[FF] The Invitation

[Eminence]

~!

Edited July 14, 2009 by Eminence

[Oxidizer]

I think the opening words describe what I think of his daughter down to a T.

 

This was really good and I love how you also write about something that I never expected the story to be about and yet it still be a very simplistic theme.

 

Your writing's as quality as ever too!

[Chunk]

I quite liked this piece. You captured the anger and emotion of the father very well, I actually felt a little sorry for him being excluded from his own daughter's wedding. I did have one little problem though.

 

 

My... my little girl!

 

From what I learnt at school and after giving this a quick run-through to double-check, I think it should be:

 

 

My... My little girl!

 

I think the next "my" should have been capitalized.

 

Overall, some top-notch work here, good job Philip.

Edited July 4, 2009 by Chunk

[Eminence]

No. That is all part of one sentence; here, the ellipsis is used in the same way as an em dash would be, and so the second fragment of the sentence remains uncapitalised, as it's the continuation of the thought. The ellipsis is not a full stop, or the end of a sentence.

 

Nice try, though.

[Face McDougal]

I really enjoyed this, Em. For me, it all came together at the end, the last two sentences or so completely altered my attitude toward the narrator, not that I didn't like him to begin with. But seriously, I was reading this and chuckling here and there and I was also wondering where it was going, what the idea was... and I liked it.

 

Sometimes it's those hard choices we have to make, the ones that are the least selfish, the hardest, and the most right.

[Lochie_old]

I do enjoy the angle you've approached with this, and how you've managed to give me a good impression of the narrator's emotions. My only issue is sometimes he waffled on a tad too much, for example;

 

 

First it was shock. I simply couldn’t believe it. I knew full well what was going on; I had my sources. All of those contacts let me know the progress of the wedding. Oh, don’t you worry; I was well in the loop. So when no invitation arrived through my door, even though I knew they’d been posted, I suspected a mistake must have been made.

 

I feel as if though this could be condensed, but still have the same quality/depth that you're looking to give the reader.