The Master

[gta_king]

Finally just caught up, your action sequences are really well written. Very nicely paced with enough detail to really get a good visual of what's going on. I'm interested in seeing how events unfold regarding what has just happened in Chapter Six as well.

[The Unvirginiser]

Chapter Seven

 

“Captain Churchill to the bridge,” Bowman said over the intercom, “Mr. Pitt, tactical analysis.”

Pitt tapped a few buttons on his control panel, the colour on his face quickly drained when he read the results. He slowly looked up at the view screen in the center of the room, fear sweapt his body as the silver saucer moved gradually closer to Virgil.

"Computer, identify unknown metal."

 

Negative, unable to identify

 

“The ship is made of something much denser than anything listed on the computer. One room on board, no detectable quarters, engines, weapons or warp drive. Two life signs, the robot is made of the same metal as the ship, and is being detected as a life form. Sir, our weapons are unlikely to damage the ship or the robot, I recommend that we make the jump to light speed-”

“No, Harrison – have maximum warp on standby. Raise shields, red alert. Mr. Pitt, I’m more concerned about the larger vessel.” Bowman pointed to him, silently asking for another tactical analysis.

“Sensors detect twelve million life signs aboard sir, their weapons are charged and shields raised.” Before Bowman could respond Captain Churchill entered the bridge.

 

“Report.”

“The larger hostile ship has regained all of its power and systems, the small saucer is closing in on us slowly. Twelve million of those things are on there!” Bowman could see Churchill’s brain already shooting in a thousand different directions as he explained the situation.

“We’re being hailed.” Pitt spoke from the back of the bridge.

“On screen.” The image of the saucer was replaced by the face of a middle aged man. He had thinning black hair, wrinkles and a warming smile on his lips. There was a mesmerizing sparkle in his eyes, which made it very clear that he was far from human. Behind him was the interior of the saucer, the walls were lined with unusual screens and control panels. Lights and streams of energy seemed to travel along the walls between the control stations, as if they were communicating with each other. In the corner stood the menacing robot.

 

“This is Captain Laurence Churchill of Virgil, who am I speaking with?” Churchill was very stern in his voice, but with just the right amount of friendliness.

“I am Klaatu, I’m very sorry that you’ve became involved in all of this.” He seemed genuinely concerned.

“Members of my crew have been murdered-”

“Captain, nobody asked you to board that vessel.” Klaatu was now the one being stern.

“As scientists and explorers it is our duty to investigate the apparent death of an entire race, and the technology that could support that amount of life.”

“Captain, there was a reason why the ship had a dampening field around it… I think this would be better explained on board.” With the blink of an eye, Klaatu had disappeared from the screen.

 

Pitt was the first to notice the robot stood in the corner of the bridge, the thought of its indestructible power was heart stopping. Klaatu was stood just behind Churchill; he hadn’t materialised in a transporter beam, but rather just instantly appeared in the room.

“Guests usually have the courtesy to request an invitation-” Bowman began.

“Please gentleman, we mean you no harm.”

“We?” Pitt asked from the back.

“Yes, me and Gort,” he motioned to the robot, “we were in the middle of diplomatic talks with this species.”

“Why was there a dampening field around the ship?” Churchill asked.

“It’s all part of the process. It’s also a private matter, but since you’ve lost three crew members I think it’s only right if I explain everything properly.”

“What process? Making a ship look like it was abandoned, when really it was full of hostile creatures?” Churchill fired back.

“When we set up the field, we didn’t consider that idle explorers would come aboard and interfere with the ship’s power source.” Klaatu had a fierce passion in his eyes.

 

Bowman was worrying, he had seen Gort’s capabilities first hand, Churchill hadn’t. His hands trembled with anxiety, could Churchill provoke Klaatu to unleash the mighty robot upon them?

“Captain!” Bowman gave Churchill a stern glare before he could reply to Klaatu, “Ensign Monroe?”

“Doctor Baltic said that she died from her injuries on arrival.” Bowman closed his eyes and looked to the floor, Churchill had longed suspected that there’d been a spark between them. They weren’t in a relationship, but he knew that they had feelings for each other.

“Three crew members dead on one away mission-” Bowman looked heartbroken.

“Ensign Kirkham has just began to miscarry her child, Doctor Baltic is working on saving both of their lives.” Bowman took a deep breath as he tried to take on all that the Captain had said. Everybody on the bridge traded worried glances.

 

“Captain Churchill, I regret that you’ve lost so many crewmembers in this ordeal. Perhaps there is something I can do?” Klaatu seemed very sincere.

“There’s nothing you can do, two of them are torn apart aboard that ship, and the other is in my sickbay in a bed of her own blood!” Churchill was furious, he felt stupid to let them board a ship like that.

“Captain! This isn’t anybody’s fault, the ship seemed empty.” Bowman put a hand on Churchill’s shoulder to consolidate him and then threw Klaatu a look of venom.

“Do you not recall that Gort saved all of your lives?” Bowman’s expression changed instantly, “Captain, there is something I can do for the one in your sickbay.”

“And what’s that?”

“I can bring her back.” Churchill looked like he’d been hit by a chair.

“How?”

“Captain, my people are thousands of years more advanced than yours, I won’t waste both our times to try and explain something that you’ll never understand. Get your doctor to repair the wounds and I’ll restart the body.” He gave a heart warming smile.

 

“What were you doing on that ship?” Pitt asked from the back of the room with an aggressive tone in his voice.

“I told you, diplomatic negotiations. What you met is one of the most aggressive species you’ll come across. They’ve destroyed thousands of planets, including their own through war and greed-led famine. We were there to warn them.”

“Warn them of what?”

“We told them that if they don’t change their ways, they’ll be destroyed.” He spoke with an eerily calm tone.

“You can destroy that thing?” Pitt pointed to the massive ship on the view screen.

“Gort can, and Gort will. We set up the dampening field which killed all power to the ship, they were helpless. He guarded the main power grid, so none of them dared to restart it, until you came along. The first chance they had to show their new peaceful behaviour, and three members of your crew die; they had their chance.”

“What gives you the right to kill an entire civilisation?!” Churchill was enraged, “There are twelve million lives on there!”

“And they’ve just ended three of yours, why do you care?”

“Obviously your years of advancement have not given you and morals or a sense of decency! Why do you think you have the authority to make that decision?”

“I do not make these decisions, my master does! You need to realise how little you know! A council of elders police the stars: Earth, Romulas, Vulcan – when you stare in to the stars at night, they’re staring back Captain!”

“Masters?”

“What, you think that species are allowed to just pillage the universe as they see fit? Do you think there isn’t somebody out there who decides what is acceptable, and stands up to what is not?”

“Species have done it for thousands of years.”

“Well obviously you’ve never seen it on this scale,” he pointed to the ship, “Captain, this is for your own protection. If our dampening field hadn’t been up, Virgil would have been destroyed. We do not accept barbaric slaughter on innocent people such as your selves! Gort!”

 

The robot suddenly moved forwards, toward the center of the room. Everybody backed themselves against walls, Pitt removed his phaser. Gort’s visor lifted and the orange ball began to dance between the sides of his head. With a flash, the thin beam of energy burst from his head and shot through the view screen’s energy field. In a second it was across the void of space and hit the alien ship. The crew watched in shock as the enormous vessel vaporised in a blinding flash. Virgil shook as the force of the energy passed the ship, sending crew members stumbling. All that could be seen on the view screen was pure white light.

 

“Gort.” The beam instantly stopped and the robot shut its visor. In a second, he was motionless again, like a harrowing statue.

“Twelve million lives-”

“Captain! I will be in your sickbay, then we will leave.” And before Churchill had processed what he’d said – he was gone. Just as he had disappeared from his ship, he simply wasn't there any more and had vanished.

“Number one, Mr. Pitt, you’re with me, Harrison - you have the bridge.” The captain headed towards the turbo lifts, anxious to get to sickbay. As he reached them, he realised that he was leaving Gort on the bridge. For a minute he thought of what to do.

Even if I stayed, what good could he do against that monster?

“Security team to the bridge.” They boarded the turbolift and headed for sickbay.

 

Edited February 23, 2010 by The Unvirginiser

[Oxidizer]

Just read C7 and I gotta say I like whatever the hell this is about! Bear in mind that's the only chapter of this I've read, so it didn't make much sense, but that's entirely due to me reading the thing out of sync.

 

I'm not sure if other fandoms come into play or whether this is entirely all your original stuff, but I definitely think it's one of the more unique stories in recent WD.

 

When I (well, I would say 'have the time time', but I have loads of that ) get my reading muse back and firing on all cylinders, I'll give this one a marathon-read and catch up properly. Till then, very good work.

[The Unvirginiser]

Chapter Eight

 

 

Iago Baltic was the most brilliant doctor in Starfleet, he’d won every award that medicine had to offer. Books had been written on his talents, millions called him a ‘miracle worker’. Terrible outbreaks of unimaginable plagues had been quelled by his marvellous hands alone; the first chapter of the Starfleet medical guide is called ‘Iago Baltic’. After years teaching the blooming, brilliant minds of Starfleet, he finally took on the role of head doctor aboard the fleet’s flagship: Virgil. But after all those years, after all he’d seen, nothing could prepare him for this…

 

Angela Kirkham had turned as white as a ghost. Her legs were covered in thick, red blood. Doctor Baltic walked away, carrying her child, trying to shield it from her. It was too late she’d already seen the bloody bundle of sadness. The poor girl didn’t move, she just lay on her back in shock. Most people who miscarry are too exhausted to move anyway, but after seeing her child, Doctor Baltic knew this was different. Angela’s life had just been shattered; her fiancé and daughter were dead, what was left for her? Iago felt tears in his eyes; he didn’t know what to do. His bedside manner had never been magnificent, but now it was just him and the heartbroken girl, with Ensign Monroe’s corpse in the corner.

 

He took the child to a bed in the corner and lay her down, she was almost fully formed. Despite the obvious trauma, he could see her mother’s good looks already. Delicately, he cleaned her up from head to toe and then wrapped her tightly in a blanket. Angela was still motionless with shock, staring up at the ceiling.

Now isn’t the time to ask about funeral arrangements - let the poor girl rest, he thought.

 

The sickbay doors opened and Klaatu entered.

“Can I help you?” Baltic asked.

“Are you the ship’s doctor?”

“Yes, and I have a very ill patient here-”

“I understand, I have come to see what I can do for the Ensign killed on the away mission.” He gave a smile to the tearey-eyed doctor.

“There’s nothing you can do for her – she’s dead!” He spat back.

“I understand.” He looked over Monroe’s injuries; her torso had almost been torn in two.

“Who sent you here?” Doctor Baltic was losing his patience.

“Nobody-”

“Well in that case you can leave, or I’ll throw you out by force! I have a woman here who has just lost a child now get out!” he tapped his communicator badge, “Security to sick bay, intruder alert!”

“That’s not necessary; I’ve spoken with Captain Churchill.”

“Well then he would have called ahead.” Baltic moved forward and out a hand on Klaatu’s shoulder.

“I mean you no harm-” Klaatu spoke with a soft, unthreatening voice.

“Out!” Baltic didn’t shout, but his aggression was quite clear.

“I am trying to help this woman!”

“This woman is dead!” Baltic picked up Klaatu by the back of his suit. With surprising strength Klaatu twisted Baltic’s left arm, sending him down to one knee. With the expertise of a legendary bar fighter, Baltic smashed Klatu in his jaw with an uppercut, sending him crashing back in to the wall. He ran forward with a right hook, but Klaatu was too fast. Baltic didn’t know how it happened, but within seconds he was pinned face first on the floor with both arms behind his back.

 

“Get your hands off me you God damn-” Baltic was interrupted by the doors of sickbay opening. Captain Churchill, Commander Bowman and Lieutenant Commander Pitt entered, escorted by an entourage of armed security guards.

“What the hell is going on here?!” Churchill screamed, the security team immediately got in a tactical formation and aimed their phaser rifles.

“Your doctor attacked me.” Klaatu immediately let go of Baltic.

“What happened doctor?” Bowman asked.

“He wouldn’t leave when I asked and was causing my patients distress!” Baltic got up and pointed to Angela Kirkham, who was still motionless, “I didn’t know who the hell he was!”

“Klaatu, perhaps if you wouldn’t have transported yourself down here-”

“Captain, I do not need to be lectured by you, would you like me to help this girl or not?” Klaatu’s jaw was beginning to swell.

“Yes, we would. However I’d like you to be accompanied by a security team, and travel by foot. Forgive us if we don’t trust a man who has just murdered twelve million lives.” Churchill was very stern and didn’t look in the mood for arguing.

“What?” Baltic shouted.

“Doctor, now is not the time, we’ll de-brief you later.” Bowman held up a hand to the discerned doctor.

“Fine, my ship will enter your shuttle bay. I’ll take the girl aboard and heal her, and then we’ll leave.”

“Commander Pitt, will you and your team kindly escort our guest to shuttle bay one?”

“Yes sir.” The team left, followed by Klaatu, who wrapped Monroe in a blanket and carried her out.

 

“How is she doctor?” Churchill asked Baltic, the doctor could tell that the Captain was worried sick.

“She could have done without all that, it’s a baby girl. She’s in shock currently, I need to keep a close eye on her, maybe some close friends could be relieved from duty an hour early to consolidate her?”

“Agreed, keep me updated by the hour doctor.” With a nod, Churchill and Monroe left sickbay.

Baltic headed in to his office to prepare a shock treatment for Angela. The poor girl didn’t need a fight unfolding in front of her after losing so much. He prepared a hypo-spray and poured a strong whiskey to help steady her nerves. After putting it all on a tray, he walked back to her bedside.

 

“Angela, I’ve got something that I need you to drink to help-” But Angela was gone.

 

[Lethal Nizzle]

I can't believe the crossover was right under my nose all this time! Great few chapters there Will, this is seriously becoming one of the best pieces I've read on WD, due its originality in the plot-sense, and your flow with words is impressive.

[The Unvirginiser]

Chapter Nine

 

Virgil’s shuttle bay was about the size of a football pitch, The Dauntless sat comfortably at the far end as well as a few smaller crafts. The silver saucer had entered through the large force field and landed in the center. Klaatu was aboard with Monroe’s corpse, apparently working on a way to save her. Four security officers surrounded the saucer, brandishing phaser rifles. Behind a glass screen, Lieutenant Commander Pitt stood on a raised platform overlooking the bay. He was guarding the door, making sure that nobody entered or left.

 

A loud hum was coming from inside the sealed vessel. Moments ago, the door unfolded from the hull itself and was now nowhere to be seen. Pitt worried about Angela Kirkham; she’d lost more in this operation than anybody. The poor girl wasn’t even twenty years old and already she’d had such heartbreak in her young life. It was still a question of whether she’d survive the miscarriage or not, but he felt that confident that in Doctor Baltic’s capable hands she’d been fine.

 

The doors hissed open behind him and he was met with a bright flash. Pitt had to squint his eyes as he raised his rifle, he could see a figure holding a bright torch.

“Turn that off!” The blinding light switched off, and he was met with the figure of Kirkham. She was still in her nightgown, with blood soaked legs, grasping a heavy torch in her hand. Her face was as gaunt and teary; her blonde hair was drenched with sweat from the traumatic experience she’d just had.

“What are you doing here?” Without a word, Kirkham pulled a small medical knife from out from behind her back. She lunged at Pitt and stabbed him in the neck, a thick fountain of blood flowed down his body as he gasped for air. Angela stabbed him in the gut, then again in the chest. He fell backwards against a control panel, spilling blood all over it. Angela was now on top of him, stabbing him again and again. He futilely turned around to shield his face from the knife. He felt the cold blade under his arm pit, in his ribs, and his back. Pitt vomited blood over the side of the panel and down to he cargo bay below. In an attempt t escape the attack, he climbed on to the panel, trying to hold off Kirkham was his legs. The blade went in to his groin, his buttocks and his thighs. Eventually he slipped off the edge of the panel and fell to the cargo bay, blood spilt in all directions as he tumbled in mid air. He slammed on to the floor head first with a crunch, spraying more blood across the ground. Kirkham had his phaser rifle now, and she'd began firing on the security team below.

 

Angela didn’t even look if the phaser was set on stun or kill; she just let out a fierce flurry of fire. One or two of the guards tried to shoot back, but Angela had the higher ground and cover. It didn’t take long until they were all down – leaving the Saucer unguarded. Slowly, she walked down the steep steps, with the blood stained knife in her hand. She made her way towards the ship and crouched underneath, waiting for her prey.

 

Edited February 23, 2010 by The Unvirginiser

[duns23]

I love this story, I've just read it all in one go and it flows really well. The crossover is excellent, and the scene where Kirkham miscarried was literally heart-wrenching. Keep up the good work and I'll be reading your upcoming stuff

[The Unvirginiser]

Thank you, I re-wrote that chapter about three times to get it right - still not happy with it.

[The Unvirginiser]

Chapter Nine

 

Churchill and Bowman circled the ten foot high robot, admiring its perfect hull. The colour and smoothness never fluctuated; there were no crevices, cracks or scratches - perfection.

“I would have thought that something this dense would just fall through the ship’s hull?” Bowman quizzed as he ran his finger along Gort’s visor.

“Who knows, Commander? We’re dealing with a new metal here, perhaps one that’s been engineered. All I know is that the ship is practically impenetrable, and I’d like Lieutenant Pitt to get as much information about it as possible. Just think, a ship that could fight off an enemy single handed.” Churchill was quite excited about the possibilities, but Bowman could still see the worry in his eyes. The crew was everything to Churchill, and if another person died, another part of the Captain would too.

 

 

The crew on the bridge all jumped together as Gort thundered to life. He looked from Bowman to Churchill, who slowly moved back away from the towering giant. Gradually, everybody back against walls, withdrawing their phasers in a feeble and futile attempt at defending themselves.

“Easy now,” Bowman told the crew. But ironically, Gort chose him as his first victim. The robot effortlessly tossed him to the other side of the bridge with one hand. The Commander slammed in to a chair and awkwardly bounced to the floor, cracking his head open with a gut wrenching crunch.

 

Gort’s body language changed, he took a fearsome stance, like a bear ready to strike. The visor lifted, revealing the bright orange light which began to furiously dance around his head. The crew flinched and cowered as it moved faster and faster, becoming brighter and more frantic. The bridge was filled with the sound of energy, gradually becoming louder and more powerful. It reached a deafening level and the ball turned in to a bright flash of orange light.

 

In one fluid movement, the awesome beam shot across the bridge, vaporizing every phaser in the room in a flash, rendering the crew helpless. Gort lifted his arms and then slammed each fist in to a separate computer console. Instantly, the bridge’s lights flicked on and off for a few seconds, plunging the crew in to a series of terrifying darkness’s. The mortified faces were only illuminated by the violent sparks of power shooting from the consoles.

 

Main computer power routed

 

The view screen came on, showing The Dauntless in the hanger bay. It took Churchill a few seconds to believe what he was seeing: Ensign Kirkham was dragging Klatu’s bloody body up the ramp and in to the ship. Her legs were still bloody and shaking, but she managed to pull him inside the ship and close the door.

 

Intruder to be returned to Virgil

 

The dull, female voice of the computer spoke to Churchill.

Somehow that monster has taken control of the computer! Churchill began to panic; there was no telling what Gort could do.

 

Self-destruct in three minutes

 

“She’s killed him?” Churchill shouted to Gort, who remained motionless.

 

Affirmative

 

“Then disable The Dauntless!”

 

Unable to comply, The Dauntless has disconnected from the main computer

 

On the view screen, the ship took off from the ground and flew straight out of the force field, in to space.

 

Arming photon torpedoes

 

“No! That’s still a member of my crew!” Churchill spat at the emotionless machine.

 

Unable to comply, return the intruder to Virgil - hailing vessel

 

No response

 

“God damn it!” Churchill marched up and down, quickly trying to think of a solution.

 

Return intruder to Virgil

 

Return intruder to Virgil

 

“Tractor beam the dauntless.” He pointed to the view screen, where the ship was sailing away from them. A thin blue beam of energy shot from Virgil, engulfing The Dauntless and slowly dragging it back towards them. Churchill watched in shock as Kirkham opened fire with phasers, instantly disabling the unshielded Virgil. The tractor beam failed and The Dauntless jumped to impulse speed, towards a distant star.

 

Pursuing, self-destruct in two minutes

 

“What will destroying my ship do? You’ll needlessly kill everyone on board you son of a bitch!”

 

Negative, self-destruct in two minutes

 

Virgil swiftly caught up with The Dauntless as its shadow passed over its engines.

 

Charing phaser banks

 

Raising shields

 

Virgil opened fire, the unimaginable power from the phaser banks collided with The Dauntless’ shields, causing the ship to tip on its side. Kirkham had just barely managed to stabilize it when Gort fired again, sending the unbalanced ship in to a spin. With a flash, it jumped to warp.

 

Warp seven

 

The stars in the distance turned to blurs as Virgil made the jump to warp speed. Thousands of solar systems and nebulas flew past them like dust in the wind. All that could be made out was The Dauntless, zooming ahead of them. Churchill stood helpless as the crew feverishly tried to lock Gort out of the main computer.

 

Torpedo armed in torpedo bay one, deck one

 

This was the bottom deck of the ship; Churchill’s heart skipped a beat as he looked to the Dauntless.

 

Intruder to be returned to Virgil

 

“Beam him out of there!”

 

Negative, cannot lock on to non-life signs

 

Detonation of torpedo in ten seconds

 

“What? You’ll blow up half the ship?!”

 

Internal shielding around deck one

 

Churchill realised what Gort was doing, he was going to destroy up all of deck one, just on its own. Then he’d move on to the next torpedo bay, until he had Klatuu’s body returned. The only reason he could think of was to bring it back to life, like Klaatu was doing with Ensign Monroe.

 

3

 

2

 

1

 

“No! Beam me over to the Dauntless, I’ll bring him back.”

 

Negative

 

“If I don’t come back then you can destroy the ship!” The crew gave each other frightened looks as he spoke, but he hadn’t lost hope in Angela yet.

 

Intruder must be returned, self destruct in one minute

 

Transporting

 

Churchill felt the tingling sensation running though his body, and saw the sparkling blue beam in front of his eyes. He materialised on the bridge of The Dauntless, Angela Kirkham stared at him, brandishing a deadly phaser rifle.

Edited February 23, 2010 by The Unvirginiser

[The Unvirginiser]

Chapter Ten

 

 

Churchill and Kirkham locked eyes; she held the silver rifle up to his face.

“Don’t come any closer, Captain.” Her voice shook as she spoke, but still posessed a heavy warning.

“Angela, the ship will be destroyed if I don’t return this body. It’s not too late to do the right thing.” Klaatu’s battered body lay at his feet.

“Captain, it is too late. Scott’s dead, my daughter’s gone. What do I have left, except imprisonment for him?” She motioned to Klaatu's broken face.

“Angela-” Churchill tried to keep his quiet, soothing tone.

“He’s responsible for all of this! I’m sorry Captain, I’m sorry for everything.” She dropped the phaser rifle to the ground and walked to the opposite end of the bridge, breaking down in to tears as she did.

“We have to go back Angela.” Churchill was getting desperate.

“There’s no going back, not for me Captain. Computer, set up a level ten force field around Captain Churchill.”

“Churchill took a step back in shock as the field suddenly simmered around him.”

“Goodbye Captain, thank you for everything, and I'm sorry. Computer, decompress the bridge.” The ramp at the far end of the room opened, a terrible hiss filled the ship as everything was violently sucked out in to the void of space. Kirkham’s soulless expression never changed as she was viciously dragged out of the ship by the suction, her soft scream turned to silence as she floated away from the ship. Churchill watched, behind the force field, helpless.

 

 

A massive security team surrounded the saucer, their phasers were all set to maximum, in a desperate attempt to vaporize the robot if need be. Gort stood on the ramp, motionless, awaiting the return of Churchill. At his feet was Ensign Monroe, lying peacefully in a deep sleep. The Dauntless slowly entered the shuttle bay; casting a shadow over the frightened faces of the crew. The ramp came down and Churchill exited, carrying the corpse of Klaatu in his arms.

 

The Captain placed Klaatu in Gort’s arms, then motioned for the security team to take Monroe to sickbay. The saucer lit up in an unusual way, then a soft voice came from inside.

 

“Thank you Captain, be assured that they will both make a full recovery.” Gort nodded to Churchill, who simply watched in disbelief.

“Would you really have destroyed my ship?”

“I think you know the answer to that question already, Captain. However, I did trust that you would bring me back his body. I had faith in your abilities; you and your crew are the people we are trying to save.” Gort turned around with Klaatu and headed up the ramp, back inside their ship.

 

“Gort, don’t let your bad experience with humans effect what you Klaatu tells your master.” Churchill had to say it, in fear that Kirkham’s violent murder would make them consider humans a threat.

“You misunderstand... I am the master.” Without another word, Gort boarded his ship and took off to the stars.

 

The End Edited August 13, 2009 by The Unvirginiser

[Rhoda]

Fitting end to a great, fun, short story Will, thoroughly enjoyed it through-out. The way you kept the crossover under wraps was nicely done, and it didn't feel like you struggled keeping it seperate for too long as is common with many crossovers. I expect we'll be seeing Virgil and it's crew again?

[Abel.]

I read this in one sitting last night, I think it's a very good, highly detailed story. Your writing is well controlled, with enough information to conjure up a vivid image but not to over emphasise or over-describe. The dialogue sections were just the right length to add to the plot, with many pieces, lengthy dialogue scenes ruin the flow of the writing, thankfully, your piece flows very well throughout.

 

I liked the stark contrast between the first and second half of the story, it really helped add to the suspense and reader engagement. Furthermore, I like the detail you've given to each character, making them very personal and allowing the reader to relate to them.

 

Conclusively, the ending was an exciting climax, it didn't seem abrupt. I have only a few minor quibbles with a few punctuation errors, of course I only noticed a few of these, it's the kind of thing we all experience from time to time, nothing difficult to resolve.

 

Anyway, the story was very good, you engaged with the reader well, created suspense and tension and, generally, made me want to read on!

 

 

 

Well done Will, I hope to see more from you soon, thanks for the brilliant read .