Quantcast
Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
    1. Welcome to GTAForums!

    1. GTA Online

      1. The Diamond Casino Heist
      2. Find Lobbies & Players
      3. Guides & Strategies
      4. Vehicles
      5. Content Creator
      6. Help & Support
    2. Red Dead Online

      1. Frontier Pursuits
      2. Find Lobbies & Outlaws
      3. Help & Support
    3. Crews & Posses

      1. Recruitment
      2. Events
    1. Red Dead Redemption 2

      1. PC
      2. Gameplay
      3. Missions
      4. Help & Support
    2. Red Dead Redemption

    1. Grand Theft Auto Series

    2. GTA 6

    3. GTA V

      1. PC
      2. Guides & Strategies
      3. Help & Support
    4. GTA IV

      1. The Lost and Damned
      2. The Ballad of Gay Tony
      3. Guides & Strategies
      4. Help & Support
      5. GTA IV Mods
    5. GTA Chinatown Wars

    6. GTA Vice City Stories

    7. GTA Liberty City Stories

    8. GTA San Andreas

      1. Guides & Strategies
      2. Help & Support
      3. GTA SA Mods
    9. GTA Vice City

      1. Guides & Strategies
      2. Help & Support
      3. GTA VC Mods
    10. GTA III

      1. Guides & Strategies
      2. Help & Support
      3. GTA III Mods
    11. Top Down Games

      1. GTA Advance
      2. GTA 2
      3. GTA
    1. GTA Mods

      1. GTA V
      2. GTA IV
      3. GTA III, VC & SA
      4. Tutorials
    2. Red Dead Mods

    3. Mod Showroom

      1. Scripts & Plugins
      2. Maps
      3. Total Conversions
      4. Vehicles
      5. Textures
      6. Characters
      7. Tools
      8. Other
      9. Workshop
    4. Featured Mods

      1. DYOM
      2. OpenIV
      3. GTA: Underground
      4. GTA: Liberty City
      5. GTA: State of Liberty
    1. Rockstar Games

    2. Rockstar Collectors

    1. Off-Topic

      1. General Chat
      2. Gaming
      3. Technology
      4. Programming
      5. Movies & TV
      6. Music
      7. Sports
      8. Vehicles
    2. Expression

      1. Graphics / Visual Arts
      2. GFX Requests & Tutorials
      3. Writers' Discussion
      4. Debates & Discussion
    3. Gangs

    1. News

    2. Forum Support

    3. Site Suggestions

Ultraussie

The Joke Thread

Recommended Posts

Vega LVI

I didn’t know what to wear to the premature ejaculation club, so I just came in my pants.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
J Dilla

why was the amish girl shunned from her community? ...two mennonite

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Big Molio

Six topless women sounds nice.

 

Dozen tit?

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
spectre07

A libertarian, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar. How do you know which is which?

 

Don't worry, they'll f*cking tell you.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ned Bingham

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb ?

 

Two.  One to actually change the bulb, the other to suck cock.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jpm1

i'm French and this is a Belgium joke i like a lot::

 

when you want to become rich, purchase French products to the French at the actual cost. then sell them back to them at the cost they think it cost

Edited by jpm1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jpm1

another Belgian jokes. love these Belgian actually

 

Do you know how you kill a French man. you shoot 10 cm above the head. that way you kill his superiority complex

 

do you know why there is no light on French highways. because all the French think they're lights

 

😄

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Evil empire

What does a Belgian father when he just had twins?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He looks for the father of her other child to congratulate him.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
junkpile
On 12/31/2017 at 9:19 PM, Megumi said:

It took Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes...

 

I remember one as well.. 

 

There's a theory about Chuck Norris. 

It says if Chuck Norris does two round house kicks in a row he is so fast, the second kick hits the target sooner than the first kick. 

This theory could never be confirmed cuz there is nothing Chuck Norris has to round house kick twice. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mister Pink
Posted (edited)
8 hours ago, junkpile said:

 

I remember one as well.. 

 

There's a theory about Chuck Norris. 

It says if Chuck Norris does two round house kicks in a row he is so fast, the second kick hits the target sooner than the first kick. 

This theory could never be confirmed cuz there is nothing Chuck Norris has to round house kick twice. 

I remember Chuck Norris jokes as an offline meme. I didn't have much internet back in '04/'05 but it was around this time when I joined here and had Polish neighbours. And I remember one night joking with them about Chuck Norris jokes that I heard from my mate. When chatting to my Polish mate, he was surprised to find out that it was a thing in Poland too (probably due to the internet) but we were only used to these trends by word-of-mouth, not by internet. So he was mad surprised that these Chuck Norris jokes were flying around for a couple of years at this stage and now, he's in a new country in western Europe and they had the same jokes but in English. But really, it must of been the interwebz that connected us all. But because we both didn't have it yet on our phones or on in our rented places, it was funny. It wasn't the first place we thought that's were the jokes came from. 

 

In all fairness, I did hear most of the Chuck Norris jokes in person. They were the new "Yo mama" jokes. 

 

I think Tony Ferguson is the new Chuck Norris. Here's some I plucked from YouTube. 

 

"Tony Ferguson is a type of guy to be watching cartoons alone in a room and when his parents enter, he quickly change on pr0n..."

 

"US government pays tax to Tony Ferguson for living there"

 

"When Tony turned 18 he moved out and told his father "You're the man of the house now"

 

"Tony Ferguson is the type of guy to go to a feminist rally and come back with a sandwich and an ironed shirt"

 

"Tony Ferguson is the type of guy to play Russian Roulette with himself to condition his luck"

 

"Tony Ferguson is the kinda guy who shouts "CLEAR" when he's getting defibrillated."

 
Edited by Mister Pink

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Malone.

I like last 2 jokes lol..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Big Molio

InjuryLawyers4U are absolute sh*te. My neighbour's 15 year old daughter cut herself climbing over the fence into my garden.

 

InjuryLawyers4U told me to take a photo of her gash.

 

Guess who's in court tomorrow!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Cameron Star
Posted (edited)

I wouldn't trust any company with a name like that ends in "4 U."

 

Hold up, I forgot this was the joke thread.

Edited by Cameron Star

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
spectre07
Posted (edited)

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

 

"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

 

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

 

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

 

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

 

"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

Edited by spectre07
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
alluke

Coronavirus is like pasta. The Chinese invented it, but the Italians will spread it all over the world.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
spectre07
Posted (edited)

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?"


"That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies.

 

After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?"

 

"Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

Edited by spectre07
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • 1 User Currently Viewing
    0 members, 0 Anonymous, 1 Guest

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using GTAForums.com, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.