Jules Verne Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 (edited) People of liberty City have aways thought that the streets were a mess. Many died over the years just trying to stay alive and get out of these streets, crying to heavens for help in there time but never got a response... You may have heard the storys of the thugs in liberty, but have you heard the true storys of the actual legends of liberty the ones that everyone thought forgoten and erased. Years and Years have passed since Vince cirino has died but his legend will live on. Setting: Saint marco blistro's 1979 Paulie! come sit down a fairly sized older man shouted from a table across the room. Mic hows live been treating ya, pal said the middle aged man as he sat down. Great, said Mic as he sat down his wine glass and looked at paulie. Mic turned around toward the bar keep, " hey jerry get a drink for paulie". Paulie leaned up straight. Mic i can't stay long, but i need to inform you that the boss wants to see you at his estate Paulie said in a lowered tone. Mic looked up ok lets go. ...Later... Mic and Paulie entered the boss's office. Mic sit down , paulie give us a minute said the boss. Paulie exited the room. Mic it is time to pay me back for every thing i have done for you said the boss. Sure Boss anything just name it ,said mic. I need you to look after my nephew for a while, teach him how to be a real man for a change said the boss. Boss when was i made into a babysitter? said mic. Mic have i not taken good care of you? given you good pay and trust you 100% with anything in my empire? now just repay me for the things that i have given you by looking over the kid, said the boss. aright where do i pick em' up boss? Pick him up at the docks said the boss. Well, thats all i got for now so what do you guys think? let me know. Should i keep going? Edited August 11, 2008 by opnoright Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergi Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 People of liberty City have aways thought that the streets were a mess. Many died over the years just trying to stay alive and get out of these streets, crying to heavens for help in there time but never got a response... You may have heard the storys of the thugs in liberty, but have you heard the true storys of the actual legends of liberty the ones that everyone thought forgoten and erased. Years and Years have passed since Vince cirino has died but his legend will live on. Setting: Saint marco blistro's 1979 Paulie! come sit down a fairly sized older man shouted from a table across the room. Mic hows live been treating ya, pal said the middle aged man as he sat down. Great, said Mic as he sat down his wine glass and looked at paulie. Mic turned around toward the bar keep, " hey jerry get a drink for paulie". Paulie leaned up straight. Mic i can't stay long, but i need to inform you that the boss wants to see you at his estate Paulie said in a lowered tone. Mic looked up ok lets go. ...Later... Mic and Paulie entered the boss's office. Mic sit down , paulie give us a minute said the boss. Paulie exited the room. Mic it is time to pay me back for every thing i have done for you said the boss. Sure Boss anything just name it ,said mic. I need you to look after my nephew for a while, teach him how to be a real man for a change said the boss. Boss when was i made into a babysitter? said mic. Mic have i not taken good care of you? given you good pay and trust you 100% with anything in my empire? now just repay me for the things that i have given you by looking over the kid, said the boss. aright where do i pick em' up boss? Pick him up at the docks said the boss. Well, thats all i got for now so what do you guys think? let me know. Should i keep going? Very very bad grammer.puncuation and format. It all seems like a cramped up short story. It couls possibly be a interesting concept if it weren't the cliche GTA in the past story about the same damn things. I mean maybe if this weren't yet another Mafia GTA story it would be better. I suggest you restart your whole story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
makeshyft Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Very very bad grammer.puncuation and format. It all seems like a cramped up short story. It couls possibly be a interesting concept if it weren't the cliche GTA in the past story about the same damn things. I mean maybe if this weren't yet another Mafia GTA story it would be better. I suggest you restart your whole story. I'm a cock gobbler and I love to gobble cock. Interesting critique, considering your spelling, punctuation and grammar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergi Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Very very bad grammer.puncuation and format. It all seems like a cramped up short story. It couls possibly be a interesting concept if it weren't the cliche GTA in the past story about the same damn things. I mean maybe if this weren't yet another Mafia GTA story it would be better. I suggest you restart your whole story. I'm a cock gobbler and I love to gobble cock. Interesting critique, considering your spelling, punctuation and grammar. what the f*ck is your problem you dumb bitch? I don't even know you nor have I ever said anything to you so why jump on my dick you peice of sh*t. If I were writing a story then it would be different but I'm not writing a story fa**ot so stay off of my dick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danni Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 He's just saying that it's funny that you're criticizing someone's grammar, punctuation and spelling, when you suffer at all of those three things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules Verne Posted August 11, 2008 Author Share Posted August 11, 2008 Well, i really made it short cause thats not even the story yet thats the opening and i cut out driveing to the place and stuff but anyway, its not really about the mob or mafia well kinda, its about a man single handly takeing out a whole mob for a reason i will say later on. But my grammer and stuff is bad due to i writing on a messed up laptop with stuck keys and stuff. The main charter is not mic its actually the kid. Who some how becomes the most dangerous non-mob member in liberty but i'll start writing again in a bit cause i have to go somewhere now. Also guys try not to get in fights thats not cool. So peace for now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poikly Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Add speech marks. Continue but take a look at Eminence's 'Guide To Writing' topic. It is pinned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damo. Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Very very bad grammer.puncuation and format. It all seems like a cramped up short story. It couls possibly be a interesting concept if it weren't the cliche GTA in the past story about the same damn things. I mean maybe if this weren't yet another Mafia GTA story it would be better. I suggest you restart your whole story. I'm a cock gobbler and I love to gobble cock. Interesting critique, considering your spelling, punctuation and grammar. what the f*ck is your problem you dumb bitch? I don't even know you nor have I ever said anything to you so why jump on my dick you peice of sh*t. If I were writing a story then it would be different but I'm not writing a story fa**ot so stay off of my dick. He wasn't calling you a cock gobbler. He says that in every post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wanted Assailant Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Well, i really made it short cause thats not even the story yet thats the opening and i cut out driveing to the place and stuff but anyway, its not really about the mob or mafia well kinda, its about a man single handly takeing out a whole mob for a reason i will say later on. But my grammer and stuff is bad due to i writing on a messed up laptop with stuck keys and stuff. The main charter is not mic its actually the kid. Who some how becomes the most dangerous non-mob member in liberty but i'll start writing again in a bit cause i have to go somewhere now. Also guys try not to get in fights thats not cool. So peace for now Uh huh. Unless you're eager or really want to write the story, I suggest fixing up on the sticky keys you have there on your laptop. At least put the speech in color so we won't get confused what 'talking' is from 'description'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warplay3r Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Very very bad grammer.puncuation and format. It all seems like a cramped up short story. It couls possibly be a interesting concept if it weren't the cliche GTA in the past story about the same damn things. I mean maybe if this weren't yet another Mafia GTA story it would be better. I suggest you restart your whole story. . Joke? lern tu spel rofl But, yeah, I don't mean to diss you or anything, but this story is god awful. You need to learn how to write dialogue, first of all. "I am a Wanted Assailant and Carbine23 fan!" I exclaimed to my fellow writer, The Unvirginiser. ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules Verne Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 just never mind i can't write good never mind i'm not finshing it. also when i said its not about the mob i meant the main charter was not in the mob ok, peace PS moderaters please close this topic thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wanted Assailant Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 It's always the most wasteful topics that gets the more replies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daviescirca93 Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 It's always the most wasteful topics that gets the more replies. Amen to that, I got what, ONE reply in my story so far? Damnit where's the fairness in that?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carbine23 Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 "I am a Wanted Assailant and Carbine23 fan!" I exclaimed to my fellow writer, The Unvirginiser. ... You bet Warplay3r Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tommy vs. claude Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 I'm a cock gobbler and I love to gobble cock. What's that? You love gobbling cock? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules Verne Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 this is how you get more veiws ,do not say what you wrote about exactly untill they open your topic it draws attention to anyone read in that area trust me it works like say " ( cool story name) a story i just wrote" I don't want to piss anyone off or anything i just want to make friends so thats how i truefully do it. Also another tip is to make the name somebody would know what it is example: Destinys quest= ok, shipba's great quest= bad, i mean i would most likely read destinys quest because i would most likey understand what its about. so most people deside what to read from the title so what you do to get more views, be creative with names but not to weried or somthing. But thats all i can say on that unless your willing to make a video about your story to bring more people. - ZACK or opnoright what ever you perfer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gta phil gta Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Thanks for the beginner's guide to media techniques! Locked on request. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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