Lochie_old Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 (edited) Deleted on request. Edited February 20, 2010 by Masterkraft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTArv Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Great read, quite a different approach. Can't wait for more chapters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Sweet title. I can't wait to see how this one unfolds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhoda Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 (edited) I love the structure of this piece, very well written and your entire perception the chapter changes as soon as you've finished. The only thing I can nitpick is this: Even writing about this town makes me sick to my stomach. But I have too, or else we wouldn’t have a story. Here, "too" should be "to, but that's the only thing I could see that disrupted the flow. Fantastic descriptive work of the town through-out. I await this, Low Key. Edited October 18, 2008 by Masterkraft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted October 18, 2008 Author Share Posted October 18, 2008 (edited) Deleted on request. Edited February 20, 2010 by Masterkraft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted October 24, 2008 Author Share Posted October 24, 2008 Chapter 3, coming soon. (shameless bump.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted October 26, 2008 Author Share Posted October 26, 2008 (edited) Deleted on request. Edited February 20, 2010 by Masterkraft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark-2007 Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 Another good chapter, fairly short though, but 'twas fun to read. Really love the narration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted October 27, 2008 Author Share Posted October 27, 2008 There's a lot of obvious spelling errors I'm going to go over and fix after I post chapter 4 and my internet frees up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 I read II the other day but for reasons unknown to man forgot to leave feedback. Is it too late to apologiiize (whey eh eh)? But yessom! This, my fwendy, is a piece of yumm. Now tell me, how many chapters are there of this? I want another slice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted October 27, 2008 Author Share Posted October 27, 2008 (edited) Deleted on request. Edited February 20, 2010 by Masterkraft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark-2007 Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Haha, great end to that chapter! Loving it as usual, keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DogOfHavoc Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 This is superb. I like how quirky the narration is, and I'm looking forward to another chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted November 1, 2008 Author Share Posted November 1, 2008 (edited) Deleted on request. Edited February 20, 2010 by Masterkraft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 Love this the lots! Your style's awesome. I actually think you're one of the more unique writers in the WD; big respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nexus Hi-Sci Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 This story is amazing! Keep up the good work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted November 8, 2008 Author Share Posted November 8, 2008 Chapter coming later tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wanted Assailant Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 You're doing beautiful, luv. I'm giving you all the respects deserved-ed. A real colorful and exotic style of narration and story makes the stories really worthwhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark-2007 Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 Holy Jizzes! Loving the narration, it's my fav part. That last chapter was a bit short, but looking forward to the next. G'dnight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cursed Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 Really enjoying the story. You've got an original style. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhoda Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 I don't need to add anything else, I'll end up watering down these already true words given by other readers. It's fantastic how you can come up with something rather original Lochie. I can always tell you've written it too, it's something about your style. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted November 10, 2008 Author Share Posted November 10, 2008 The chapter is on the laptop which my brother is constantly using and won't let me on too post it, you might have to hang in there guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted November 14, 2008 Author Share Posted November 14, 2008 (edited) Deleted on request. Edited February 20, 2010 by Masterkraft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Brian's a ferocious little pup! And David's intro was the sexiest thing to happen in Wolfville thus far. I'm a smitten kitten. You know how many more chapters there'll be or are you writing them as you go along? 'Cause I want more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark-2007 Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Heh, quite a nice introduction to David. I thought you may have overdone it a little on the narration this time, and didn't tell much of the story because of it, but the end was good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhoda Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 The last few lines did it for me, quite a powerful introduction there. I do agree with Mark here though Lochie, more story and less of you telling us, you did have the balance at one point but no worries, this chapter was still fantastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted November 26, 2008 Author Share Posted November 26, 2008 I'm gonna write the next chapter in the few days coming up before I leave, I have the idea, just need some motivation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted November 26, 2008 Share Posted November 26, 2008 Leave? Where are you going, you little scamp?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notoriousash Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 (edited) Wow, just discovered this and... wow. Awesome work, Brian kinda reminds me of Alex Verdi from American Skin by Don De Grazia more story and less of you telling us, you did have the balance at one point but no worries, this chapter was still fantastic. I kinda saw that as part of Lochie's narration style in this, part of what i liked about it in the first place. Oh, and the chapter titles... very cool touch! Edited December 18, 2008 by notoriousash Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canofceleri Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 (edited) Just read the first chapter and am looking forward to more. There are some redundancies I've noticed and the lines aren't as sharp as they could be if you shaped it up and gave it a once over in a second draft, but it's fast rhythm laced with quirky details on the city's culture and population are funny and clever enough to make up for it and then some. Ah, and the titles. Some odd trend I've noticed.. Lawrence Arms, Thirteen Senses, Hot Water Music, Elvis Costello, Alkaline Trio, Neutral Milk Hotel. Coincidence? Edited December 18, 2008 by Candarelli Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts