Sin City

[Playstation_Loyalist]

Sin City.

 

The Introduction

 

A Styrofoam-made coffee cup is seen mounted on a passenger's cup holder. The airport is seen through a clear glass window of a commercial airline. The atmosphere inside the plane is blunt, as a result of a ridiculously early jet lag The planes that can be seen taking off from the airport runways seem like little doves glittering through the glazing sun shine of noon. A voice coming from the airplane radio was heard. It was the pilot, telling the passengers to fasten their seat belts and gear for touchdown. The view focuses on a radio outlet near the cockpit door.

 

Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. This is Plummet Airlines Flight US-521 approaching the Sin City International Airport. Please fasten your seat belts and get ready for landing. Thanks for choosing Plummet Airlines. Hope to see you again. It's now exactly one in the afternoon, passengers. Have a nice day.

 

The view then zooms out onto the passengers, stopping on the 25th row of the plane. Some are yawning and stretching from their wondrous sleep. Some are putting their jackets on, and the rest, awake during the flight, are seen fastening their seat belts. A man in the shades barely moved.

 

The plane touched the ground rough at first, then smoothly and frictionally stopped itself at Lane 4A, the arrivals section tarmac.

 

The airport is as busy as it can be. Security guards are seen patrolling the airport with service firearms within their hold. The arrivals section is flooded by the passengers from 3 arrived airlines. One of those passengers is Tyrone Verde. He is a tall man, about six-foot-three. He is white in complexion. He sports a black, frizzy hair. He wears shades so you can't really see his eyes. He walks through the baggage counter and gets his bag. The guy seems to be headed towards the exit.

 

Sin City is a big, bustling city. Tall skyscrapers engulf the city. Office blocks are flooded with formal-dressed people- often from call centers and big-time companies. The traffic system here is terrifying. Counter-flowing vehicles, motorcycle-riding dudes using the pedestrian sidewalk as a shortcut, and overtaking maniacs. You can even be baptized by a FU sign in this traffic.

 

Tyrone seems to be waiting for someone. He is seen from a far view calling again and again, but to no avail. He was about to leave when a fat, sweaty, and long-bearded man called Tyrone's name.

 

Man: Hey! Tyrone! Over here!

 

Tyrone looked behind and saw a familiar face. It was Jeremiah, his old brother.

 

Tyrone: Hey, brother! What took you so damn long? I've been waiting for like years here.

 

Jeremiah: I know. Good thing the traffic today isn't bad. Come on, hop in my car!

 

Tyrone: Hey, wait. Just a question.

 

Jeremiah: What is it, bro?

 

That moment, Tyrone is entering the passenger seat of Jeremiah's 1998 CR-V.

 

Tyrone: Is it you that smell like turd?

 

Jeremiah: Stop horse-sh*tting me, bro. That ain't funny.

 

The camera shows the car slowly disappearing from sight.

 

Tyrone: LOL.

 

Jeremiah: You actually use those words in real-life?

 

Tyrone: Yes, always. Why?

 

Jeremiah: Man, that is bullsh*t.

 

 

 

Edited May 22, 2009 by Playstation_Loyalist

[Chunk]

 

Tyrone: LOL.

No.

 

Never, ever do this. This doesn't even count as real dialouge, do you read any books with the main character shouting "ROFLMAO!"? No, you don't. So now that you know not to do this, I'll get onto the story.

 

This is average at best. I assume this is a Sin City fan-fic due to the title and the setting and if it isn't, I will tell you now that Sin City isn't exactly the most original name.

 

About the story as a whole, I wasn't interested in this at all. I drifted in and out of focus a few times and I'm in a room with no distractions. I ended up looking out the window for a minute or two because of my disinterest. I didn't feel engaged by the characters and I just felt they were too generic. This is a bad thing about script writing, you don't feel for the characters, only a few things in WD have pulled it off.

 

I might read more of this if you continue it to see if you improve, which I hope you do. Good luck.

[Playstation_Loyalist]

I'll take that as a comment. Don't worry, I just tested that one as an introduction (and it failed).

 

How miserable. I'll try to improve.