Criminal Tales

[El Zilcho]

Very interesting. I did get a small feeling Baldy died too quick, but other then that, I've got no criticism to offer. Feel pretty scared for poor Dan.

His story isn't quite over. He'll make a few appearances in future.

[General Goose]

Very interesting. I did get a small feeling Baldy died too quick, but other then that, I've got no criticism to offer. Feel pretty scared for poor Dan.

His story isn't quite over. He'll make a few appearances in future.

Yeah. Despite the fact he is a bit stereotypical, you've made a very interesting and well-written character in Ben. I also like how you fleshed out the thugs.

[El Zilcho]

Very interesting. I did get a small feeling Baldy died too quick, but other then that, I've got no criticism to offer. Feel pretty scared for poor Dan.

His story isn't quite over. He'll make a few appearances in future.

Yeah. Despite the fact he is a bit stereotypical, you've made a very interesting and well-written character in Ben. I also like how you fleshed out the thugs.

Thanks a lot. The next chapters will either be these:

 

Baston City - The Irish Mob is coming apart. Recent indictments have collapsed the leading systems, but a sly man leads his small group of childhood mates in a daring robbery that puts them on the map and threatens to tip the power balance of the Irish gangs in there favour.

 

New Lancaster - Anna is a young Bulgarian woman who is kidnapped by Mikhail Lebedevs human trafficking group to be sold off as a sex slave. She escapes her captors but speaks not a word of English in the big, bad city. Will she survive, and if not, how long for? Her pursuers are closing in and for a fragile, naive woman the grimey underbelly of this American metropolis may destroy her even before Lebedevs men do.

 

Which one do you want first?

[General Goose]

I like the plots. I think Bastion City should be first, sounds like more of a change of pace and character.

 

And I still prefer New Leeds to New Lancaster.

[El Zilcho]

It's Baston, by the way. Bastion is going to be a district. But yeah, I'm considering making the New Lancaster piece a one shot

[Omnia sunt Communia]

Why not just use real city names? I doubt you'll be going that much into detail about the street names and whatnot, so I don't think you need that much knowledge about each one.

[El Zilcho]

Why not just use real city names? I doubt you'll be going that much into detail about the street names and whatnot, so I don't think you need that much knowledge about each one.

I wanted it to be original and new from day one, so I think these names fit.

[Omnia sunt Communia]

Original isn't down to the setting, the characters or even the story you're telling. What makes it original is how you tell it. If you strive for too much originality you are going to loose touch with reality (which is based on consistancy and repitition) and start to fade off into obscurity.

[El Zilcho]

I am aware of that, but I wanted a blank canvas to start from.

[Pr0xy_fl00d3r]

I love how this is played out, letting the community to vote for what outcome they want, I'll be looking forward to the next installment.

Also, a nice use of description.

[El Zilcho]

THE SCORANESE DECAPITATION

 

Don Marco Quattrochi of the Scorranese Crime Family of New Lancaster was a respected man. His image had been very well crafted through multiple years of mercy and pardons; something the other dons of the city respected to no end. Where some of them might have cut a man’s arm off for stealing, Marco would have the man’s prized possessions wrecked. But ultimately, he’d never lay a finger on him. However, should the insult to his power ever be too much, Marco wouldn’t hesitate to use lethal force; after all, he was a criminal, not a cop. His control over Albany was not contested, and his lucrative rackets that collected money from the swankiest restaurants more than proved his ability to coerce and convince without unnecessary violence. Charisma had been his greatest ally; while his comrades had come and gone, incarcerated and imprisoned, he remained alive and free; to run the family he had worked for since he was 15. He was 62 now, but very much a strong, prime example of a man.

 

On the 2nd of November 2008, Marco attended a sit down relating to the disputed area of Northern Albany, Coastwood. The need for one had been in the air for some time now, the political hierarchy of crime had been shifting. Marco had been hiring Hispanic and Black drug dealers to do his low down work (no doubt in response to the ethnic criminals taking control). The fact the Commission recognized it as belonging to another of the Six Families, the Martorino Family, brought the necessity for a sit down to the forefront. Marco had to straighten out the perceived insult at the sit down, taking with him three of his most trusted Capos; all of whom knew him since he first started thieving and working his way up all those years ago; these men where Sammy “Ballsy” Trazzi, Phil Lombardo and Johnny “Bulldog” Polito. Johnny was the Underboss too, a position achieved through the highs and lows he had shared with Marco, from the beatings they received in the stinking tenements in Borden. Marco knew these men wouldn’t steer the sit down around in order to serve their own needs, so he would be sure the result would be a positive one, he had faith in his charisma.

 

The sit down went under way fine, with the unusually large number of rich, well dressed men all driving expensive cars coalescing in one space surprisingly did not raise a single eyebrow. Then again, New Lancaster was one of the most materialistic cities on the face of the earth. Marco managed to successfully convince the men that the drug ring he had created would cater for a small proportion of Martorino customers, leaving the majority still kicking up and paying the dominant family. The Commission ruled that it was fine and not worth much trouble, as did the Martorinos, who were pleased with the result. Fears of large expansion were put away, and as the night wore on, they discussed regular business, including some worrying rumors of arrests, not to mention the Russian Mikhail getting stronger every day. But as of yet, neither of these negative points worried the arrogant men gathered too much, so the end of the meeting passed without incident as the mobsters left. Marco and his entourage where last to exit, heading out into the dark car park to return home, in the swanky limousine.

 

The inexperienced driver sat down in the car, relaxing against the heated seats as he allowed all the Capos and the Don himself inside the car, before pulling out the keys and placing them inside the ignition, just as Johnny Bulldog stepped out of the meeting house, walking briskly in the cold air towards the awaiting car. The driver, now impatient, twisted the keys. Moments later, a burning fireball extended outward from the engine compartment. Johnny Bulldog immediately released his fate; he would be a victim of a car bomb. Almost in slow motion, he leaned back and closed his eyes as the full blast tore the limo apart, flaming crimson and orange extending outwards, instantly killing Marco, Sammy, Phil with not a second paid to consider their importance before sending them packing to the afterlife. The doors flew off and slammed upon the tarmac, bouncing up and forward still covered in fire as the shockwave flung them away like a ragdoll. Johnny fell to the ground, fire just singeing his suits sleeves, along with slight burns to his hair. Flustered and terrified, he batted the flames out before looking back at the destruction before him, the emotional impact sinking into him, now fully piercing his heart like some arrow. His best friends were dead, the men who meant the most to him, would never speak or joke with him again.

 

Johnny wanted to cry; his macho bullsh*t that had been with him since birth now remained; he didn’t cry. He didn’t hear either, blood was oozing from his ears, leaving Johnny to stand up uneasily and stumble about, and his inner ear was jumbled up too. Tripping up, he knew he had to get out. Running down the alley, his ears rang and rang like the sirens he knew would be approaching. Johnny was running around like a headless chicken. With the main men dead, The Scorranese Family had been decapitated.

 

[General Goose]

Great work as usual. The story was interesting and I didn't expect the bomb at all, and Johnny seemingly becoming the protagonist is interesting, and I hope to see more.

 

My only complaint is the fact we aren't familiar with New Lancaster. I appreciate the level of work put in, but it is a bit confusing not knowing what the names named are. A minor complaint though.

[El Zilcho]

Great work as usual. The story was interesting and I didn't expect the bomb at all, and Johnny seemingly becoming the protagonist is interesting, and I hope to see more.

 

My only complaint is the fact we aren't familiar with New Lancaster. I appreciate the level of work put in, but it is a bit confusing not knowing what the names named are. A minor complaint though.

Thank you very much for the feedback. I'm planning on adding a little fact file/database on the cities and neighborhoods. I want to focus on the ramifications of the bomb and how Johnny will deal with this, plus his trying to find out who did it.

 

Later on, expect a poll on which course of action Johnny should take, something along the lines of;

 

Attack A

Attack B

Make Peace with A

Make peace with B

Make Peace/Then Ambush A

Make Peace/Then Ambush B

Whack A or B stealthily

 

And so on. Thanks for reading.

 

[General Goose]

If you're putting so much detail into things, I think you should reuse New Lancaster in other stories.

[El Zilcho]

If you're putting so much detail into things, I think you should reuse New Lancaster in other stories.

Oh, there's not question about that. All these locations will be featured, for example Anna's story (the escaped sex slave) will also happen in New Lancaster, Baston will be the location for quite a few stories too. And many intertwine, let's say if the audience votes to have Johnny attack Mikhail (let's say he does) then that will have an impact on any future stories where Mikhail may or may not be at war with the Scorranese.

[vinnygorgeous]

It logically could only be based on New York, with the 6 borgatas, as no other city has more than one mafia family, so why not just use New York, or Liberty City I would have preferred the familiarity especially in short introduction such as this. One thing I didn't like was the line, 'his macho bulsh!t that had been with him since birth now remained' all babies cry at birth so how could one demonstrate manly qualities, his macho bullsh!t would have been developed over his childhood perhaps influenced by his father, if he too was a mobster. I know it's a small point but the line just seemed illogical.

[El Zilcho]

I see your meaning, but it was supposed to imply that he kept a straight face for every situation no matter how stressful, it wasn't literal. And as for New York, I'm using New Lancaster, which is basically the same but with a different name/names. It allows for a fresh slate to build upon.

[General Goose]

Yeah, it's like the Liberty City of El Zilcholand.

[El Zilcho]

Yeah, it's like the Liberty City of El Zilcholand.

 

I like that idea. Guys, expect another chapter soon.

[El Zilcho]

Deleted.

Edited November 6, 2009 by El Zilcho

[El Zilcho]

 

Fight Night - Introduction

The doorbell rang.

 

Eddie had been enjoying a Chinese takeaway with his girlfriend on the couch, as comfortable as he had been for the whole week when the doorbell rang. At first, he ignored it. The sound of the music and the romantic mood he was in enveloped in clouded his judgement, which was hardly the first time it had done so. His mood would not be ruined by some intruding neighbours, so he remained exactly where he was. Again the bell rang out, and after a few more melodic tunes the guests outside began to bang at the door.

 

“I’ve got to see to this, wait a minute babe.” His amorous mood meant he departed the couch with a kiss, before proceeding to open the door. He then had the fright of his life when his eyes met. His loan shark, Frankie Gallano was standing right before him, with the broadest grin on his face. Behind him stood two burly men, one brandishing a rusty wrench, the other an aluminium baseball bat.

 

“How’s it going Eddie? See you’ve got some guests round; want me to bust your balls in front of them? Who is it, a man or a woman?” Frankie continued chuckling, but Eddie started to sweat profusely under his button up shirt. Every second of the awkward meeting pushed his heart rate up and up.

 

“Frankie, you know I’ve nearly got the cash, just another day and I’ll have what you need, in fact I’ll double it! Please man, just a little longer. All the other times I’ve taken some dough, I’ve paid it back fair and square.” Eddie was pleading, but quietly enough to try and avoid alerting his girl to the danger they were both in. As Frankie caught Ed looking frantically behind him, the loan shark took the opportunity to calmly place his foot in between the door and the frame, wedging it open.

 

“I’m gonna give you a break, I can see I’m your buzz kill, damn I’ve probably killed your f*cking erection too. But I’ll be killing much more than that if I don’t have that money tomorrow. The talk of the town is that you’re sorry ass is in over a quarter of a million in debt. It’s a shame really, but when assholes like you need more than they can get, they make that classic mistake of biting off more than they can chew...”

 

“Frankie, you know I’m always faithful. You’re just worrying too much, you know.” Eddie reached out and patted him on the shoulder, in a futile attempt to calm the raging bull. Frankie stared back at him, infuriated at the patronizing gesture. While the mafia honcho had been willing to leave in peace just seconds before, now he had been pushed over the edge. He shuddered slightly, puffed himself up and stepped forward, breathing heavily and staring with his dark brown eyes deep into Ed’s soul. Frank’s instability boiled over into a seething rage that threatened to consume all, overflowing and

 

Frankie twiddled his fingers and shoved Ed backwards. The loan shark then kicked the door fully open, stamping inside as his two gorillas followed on the wings. Ed’s girl, Melissa screamed and writhed on the sofa panicking at the site of the hostile characters that had finally made themselves known. Frankie smiled again and drew his pistol, twiddling it in between his thumbs as the screeching continued, as the danger neared closer and closer. He stepped forward slowly and clasped his hand tightly around Melissa’s mouth, before slamming the pistols butt into her temple. She struggled but he kept on slamming the gun into her head, as the two enforcers rushed forward and started viscously beating Eddie, starting on his shins and working up to his knees in a methodical, sadistic system.

 

“I knew it was a f*cking woman! Not so lucky now are ya Ed!” Frankie shouted, chuckling again as the chaos and violence engulfed the whole building around him. His laughter continued as his rage drove him forward, not stopping his beating once until Melissa had finally stopped struggling; her head was covered in blood. Eddie continued to break down, his legs bruised and his foot fractured. The shark stepped forward wielding the weapon again and aiming to our poor protagonists head. He cocked the gun, and watched as Ed broke into tears again.

 

“Please, please! Don’t hurt me, please! I swear, I swear on everything holy, the bible! I’ll pay you on Friday, give me one day to get the money, I’m begging you.” Ed was now swaying desperately on his knees, crying and clutching his foot all at once. Frankie pushed the pistol to his forehead and primed it.

 

“It’s time to go to sleep Ed.” Frankie smiled, as Ed screamed. When the shark pulled the trigger, a click escaped from the barrel, but nothing more. A kick was swiftly delivered to Ed’s face, slamming into his jaw and knocking him cold out. The three men departed, kicking down the still blaring TV before shutting the door briskly.

 

When Eddie awoke, he understood his desperate situation called for one thing, and one thing only; A bet. One last toss of the coin to save him from his own vices, from the predicament that his own selfish borrowing had landed him in. A bet that would gamble his life on the lives of two others; a bet on fight night.

Edited November 6, 2009 by El Zilcho

[Osric]

I've only read the intro to Dan Summers, but so far, I like it. I will read more!

[General Goose]

Very nice El Zilcho. Good to see this back; feel sorry for poor Eddie.

[El Zilcho]

Very nice El Zilcho. Good to see this back; feel sorry for poor Eddie.

It's only going to get worse, but yet again the readers will vote for the fate of Eddie or Mike O'Leary (bare knuckle boxer he bets on).

[General Goose]

Very nice El Zilcho. Good to see this back; feel sorry for poor Eddie.

It's only going to get worse, but yet again the readers will vote for the fate of Eddie or Mike O'Leary (bare knuckle boxer he bets on).

Unless you give Mike a similar sympathetic story, my vote goes towards Eddie.

[El Zilcho]

Very nice El Zilcho. Good to see this back; feel sorry for poor Eddie.

It's only going to get worse, but yet again the readers will vote for the fate of Eddie or Mike O'Leary (bare knuckle boxer he bets on).

Unless you give Mike a similar sympathetic story, my vote goes towards Eddie.

Just you wait and see.