The Joke Thread

[iTRiP]

"iTRiP"

Knowing the facts about South African citizens, then that joke isn't all that funny, don't get me wrong it is

entertaining considering that the fbi needs some more advance riot control methods for their uses, from the ZA force.

 

And Englishmen coming to work as an police officer, they must have been

in the top of their linguistics class at Oxford or Cambridge.

 

I was going to tell a joke a again, but after sucking that out of my thumb I totally forgot what it was I was about to type.

 

Only thing that came to mind now is some disallowed fat momma joke witch I will

transmute into a new version that should be allowed to easy the tension.

 

Uncle Sam is so fat, when he stands on the crossing of W 45th street and 7th Ave in a yellow

raincoat some people yells ...Taxi please!

 

Uncle Sam is so fat, when he goes to the beach at South Beach on a sunny day, no one else

there gets any sun.

 

Take it ease, just a couple of jokes right. right?

Edited June 28, 2015 by iTRiP

[PhillBellic]

What ever you do always give 100%.

 

 

 

Unless you are Donating Blood.

 

 

[happygrowls]

Did you hear about those people who robbed a bank in Frog Masks?
The News said they Kermited a Crime.

[Niko Montana]

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?

 

 

It gets toad away

 

 

[Mintal]

What does a black kid get at chistmas?

 

 

Your bike.

 

Edited July 2, 2015 by Mintal

[PhillBellic]

What do you call a Train loaded with Toffee?

 

 

 

A Chew Chew Train. *ba dum tsss*

 

 

[Onett]

What we in England call a heat wave, the rest of the world calls summer.

[Sunrise Driver]

How do you turn a park into a ghetto?

Install a basketball hoop

 

 

 

My wife is in hospital after being being beaten up for using the 'N' word.
Next time I ask for a beer from the fridge, she had better say the 'Y' word.

 

 

 

There were two Brits, Dave and John, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they travelled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.
As the dust in the air settled, they spotted a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful.
Dave said, "They might help us if they think we're Muslims. I'm going to tell them my name is Mohammed. ."
But John said, "That's ridiculous, I'm just going to tell them the truth."
They knocked on the door of the mosque, and were greeted by the Imam. "What are your names?"
Dave said, 'My name is Mohammed', and John said 'And I'm John'.
The Imam said 'Hello John, you poor man. My men will get you food and drink immediately.'
Then the Imam turned to Dave: "and Mohammed, happy Ramadan!"

[Claptrap NL]

What's funnier than 24?

 

9/11

 

Edited July 5, 2015 by Claptrap NL

[Sunrise Driver]

So 22 counties in Alabama are refusing to issue gay marriage licenses on the grounds that they believe in the traditional marriage of a man and his sister.

 

I'm not saying my credit record is f***ed, but the bank wouldn't even lend me a pen to fill in my loan application.

Edited July 9, 2015 by Street Mix

[PhillBellic]

At a Wedding Reception someone yelled;

 

"Would all the Married Men , Please stand next to the one Person who has made your life worth living."

 

 

 

The Bartender was nearly crushed to death.

 

 

[Mintal]

My last girlfriend called me a pedophile.

 

 

Pretty big word for a 12-year-old.

 

Edited July 10, 2015 by Mintal

[Vik]

What's a pirate's favorite website?

 

 

Rumblr.

 

[Zapp]

What's a pirate's favorite website?

 

Thepiratebay.

[I was a Junk]

new steam summer sale!

 

Link

 

EDIT: woops wrong thread

Edited July 11, 2015 by Junko Enoshima

[PhillBellic]

I once, told a Chemistry Joke.

 

 

 

There was no Reaction.

 

 

[poppafewpills]

Knock, knock...

Who's there...

 

A great DLC from Rockstar.

What a joke.

[DrAnomalous]

Did you hear about the polish guy who bought a toilet brush?

 

 

Two weeks later he went back to paper

 

[paperbagdude]

So yesterday a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

 

Apparently ''HD'' wasn't the right answer.

[Razar]

Where did the hipster drown?

 

 

In main stream.

 

Edited July 12, 2015 by TheIceWarrior

[universetwisters]

Mother in interview: She told me she stood Alex up in front of all of his peers-

Jim Norton: That's just f*cking awful, she's supposed to go on a date with him and she didn't show up?

[KlIIUMlNATl]

Youre so skinny, your nipples touch

 

 

Yo mama so fat... Nigga damn!

 

 

Guy walks into a bar. He died...

 

 

Shoes from Texas are dumb

[LeakyLine]

Why couldn't the PC peasant cross the road?

 

He was too busy being thrown around by a dick with a trainer

Edited July 19, 2015 by GTA Master

[paperbagdude]

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

 

He drank the coffee before it was cool.

[Ai®a©ob®a]

Why couldn't the PC peasant cross the road?

 

He was too busy being thrown around by a dick with a trainer

 

 

PC/Console Master Race jokes aren't remotely funny anymore

Edited July 21, 2015 by Troubadour

[~Tiger~]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids....'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly:

'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

 

[Vik]

 

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids....'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly:

'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

 

 

 

[Claptrap NL]

So, this one might be old but it's still funny.

Bush and Bin Laden were playing chess. Who do you think has won?

 

 

Bin Laden, because he took down the towers first.

 

 

[Ai®a©ob®a]

So, this one might be old but it's still funny.

Bush and Bin Laden were playing chess. Who do you think has won?

 

 

Bin Laden, because he took down the towers first.

 

 

Glad you find the death of 3,000 people funny...I just find these kind of jokes in very pour taste.

 

 

Yo momma's so fat she said on an iPhone and made a macbook air

[Claptrap NL]

 

So, this one might be old but it's still funny.

Bush and Bin Laden were playing chess. Who do you think has won?

 

 

Bin Laden, because he took down the towers first.

 

 

Glad you find the death of 3,000 people funny...I just find these kind of jokes in very pour taste.

 

 

Yo momma's so fat she said on an iPhone and made a macbook air