Eminence Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 (edited) ~! Edited July 14, 2009 by Eminence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Only one word can describe this and that's the final word of the piece; beautiful. Top job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 A Dustland Fairytale I smell death. I hear horror. I taste violence. I feel oppression. I see splendour. And I can’t help but think... This is the world that we live in. And it’s beautiful. _______________________________________________________________ Excellent piece, really, loved the layout. I think maybe some of the sentences could be shorter. You crammed too many larger words in to a short space; which hampered the flow a little. But otherwise, brilliant. Some fantastic description in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhoda Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 The beauty of this piece is it's length I feel, which enhances every word. The opening sentences of each paragraph (I hear horror, etc.) fall just right, and make this entry seem more poetic than that of a prose piece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I couldn't honestly vision any of the going-ons in this piece at all. It was extremely well written, but too complex to read. It was just like an array of big, fancy words. But, as I said, I liked it. Short and sweet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 and make this entry seem more poetic than that of a prose piece. That's sort of the mindframe I was in whilst writing it. I've never been one for poetry, but I thought about trying to make something poetic, and ended up with it turning prose, but with some elements remaining - I'm glad that could be picked up on. Tony, what specifically is there to picture? No real, specific event is described - it's all more symbolic imagery about the world in general. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Ah, the shorter the better I say. This really suits the theme of anarchy well and the note you left us to finish on, is (without stealing your words) beautiful. I wish you would write more then just SSOTM stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radicell Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I really enjoyed this - there was sense and simplicity, and a great ending - a marvelous read to start the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 I really enjoyed this - there was sense and simplicity, and a great ending - a marvelous read to start the day. Thanks, man! It's nice to know you've enjoyed it, and it's nice to hear from a new reader (at least of my pieces). This is, actually, the shortest thing I've ever written. It's simple in the message it conveys, I feel, so I'm happy to know that you all enjoy something like this from time to time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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