Random Jokes

[TheRoper]

Also he's blind.

[Struff Bunstridge]

Ba-zing.

 

What do you call a black man flying a plane?

 

A pilot, you f*cking racist.

[Rhoda]

Coco The Clown took his car to the garage last week. His f*cking door wouldn't fall off.

[TheRoper]

Okay guys, you wanna hear a real joke..?

 

 

 

Women's rights.

[Struff Bunstridge]

How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

You wouldn't know, man, cos you weren't there.

[The Unvirginiser]

Also he's blind.

Whats's the fastest thing on land?

Stevie Wonder's speeboat

 

Why can't Stevie Wonder read?

Because he's black...

[Star-Lord]

Dear Dad,

 

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would

like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

 

Love,

Your $on.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Son,

 

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an

hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble

task, and you can never study eNOugh.

 

Love,

Dad

 

Lab

 

There was this boy in high school that was what you would

consider a nerd. Anyway he had his own lab in the basement

of his home and one night he came up and said "Dad look

what I made." So he poured a flask of fluid into a pot of

soil and instantly grass started to grow.

 

Of course his dad was really impressed with this and asked

his son if he can make something to make his penis grow.

 

His son thought for a minute and said that if he did then

dad would have to buy him a convertable.

 

Dad agreed.

 

The next night the son came out of the basement and gave his

dad a vial. The next morning his father came to him and told

him that he had something to show him. They went to the front

yard and the boy saw a cherry red ferrari.

 

The son looked at his dad and said "I only asked for a convertable."

 

The dad replied "the convertable is in the garage. The Ferrari is

from your mother."

 

[Rhoda]

This topic may as well be renamed "Stevie Wonder Jokes". It's the recurring theme. Speaking of which, anyone here know what his first hit was? A lamp post.

[Struff Bunstridge]

Know why he smiles so much?

 

He doesn't know he's black.

[TheRoper]

And it's also funny that he's blind.

[Sauron]

One day there is a man wandering along a beautiful beach, the sun is shining and the water looks beautiful. All of a sudden he trips. He looks down and there is a kettle lying in the middle of the beach. The man thinks why the hell not, and gives the kettle a rub and two genies appear, an old genie and a young genie. The man can't believe his luck two genies. The old genie quickly tells him that he still only gets three wishes.

The man wakes up the next day in his bed, and wonders whether he had been dreaming. He walks out into the kitchen and is all of a sudden waist deep in money. He's rich! The man can't believe his and walks back to his bedroom to get changed. As he enters his bedroom there is a woman waiting for him, the most beautiful woman in the world. Anyway, the man does his business with the woman. About an hour later he hears a knock at the door. He answers the door and sees two men in white hoods. The two men hang him from a tree.

The smaller man removes his hood and it is the younger genie. The younger genie asks the older genie.

"I understand the first two wishes, he wanted to be the richest man in the world and he wanted to be with the most beautiful woman in the world, but why did he want to be hung like a black man?"

 

A man is sitting alone at a bar with a spare seat next to him, he looks around the bar and it's packed. He sits alone enjoying his drink feeling a bit lonely and a woman arrives and sits in the stool next to him and orders a drink. The man and the woman start talking together, the man says I'm lonely your lonely maybe we should get married. So they jump in a cab and head off to get married. On the way the woman tells the man she has a secret, she has no tits. The man looks at her tits and says why do you say that you have great tits. The woman starts taking tissues out from her bra, she has no tits. Then the man tells the lady he has a secret, he is hung like a baby. The lady goes well as long as your have fingers and a tongue we will be fine. So they get married without any secrets to speak of and they go to a hotel to spend their wedding night together. The man and the woman are about to have sex, and the man tells the woman to close her eyes. The woman closes her eyes and the man sticks his penis in her vagina. The woman exclaims I thought you were hung like a baby! The man goes 8 pounds 6 ounces bitch.

[dawg1990]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

no just joking

[Mexli]

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

no just joking

What the fu*k? Spammer.

 

Ok here goes mine.

 

So there is three guys driving down a freeway one of them is dawg1990. They suddenly get stopped by a cop and and he finds tea and grass in the car. This makes him suspicious but tells them that he will let them go in one conditon.

 

Cop: "If all of your d*cks measure 12 inches added together I will let you go"

 

So the cop measures the first guys and he finds out that he is 6 inches long. He measures the second guy and finds out that he is 5 inches long. So he finally measures dawg1990 and finds that he measures 1 inch. The cop adds it up and finds that they measure 12 inches in total and lets them go.

 

So the first guy says: "We're lucky that cop left us alone".

 

And dawg1990 says: "You guys are lucky i popped a boner!"

Edited June 6, 2008 by Mexli

[darthYENIK]

Yeah, that's kind of funny. But 5+5+1 =/= 12.

[Mexli]

Yeah, that's kind of funny. But 5+5+1 =/= 12.

Thanks for pointing it out.

[dawg1990]

Yeah, that's kind of funny.  But 5+5+1 =/= 12.

Thanks for pointing it out.

And you say I can't do math , ffs you don't even know what 5+5+1 equals.

[HolyGrenadeFrenzy]

 

Yeah, that's kind of funny.  But 5+5+1 =/= 12.

Thanks for pointing it out.

And you say I can't do math , ffs you don't even know what 5+5+1 equals.

Yeah, that extra one inch boner of yours explains the whole joke.

 

 

You are the butt of the joke man, let it all hang out will ya?

 

If not, then the luck is that the cop can't do math.

 

Man, this is a loosing streak for you isn't it?

[Mexli]

 

Yeah, that's kind of funny.  But 5+5+1 =/= 12.

Thanks for pointing it out.

And you say I can't do math , ffs you don't even know what 5+5+1 equals.

Oh calm down, mine was more of a typo because I didn't check to see if i had typed the numbers in correct order.6,5,1 so I put 5 first and then I somehow got mistaken and put 5 again. Don't worry though people still get the joke.

 

Edit: Lol HolyGrenadeFrenzy makes it seem even funnier, oh dawg what would we do without you?