Eminence Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 Hey Mark! Nice to see you round again, and I'm certainly glad you've taken the time to read this. I'm not sure how far through it is myself, yet. I kinda feel like we're only scratching the surface, though. Let's just say there's still plenty more to come for ol' James here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Mark generally wrapped up my feelings about it as well, be interested to see the next part soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 (edited) :~ Edited August 13, 2009 by Eminence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Zilcho Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 This is absolute genius. I don't know what it is, yet again I can't put my finger on what I love so much about this piece. But yet, in the background when I read this I really enjoy it, like I'm reading a book and I can't take my eyes off of it. I was disappointed when I stopped reading, not because I didn't like it but because it was over. I literally cannot wait to read the next part, I'm bursting for it. The subtle story, as simple and as regular as it is, really packs a punch. Keep it up, my favorite piece in WD at the moment. U R B A N I T A S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chunk Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 LessIsMore indeed. I'm liking these shorter chapters, maybe more than your usual work, Phil. It makes this easier to follow and more enjoyable as a whole. I also feel quite proud because James, who's a good main character by the way, chose a silver Ford Focus, which is my old Papa's car. Though my proudness was short-lived when I found out it was going to be used to stalk Barry.. Anyway, no grammar mistakes as per usual. But, finally, I have to congratulate you on another great job, Philip. I can't wait for more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oblivionz Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 He is my Philip. I watch him on webcam as we speak, but anyway, I loved this. I know this guy's a pro stalker as I've said to you before, but what the f*ck is he doing going to her funeral like that. He's not going to accomplish anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted August 10, 2009 Author Share Posted August 10, 2009 (edited) :~ Edited August 13, 2009 by Eminence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Zilcho Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 That certainly was a very poignant piece, the various points where his opinion shifted (from being happy to be there to feeling totally out of place) were really well fleshed out. I'm definitely hooked yet again for the next bit, and the ending has got me by surprise, the mystery of who he saw, is very clear. The mugger perhaps? Really looking forward for the next chapter! U R B A N I T A S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oblivionz Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Who gives a sh*t about the mugger? . I'm actually questioning whether it's a character we've been introduced to already, it doesn't seem like he could be seeing anyone but Barry, but I highly doubt it's him. <3Philip, as you know. Can't wait for the next chapter, sure to be up today. You just need to quit taunting me on MSN by saying you're writing and NOT SHOWING ME WHAT'S UP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 (edited) Edited August 11, 2009 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 (edited) :~ Edited August 13, 2009 by Eminence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 (edited) At first I thought James' alias was a wink to AM, what with the whole What's your poison? thing, until I clocked on and put two and two together. Edited August 11, 2009 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vercetti21 Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Is that improvement I see? Every chapter is even more intriguing than the previous one. As others have said, I quite like the short chapters paired with emphasis on detail. Makes for nice "jumps" to important parts of the story; regulates the pace. Even more notable is the character of James, who, oddly, becomes more mysterious as the piece progresses. He's well aware of the fact that he's a sociopath and attempts to camouflage that in an attempt to gain the acceptance of others. He wasn’t lying. It could have been true. This line in particular sparked my interest, suggesting that there may be much more to James and his relationship with Jenny than we know. Because of this I have formed my own conclusion of what may happen or what the climax/twist may be to this story, though I'd rather just keep that to myself and let it unfold. Nice work. No noticeable criticisms, for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 (edited) :~ Edited August 13, 2009 by Eminence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Quite impressed with this so far mate, you've come a long way with your writing. The story's managed to have an emotional impact on me directly and make me feel the character's emotions. This really is a breath of fresh air from macarbe and violent pieces. Guns, hookers, snuff, cops and robbers are a hard trend to get out of, especially since we're on a Grand Theft Auto forum, but you've managed to keep me thoroughly entertained throughout. Now, I'm very interested to see where you're going with this, because we've actually had no indication about James at all really. We know nothing except that he's rich and probably relatively young considering he can pull off claiming going to school with Jenny. All we know is he's almost a millionaire, the apartment could be a swanky penthouse for all we know. Apart from the things I discussed with you on MSN, all I can say is keep it up Phil! I'm dying to know where you're going with this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted August 12, 2009 Author Share Posted August 12, 2009 (edited) :~ Edited August 13, 2009 by Eminence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oblivionz Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 YOU FINALLY SHOWED ME A SNEAK PEEK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted August 12, 2009 Author Share Posted August 12, 2009 (edited) :~ Edited August 13, 2009 by Eminence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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