ObsydianRaven Posted June 1, 2009 Author Share Posted June 1, 2009 Yeah I have trouble with the diologue thing. It's so damn hard not to all into. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rios44 Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 I'm agreeing with everyone else. That whole chapter four was dialogue. In that chapter, I didn't really feel the emotion or feelins of the charater. Overall, not bad though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ObsydianRaven Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 Yeah I'm trying to avoid that. Also I'll be adding the 4th chapter by tommorow or by Thursday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Goose Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Looking forward to it. This is quite an interesting project. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ObsydianRaven Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 Why thanks, I try to make it as interesting as possible. I think the little surpirses I'll include in future chapters will get people more interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Zilcho Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 A rescue team feels like 100% regular Pokemon. Why not forget they are Pokemon and imagine they are human, craft and focus on making a good story and then mention the Pokemon facts, don't put it in the foreground because the novelty of them being fluffy creatures will soon ware off. Just focus on an engrossing story. U R B A N I T A S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ObsydianRaven Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 A rescue team feels like 100% regular Pokemon. Why not forget they are Pokemon and imagine they are human, craft and focus on making a good story and then mention the Pokemon facts, don't put it in the foreground because the novelty of them being fluffy creatures will soon ware off. Just focus on an engrossing story. Well Chapters 5 and 6 will introduce the villan, however, Seth and Monika are unaware of hs evil intentions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ObsydianRaven Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 (edited) Just a little notice, chapter 5 won't uploaded until tomorow, sorry about the delay, I just need to take a break from writing stories. Edited June 7, 2009 by sethpenguin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ObsydianRaven Posted June 7, 2009 Author Share Posted June 7, 2009 SorryI haven't posted a chapter in the past few days, I've been very busy lately, but I promise I'll upload chapter 5 by tommorow. Sorry for the delay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Zilcho Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 Don't rush it. If anything, take extra time to perfect it. U R B A N I T A S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pr0xy_fl00d3r Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 Please dont triple post (unless you're adding new chapters), it is against the rules, especially within such a short period of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ObsydianRaven Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 Here is the 5th chapter, it's pretty short but this is all I could come up with, Chapter 5: First Mission, Part 1 After Me and Monika walked out of the Registration Office, we were approached by blue blob like creature, with a weird beaver-like tail and a bizarre looking face. "Excuse me, are you two in a rescue team?" asked the creature. We nodded and he told us he needed to be escorted to a "dig site". I was curious as to why he needed to be escorted. I asked his and apparently, this "dig site" is located on the other side of a dangerous cave. According to the creature, who called himself, Wobbufett, he was hired to deliver a box filled with small containers, each one was filled with a mysterious green liquid. I was curious of what these were. "So will you help me?" asked Wobbufett. I looked at Monika and she looked at me, we both nodded to each other. " "Sure" we both said with heroic grins on our faces, Wobbufett smiled, and told us to come and follow him, as he did, I wondered what was on the road ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ObsydianRaven Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 Here is part 2 of chapter 5. It's pretty short but unfortunatly I have severe writers block, so it's been kinda hard for me to think of ideas. Chapter 5: First Mission, Part 2 As we walked down the path, I took the time to think about things. First thing, was I going to stay in this world for the rest of my life, because I really like this place. I mean it's like paradise, one where I have no school or bullies to deal with, plus the people seem friendly. Another thing I though about was, what's going on in the world I came from, does anyone care that I'm gone? Now that I think about, I really don't think anyone care except maybe my family. Now I'm worried, could my mom be crying her eyes because she can't find me, it made me feel sad, I even felt a tear going down my eye. Monika looked at me. "Seth, are you okay?" she asked in curiosity, on her face was a look of concern. I replied, "Yeah, I'm fine." as I wiped the tear off my eyes. After 5 minutes we reached the entrance to the cave. Inside, it was pitch black, I could barely see anything. Monika looked around. Obviously we couldn't go in. Then, Wobbufett took out a match and lit it up, soon we began our journey into the abyss. The inside was very small, the tunnels were hollow and empty. I felt a chill go up my spine. This reminded me of the time the power went out when I was at my house that one night. It was around 11:00 PM, it was raining outside. I was on my computer then, out of nowhere, everything shut off, I had to walk around my house in the dark. After I found a flashlight, I went downstairs into my room which is located in my basement. After about 30 minutes, the lights went on. Back to the cave. We continued walking until we came across something strange and peculiar. It looked like, a skeleton, but not just any skeleton, but a human one. A human skeleton? How did that get in here? This let thousands of questions fill my mind. I felt even more creeped out. I looked around the cave, the walls were round and strangely smooth. I slow and gently touched the walls. It felt, warm and moist. I had a feeling of a creepy presence, as if someone or something was watching us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ObsydianRaven Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 (edited) Okay, I'll be uploading chapter 6 tsometime this week. Hopefully this story won't die on me. Edited June 24, 2009 by sethpenguin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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