The Social Club

[Mokrie Dela]

I think i got too much in her shoes. There's no need to describe her grooming style, or the feeling when her lover enters her. I don't think it fits the story, and i think the whole thing is a sexual digression that's unnecessary. The event itself is important, it has to happen, but I don't think the reader has to be in the bed as it does.

 

Got me thinking, if a character has a sexual nature, how would you convey such a thing in a story, without being sleazy, or making it erotica - If you for example, are someone who likes sex, porn, men, women, and would get turned on at the drop of a hat or a ham sandwich (cookie for anyone who gets the reference), how would you put that into a story?

 

Edited January 24, 2013 by Mokrie Dela

[AceRay]

 

Got me thinking, if a character has a sexual nature, how would you convey such a thing in a story, without being sleazy, or making it erotica - If you for example, are someone who likes sex, porn, men, women, and would get turned on at the drop of a hat or a ham sandwich (cookie for anyone who gets the reference), how would you put that into a story?

Leave a few hints and leave it up to the reader's imagination as to how it unfolded and what it was like. Instead of describing the actual act, describe the smells and sounds, their bodies touching and the feel of it, because then the reader will have more fun imagining how it unfolded. Also, brevity is important, don't bother dwelling on it too long or it gets boring.

 

So, if your character in your *ahem* project (if that's really what it is, you filthy beast) is into something kinky, like say, S&M, don't describe every single second of the act in disgusting detail, just something like this:

 

Hermione was having a cigarette afterwards with the tight leather straps sticking to her moist, pasty breasts, her body shaking with exstacy while she toyed with the whip in her hand. She looked over at the frightened Ron in the body harness, smiled and she leaved the room, slipping into her work clothes and left the house, leaving Ron to heal his wounds.

That's all you need. It leaves a lot to the reader's imagination to how the sex played out with a few hints to let the scene. There's a whip, a body harness, leather - the reader puts the pieces together and the scene isn't grotesque (well, not much), and therefore is effective at establishing the character's sexual orientation/preferences.

 

What taboo is this anyway? How bad it is changes how you should describe it and you'll probably need to add a little bit more to justify why the characters are feeling that way about it. Are we talking really serious like incest or just something kinky? You'll have to explain why the main character feels that way about X, like "she was overcome with emotions the moments she touched X. It was so wrong and yet it felt so right." The player isn't immediately going to sympathize with the main character doing X so you'll need to put some thought into it.

 

Also, if its masturbation, that's another story because while lots of people do it, nobody likes to talk about it so it makes your character seem a little bit pathetic and immature if you describe them on a date with Rosie Palms. Its best to try and reveal the fact they've been masturbating through subtle hints and innuendos, like "Every time he got up from playing Final Fantasy X-2, he ended up with a sticky controller," or something to that degree, nothing too obvious and something the reader won't catch at first, subtly is the key for that particular act.

Edited January 24, 2013 by AceRay

[Mokrie Dela]

The taboo is nothing major.

It's basically a lesbian scene

 

The character involved is bullied daily, mainly by boys. As a result she resent boys and her only friend (literally) is a girl who she has confused feelings for. They're young (their ages in this would make them minor) and the protagonist is just all over the place while te other girl is probably just experimenting.

The lesbian thing will add to the bullying too, which is an important factor in her person; it explains why she begins her 'quest' and why she chooses whatever path she chooses. She's innocent an pure in her essential nature but her bullying has caused a lot of emotional damage...

 

It's still in early stages of development of course and I think the scene I wrote while it won't appear in the final story, it would have happened, if you get me. I think focusing on AFTER the sex is a good idea especially considering their ages

[AceRay]

Oh, lesbians? Is that all? I was getting ready for some weird sh*t, man, you disappoint! Probably a good thing too, aside from making out with my sister a couple of times, I don't know much about incest.

 

Anyway, if its important to the characters and the flow of the plot, then you should probably add it in while keeping to my earlier comments. Although, if they're young (you can have sex at age 16 in NZ so I'm going to assume 14?), maybe sex would be moving too fast for them. There could be bait and switch as the friend is more eager and open while the protag is more hesitant and less risky, so it takes a while for her to finally open up to her. But then she may rush into sex thinking its the best way to start a relationship, which makes things awkward for them if they feel uncomfortable So many choices! Check out the Yuri Genre too to give you ideas for the relationship, that can always help. (probably NSFW for the links in the tv tropes page but the actual page is mostly writing so it should be fine.)

 

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/YuriGenre

[Mokrie Dela]

Some good advice there Ace, thanks.

 

I'm definitely going to focus on the emotional side of things - just now I wrote a bit where she woke up and, for a moment, forgot about the kiss. She feels so ashamed by it, feeling it's wrong, but as the years go past that changes. Such a relationship is going to be short lived - i can't say why for creative reasons - but although the story starts when she's a kid, the chapters cover several years. I think the actual sex would happen when they're 15/16, and I might only reference it, or as you advised, focus on her reactions to it. but the relationship won't have time to develop enough for her to think of it as anything serious.

I hope that i can convey it properly, my concern is that it'll be sleazy, but i think if i take my time it should be fine

 

 

There's definitely some complex feelings to her character. She also meets a boy who doesn't bully her, and he fancies her (he's protag #2 and the complete opposite of her). She's quiet and petite, intelligent and shy, but he's more a brute, rugged and protective. He sees her as an angel, something beautiful and she genuinely fancies him. They pursue eachother in a way, and shes him as someone she SHOULD be with.

She wants both of them, and is drawn to both, further complicating her situation. I think this will help take the focus away from sex - i think that was the problem; i had not introduced this character early enough, so all there was to write about was the lesbian aspect.

 

This is one of the most emotionally complex things i've every written, and I'm toying with the idea of changing it so it's a "original" work. ATM it's a semi-fanfic, though i'm taking lengths to distance it from the thing it's based on.

 

 

I'm worried any attempt will turn it from FF to a ripoff though...

Edited January 25, 2013 by Mokrie Dela

[Tyler]

If it's only fan-fiction in names and places then surely a couple of hours spent editing could fix that? Or are there characters/events that take place in the original work that you directly reference in passing to establish a connection between your work and the original, while at the same time using the character/event to explore themes or relationships that are important in your fan-fiction?

 

As for my pen name, it'd probably be something lame like Marcus Twine or Clive Hamleton or Paul English or Vladimir Siri, probably.

[Mokrie Dela]

I like the sound of Vladimir Siri

 

It's the setting that's taken from another work. The backdrop for the story, I'm really unsure how to make it non fanfic, without it being a rip off.

 

The characters and the physical setting (i.e the city) are not taken from anywhere else but without going In to too much detail, I really don't see how I can possibly make it ORIGINAL

 

I'm trying hard to distance it from what it's based on, no DIRECT references (apart from one that there is no way past)

So far instead of being an action based fanfic shoot them up, I have 5 chapters focusing on the emotional state of the characters.

 

I'm really Unconfident about forcing it to be non fanfiction

[Ziggy455]

 

I like the sound of Vladimir Siri

 

It's the setting that's taken from another work. The backdrop for the story, I'm really unsure how to make it non fanfic, without it being a rip off.

 

The characters and the physical setting (i.e the city) are not taken from anywhere else but without going In to too much detail, I really don't see how I can possibly make it ORIGINAL

 

I'm trying hard to distance it from what it's based on, no DIRECT references (apart from one that there is no way past)

So far instead of being an action based fanfic shoot them up, I have 5 chapters focusing on the emotional state of the characters.

 

I'm really Unconfident about forcing it to be non fanfiction

 

I think you're unconfident about writing something away from fanfiction because you've become so accustomed to the demands of writing it. With fanfiction there is far less an abaility needed of creativity character-wise -unless you create your own characters set in the already created universe- because they're not your creations. The main issue now is getting out of that fanfiction phase.

 

Also my real pen name would probably be my full name, it sounds Englishy and writer-based anyway: Samuel Edgar

 

Also, I've just finished a first draft of a 2,000 word Sci-Fi story entitled 'Was it worth it?'

[VProductions]

I thought Ziggy was your real name.

[Mokrie Dela]

I thought Ziggy was your real name.

Ziggy Stardust.

 

 

@Ziggy: the project (as i call it) does contain my own characters. It's the setting that presents the problem. The setting the story's set in is now that would be easily identifiable. Example, if i wrote a story about a wormhole machine that transported people across the universe, it'd be obvious it's basedripped off from Stargate SG1. If it was based on a group of people with superhiman abilities, it'd be clear that it's a xmen/heroes rip off.

Im at a loss when trying to work out how to take it out of the setting, and into an original one, without it being a ripoff. The characters are my own, but the setting is not, and it's not just "liberty City=/= New York", it's quite specific.

[VProductions]

Almost all of the locations in liberty city are close to the real name of the place in New York.

 

David Bowie, nice.

[AceRay]

If it was based on a group of people with superhiman abilities, it'd be clear that it's a xmen/heroes rip off.

 

Whoa whoa whoa, that's a pretty broad statement to say that every single super hero group rips off X men and Heroes, i mean what about Misfits or super hero stories about team ups? Generalizations are never good.

 

I say just click ctrl-f and replace anything from the original fic with your names. If anyone says "this sounds a lot like X," you could say "Oh, I was INSPIRED by that work and took a few inspirations and ideas from it but its totally my own work."

 

 

Im at a loss when trying to work out how to take it out of the setting, and into an original one, without it being a ripoff. The characters are my own, but the setting is not, and it's not just "liberty City=/= New York", it's quite specific.

If you really can't do it, scrap it or recycle the characters into a new setting. Simple as can be.

[Ziggy455]

 

I thought Ziggy was your real name.

Ziggy Stardust.

 

 

@Ziggy: the project (as i call it) does contain my own characters. It's the setting that presents the problem. The setting the story's set in is now that would be easily identifiable. Example, if i wrote a story about a wormhole machine that transported people across the universe, it'd be obvious it's basedripped off from Stargate SG1. If it was based on a group of people with superhiman abilities, it'd be clear that it's a xmen/heroes rip off.

Im at a loss when trying to work out how to take it out of the setting, and into an original one, without it being a ripoff. The characters are my own, but the setting is not, and it's not just "liberty City=/= New York", it's quite specific.

Every single universe can be shaped and changed to make it seem less of a rip-off. King's Dark Tower series is a universe mixed between Tolkien's Middle Earth and the west in the 1800s. Try and find different backstories of your key elements. How was the wormhole created in your story? Let the audience know and that means you can shape a previous-made universe to fit your own setting.

 

And @VP: My full name is Samuel Edgar. Ziggy was the name of one of my friends that died.

[Mokrie Dela]

If it was based on a group of people with superhiman abilities, it'd be clear that it's a xmen/heroes rip off.

 

Whoa whoa whoa, that's a pretty broad statement to say that every single super hero group rips off X men and Heroes, i mean what about Misfits or super hero stories about team ups? Generalizations are never good.

 

I say just click ctrl-f and replace anything from the original fic with your names. If anyone says "this sounds a lot like X," you could say "Oh, I was INSPIRED by that work and took a few inspirations and ideas from it but its totally my own work."

 

 

Im at a loss when trying to work out how to take it out of the setting, and into an original one, without it being a ripoff. The characters are my own, but the setting is not, and it's not just "liberty City=/= New York", it's quite specific.

If you really can't do it, scrap it or recycle the characters into a new setting. Simple as can be.

I'm glad you say that because i do have a 100% original work, which is a superhero story!

 

It's a dilemma I'm facing, because I do want to continue the story as it is, in it's FF nature, but I also want to not alienate half this forum! Taking away the FF setting will take away much of the charm of the story, but i suppose in some way open up the ability to go darker and more gritty.... I'm just concerned that the setting i want to do will be too close to FF

 

 

I think some serious thinking is in order.

 

 

PS Samual Edgar is a pretty cool name!

Also, zigs, respect for carrying your friends memory in such a way too.

[Ziggy455]

If it was based on a group of people with superhiman abilities, it'd be clear that it's a xmen/heroes rip off.

 

Whoa whoa whoa, that's a pretty broad statement to say that every single super hero group rips off X men and Heroes, i mean what about Misfits or super hero stories about team ups? Generalizations are never good.

 

I say just click ctrl-f and replace anything from the original fic with your names. If anyone says "this sounds a lot like X," you could say "Oh, I was INSPIRED by that work and took a few inspirations and ideas from it but its totally my own work."

 

 

Im at a loss when trying to work out how to take it out of the setting, and into an original one, without it being a ripoff. The characters are my own, but the setting is not, and it's not just "liberty City=/= New York", it's quite specific.

If you really can't do it, scrap it or recycle the characters into a new setting. Simple as can be.

I'm glad you say that because i do have a 100% original work, which is a superhero story!

 

It's a dilemma I'm facing, because I do want to continue the story as it is, in it's FF nature, but I also want to not alienate half this forum! Taking away the FF setting will take away much of the charm of the story, but i suppose in some way open up the ability to go darker and more gritty.... I'm just concerned that the setting i want to do will be too close to FF

 

 

I think some serious thinking is in order.

 

 

PS Samual Edgar is a pretty cool name!

Also, zigs, respect for carrying your friends memory in such a way too.

Thanks, I like my second name, Edgar. Obviously due to Edgar Allen Poe being a favorite writer of mine. I think my name sort of fits that writer's type of name anyway so there we be no need to change it.

 

 

[AceRay]

 

I'm glad you say that because i do have a 100% original work, which is a superhero story!

 

It's a dilemma I'm facing, because I do want to continue the story as it is, in it's FF nature, but I also want to not alienate half this forum! Taking away the FF setting will take away much of the charm of the story, but i suppose in some way open up the ability to go darker and more gritty.... I'm just concerned that the setting i want to do will be too close to FF

 

I think some serious thinking is in order.

Oh please, there are so many JRPGs which spawned since 1997 that steal from Final Fantasy that its practically a genre in itself. Not to mention that Kingdom Hearts has evolved into an FF game with Disney characters in it. I'd also like to point out that VII, (most of VIII) and XII are pretty dark for FF games, so you could retool it for those games. You would do nothing wrong if you changed it to a light hearted fantasy game.

 

In fact, f*ck the pretentious wannabe writers that populate this forum, complaining about GTA Fanfics on a GTA Fansite. Fanfiction is a great form of writing! Its a great way of paying tribute to great work and improve any poor writing you saw in the original. Obviously its not the greatest form of writing but its great fun and is a good place to start for not so confident with your writing, not to mention it can take a new spin on an existing art form. However, if you're planning I'm so, so sorry

 

What FF game is based on? It sounds like its IX or X, maybe one of the Super Nintendo ones. Spira isn't really that original, you could change it easily. If its based on XIII, you're going to have to delete it from your harddrive and have a long hard think about your life when you find yourself writing about super powered trench coats, Australians who live in an underground world and giant gods which look like giant swords that sneak into towns and turn people either into zombies or crystals if they don't do their poorly explained goals. F*ck that game is terrible.

 

Actually, scratch all that. I know what this is, pretending to. This is an FFX-2 FemSlash Fic shipping Yuna and Paine, isn't it? Don't lie to me, you perverted little sod*

 

Zigs: Bad name (Sam Edgar, of course, not your friend); you need to form your own identity and not ape off of old writers. Its like me calling myself Charlie D. Ickson or something. If I really had to have a pen name, it would Ace Ray. Of course, that's pretty retarded if your name doesn't have a Raymond in your actual name, like me, so I'm going to have to add a Raymond somewhere into my name, meaning I'll have five names in total. What a mouthful! In fact, while I'm at it, I'll think I'd add something exotic into my name like Charlemagne or something, just to make people think my novel is interesting. The point is that Ace Ray is a great name for a writer.

 

*I am of course joking about this, please don't this seriously.

Edited January 27, 2013 by AceRay

[Mokrie Dela]

Raymond Ace....?

 

Ill PM what FF it is as I want to keep that under wraps, so at some point in the story people will go "ah" but those who don't know it will be more welcomed

 

I agree with fanfiction, I like it. I liked threading the characters and vents of city of lies together, and think its as legitimate genre as crime horror or erotica. I feel turning your back on writers because they do a FF is ignorant and self pretentious tbh. I hold huge amount of respect for those on this forum who dislike ff and this not an attack on them. I think a "true writer" (whic ff authors are not so I'm told) should appreciate all forms of writing, from poetry and haikus to erotica and fan fiction

[VProductions]

 

And @VP: My full name is Samuel Edgar. Ziggy was the name of one of my friends that died.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Your a great person for carrying on his name.

 

 

Also I am thinking of cancelling Annihilation, I don't think many people are really interested.

Edited January 27, 2013 by VProductions

[universetwisters]

Is this a good plot for a concept thread so far?

 

 

The game opens up with Will Bauer, an East German gun runner who built a successful crime syndicate in Bedford, recalling the recent event of the SWAT team raiding his penthouse to his younger brother Jamie, a computer hacker who lives outside Bedford in a trailer park. Will, in need for money and wanting to build his reputation back up, hatches a plan to steal Nathan Fillion's personal model train set and sell it on the black market. The plan goes to plan, earning Will $1,000.

 

The recent gain in money gives Will the courage to go back to the city and talk to Trey Stevens, the owner of Club OR-bit, which was formerly an asset of the Bauer Syndicate. Trey is shocked to hear of Will's lost influence, and promises to help Will regain his influence. Trey then introduces Will to Craig Miller, a small-time drug dealer who frequents the club. Will then decides to do work for both Trey and Craig, in order to regain influence in the city. After doing a few jobs for Craig and earning his trust, Craig decides to let Will go with him to a drug deal with an American crime syndicate, that takes place at a train yard. The deal goes according to plan, except for the fact that the police raid the drug deal. Will and Craig make off with the American's money, and then go into hiding, purchasing a split-level house in Bedford's South End and laundering the money. Meanwhile, Will runs odd-jobs for Trey, most of which involve tending to celebrities and making their experiences better. Will eventually buys Club OR-bit from Trey for $5,000.

 

[VProductions]

 

Is this a good plot for a concept thread so far?

 

 

The game opens up with Will Bauer, an East German gun runner who built a successful crime syndicate in Bedford, recalling the recent event of the SWAT team raiding his penthouse to his younger brother Jamie, a computer hacker who lives outside Bedford in a trailer park. Will, in need for money and wanting to build his reputation back up, hatches a plan to steal Nathan Fillion's personal model train set and sell it on the black market. The plan goes to plan, earning Will $1,000.

 

The recent gain in money gives Will the courage to go back to the city and talk to Trey Stevens, the owner of Club OR-bit, which was formerly an asset of the Bauer Syndicate. Trey is shocked to hear of Will's lost influence, and promises to help Will regain his influence. Trey then introduces Will to Craig Miller, a small-time drug dealer who frequents the club. Will then decides to do work for both Trey and Craig, in order to regain influence in the city. After doing a few jobs for Craig and earning his trust, Craig decides to let Will go with him to a drug deal with an American crime syndicate, that takes place at a train yard. The deal goes according to plan, except for the fact that the police raid the drug deal. Will and Craig make off with the American's money, and then go into hiding, purchasing a split-level house in Bedford's South End and laundering the money. Meanwhile, Will runs odd-jobs for Trey, most of which involve tending to celebrities and making their experiences better. Will eventually buys Club OR-bit from Trey for $5,000.

 

Seems interesting, though I don't understand why Trey would help Will. Also you didn't mention who Nathan Fillion is and why stealing model trains would give him such courage and why would someone pay someone to steal model trains. by the way, this is me trying to help... not be bitchy. Sometimes it gets taken the wrong way.

 

 

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------

 

Also please rate this and give feedback.

 

I chewed the beef, that's not a euphenism, it was lunchtime at the office. I hated it, eating infront of my co-workers, the offices were scruffy and unclean. I really hoped I didn't catch a disease, I wouldn't be the first. Caersa Bearsar, literally the most unproductive offices in the whole of Avalon City. But it is like a second home to me although I would rather be homeless.

 

If I didn't need the money, I'd leave this place and never set foot inside again. I dropped my burger and bashed at the keyboard, most of the keys were missing. The company's owner 'Mikhael Depre' keeps preaching to us, he thinks we are going to make a scientific breakthrough.

 

The offices have nothing to do with science, he hasn't left his room for almost a year, he is constantly making sketches of multiple different boxes. Me and the co-workers joke about him being obsessed with cardboard. He has the strangest items delivered to him, like really strange. Human blood, syringes and rare crystals; we have no idea how he can afford the items. Some of us even believed he was a vampire but we hardly knew him, still cash and job is all we wanted.

 

My word processor appeared on the computer screen after a minute of patiently waiting. I dreaded the end of my shift, having to meet my boss. My screen squealed and turned off. Annoyed, I slammed my hand on the wooden desk which then collapsed into rubble. Stupid desks, they were older than me. Nobody seemed to care.

 

I strolled over to the elevator and thumped the button. The old metal elevator creaked and appeared, the doors opened with a loud squeak. I stepped inside while my co-workers glared at me covering their ears, I didn't need to press anymore buttons due to the elevator having only two stops: The office and Mr Depre's room.

 

Music started to play from the small radio in the corner, it seemed to have only one channel and only one song. Mister Sandman, that old tune from the 50's. That song sent a chill down my spine each time I heard it but I wasn't in any mood to complain, having to leave work early.

 

The more time I had in work, the less time I had to spend with my obese wife in our trailer. My life was already over and before my twentieth birthday, not that made any difference. I always knew I wouldn't amount to much. They say everyone has a secret, my secret... I was told when I grew up that I was a Queswallist, I never knew what that meant.

Edited January 28, 2013 by VProductions

[universetwisters]

Is this a good plot for a concept thread so far?

 

 

The game opens up with Will Bauer, an East German gun runner who built a successful crime syndicate in Bedford, recalling the recent event of the SWAT team raiding his penthouse to his younger brother Jamie, a computer hacker who lives outside Bedford in a trailer park. Will, in need for money and wanting to build his reputation back up, hatches a plan to steal Nathan Fillion's personal model train set and sell it on the black market. The plan goes to plan, earning Will $1,000.

 

The recent gain in money gives Will the courage to go back to the city and talk to Trey Stevens, the owner of Club OR-bit, which was formerly an asset of the Bauer Syndicate. Trey is shocked to hear of Will's lost influence, and promises to help Will regain his influence. Trey then introduces Will to Craig Miller, a small-time drug dealer who frequents the club. Will then decides to do work for both Trey and Craig, in order to regain influence in the city. After doing a few jobs for Craig and earning his trust, Craig decides to let Will go with him to a drug deal with an American crime syndicate, that takes place at a train yard. The deal goes according to plan, except for the fact that the police raid the drug deal. Will and Craig make off with the American's money, and then go into hiding, purchasing a split-level house in Bedford's South End and laundering the money. Meanwhile, Will runs odd-jobs for Trey, most of which involve tending to celebrities and making their experiences better. Will eventually buys Club OR-bit from Trey for $5,000.

 

Seems interesting, though I don't understand why Trey would help Will. Also you didn't mention who Nathan Fillion is and why stealing model trains would give him such courage and why would someone pay someone to steal model trains. by the way, this is me trying to help... not be bitchy. Sometimes it gets taken the wrong way.

 

 

 

You gotta keep in mind, my amigo, that Trey Stevens owned Club OR-bit, which was an asset for Will's gang, so Will knew Trey and vice-versa. Nathan Fillion is just some random Canadian Actor my buddy picked as a candidate to have a model train stolen from him. Jamie and Will steal the model train of their own volition in order to get rich, knowing that a potential Fillion fan would pay good money for his train set. And I don't think you're bitchy at all!

 

 

 

 

And I like your little story, keep on it!

[Dale Nixon]

I posted this here earlier: http://www.gtaforums.com/index.php?showtopic=543321

 

Feel free to read it while masturbating to whatever it is you masturbate to!

[VProductions]

@universetwisters- Oh cool that makes more sense now, and my story is going to be a GTAF Novel soon. .

 

@DaleNixon - You crazy?

[Ziggy455]

 

Zigs: Bad name (Sam Edgar, of course, not your friend); you need to form your own identity and not ape off of old writers. Its like me calling myself Charlie D. Ickson or something. If I really had to have a pen name, it would Ace Ray. Of course, that's pretty retarded if your name doesn't have a Raymond in your actual name, like me, so I'm going to have to add a Raymond somewhere into my name, meaning I'll have five names in total. What a mouthful! In fact, while I'm at it, I'll think I'd add something exotic into my name like Charlemagne or something, just to make people think my novel is interesting. The point is that Ace Ray is a great name for a writer.

 

*I am of course joking about this, please don't this seriously.

 

WHAT IS THIS!? I DON'T EVEN.

 

That's my real name, haha.

[VProductions]

I am legally changing my name to Zane.

[universetwisters]

Should I make a thread for my concept wiki in the writers discussion, or should I keep it in the series chat?

[VProductions]

Should I make a thread for my concept wiki in the writers discussion, or should I keep it in the series chat?

You could do both but if you post it here then it would probably be best to use just the missions and the more literary (omg get me) parts.

[AceRay]

Which name sounds more badass and awesome for an escaped convict part of a conspiracy? Jack Magnus or Travis Magnus?

 

I'm leaning towards Jack, as its shorter to write but its also kinda clichéd to name an action hero that and I like the rhyming that Travis brings, so I'm in a bit of a pickle.

[universetwisters]

Which name sounds more badass and awesome for an escaped convict part of an internal conspiracy? Jack Magnus or Travis Magnus?

 

I'm leaning towards Jack, as its shorter to write but its also kinda cliched to name an action hero that, so I'm in a bit of a pickle.

How about "Neil"?

[Dale Nixon]

I like 'Neil Magnus'.