Grant Theft auto III - 2

[Eminence]

Holy crap. Talk about hijacking the dude's thread over something trivial; it's just grammatical mistakes. Fair enough it might lessen the tone and atmoshpere of the story when reading it, but come on. It's nothing to get your knickers in a twist about.

Andy, you totally missed the point of that entire conversation.

[Sanjeem]

Ok, This guy made some mistakes which i know for all you writers who mainly go on this, can notice easilly. But even though he had a few grammer issues, You've got to admit IMO anyway, The story dragged me in, with enough descriptive words to keep me reading until the end. It was a good first chapter story wise. Mabey he had some errors and mistakes but i did enjoy reading it.

[vinnygorgeous]

The point seems to be bullying someone of lesser ability, you can't possibly argue that your doing this to help the guy because you don't go on like this at anyone else

[Oxidizer]

 

Andy, you totally missed the point of that entire conversation.

What, you mean the one about the dodgy fanfic title and Ziggy overlooking the feedback he'd received about the grammatical errors both in it and the actual story (the latter being what should actually matter)? Yeah, sure.

[Eminence]

No. I've not even mentioned anything about grammatical errors within the story, nor have I commented on the story itself; I haven't focussed in on his writing ability or anything like that. I was posing a very serious question about his topic title; it seemed a careless mistake, which he has then claimed to be intentional; I was then debating how exactly it was intentional, and if so, why he decided to structure it in that way.

 

Hop off the bandwagon, you lot.

[Oxidizer]

One, both Jacky and Ziggy mentioned grammatical errors regarding both the story itself and the title. Two, what bandwagon? And three, your avatar is pretty.

[Eminence]

One, both Jacky and Ziggy mentioned grammatical errors regarding both the story itself and the title. Two, what bandwagon? And three, your avatar is pretty.

Yes, but I was referring only to the title.

 

The bandwagon of everyone coming in to deride people pointing out things.

 

Thank you.

[vinnygorgeous]

The bandwagon is of everyone jumping on Ziggy, how is it any less valid to defend someone against arrogant bullies

[Ziggy455]

 

The bandwagon is of everyone jumping on Ziggy, how is it any less valid to defend someone against arrogant bullies

I don't get it!? I've seen titles with f*cking Semi-Colons spliced right into the middle of one word and yet people don't notice or comment on it they just give positive feedback.

 

I know It seems like a mistake but it isn't, the title is called 'Grant' for a reason, the Text I uploaded was a mistake, I was too used to writing Grand and so when I uploaded it I decided to re-edit when I had the time, I didn't think people would be so nit picky.

 

If you don't want to read it then don't, If you do like to read it - Regardless of the small Grammatical mistakes then please go ahead.

 

Maybe you should all look back and see the mistakes that have been added to topic titles, It doesn't stop you all from giving it positive feedback does it? No!

 

Also I DO take all Criticism into consideration because read both of my Small chapters, they both have been fixed and the Punctuation and other mistakes have been fixed.

 

I just wish for once somebody could come in and not have something to pick me at, I'm sorry if my title seems like a mistake, It's not. I decided to put a fresh twist onto something old that I love.

 

I may not be the smartest or greatest writer here but at least I try, at least I keep going with things even when I've got better people insulting me and my skill. I'm going to keep writing and better my skill but it doesn't help when people nit pick at irrelevant things, the title has a purpose, the picture was a mistake.

 

Edited July 4, 2009 by Ziggy455

[Oxidizer]

I'm on your side, Zigs.

 

Edit: 3000th post ftw. See? I gave you my 3k!

Edited July 4, 2009 by Oxidizer

[Ziggy455]

 

I'm on your side, Zigs.

Thankyou Oxi, I'm not trying to fuel an argument but I've seen people with really odd titles but people don't do anything with them they just comment. I had a plan for this entire story, because funny enough my last Grand Theft Auto didn't recieve any feedback and it fell into the shadows. My title was titled the way it was for a reason...

 

For once maybe some of the stuck up writers here could see somebody did something out of skill and not idiocy.

 

@ Oxi: No they're not Toreno and Rosenberg, that would of been a really stupid move if it was them, they were just two random Leones with an Optimistic and Pessimistic contrast.

 

Basically how They handled each other was to emphasise how the Leone family alone was being torn apart by members..

Edited July 4, 2009 by Ziggy455

[Omnia sunt Communia]

I apologize for giving constructive criticism. Next time I will just post an interesting and enthralling reply like: "Good job, I really liked it. You had some grammatical errors but they did not detract from the story, cannot wait for chapter two."

 

If people cannot take constructive ciricism, that's up to them, but it sure as hell doesn't mean I'm going to stop. I'm pointing out Ziggy's flaws in the hope that he can learn from his mistakes and advance in the skill of writing. Some of you may think I was overly and unecessarily harsh, but it's not like I belittled every word. People can never get better with the same old: "Good job, I like it" replies that seem to dominate this place.

 

Again, I apologize for trying to help a young writer advance in their craft.

 

[Ziggy455]

I apologize for giving constructive criticism. Next time I will just post an interesting and enthralling reply like: "Good job, I really liked it. You had some grammatical errors but they did not detract from the story, cannot wait for chapter two."

 

If people cannot take constructive ciricism, that's up to them, but it sure as hell doesn't mean I'm going to stop. I'm pointing out Ziggy's flaws in the hope that he can learn from his mistakes and advance in the skill of writing. Some of you may think I was overly and unecessarily harsh, but it's not like I belittled every word. People can never get better with the same old: "Good job, I like it" replies that seem to dominate this place.

 

Again, I apologize for trying to help a young writer advance in their craft.

No Jacky, your criticism was a big help, Read over the chapters and you'll see I've listened to you. But some Writers here really are nit picking at me for things that they let other writers pass at.

 

You're a big and good help man, keep doing what you're doing just don't drone on at me for something that I intentionally did! The title is purposeful, My Grammar has slowly improved, just help me but don't pile on something which is uneeded. Like 2 pages of a pile on to me.

[Eminence]

No Jacky, your criticism was a big help, Read over the chapters and you'll see I've listened to you. But some Writers here really are nit picking at me for things that they let other writers pass at.

Then you should be more thankful and happy that they're spending the time going through it with you, and be thankful you aren't the one being passed over.

 

Just because two pieces feature the same mistakes and only one gets picked up on, it doesn't make the other one correct.

[Ziggy455]

 

No Jacky, your criticism was a big help, Read over the chapters and you'll see I've listened to you. But some Writers here really are nit picking at me for things that they let other writers pass at.

Then you should be more thankful and happy that they're spending the time going through it with you, and be thankful you aren't the one being passed over.

 

Just because two pieces feature the same mistakes and only one gets picked up on, it doesn't make the other one correct.

It doesn't make it fair either then does it...

 

But the other one does get passed over, just no in a bad nit picky way like mine does, even if it does hold the same mistakes...

[Eminence]

Mate, it's not about being fair, it's just about writing. Writing is what it is - the words speak for themselves, and it's not about the critical feedback you or someone else receives. You should be thankful to get as many mistakes pointed out as possible because then you can learn from them; the other person making the same mistakes will just keep making them.

[Ziggy455]

 

Mate, it's not about being fair, it's just about writing. Writing is what it is - the words speak for themselves, and it's not about the critical feedback you or someone else receives. You should be thankful to get as many mistakes pointed out as possible because then you can learn from them; the other person making the same mistakes will just keep making them.

I understand that Em, I'm happy all of you great writers take time to read my sh*t.

 

But 2 pages on a Topic Title!? It was a little shallow that you were so quick to assume it was a mistake, it says something about me doesn't it?

 

And trust me every word you guys have said to me over the past 2 years had really helped me improve...Don't believe me? Please look back at some of my first work, you'll see the difference.

Edited July 4, 2009 by Ziggy455

[Eminence]

2 pages on a topic title or no replies altogether?

 

I know which one you'd rather have. So be happy.

[Ziggy455]

2 pages on a topic title or no replies altogether?

 

I know which one you'd rather have. So be happy.

Well my final word on the entire subject before I move onto the next chapter would have to be:

 

2 pages of Pure criticism and feedback- Yes.

 

2 pages of badgering because of a title- No.

 

With that out of the way expect a chapter up soon.

[Ziggy455]

 

Whack! Crack!

 

The sound of wood to bone was heard like a gunshot to the ear, the small bruised man lay quiet and limp as three of the dirty Chinese triads surrounded him. The chair he lay slumped on creaked as more blowing whacks came down onto his head, no remorse came from any of the members; it was almost as if they enjoyed a sick sense of enjoyment out of watching the poor bleeding man slowly die. Another whack came down hard as blood began to seep down his purple face.

 

“What we say about walkin’ down Chinatown!” he taunted as the man let out a small exasperated breath; his eyes gazed upon the floor in shock.

 

The small coned light swung violently above all of the occupants as another member raised his bat, suddenly a shadow walked into the room; he was a large man bearing 3 light scars across his face. His dark suit tinted lightly as he stepped inwards, his feet scraping the dust and grime of the floor below.

 

“Stop.” he said with a forceful but calm voice, his deep Chinese accent piercing each member with a sense of loyalty and fear; the three Triads turned and kneeled in a immediate response, the man on the chair slowly lifted his eyes in agony; his facial expression still blank.

 

“Was he seen walking near our lab.” One of the members squeezed out in fear, the suited man looked at him quickly before pushing past towards the man on the chair.

 

He crouched down and grabbed the mans face, pushing each side of his head into the light as he yelped in pain. He spat quickly before engaging him with a sincere yet lethal voice.

 

“I think we can use you, my friend.” He said with a menacing tone.

 

 

“Sam? Sam! Where the f*cks are you, get in here and help me,” an old voice echoed through the newly painted hall.

 

A medium sized man walked through the newly constructed doorway, his warm welcoming face and strong posture was recognizable by most. Sam was quite a young man; his scruffy black hair suited his large light black eyes, he wore the usual baggy sweats, blue T-shirt and Gray Zip hoody. He sighed and proceeded over towards the old calling man.

 

“What is it Sal?” Sam asked with an annoyed tone, Sal was Sam’s partner in business for at least 4 years now; Sal used to be a loyal member to Leones until the events of Salvatore’s assassination. Sal, like most Leones, was of Italian American descent. He was quite old with almost fully grey hair; he was a good friend of Sam.

 

 

“Help me paint this side, it’s the last one and I’m open for business.” The old Leone chuckled; the two grabbed a pair of brushes and began to paint; the musk of vinyl strong in the air as the two began to speak.

 

“There’s one thing I never got with this whole buy out the Marco Bistro and make a bar out of it sh*t.” Sam proclaimed with a curious and confused tone.

 

“Times have changed, Leones aren’t really running Liberty anymore; Christ they ain’t runnin’ sh*t anymore,” He let off a small chuckle before he began to talk again.”It ain’t safe to walk around here half the time, I don’t wanna’ keep doin errands for sh*theads so I can get myself Killed, so I decided to run this place y’know, Make my own way. With you workin’ here as my Partner.” He added with a

smile.

 

“Yeah, that’s one thing that does make sense,” Sam replied with a simple tone, the wall began to leak with sloppy paint,” Except...why do the Triads seem to be everywhere?” he asked as paint slapped onto his grey hoody.

 

“The police don’t seem to care as much, they seem to grant us pretty much freedom,” he replied with a disappointed tone, “They grant us enough freedom to jack a car, Mug someone. They only show up when something big goes down like a shootout or huge international drugs deal or anything like that.” He added; Sam listened intently; losing focus of painting.

 

“Wow, when you called me up and invited me down here to join you, you never said it was that bad.” He exclaimed in surprise.

 

“He he, Jax says he’s been charged a few times for Grant Theft auto” Sal replied with a burst of laughter; trying to change the subject of the harshness of Liberty City.

 

They threw down their brushes and looked up at the large blood red wall facing them, Sal patted his new partner on the back; both splatted in blotches of red paint.

 

“Open for Business,” he said with a smile.

 

“Not yet.” Replied Sam quickly, the smell of thick paint making him woozy.

 

“Let’s get ready for tonight.”

 

[Ziggy455]

 

Sal’s new bar lit up the corner of the street with it’s huge neon lights, dazzling and intriguing all pedestrians who had passed it, Sal stood outside; a large cigar in his mouth; Sam by his side. The large neon lights illuminated the area surrounding the bar. Sam wiped his forehead with a lucrative smile as Sal patted him on the back once more, the bar itself had began to get crowded.

 

"Kid, I gotta’ get inside,” the old man said before jogging off inside.

 

“I’ll be in soon, I got to do some stuff,” Sam replied with a quick tone, the old man turned and began to walk backwards.

 

“Get back here for eight, sh*t looks like it’s about to pile up!” he said with a laugh, Sam waved as his friend disappeared inside to the crowded bar.

 

The young man watched the Blaring lights as they flashed ‘Sam and Sal’s Bistro Bar’ brightly. He smiled as more people crammed into the bar; his eyes shifted to his old partner as he hurriedly rushed about sorting drinks and taking orders from the bar; he looked happy.

 

Sam began to walk down the sidewalk and away from the new club, his mind wandered as he observed his surroundings, the snazzy atmosphere had dissolved in a matter of seconds; the streets had turned from bright to dark and the air was colder. The smell of rubbish and smoke was thick in the air; fish was even a common smell nowadays.

 

He continued to walk until he came to the corner of another street, his eyes drifted over towards a girl sitting on an old rickety bench.

 

He continued to watch as she looked at him back, her bright blue eyes hypnotising him as they locked. She couldn’t be no older than he was, Sam thought to himself the dangers of people on the streets but her eyes softened his ideas as she approached him.

 

“Hi,” she said with a simple smile, her looks showing a gentle side of a Liberty City pedestrian.

 

“Erm hi,” Sam replied; nervousness sweeping over him, the girl was beautiful to him.

 

“Isn’t it a little dangerous for you to be out here?” the girl asked with a teasing look, Sam replied with a smile and look of shock.

 

“I could say the same to you,” he replied with a tone of surprise.

 

The beautiful girl began to giggle, “I’m a big girl.” She said with a smile, Sam gave another smile.

 

“What’s your name?” he asked with a curious tone.

 

“It’s Jessica,” she replied with another heart warming smile, the atmosphere of cold and stink had dissipated quickly after she had began to speak.

 

Jessica was just a little shorter than Sam himself, her bright blonde hair was natural and flowing, it brought out her beautiful face and ruby red lips, she was the only girl Sam had spoken to who hadn’t offered him a blowjob for ten bucks; he was thankful.

 

“I’m Sam.” He replied with smile.

 

“Sam...,” she said trailing off, murmuring to herself before he snapped his fingers; bringing her back.

 

“Sam and Sal’s?” she asked with a simple but curious tone.

 

“Yeah,” he replied with a nod, his sweat breaking.

 

“Why ain’t you there?” she asked with a smile.

 

“I’m going somewhere,” Sam said with a distracted voice.

 

“Where?”

 

“Nowhere.”

 

“Well it must be somewhere, so where?”

 

“Just that old abandoned house.” He said pointing to the old shadowed building just visible behind four years worth of natural growth.

 

“I gotta’ go, see you.” He added before walking off, his voice sounding distracted.

 

Jessica watched him before she jogged after him, her curiosity had gotten the better of her.

 

“Hey wait up.” She yelled as she got closer to the young man...

 

Jessica was intrigued by the young man, even though he seemed to be busy with other things her feelings pulled her towards the man; for reasons unknown she wanted to go with him, even if he was going to explore the old Leone building.

Edited July 10, 2009 by Ziggy455