Sins of "GOD"

[Sergi]

I'm not too huge on the way you're writing it like a diary. I seem to think narratives are better, but that's just me.

No I just wrote that chapter like that. The chapter serves for a very serious plot referecne later in the story. Also you should take notcie to the time of every letter in the story because that's also a plot device for later in the story.

 

But thank's for the feedback and I apologize to anyone I may have ofended earlier. I understand that most of you were just trying to give criticism and I appreciate it even though I still stand by my word that most of what you guys were saying was no advice but more or less just rehashing the same things people were saying earlier. But no matter I still apprecate the feedback and I'll try to adapt my story so that everyone can enjoy it.

[Oblivionz]

Ah, I didn't read the first chapter. I didn't realize that was written differently.

It still has the diary headlines though.

[Sergi]

Ah, I didn't read the first chapter. I didn't realize that was written differently.

It still has the diary headlines though.

Hahah the 1st chapter had an intro and that also ties into events later in the story. Every little thing ties into the story and that's how I planned it. Now though because of some of my criticism I decided to swith up the style to see how people would react to the new style but I plan on going back to the narative style for Chapter 3 but I'm also thinking about giving the rest of the story different styles for each of the remaing chapters.

[Oblivionz]

You should stick to one writing style, preferably narrative. Not many people like scripts or diary written stories unless they're done extremely well.

[Sergi]

You should stick to one writing style, preferably narrative. Not many people like scripts or diary written stories unless they're done extremely well.

thanks for the feedback I'm currently thinking of what I can add for chapter 3.

[Sergi]

Sins of God

Chapter 3

 

 

 

“We live in a world where the only Gods are the people who can destroy or create life. I control 95% of this country. If I decide one day to have a whole family killed in broad daylight then I have the power to take life. If I decide to keep them alive then I have the power to make life because now they can live on. So why do the people not look at me as God? - Dr. James Azure

 

Chapter 3

The Last Walk

 

The room was eerily silent. The smell of men rotting away was enclosed inside the entire room. Men have spent their last days here, hundreds of men. The smell was sickening. Men that hadn’t bathed in months were in the room as well as dozens of men who were suffering of malnutrition and other various problems and diseases because of the horrible living conditions we were in.

 

“Wake up maggot, yelled the man guarding the door. It’s execution time.”

 

He sported the latest in murderer technology from Azure Technologies. He had a face mask that made gasping noises every time he spoke. The eyes on the mask made him look like The Green Goblin from a comic book called Spiderman my brother used to tell me about. His armor was made of the most expensive and strongest threads known to man. The only way a bullet could penetrate this armor is if a hail of bullets from a mini-gun sprayed it. To top it of it had some sort of energy shield on it that made any object bounce off. He was carrying a customized M-16 Azure Battle Rifle that held 100 shells in the clip. It was my time to go and I knew it.

 

“Well are you escorting me to my death today dear sir?” I asked.

“Listen cocksucker don’t f*cking speak to me, you know the goddamn rules!” the guard yelled out.

 

As soon as he finished yelling at me I felt a quick painful sting in my stomach. The f*cking bastard had jammed the damn rifle right into my gut. I hit the floor but as soon as I did I gathered enough energy to rise back up to my feet. I knew that if I had stayed on the floor my beating would have been ten times worse. As we walked down the hall to my impending doom I looked at every cell in the area. There were dozens of men, women and children in each compressed cell. Every person that was here was here for a reason. Most were freedom fighters so to speak, men and women fighting the corporation because of its horrible conditions for the people. Others were former workers for the company who the men in charge viewed as threats. Men like me though were less lucky. I just so happened to be a rising Senator trying to show the public the truth of our nation.

“Well how does it feel to know that you’re going to die today you piece of sh*t?”

 

Whenever the guard spoke it seemed as if he were some sort of android because no matter what he seemed as if he had no emotions what so ever. Maybe it was because of his mask. I answered his question though.

 

“Well to be honest with you, I feel the same as I did yesterday and the same from the day before and the day before that and the…”

 

Before I could even finish the sentence I was punched in the gut once again this time with even more force then before. As I started to hit the ground the guard jammed the butt of the rifle to my head smashing my face into the bloody, pissy wet ground. My mouth was busted completely after that hit.

 

As I began to get up off the ground the guard hit me with the butt of his rifle again and stating.

 

“When you decide to go against us your life will always be a living hell only until you depart this world.”

 

Once again he sounded like a complete brainless robot with no form of emotions, unless of course you counted cold heartedness as an emotion. I once again began to rise to my feet. I knew I was going to die today but if I was going to die I was going to die in what I viewed as a humble death, death by firing squad. I wouldn’t let my life be beaten out of me, no way. I’ve been in this prison for 3 years since the last uprising of moral people of our nation. When they had the members of the Supreme Court assassinated they replaced them with their own people in a mock election. They had anyone who was against them killed or captured. In my case on the other hand they had me killed and captured. They told the public that my family and I had been murdered by the hands of a crazy psycho. The truth was they killed my wife children in front of me and then killed a random man cut off his hands, head, legs and arms as well as draining all of the blood from the body to make it seem as if the “psycho” was some kind of vampire killer guy. They had the “murderer” executed in the public but secretly had me in their prison blocs inside of one of their main HQ towers.

 

The guard and I had finally hit the end of the long corridor and turned to a door that was shut. The door opened with the swiping of some sort of card the guard had. We walked inside the room where it smelled like death and gun smoke. There were numerous puddles of dried blood everywhere. There were 2 chain guns mounted on the walls which I knew would be the bringers of my death. Soon 2 other highly armored guards walked in accompanying a man of small stature. The man turned out to be James Azure obviously.

 

I decided to speak.” Well look at this sh*t, we finally come face to face you f*cking coward. You finally decided to see me after years of me saying I wanted face time with you. You’re a f*cking chump who thinks he’s God when in all actuality you’re just a insane f*ck who is too scared to get his hands dirty but instead has others do your dirt while you take credit.”

As soon as I said what I said I felt a very sharp pain go into my chest. That f*cking bastard stabbed me with a 12 inch blade. The pain was unbearable. As I looked up me and Dr. Azure were staring into each other’s eyes. I was staring into the eyes of a demon. No I was staring into the eyes of Satan himself.

 

Dr. Azure spoke. “We live in a world where the only Gods are the people who can destroy or create life. I control 95% of this country. If I decide one day to have a whole family killed in broad daylight then I have the power to take life. If I decide to keep them alive then I have the power to make life because now they can live on. So why do the people not look at me as God?

 

His words struck me as extremely disturbed but what could I really have suspected. Those were the last words I ever heard before I heard the sound of gun fire. The guard that had been occupying me the whole day put a bag over my head then strapped me up onto chains on the wall. He whispered something in my ear but I was loosing so much blood that my bodily functions were starting to fade on me. I was loosing my sound. The last thing I remembered was a burning sensation in my entire body. My flesh was being ripped into pieces. I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t breathe, all could do was just exist in a world where no human would want to exist. My time was finally over. I could now join my family in the afterlife. Here I come baby.

 

“Dr. Azure can I ask why you stabbed him 1st?” the guard asked

 

“Well some people deserve to die horrible deaths. That man on the other hand was an honorable foe. I thought I would take away some of his pain so he wouldn’t feel everything. Sometimes you have to show some sort of humanity you know. What did you whisper in his ear?” asked Dr. Azure

 

The guard took of his mask and spoke.” I told him that death was only the beginning of life. Enjoy Heaven because all I will ever see is Hell on Earth and in the afterlife.”

 

“Snap!”

 

Gunshots had rang out in the room. Dr. Azure with the simple snap of his fingers had the other 2 guards riddle the other guard with bullets. As his lifeless body lay on the ground Dr. Azure spoke.

 

“No, Hell is not here and Hell is not where you’re going. Hell does not exist and neither does Heaven. There is just life and death. When you live you live and when you die you die. God is a man made thing and if man made God then any man can have the potential to be God. I am God.”

[Danni]

Your spelling/technicals is quite bad. You've got a nice idea going, but if this is your attitude then I'm not sure I even want to see Chapter 2.

 

[email protected]: I'm sorry, but "This is going to take more than a bandaid?" Wazzatmean?

It's from that dude's awful rap in WD. It has nothing to do with SFS whatsoever, rad. I just thought that was such a stupid line that I had to have it on my signature.

[Jesus Christ]

They're right kid. Listen to them. Only then will you be enlightened to your true purpose.

 

Jesus out.

[Struff Bunstridge]

First of all, I'd like to point out that I wasn't just needling you earlier for the fun of it. As I said in my first post, your idea is excellent, it's just that the first installment was written in such a way that made it very difficult to give any credibility to, what with all the mistakes. You may feel it was nitpicking, but after seeing you've checked the last two chapters in Word before posting them (which I'm very glad you took on board, as the spelling is now exemplary, and it shows you're willing to listen), I really hope you can see clearly how much easier they are to read than the first chapter. The flow is better, and it reads more like something you are proud of having written; given your previous comments about not caring if people don't like it or not, it's clear that it's important to you to be happy with what you've written.

 

The last two chapters are so, so much better than the first. Now I'm able to read this without having to re-read every line, I'm very interested in what's going on. Do keep it up.

[Sergi]

First of all, I'd like to point out that I wasn't just needling you earlier for the fun of it. As I said in my first post, your idea is excellent, it's just that the first installment was written in such a way that made it very difficult to give any credibility to, what with all the mistakes. You may feel it was nitpicking, but after seeing you've checked the last two chapters in Word before posting them (which I'm very glad you took on board, as the spelling is now exemplary, and it shows you're willing to listen), I really hope you can see clearly how much easier they are to read than the first chapter. The flow is better, and it reads more like something you are proud of having written; given your previous comments about not caring if people don't like it or not, it's clear that it's important to you to be happy with what you've written.

 

The last two chapters are so, so much better than the first. Now I'm able to read this without having to re-read every line, I'm very interested in what's going on. Do keep it up.

thanks man and I apologize if I came odd as a prick earlier. But yeah I plan on getting the next chapter done tonight or tomorrow.

[Sergi]

I've decided to take a break on this story for awhile because I have another story idea that I'm thinking of so I'll probably finish this story and release my other story within the next month or so.

[Lochie_old]

I've decided to take a break on this story for awhile because I have another story idea that I'm thinking of so I'll probably finish this story and release my other story within the next month or so.

Because of you saying that, I have gained respect I lost in you awhile back.

 

So many new people come in here, start a story, lose interest in their idea so they post another story 2 minutes later. Thank you for not being that new person.