldier. I was always blinded by those TV ads, all those fun games where you get killed, but get right back up and save the day. All those things just made it seem cooler, and cooler. All until the day I packed my bags, and headed out for Basic Training.

 

It's hard to say what happens on the way to Basic. You get a feeling that it's going to be easy, and that it's also going to be hard. You wonder what the foods like, what the Drill Instructor is like. Thoughts swirl deeper and deeper in your mind, like a whirlpool of excitement, sadness, scared feeling, and deep thought all at once. You are lost swimming around and around, only to be awoken at the sounds and screams of a man wearing a large hat and full uniform. All of a sudden, that kind and gentle man that used to salute back, wasn't even blinking his eyes at us.

 

As soon as you are forced off the bus, you get a bag, a phone call, and a quick hair cut. They throw you into your bunks and you suddenly realize this isn't a game, this isn't TV, this is real life and you feel like leaving. But as soon as our Drill came in, he told us three things: "1. Your going to become Soldiers, no matter what. 2. Food here is only good in the morning, so eat a nice breakfast. 3. We won't, I repeat, won't send you gentlemen out east." And so began the 2 month training course. Day in and day out, we all pushed our bodies to the limit and swore by the creed of "We won't go". But after 2 months, and with a new view on life, we learned you don't know, you wouldn't ever know, it just happens.

 

Next thing I knew, I get my assignment papers, a heart breaker only matched by death or loss of love, both of which could occur with this assignment. I was to report to Ft. Knox, I was going out East. They told us we wouldn't go, we just wouldn't go, but here I was, about to go. About to go into the great sandy wonder of "Butt-f*ck-nowhere-istan", a sworn promise broken. Anger and vengeance grew in me, the towering feeling of being lied to, of knowing what you should have known anyway. I knew I would see my brothers, my fellow Americans die, I knew I would see things only thought of in games, and I knew I might die. But you wouldn't know over there, you wouldn't ever know.

 

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ScratchCard

That's pretty good!

 

I normally don't read much here in WD but this piece had me hooked from the beginning, I like it icon14.gif Will you do more?

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General Goose

What ScratchCard said.

 

Very involving, drew me in. Made me feel sorry for the soldier.

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Ronnyboy

Thanks guys, I plan to expand on this if you like me to. I had this inspiration from a Vietnam book and thought I'd write it. Hopefully I can turn this into something good.

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Ronnyboy

Continued:

 

As you stand before your family, on an empty airstrip except for your plane, you get a feeling, so dark and deep you just can't explain. You look at your wife, your daughter and son, and you see in their eyes a look of hatred, sadness, misery, and confusion. "Why did you lie to us?" there eyes ask, like I lied to them on purpose to get away with it. The fact was I didn't know, they wouldn't know, you just wouldn't know. I would never forget that look, like a little innocent child begging a soldier as to why you killed his parents, you just can't explain. You can't tell them why, you can't explain to them why, you just can't. They want to know, but you can never tell them it was because you were ordered to do it, or you were ordered to leave. They lied to you, and then you lie to them, it's a never ending chain of deceit and lies.

 

You get onto the plane, with the most heaviest of steps. You wander for a seat, look for a buddy to talk to. As you sit on the plane, and watch your family slowly move away, the feeling of the lies never leaves. They will hold onto it forever, and you will too. You suddenly are thrust-ed into the air, and it then hits you. You wouldn't know if this was your last plane ride, you wouldn't know if you would get shot of the sky, you just wouldn't f*cking know. I felt the need to cry thinking about it after 3 hours of flight. I told my self I was just paranoid, tired, and over thinking things. I knew I needed sleep, so I laid down my bag and took a nice long nap.

 

It's funny, how in a dream, anything can happen. My dream was a pitiful story, my dream was me running in circles, seeing the eyes of my family drown me in pools of there sadness and discontent. I saw myself, dressed in a dashing suit, laying in a soft white bed of what felt to be angels clouds. I was being carried, by all my loved ones. My smile was kept up, but my eyes were closed. I could however see the seen before, a funeral, a funeral for me that happened only 6 months after I got out east. f*ck me, was this end I thought? I wanted to yell stop, but the coffin was covered. I then felt my body slowly being covered, my emotions, fears, my will to live all wishing to break out of the surrounding barrier that was my failures and lies. I fought and clawed, swam out of my families sorrowful eyes, and climbed my way out, but I got no where. I had not moved an inch. My thoughts of hope died, along with what ever else I had in me. I was finally awoken, as we hit the land of the sand, Afghanistan.

 

 

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ScratchCard

Same as before, very good icon14.gif

 

 

f*ck me, was this end I thought?

 

Probarly just me but is that a correct English sentence?

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General Goose

Aside from that probable grammatical error, excellent again. Really powerful, really moving. You're exploring the emotional side of war very well.

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Ronnyboy

That error is called "late at night, can't see the keyboard or think about grammar" error tounge.gif. But thanks guys, I do appreciate the comments, wants to keep my writing. I can turn this into a full story (which I plan to do for school), so keep on reading wink.gif

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Ronnyboy

Was told I should get back on this, so I will:

 

Afghanistan, it's a strange place to walk out to, like an astronaut on the moon. My moon was not a place of baron waste and rocks, it was a place of death and destruction. A place where men had come, had fought, and had died only to be replaced by the next man in a sea of human lemmings, playing War Games for a higher power for which we did not understand. I walked with my platoon to our new barracks, but new was hardly the right word. The once proud, bright green siding of our barracks had been cooked and faded by the desert sun. The windows were scratched and blurred by the sands that flew around us as if it were little school children running about. The beds were faded and falling apart, as were the lights, which glew a dim and almost depressing color over our "new" home.

 

Our barracks were much like the men I saw around me, tired, faded, and depressed. Not one small was drawn from their faces, the faces of men who had become numb. Their colors were gone, their faces were raw with a heartless emotion that could only be seen and not felt. But soon it would be our turn to feel the emotion that was "no emotion". We all knew we'd be like them, we'd never have a reason to smile. We'd have no reason to look up into the sun and smile at our lives. We had come on lies, and were now faced to deal with them in a place that had never had truth. No truths had been told, to me, to us, to the people and their lives we were changing everyday. Our lies were that bullets help, that people may get killed and that's ok, and that we would help build peace. But what is peace, in a place where peace has never existed? The moon has never seen peace, and yet it is peaceful. But f*ck it, it was time to get down to reality. I was in Afghanistan, and the moon was up there, in a place where'd I rather be. Hell, I would have wanted to be anywhere but Afghanistan.

 

That night no one said much, we ate our food and settled in our beds. No one wanted to admit it, but we all wanted to cry. We were away from home, we were away from what made us Americans, Americans after all. Our careers were there, our drill instructor who told us "Soldiers don't cry" and had lied to us were there, but most of all our families were there. That whole night I couldn't stop thinking of my family. My wife had made dinner and cleaned it by now, my beautiful daughter had done her homework and was probably out with friends, and my son would be playing with his toy soldiers and playing fake war games. If only I had his innocence, his ability to not understand that the world will lie to you, that life isn't just a black hole slowly swirling, attempting to suck in everything you love, you care about, and care for, and destroy them all eventually. Even one day I wouldn't be here anymore, and being here, that day was coming soon.

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Ziggy455

I like how three-dimensional you've made your protagonist. Making the audience sympathise with your characters is one of the best ways to develop and strengthen your story. Your character isn't a Soap MacTavish or Alex Mason. He's a real human being with fears and wants which is good. This is also a good step in making better characters for your stories. I'm liking this, mate. Regardless of the small grammatical issues which most are prone to, I like this. Keep it up. cool.gif

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Meekail
Regardless of the small grammatical issues which most are prone to, I like this. Keep it up. cool.gif

 

That error is called "late at night, can't see the keyboard or think about grammar" error  tounge.gif

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Ronnyboy

Yeah i usually only write at night so grammar does fly over my head. Eventually when I finish the story I plan on doing a full grammar and word overview. After that, I'll re-release it one big post for you guys.

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Adler

Wow excellent work so far! I'm liking the stream of consciousness of the protagonist. Really gets into all facets of his emotions, and I'm enjoying how well this character is explored. Though I feel that we're delving into this one character too far, to the point that his thoughts are the only things being explored, and other characters are brushed aside to focus on this one person. It's very one-sided how we're only getting what this character thinks and believes with minimal dialogue from other characters.

 

Although, if that's what you're going for then keep it up. tounge.gif

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Mokrie Dela
Yeah i usually only write at night so grammar does fly over my head. Eventually when I finish the story I plan on doing a full grammar and word overview. After that, I'll re-release it one big post for you guys.

Proof reading and editing the work before 'publishing' is the fix to this

 

The works I've uploaded have been proofread and edited but they still contain errors I'm sure, none of us are perfect.

 

 

Besides that, I found this a nice little read. There's something accessible about it, like a light read, and as said above - I can't add to any of that.

 

Good stuff

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Ronnyboy
Wow excellent work so far! I'm liking the stream of consciousness of the protagonist. Really gets into all facets of his emotions, and I'm enjoying how well this character is explored. Though I feel that we're delving into this one character too far, to the point that his thoughts are the only things being explored, and other characters are brushed aside to focus on this one person. It's very one-sided how we're only getting what this character thinks and believes with minimal dialogue from other characters.

 

Although, if that's what you're going for then keep it up. tounge.gif

Eventually I plan on delving into the minds of others through the main character. I'm just getting back into the swing of things, so time is key here.

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ainsz

There's something about this story that hooks you in. It's very easy reading and is very interesting and involving. Please continue! colgate.gif

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Ronnyboy

The next morning we woke up to the "Sweet sunny sand land of Afghanistan" as our C.O. called it. It could only be farther from that sweet land he spoke about. The sky was clear, except for the occasional jet or heli coming in for landing. The air smelt nothing sweet, but of fuel of all kinds. The dirty smell of diesel, the sweet smell of J-50, and your average gasoline. They mixed together in a sweet, nose burning stench that spread through out the base. The smell of food and sh*t by the outhouses made me both hungry and yet disgusted all at once. My senses told me to leave, to just stop everything and go back to the sweet smell of home. To the hickory fire place, the warm aroma of instant smell spray, and a delicious dinner, but then the diesel fumes knocked me back to reality. The sun was barely in the sky, and yet the sun's sweet blaze warmed us, then cooked us like small ants under the magnifying glass. Funny, it felt like we were doing the same to the land we were in. The Afghan's were a small number of people, and here we were, putting our magnifying glass of oppression, strength and rule all over the land. Rick, a guy I had met on the day we had arrived felt the same way. He had a daughter and wife left at home, struggling to get by as their home was up for foreclosure and his wife had lost her job. Rick had that look about him, the kind of person who could smile at a funeral, the kind of person who could go have their car's tires slashed and he'd just smile. A couple of the guys were talking to him during breakfast, and I decided to hop on over and here what was going on.

 

"Yeah, those f*ckers on Wall Street I tell ya! They cost me my house now, my poor wife and kid have to deal with this shame with a big ole red Foreclosure sign on the lawn! f*cking bastards, ah well" Rick said with a thick Chicago accent and a smile. A young guy, wearing some cheap glasses and a big nose asked, "So what'll happen to them?". "f*ck if I know! They get my check from good ole Uncle Sam and blow it on whatever they need. I love em, and I love my country, but it ain't saving my ass!" Rick seemed to have a grudge, but his personality wouldn't let it out. I thought he was trying to get away from his family, I couldn't figure him out, how a person could have a family in peril and he wasn't even close to being there. The young guy with the glasses, he looked at me and said "So what about you man, you got any family?" I wasn't sure how to respond, I could lie and say I'm single with many girlfriends, I could say that I'm divorced and this is to keep the bitch off my money. I had a chance to change myself and I don't know why I wanted to do that, but I did. I stared into his eyes and just said "I got a wife and kid. Kid wants to follow me I think, but I don't know". I kicked myself a little bit, such a generic story. The look among the mens eyes was the same, but I felt an air of respect. I realized at that point, you don't need to make up a story here. Everyone has their stories, everyone has their burdens, and we all had our own, and we understood each other through that.

Edited by Ronnyboy

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