The Social Club

[Mokrie Dela]

 

Yeah. Mine was a (ssssshhh!!) fanfic. Name-dropped loads of details: characters, locations, plot points. Awful.

You can't say that and not link us to it!!!!

 

 

I will find and upload the first chapters of the first two things i wrote, just to show that they're bad! If nothing to show the new people that they WILL improve!

 

 

Some of my stuff is embarrassingly bad. But hey, Does anyone know the Ukrainian football striker Andriy Shevchenko? He is (was) one of the best strikers in the world, certainly in europe. scored hundreds of goals.

 

 

And failed a dribbling test when he tried to get a club as a youngster. I bet even Da Vinci's first painting was crap (well i know his early work was poor!)

[Eminence]

 

Yeah. Mine was a (ssssshhh!!) fanfic. Name-dropped loads of details: characters, locations, plot points. Awful.

You can't say that and not link us to it!!!!

I honestly don't know if it's still up, haha. To save you the potential hassle of searching for it, here's literally a couple random paragraphs - no idea of the context:

 

 

“We’re leaving now?” Jack yelled. “Damn it man, I’m tired. And I need some wheels!”

“Tired? Drink some coffee or something, but quickly.” Ryan laughed. “Wheels? I got us some special wheels last night. A pitch black Stinger man, fast as anything!”

“Stinger?” Jack stared at Ryan, not believing him. He then stood up and opened the blinds of his window, then looked through the clear glass. Sure enough, outside sat a beautiful black Stinger, with small exhaust fumes gently blowing out of the several exhaust pipes on the back. “Holy sh*t! That ride is sweet!”

“Yeah. Now move you’re a** and you can drive the beauty.” Ryan replied.

 

Jack spent the next few minutes waking himself up, before putting some new clothes, and body armour, on. He then picked up his Colt and place it in his its holster. He placed a knife near his ankle, then got up and waltzed outside with Ryan.

 

Jack swung himself over the door of the Stinger and glided into the drivers seat. Ryan hopped in, and then he reversed the car off the driveway. Jack weaved through the light afternoon traffic with ease, feeling the gentle breeze from the wind go through his dark blonde hair as it travelled over the windscreen. He screeched round corners and squeezed through alleys, quickly heading for the VCPD armoury in Ocean Beach.

 

The station was decorated with yellow ‘police line, do not cross’ banners plastered up everywhere. The peeling wallpaper on the walls was splattered with blood from the shootout the previous day. All of the cells had been emptied, and nobody except certain officers inhabited the building.

 

As Jack and Ryan headed further down the complex building, through the underground corridors leading towards the armoury, the place became even more deserted than above. Only a few people remained deep in the station. Jack went into the armoury and loaded up his bag with weapons and ammunition. He took an MP5 to attack with, and took a Spaz Shotgun to hide on the floor of his Stinger, ready for an ambush. Ryan took his own equipment, and then the two headed back upstairs to the ground level to meet the others to plan the attack.

 

That was written in 2003... I think. 10 years. Jesus.

[Mokrie Dela]

Time goes too fast doesn't it? I left school with dreams of having a book on the shelves of bookstores. City of Lies and Justice in Flames are the closest ill ever get to that, and i left school in 03

 

f*ck, I feel old! (Even though I'm not)

 

[Typhus]

Time goes too fast doesn't it? I left school with dreams of having a book on the shelves of bookstores. City of Lies and Justice in Flames are the closest ill ever get to that.

Bull - f*cking - sh*t.

I'm sorry, but how can you honestly say that a few fan fictions posted on an internet forum represent the entirety of your potential?

Here's an idea, if you want something published, try writing an original work.

This fan-fic nonsense is only holding you back. You're an intelligent man, don't sell yourself short and don't squander your talents by pandering to the lowest common denominator.

[AceRay]

It think I've already shown people my first work but here it is. Another GTA fanfic, written for BUYG. So really, nothing that special, although the bit about peeing pants seems out of place. The tone is all over the place too. Its really too matter of fact in its presentation. "The more damage the car takes, the less its worth" and stuff like that. Ah well.

 

Eminence: Tried to look for it in you post history and went for about 25 pages but couldn't find anything story related, like the one you posted. Was it posted in 2007?

 

Also, Ziggy's Theatre of Horror continues! Man, he is never hearing the end of this! Okay, I kid, he's gotten a lot better since then, its just funny to read about Jack Vangaurd.

[Mokrie Dela]

Time goes too fast doesn't it? I left school with dreams of having a book on the shelves of bookstores. City of Lies and Justice in Flames are the closest ill ever get to that.

Bull - f*cking - sh*t.

I'm sorry, but how can you honestly say that a few fan fictions posted on an internet forum represent the entirety of your potential?

Here's an idea, if you want something published, try writing an original work.

This fan-fic nonsense is only holding you back. You're an intelligent man, don't sell yourself short and don't squander your talents by pandering to the lowest common denominator.

I didn't mean that I'm not capable of writing something good - i know i have that potential, what i mean is that the likelyhood of getting something on shelves is pretty low. (lower still seeing as theres not f*cking book shops around anymore!!)

 

I wonder how many works of pure art are sitting in the middle of a pile in some cupboard having never been read by publishers...

[Eminence]

I think it was Robert McKee who said "there's no such thing as undiscovered genius". If you're good enough - more specifically, if your work is good enough - they'll find you, and it'll get published/produced. Obviously the caveat to that is you have to put it out there, but the sentiment remains.

 

I think the whole angsty "they just won't notice my talent! The system is broken!" shtick is way overplayed. They're just as desperate to find good writing as we are for them to notice ours.

 

And I have to agree wholeheartedly with Typhus. What you've written so far is absolutely not the 'closest' you'll come, because the next thing you write will be better, the thing you write after that better still. Keep pounding on the door and sooner or later, someone will open... then it's up to what you've done to stand on its own two legs.

 

Or, y'know, THE SYSTEM IS BROKEN!

 

 

Eminence: Tried to look for it in you post history and went for about 25 pages but couldn't find anything story related, like the one you posted. Was it posted in 2007?

 

Nope, as I say, 2003. Wasn't on this account.

[Typhus]

 

Time goes too fast doesn't it? I left school with dreams of having a book on the shelves of bookstores. City of Lies and Justice in Flames are the closest ill ever get to that.

Bull - f*cking - sh*t.

I'm sorry, but how can you honestly say that a few fan fictions posted on an internet forum represent the entirety of your potential?

Here's an idea, if you want something published, try writing an original work.

This fan-fic nonsense is only holding you back. You're an intelligent man, don't sell yourself short and don't squander your talents by pandering to the lowest common denominator.

I didn't mean that I'm not capable of writing something good - i know i have that potential, what i mean is that the likelyhood of getting something on shelves is pretty low. (lower still seeing as theres not f*cking book shops around anymore!!)

 

I wonder how many works of pure art are sitting in the middle of a pile in some cupboard having never been read by publishers...

Hmm, why don't you try self publishing?

I think I'm going to take your advice and try to get my work on Kindle - I even have plans for a photoshoot to create a striking cover for my story. Why not try something like that? As I said, you are a very good writer, an intelligent man. I'd hate for people like you to have you gifts squandered because a publisher put moneymaking considerations ahead of good art.

I just hate this 'none of us are good enough to be published' mentality.

 

I had the exact same dream as you when I left education. I was going to be published, I was going to be an author. And despite having the BBC compliment my work, I've not really had much contact with any publishing houses.

For years, years I have procrastinated and blamed things on a 'lack of information' or some other nonsense. But the fact is, if I wanted to find a publisher to look at my stuff, I probably could have. I was a coward and for too long I have been afraid to take a chance.

 

But now I have a way of attaining this goal, now we can all be published and all have people pay to read our work. I just think we should all be a little less pessimistic and try to grab the bull by the horns and seize the chance to take advantage of the new means of publishing that make literary success an option for everyone.

 

I couldn't stand it when Candarelli told people here 'you'll never get published' back in 2008 and I can't stand that attitude now. A writers best friend is his own sense of invincibility.

[Mokrie Dela]

I think the reason i lean toward fanfiction is that one great idea keeps eluding me. In truth i'd rather write fanfics than sit on my arse trying to work out what to write about.

 

I do have 2 unfinished projects, which i probably wont upload. If i ever try to self publish, it would be one of those, but as said, it's a case of finding that unique spin on things.

[Eminence]

 

I just hate this 'none of us are good enough to be published' mentality.

 

I couldn't stand it when Candarelli told people here 'you'll never get published' back in 2008 and I can't stand that attitude now. A writers best friend is his own sense of invincibility.

Optimism is great, but don't let it cloud your judgement. If you run around thinking you're good enough now, then you're going to stay at that level. If you really want to succeed, you need to practice, develop, and better yourself.

 

Let me put it this way. I wouldn't pay to read a single thing on this forum. Why should anyone else? Why should we expect them to?

[Typhus]

 

Let me put it this way. I wouldn't pay to read a single thing on this forum. Why should anyone else? Why should we expect them to?

Of course you wouldn't pay. Most of the stuff here is fan-fiction. The fan fiction gets noticed, it gets feedback and the other stuff just drops down the page. Just give people explosions and gangster stereotypes and they'll clap and whistle every time.

You can't compare fan fiction to original creative works, because fan fiction is not creative and fan fiction doesn't deserve very much consideration apart from admiration of the technical side of the writing. I would say more, but if I was to voice my true feelings on this matter I may offend some people.

 

But tell me, how do we know when it's good enough? At what point would you be satisfied that something like a short story is sufficiently polished to warrant publication?

What are you personally looking for? And why haven't you found it here yet?

 

The funny thing is, I don't necessarily disagree with your sentiment, I can see where you're coming from.

How are you doing with your writing, though? Have you made any headway?

I'd like to share some stuff with you via PM, perhaps.

Edited January 17, 2013 by Typhus

[Eminence]

Yeah, most of it is fan-fiction. But I was talking about everything.

 

And I strongly agree with you about fan-fiction. Its only use, in my eyes, is as a way to ease beginners into the process.

 

As for when something is ready... well, that's up to you to figure out. Nobody can decide that but you. But you have to be truly objective about it - you have to read your work with as fresh a pair of eyes as you can manage, and you have to really ask yourself, "is this the best that I can do?"

 

It's easy to finish, touch it up a bit, and say "yeah, that's it". But more often than not, it's not truly ready. And it might not be ready until you've written another four, five, fifty things, come back to it, and used what you've learned along the way. That's a difficult thing to come to terms with, because at any given moment you think you're at the height of your powers. But there's always a next step to be taken.

 

What am I personally looking for? Well, for starters, there's mastery of the technical side. The moment something goes awry in the writing itself, it's game over. And to my knowledge, I don't think I've seen something on here that doesn't contain at least one flaw in its wording - and I'm not speaking strictly grammar, here.

 

Second, there's the subject of the work itself - not in terms of it being something that specifically appeals to me, but in terms of the author finding a way to provide a unique viewpoint on it, being able to pique my interest. I have zero interest in... I don't know... gardening. But if the author spins the topic of gardening into a story that's simply packed with drama, well, all of a sudden I guess I'd develop an interest in gardening.

 

Third, and this is maybe what's lacking in most pieces, is that extra dimension that separates a work from the rest of the pack. Maybe it's its theme. Maybe it's the overarching metaphor. The underlying allegory. But all the best stuff, it has something that makes it more than just words on a page. Doesn't have to be blunt. Probably better if it's subtle. But it has to be there.

 

As for my own writing, well, I've spent the last couple years working on a number of screenplays. But I look at them and I know they're not ready yet - I just use each one as a part of an ongoing process of development. I knew a hell of a lot more writing my second than when I started my first; knew even more writing the third than the second, and so on. Sure, there'll come a point where I'll have to decide that one is 'finished'. But that won't happen until I read over it and I'm truly satisfied to say "yeah, that's the best I can do".

[Ziggy455]

I believe FanFiction is a way to break beginners into the craft. The only problem is that most who come here with FanFictions normally hit the first chapter that over the years has been rewritten by every other beginner here. The cliches hit us hard and I think most of the weathered people who have been around for the last few years, we're starting to get irritated at the popularity of FanFictions as opposed to REAL work that we upload. I've seen good, original work here slide down the page in favor of 'LIBERTY CITY V1.2 2TALLY GRET FANFICS.'

 

Also something that annoys me is that half the FanFics I see get this as a first reply:

 

 

OMG OMG. THAT WAS SO KICKASS. HOW DID TOMMY SURVIVE DAT BULLET WOOND? OMG CAN YOU KEEP WRITING THIS PL0X? UR so talened,

 

                 

 

I somehow feel like half these people ask for recognition in their original categories.

 

As for my own work, I think if you look back at my first stuff, I feel like I've improved. With screenplays I believe I've gotten a grasp of the craft but I'm still awful and that's the same with my prose writing. I'm swamped with college work but I've applied for a BH in Screenwriting for Uni. If so that'll allow me to tap back into my writing because I'm so zapped from writing assignments I can barely muster up any creativity for anything new.

[Mokrie Dela]

Thing is I've enjoyed writing the fanfics. Ok maybe theyre not original but they're still real. I've still spent hours and written millions trying to write them, and enjoying it. Ok maybe they got more attention than the original works perhaps that's because this is a gta fan site, I don't know. A lot of people might not like them, fair enough, but I don't agree at how any writer is discarded just because of it. I don't like horror, yet I admire the talents of those who write horrors. I'm aware that there are many here better than I am at writing but at the end of the day none of what I upload here is going to get sold so why shouldn't I choose a genre that I enjoy ?

 

Personally I resent the attitude of not being 'real writer' I'm perhaps not as good as some of the rest (I doubt I'm either in the top ten) but I still work hard on what I do write, whether its original or fan fiction.

 

It's like saying I'm not a 'real' footballer because I don't play for a football league team.

 

[VProductions]

What would your pen names be?

[Mokrie Dela]

What would your pen names be?

Nice subject change

 

I'd probably just use my real name.

[VProductions]

What would your pen names be?

Nice subject change

 

I'd probably just use my real name.

I have thought about it and I decided I would probably use a mix of my three favourite names: Elijah, Taylor and Zane.

 

Zane E. Taylor, sounds good to me.

[Mokrie Dela]

Zaney haha

[Typhus]

What would your pen names be?

I'm not good enough to have a pen name, so it's a moot point.

[VProductions]

What would your pen names be?

I'm not good enough to have a pen name, so it's a moot point.

Don't put yourself down.

 

 

Has anyone tried the new MySpace yet? You can make different types of accounts, such as: DJ's, Game Devs and a lot more. I made a writer's profile, you can add other writers or anyone else. You can get some publicity and add links of your work to your profile. It seems okay.

[Ziggy455]

My pen name -if I ever got to such a point of talent that it would be possible to have one- would be, Bumwhiff M. Mugheezesparks.

 

And MySpace is back?

[VProductions]

 

And MySpace is back? 

Yup and better than ever, it's mainly focused on music but it seems fine.

 

Small poll: Kindle or iBook?

Edited January 17, 2013 by VProductions

[Mokrie Dela]

Nothing beats the feel and even smell of a real book. Ill take a real book over a kindle any day

 

But kindle over iBook - iPhones suck in the sun and e ink is much better for your eyes

[Eminence]

What would your pen names be?

I'm not good enough to have a pen name, so it's a moot point.

I really, really hope that's not some passive aggressive response to our previous discussion.

[VProductions]

A small story I wrote, what do you think?

 

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I shook, avoiding the fear and trying to block out the screams. Blood red banners hung from the stone walls, and of course that wasn't the original color. This was the one contact I had desperately tried to avoid, I drew my daggers and curiously scrutinized the hall. I remained perched on the almost invisible stone archway above the wooden entrance. Cages surrounded the hall's interior, each cage holding only one man. Almost every subject had missing limbs and was just waiting to be put out of their misery.

 

The squealing was torturous; it seemed to be getting quite late. Darkness invaded the hall and one of the four petite guards inside strolled over to a lantern. I ran my fingers through my hair, a symptom of my anxiety. I slid two daggers out of the pouch. Slowly and cautiously, I dove down and landed with both daggers lodged in the female guard's head. She let out a small groan and thick black blood flowed down her chainmail.

 

The remaining hall defense had scattered around the cages. I crouched and took cover behind a barrel of food. A guard smirked as a subject had his broken arm stood in-between the bars of the cage, such brutality and sheer cruelty sickened my very soul. Their black hearts pump venom. I slid another dagger from the leather pouch and sneaked towards him. I lodged the blade through his bald head, I had been noticed by the others. I dashed back behind the barrel and quickly drew my sword. Both of them came closer. I spun and slashed them into multiple pieces in one swift movement. Contract complete, it was over and I couldn't be more glad. I took sets of keys from the bodies and begun to release the prisoners.

Edited January 23, 2013 by VProductions

[Ziggy455]

Outpost 32 is up if anybody feels like joining.

 

Outpost 32

[Mokrie Dela]

A small story I wrote, what do you think?

 

----------------------------------------------

 

Not bad. I liked it. Something i've found with first person is it's too easy to fall into the pitfall of making it a list:

 

I did this, i did that. Then i did this. I did that. I went there. I saw this....

 

I got that impression a little but, but not too much. I found myself wanting to know more about the character though.

 

Didn't really like the second paragraph thought. I'd go over it again if i were you.

 

 

Darkness invaded the hall, one of the four guards inside strolled over to a lantern

This seemed like fragment to me. Like there's more you could say. Neither part of the sentence seems to connect with the other. Replace the comma with "and" and it'd work better, or maybe add a bit more detail. If it's dark, i'll assume vision's impaired - why not say that you can't see the guards, or something else?

 

 

It looks to me like something taken out of something else - like we're missing half the story. Who is he, how did he get there? perhaps they're questions you pose to get us to read, but on its own, i find myself scratching my head and wanting more - more detail, more connection with the character.....

 

 

 

Talking of connections, I was writing one of my ... ahem, projects, earlier and am trying hard to create an emotional connection between the protagonist and the reader, showing her life, and how much it sucks, so to speak. Then i inject a bit of a relationship or sorts....a taboo, with the intent to hint toward things, and make it subtle, and it started off ok, but when i finished, it was full on literary porn.

Something went wrong there I think....

[VProductions]

@ Mokrie - Maybe try to add more details to expressions and feelings than actions Think what is she feeling, what is going through her head, is she looking to remove herself from situations, what does she WANT to do? Good luck!

 

Also I went back and changed some of the second paragraph, before I posted this I knew I would one day make this in to a full story. I thought my full story idea was original but after explaining to my friend last weekend, he immediately stated that it sounds like a crossover of Twilight, Assassins Creed and The Matrix . So I am not that bothered about it now, sure I will add a few paragraphs when I get time and maybe post it on here every once in a while.

 

Also nice avatar

[Mokrie Dela]

 

@ Mokrie - Maybe try to add more details to expressions and feelings than actions Think what is she feeling, what is going through her head, is she looking to remove herself from situations, what does she WANT to do? Good luck!   

Thanks. All i need to do is distance myself for a bit, come back to it and get rid of what is quite frankly a gratuitous sex scene. I don't need the intimate physical details, for example, but if i focus on the EMOTIONAL side, i think it will not be as sleazy.

 

Talking of sleazy:

 

Also nice avatar

[VProductions]

@ Mokrie - Maybe try to add more details to expressions and feelings than actions Think what is she feeling, what is going through her head, is she looking to remove herself from situations, what does she WANT to do? Good luck!   

Thanks. All i need to do is distance myself for a bit, come back to it and get rid of what is quite frankly a gratuitous sex scene. I don't need the intimate physical details, for example, but if i focus on the EMOTIONAL side, i think it will not be as sleazy.

 

Talking of sleazy:

 

Also nice avatar

lol, try to live a day in her life. Imagine being in her shoes, think what is happening to her and will she react like you would? I am looking forward to this if you post it.

 

 

ALZO U SHUD WELL KEP DAT SENE AND I CAN REED IT, WAYT OMG I CARNT REED (sorry I think some of the V section is rubbing off on me) SPEYKIN OF RUBBIN OFF IM GONA BE BAK IN A BIT LOL (really sorry ).