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Help With Writing!


GentlemanSquid

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GentlemanSquid

I have had an idea in my head now for sometime, but the problem is i don't know how to put in words. i want it in a script type format.

 

This is what I have so far.

 

I want you comments and opinions on how i can make this better.

 

Edit: I have to warn you i failed my GCSE English exam this year sad.gif

 

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Alex Rose a former leader of Project Rose, is now trapped on a island without any idea who he is and how he got there, he must fight he way out of the island they have kept him on, along the way he discovers who he is and how he got there.

 

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The Year is 1967

 

Cutscene

 

Fade In

 

A shot of the island can be seen, as the camera moves slowly towards a building and steadily gets faster until it reaches the building, with a sign that reads 'St Jack's Ayslum'.

 

Fades out/in

 

Use see a plastic see through table top, a folder gets slammed down on the table. camera zooms to name tag on folder, 'Patient 567007843'. the camera zooms out to show the whole room it has not windows only a door, being lit up by single light on the celing. Alex is sitting in a chair with handcuffs on behind his back, he is wearing a dark blue jump suit. there is another man there, he is old, in his 60's, he is wearing a white lab coat.

 

 

Dr Connelly:

I am Doctor Francis Connelly, With Paitent 567007843,

the date is 14th of July 1967.

 

 

Dr Connelly:

So patient 567007843, what do you feel today, anything new?

 

Alex:

Why do you call me that?

 

Dr Connelly:

Call you what?

 

Alex:

Patient 567007843

 

Dr Connelly:

Because that's your name!

 

Alex:

No it's not, i been locked up he for nearly two years, and havent got a clue of what my bloody name is. I don't even know why im here and to top the f*cking cake, i dont know a single thing before i got here.

 

Dr Connelly:

Why are you telling me this now?

 

Alex:

Becuase i am.

 

Dr Connelly:

Why?

 

Alex:

Why do you ask questions?

 

Dr Connelly:

It's my job

 

Alex:

(laughs) Oh its your job, fa**ot.

 

Dr Connelly puts his clipbaord and pen on the table. alough Alex was in handcuffs what the Doctor didnt know is that Alex has found a way to get out them though the years.

 

 

Dr Connelly:

Anyway, i just need a check-up on you.

 

Dr Connelly gets out a light and shines it in Alex's eyes

 

Alex quickly swings his right hand and stabs the Doctor in the neck causing blood to gush out, the Doctor looks at Alex and smiles then colapses with a thud.

Edited by gta_talk
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The Unvirginiser

You see, scripts work for games, but for narrative stories, they are really difficult. You need desciptions, a clear narative of exactly what is happening.

 

Example:

 

 

A shot of the island can be seen, as the camera moves slowly towards a building and steadily gets faster until it reaches the building, with a sign that reads 'St Jack's Ayslum'.

 

Would be better as:

 

St Jack's asylum glistened in the hot sun, even the Pacific weather could not hide the hideousness and fear that this building emitted. The tall building was out of place on the tropical island, while the rest was populated by wooden huts and small cottages, this concrete structure made it obvious that a darks ecret was hidden, well within the dark interior.

 

 

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I'm going to have to agree with Unvirginiser. Although scripts are very popular here, me, Eminence, and others tend to prefer narrative-style stories. Details make the story much more interesting to read rather than just one character speaking after another. Anyways, keep up the writing. You'll get better with practice, especially with the help of constructive criticism around here. Good luck. icon14.gif

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Read as much as you can. Read stuff here in WD, read any books at home, borrow books from local libraries. See how it works, how you can write well. I cannot tell you how much you can improve just from reading. Try stuff you think you wouldn't like as well- H.P. Lovecraft is a favourite of mine, but if you'd told me this time last year I'd be reading (and really enjoying) his work, I'd have been surprised.
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GentlemanSquid

Anyway thanks all for the advice.

 

writing is not my strong point. im more of a visual person.

 

im trying to learn to write because im gonna be starting a film and television course next month. although its mainly writing stuff that they tell you too, im just worried they might say write a script and hand it to me monday or something.

Edited by gta_talk
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The Unvirginiser

Well cruise some stories on WD, Pm me and I'll link you to some fantastic pieces from lots of different members. I know what it's like to have a brilliant idea in your head, but if you just take your time to plan it out and write it properly, then you will find it a lot more rewarding, trust me, I got a D in English yaknow tounge.gif

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That's seriously the exact same skillset I had of writing when I first started out at the beginning of 2006 (I would post it but I don't wanna hijack your thread).

 

What helped me is what's already been suggested: read a lot of stuff that's your type of thing, get inspired by it to write something of your own, and keep at it. That's pretty much what I did.

 

Actually, if anything, that's better than what I started with; which was basically just a large summary of events.

So you've got more a headstart in that respect than I did.

 

That script's actually decent - keep at it. colgate.gif

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GentlemanSquid

Ok im actually reading a phew scripts at the moment.

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Nice one, mate. Hope it helps you to get to the stage you're happy writing at, though I personally thought your script was alright. turn.gif Good luck!

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Ok im actually reading a phew scripts at the moment.

Few.

 

Sorry, haha. If you want to improve, look out for little mistakes like that. It always pays to get somebody other than yourself to read through your work before you post it, they may pick up on little errors that you have not.

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GentlemanSquid

Yer i keep do that, for some reason.

 

Thanks

 

@Oxidizer - Thanks for the feedback.

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