David and Goliath

[Vercetti21]

David sighed.

 

There was a stillness in the room, dimly lit in a pale, blue light through the open windows of the house. A soft breeze of mountain air carried the resonance of a night owl to David's transfixed ears: a distant shriek, followed by the swift movements of the nocturnal creature as it sliced through thin air on its descent into the sleeping forest. Seconds later, a rat squealed; summoned into the air by its merciless predator.

 

Tonight, there was a full moon.

 

David nervously peered through the transparent drapery at the ghostly beacon in the sky, illuminating thick blankets of purple clouds and sprawling across an infinite, midnight canvas. Millions of scattered stars and celestial bodies began to form together in armies, fiercely glowing in the night as they glared downward into David's window. His knees began to feel weak. The hairs on his skin began to tremble. His heart began to hammer in his chest.

 

A gasp of air escaped from his open mouth, gripping his jaw in a fixed position as his exhausted face displayed a numb expression of horror. A cold wave slithered along his quivering body, overtaking him with a stroke of fear. The darkness echoed; the stillness interrupted.

 

David groaned.

 

The fragrance of scarlet blood suddenly fumed into his nostrils. His eyes swelled, protruding forward through the restrictions of their sockets. A subtle grin formed, framing a tight assemblage of chiseled teeth. Pockets of hair began to erupt from the fault lines along his bristled skin, and his thin body quickly began to mold into a hulk of vigorous mass.

 

There was a powerful ripping noise; David's thick muscles fought against the tightly-weaved threads that composed his clothing. The seams along his shirt began to rupture, severing the sleeves into wretched tatters which slowly scattered and drifted to the floor, defeated. A thick coat of fur escaped from beneath the slaughtered shirt, expanding outward with David's broadening shoulders. He could feel the bulge of his muscles tighten and compact; finely-sharpened blades extended at the tips of his fingers.

 

His eyes darkened, filled with a mystic black.

 

David growled.

 

Tonight was his night to be the predator; his night to prey upon the scurrying sounds and creeping critters that kept him awake in the early hours of the morning. Tonight, he lunged into the gaping abyss of the forest with a single ally: the darkness. A companion that provided the perfect environment for his ferocious, bloodlust hunt. A companion that would instantly strike fear into the hearts of his victims. It was the same companion that had blessed David with this spectral ability, that armed him with the weapons vital to his genuine purpose: to kill.

 

David roared.

 

---

 

At first glance, this piece may seem very one-dimensional and unoriginal. With that, I encourage you to think less about the literal transformation he undergoes, and more about who "Goliath" is and what it represents, and David's evolving relationship with it.

Edited February 17, 2009 by Vercetti21

[Eminence]

I must be honest; I didn't quite catch the Goliath inferences. Care to shed any light? I understand the meaning of David being the small underdog to fight against the might of Goliath, but I didn't quite understand who or what was meant to represent Goliath; the darkness? The birds of the early morning? Couldn't figure it out.

 

The paragraph that sees the most physical forms of his transformation reminded me of the image of the Hulk, muscles bulging as his shirt tears. Then the mention of fur provoked images of a werewolf, or something else along the same supernatural scale. Definitely atmospheric, despite my perceived lack of insight into its true meaning.

 

As for the writing itself, very smooth. One or two extremely miniscule instances where word choice was maybe a touch off - but I mean that very literally, one or two. Extremely flowing and vivid, I really enjoyed simply reading through the description and allowing to flow in my head, so very nice work from that sense.

[Vercetti21]

I'd love to explain. Goliath represents fear. In the Biblical story, he's a towering giant who taunts the Israelites. In this case, the victims of the story - David, the rat, etc. - are symbolic of the Israelites. The physical metamorphosis David undergoes empowers him to become this snarling, gruesome beast, allowing him become fear himself, thus defeating his own anxieties.

 

David's life is always in conflict. There's a constant battle going on - the owl and the rat, David and the moon, and David and his alternate, feral persona (you'll even note the use of diction between his bulging muscles and his tattered shirt as war-like and hostile). It isn't until he transforms into this savage creature and becomes a predator himself is he truly free from the stresses of every day life. He sees this phenomenon of becoming "one with nature" as a blessing rather than a curse, as most werewolf stories will do otherwise.

 

As I've said, this piece is less about the physical, obvious transformation and more about the effect of empowerment and what it can do to man. After all, when there's nothing out there more frightening than you, you have nothing to fear. When there are more opportunities open to you, you change as a person.

 

And yeah, I know some words may be out of place. Lately I've been using a thesaurus - quite frequently - in my writing to help expand my vocabulary a bit. I need to work on that.

 

Thanks for the criticism and support.

[Eminence]

I understand your intentions now, but with the general length of the piece and therefore the overall lack of exposition regarding that entire angle, it's extremely hard (at least for me ) to pick up on something so in-depth - it's quite a stretch to connect the rats to Goliath simply based on the interpretation that people may be scared of them, for example. A few more hints and clues at the intended reading would go a long way, I think. If that had struck me initially though, very good meaning.

[Vercetti21]

Edited October 18, 2010 by Vercetti21