The Ghost I'll Never Know

[Lochie_old]

<sent this in to a website to get teh 'published'>

Edited April 22, 2009 by Lochie

[Ziggy455]

Cool man

 

But it felt a bit hasty like you were summarising it and what was the cryptic message?

 

[mark-2007]

I liked it too, the emotion in it was done very well I thought.

 

Was the cryptic message that his Dad didn't want to get old or something? So he killed himself before he could grow old? That's what I read into it anyways.

[Eminence]

Interesting piece, and I like the fact that you've probably taken those song lyrics and written a piece around it. It's a nice touch, and there's definitely an interesting message that comes through because of it.

 

The structure of the piece itself is good; much improved on some of your previous work. The sentences are beginning to flow much more, not getting weighed down be redundancies and the like. There's still a few occasions where there's slight typos and such, though, which means if I were you I'd focus on giving things a read-through before posting them. Things like:

 

 

I dragged the old dusty box from out of the closet and placed down on the carpet

 

laugh and singing with my father as everyone

 

While obviously nothing major, they do have an impact, and they take you out of the piece while you're reading it, acknowledging some of the slight flaws in the writing.

 

Overall, though, a good little piece. I liked it, and I look forward to your next.