The Joke Thread

[Sasuke Uzumaki]

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

 

 

The wheelchair.

 

Edited July 23, 2015 by Sasuke Uzumaki

[The Dedito Gae]

Yep, only white people died in WTC.

That's a good one.

[Claptrap NL]

 

Yep, only white people died in WTC.

That's a good one.

 

^white people responding.

So yes, it's true. Only whites act like on the picture.

[Testarossa]

How did the redneck find the sheep in the tall grass?

 

 

 

Satisfying.

 

 

 

I'm starting to hate those stupid little Russian dolls.

 

 

 

They're so full of themselves.

 

 

[Fonz]

^That last one is pretty clever!

[Sasuke Uzumaki]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[Sunrise Driver]

My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe.

Two minutes later he said: - Why haven't you pulled over yet?

- Because we're still in Manchester.

[Reformed Squid]

Girls are like blackjack... I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.

[Ai®a©ob®a]

Two young nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even one single drop of paint on their habits. After discussing it, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.The two nuns look at each other, shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

 

Nice boobs," says the man. "Where do you want the blinds?"

[Son of Zeus]

During a disaster, women and children are always evacuated first so that the men can think of a solution in peace.

[Arachne]

This gonna be a pun-tastic joke!

 

>Hey man whats u....OH MY GOD WHAT ARE DOING WITH THAT BODY?

>Gonna throw it on my's neighbor's pool!

>Why dude? why are gonna throw at there?

>Because..

 

 

 

Do you guys know the name of this pokemon?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

WYNAUT!

 

Edited July 28, 2015 by Arachne

[Nick1020]

This gonna be a pun-tastic joke!

 

>Hey man whats u....OH MY GOD WHAT ARE DOING WITH THAT BODY?

>Gonna throw it on my's neighbor's pool!

>Why dude? why are gonna throw at there?

>Because..

 

 

 

Do you guys know the name of this pokemon?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

WYNAUT!

 

This joke is

 

 

ONIXCEPTABLE

 

Edited July 28, 2015 by Nick1020

[KlIIUMlNATl]

A: Why did the Chicken cross the road?

B: Why?

A: To get to the idiots house?

B: "..."

A: Knock Knock

B: Who'd there?

 

The chicken

 

[~Tiger~]

Little 10-year-old Freddie goes for a long weekend with his uncle, a wealthy farm owner.

One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of-breath Freddie who shouts out, ‘Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is f*cking the cow!’

Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young Freddie aside, and explains that a certain amount of decorum is required. ‘You should have said, “The bull is surprising the cow” – not some filth picked up in the playground,’ he says.

A few days later, Freddie runs in as his aunt and uncle are once again entertaining.

‘Uncle John! The bull is surprising the cows!’ The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle John says, ‘Thank you, Freddie, but surely you meant to say the cow, not cows. A bull cannot “surprise” more than one cow at a time, you know …’

'Yes, he can!’ replies his obstinate nephew.......

‘He’s f*cking the horse!’

 

[Gay Tony]

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

[Zapp]

So, this one might be old but it's still funny.

Bush and Bin Laden were playing chess. Who do you think has won?

 

 

Bin Laden, because he took down the towers first.

 

 

 

Bush won, not Bin Laden.

[MCMXCII]

Why did Suzy fall off of the swing?

 

 

Because she had no arms.

 

 

 

Knock Knock!

 

Who's there?

 

 

Not Suzy.

 

 

Edited July 29, 2015 by jrl51592

[Claptrap NL]

 

So, this one might be old but it's still funny.

Bush and Bin Laden were playing chess. Who do you think has won?

 

 

Bin Laden, because he took down the towers first.

 

 

 

Bush won, not Bin Laden.

 

Does Al-Queda excist? Yes.

Did many Americans died in Afghanistan? Yes.

 

Did I make a joke in the first post you've quoted? Yes.

So f*ck off if you can't handle.

[Sasuke Uzumaki]

What smells like fried rice?

 

 

 

Burning Vietnamese children.

Edited July 30, 2015 by Sasuke Uzumaki

[Not A Nice Person]

Whats worse than throwing a party in space? You have to planet!

[Braindawg]

Kid comes up to his father and asks him:

"Dad, what's cross eyed"?

 

"Well, Billy, someone who's cross eyed has lots of difficulties seeing stuff. Some objects might even appear as if they were doubled!

FORE EXAMPLE! See those two trees out in the yard? A cross eyed person would see four trees..."

 

"Dad, there's only one tree out there..."

[MCMXCII]

Some one liners for y'all!

 

 

Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

--------------------

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

 

 

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t..."

 

 

--------------------

There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it's hot.

--------------------

They call it "pms" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.

 

 

[Gnocchi Flip Flops]

My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe.

 

Two minutes later he said: - Why haven't you pulled over yet?

 

- Because we're still in Manchester.

Yup I like this one. I think I got a better one though, hold up.

 

"Homophobes are the dumbest sons of bitches. They act like, 'Oh, they'd want to have sex with me.' Look in the mirror - you're safe. They're gay; they're not blind"

[Sunrise Driver]

Can anyone give me at least 1 good reason to downgrade from windows 7 to windows 10?

[.kiwi_4]

What do you call a Russian man with 3 testicles?

 

 

Whodya Nikabollockov

 

[Claptrap NL]

R* banned all hackers and the servers are working fine, without any issues.

[Crokey]

What do you call a Russian man with 3 testicles?

 

 

Whodya Nikabollockov

 

What do you call a Russian with a metal eye and a bionic penis

 

Nickoli Cockov

 

Edited August 17, 2015 by Crokey

[Star-Lord]

Why didn't the pig crossed the road?

 

 

Because he was full of sh*t.

 

 

What did Bin Laden say to Ala?

 

 

Hell No!

 

 

What happens when you put two jews together?

 

 

They become Jewelers.

 

[Pavle]

What did the lawyer name her kid?

Sue.

Member was banned from the forums for this joke.

Edited August 17, 2015 by Kirsty

[ciel]

Why don't cats like online shopping?

 

They prefer a cat-talogue

Edited August 17, 2015 by missanthropy