Warplay3r Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 If you are going to start entering into the thoughts of Sergey, you should probably have those thoughts in Italics to set those words off from the words of the narrative. This is mainly because your piece is in third person, but if you are going to dip into first, you should change the words to indicate such to the reader. You switched tense several times from the past into the present. Most notably at the end. I would say look back over that last paragraph and retype it. EDIT: Damn...my thoughts are elsewhere. Hey! I was gonna say that! But yeah, I liked that chapter. MOAR! NOW! Lol, kidding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stefan. Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 Thanks, Warplay3r. My next chapter should be up, hopefully, on Saturday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Whoa! I got a feeling that Stepitza's just been attacked - or worse - and will lose the baby. Am I close? Or did I read that wrong? If it's the latter I'll edit this post later upon re-reading the chapter. Either way, very good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stefan. Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 I ain't going to be releasing any spoilers or anything. However, I'll say that you're close. Nonetheless, I'm glad that you're enjoying the story. I'm planning to make it quite long, like at least 50 installments, hopefully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irish_morgan Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 more than 50!!! i want a solid novel!!! one that i can show my grandkids in 40 years time and say the man who wrote this was my best friend. lol its awesome rock on keep writin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stefan. Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 more than 50!!!i want a solid novel!!! one that i can show my grandkids in 40 years time and say the man who wrote this was my best friend. lol its awesome rock on keep writin Thanks mate; I'll try and write as many as I can. And don't worry; I'll remember to add the Morgan clan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stefan. Posted July 23, 2008 Author Share Posted July 23, 2008 I'm putting this on hiatus; I have a lot of things in my personal life going on at the moment, but you should expect a new chapter from me within 3-4 weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stefan. Posted October 25, 2008 Author Share Posted October 25, 2008 BUMP! Expect a new chapter from me in the next few days, definitely. I'm aiming for around Thursday, hopefully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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