20 easy steps to Starting GTA IV on your PC

[Lagarto2009]

GTA IV for the PC has just taken anti-piracy protection to the next level. To demonstrate, here's a step by step process on how you can start - not play- the game:

 

Step 1: "Tut" loudly as you are forced to agree to be part of the Rockstar Social Club; a Gamespy type program that must be installed before you can install the game.

 

Step 2. Wait for it to validate your DVD. Begin to install the game. It comes on 2 DVDs, taking up 16GB's of space.

 

Step 3: Growl loudly when asked to make a Microsoft Live account. If you haven't done so, be prepared for an arduous task in itself. Begin to cry.

 

Step 4: Wipe tears of frustration from eyes. Unclench jaw. Finish installing the game.

 

Step 5: Start crying again when you realise you must now make a Rockstar Social Club account. Do so while chanting a mantra of harsh words (language choice is optional).

 

Step 6: Go to email account to find validation code. See no email. Break something within arms reach.

 

Step 7: Ask website to resubmit code. Eventually find it in the junk folder. Consider offering Satan your soul to end the pain. Click validation link.

 

Step 8: Choose whether to assign your Xbox, Play Station or PC Microsoft Live account to the Rockstar Social Club. Plot assassination of Microsoft Live creator. Choose account.

 

Step 9: Attempt to sign into account as requested. Check watch: it's dinner time... but didn't you just eat breakfast?

 

Step 10: Finally finish creating Rockstar Social Club account. Sigh with wary relief. Start Social Club program.

 

Step 11: Speak in tongues as the program updates. Make a pot plant spontaneously combust.

 

Step 12: Rejoice as a big splash page with the word "Play!" appears. Click it with tired optimism.

 

Step 13: Bash head against keyboard repeatedly after seeing message stating "Please install the new Windows Live Update". Feel the beginnings of an ulcer forming.

 

Step 14: 22MB later, install update. Rock back in forth in your chair while attempting the "Play" button again.

 

Step 15: It works! Hooray! ....right? WRONG. Activate the game again by entering the code on your manual. Wait for it to su****iously validate you. Feel slightly violated when it finally gives you the OK and starts the game.

 

Step 16: Begin to worry when black screen lasts 5 minutes. Alt + tab a few times. Remove fingernails from fingers due to over ambitious biting.

 

Step 17: Menu words! At last! Proceed to graphics options.

 

Step 18: Consider hiring Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick Rockstar when they tell you “You can not set the graphics higher as your system lacks resources” when you not only have enough resources, the benchmark test runs crystal smooth.

 

Step 19: Sigh, write it off as a bug. Begin game. Hooray! GTA IV at last!

 

Step 20: Game crashes to desktop.

[iRocco]

very easy... what a piece of sh*t, i´ll never buy a Rockstar game anymore!

[Lagarto2009]

As much protections and in 48hs the pirate game already has medicine…. ! xD.

 

That way to complicate the life to which we bought original games…

 

The one that wants to play the pirate game that the one plays and that wants the original one and to play online without problems do that it without so many unsuitable and annoying protections that they only bother to the legal ones.

Edited December 4, 2008 by Lagarto2009

[X2-Eliah]

All of this could have been avoided with a little common sense.

It was wide knowledge the game needed both GfWL and RSC accounts.

So, why didn't you just create them while waiting for the game?

[Sniggit]

To the poster above. I highly disagree. I already had both n yet it still took ages. Windows live alone was a pain in the ass just to sign in.

[Flat Face]

LMAO awesome, i love the

 

 

"hooray, clicks play."

 

"bash head against keyboard as it tells you that you need to update your windows live"

[Lieutenant_Bob]

Step 21: Run game, crash to desktop: "GTA IV FATAL ERROR MMA10". Search online while drinking heavily to avoid first degree murder. Find a solution: Just DONT connect to Rockstar Social Club, play it offline. Thanks. What was the bloody point of registering anyway.

 

Step 22: Run game, see intro video. Try to driver, but cannot see the road because middle ground does not render. Start believing that Rockstar wants to undermine the PC gaming industry singlehandedly. Search online for a solution. Many people are having the same problem. Call Rockstar support. Response: "Your graphic card is not powerfull enough, go buy a new one". Hmm. I have Nvidia 7900 GS, 256 Mb. I tell suppport person that I meet minimum requirements, and he says that the game is loading, and I can play, just not see the road while driving. GREAT! Threaten the support with a Fatwa. Search online for a solution. ALT-TABBING OUT AND IN OF THE GAME! WHOOHOO!

 

Step 23: After tabbing back into the game, middle ground is rendering, but minimap, lights, menu are gone. calculating how long a DVD can fly if applied proper freesbee technique. Back to the forums. A solution seems to unveil: upgrading your Nvidia drivers to a BETA version. 180.70. 6 hours have gone by. Headaches.

 

Step 24: Scouring the net to find BETA drivers for my graphics card. Downloading, uninstalling Nvidia drivers. Rebooting. Installing BETA drivers. Rebooting. Starting game. Miracle? Well, game looks terrible, but is playable. Play first three missions. Fun game. Goes to apartment to save game. Put Nico on bed. CANT SAVE BECAUSE IM NOT CONNECTED TO SOCIAL CLUB. Duh. Look at step 21. ALT-TAB out of the game, TAB back in only to find game without minimap, lightning, menu again.

 

Step 25: Have a beer, mourning the death of PC gaming. Consoles will rule the world. Contemplating buying a WII, because Rockstar does not develop games for the WII.

 

[Lieutenant_Bob]

Step 26: Did I mention that it did not run on CURRENT Nvidia release drivers? only on BETA software? I am for one tired of being an unpayed beta tester. Pay me money to troubleshoot, and we can have a deal. I pay money to rockstar to troubleshoot: NO DEAL!

[Lagarto2009]

This game is a BETA… cannot be the final version. she is one swindles.

it has but failures that the WINDOWS VISTA RTM

[Lieutenant_Bob]

It must be the: "Christmas sales BETA release, because we are greedy bastards" edition.

[itchie]

gta4 "i dont give a f*** im a fat cat and i want your money edition"

 

 

[Rosbjerg]

Well at least it's in the spirit of the game.. being robbed, run over and discarded.. just like all the polygon fools we've done the same to in the previous titles.

[Lieutenant_Bob]

I agree. releasing this version is the greatest tribute to criminals worldwide. It basically states: "Go f*ck yourself, we just want your money"

 

Im glad Rockstar does not develop heart monitoring machines.

[PolarisX]

Lieutenant_Bob that Wii may not be a good choice, Rockstar is working on Grand Theft Auto : Chinatown Wars for DS its only a matter of time before they move onto the Wii.

[Lieutenant_Bob]

LOL. "But Rockstar really knows how to port from one platform to another, how can this go wrong?"

[Lieutenant_Bob]

Step 27: Go to Rockstars support website, find out that 7900 graphic cards have problems. Rockstar tells me to contact Nvidia support. Goes to Nvidia homepage, no support to contact. CRAP!

[upgradeyd]

Well i know for sure what im going to do in the future with rockstar i join the piracy club!!

How to hell they could hit the market with such a poorly optimized game ,even form the install you have bad feeling about it and when is ready you have gray hair and feel sick and start play and see what is all about ,almost afraid and terrorized to look to graphic settings!!!

And this becouse money rules