<SYN> lurchseesu from vehicle chat made the news

[swolo yaggins]

 

I have sex with my car!

Monday 19 May 2008

 

Like many men, Jordan Witham is obsessed with his car. But while most boy racers would draw the line at a wax and polish, his obsession has gone into overdrive.

 

The 20 year old is in love with his Volkswagen Beetle – and has been having sex with it for four years.

 

Despite never having kissed a girl before, virgin Jordan has become an experienced lover, covering his car with kisses and caresses before having penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.

 

“I don’t fancy people,” says Jordan. “It’s cars that do it for me – I don’t want to marry or have kids.”

 

Jordan’s mum, Debbie, 53, doesn’t know about her son’s habit but his dad, David, 50, a door installer, does – and amazingly hasn’t tried to put the brakes on his relationship.

 

Jordan says: “When I told my dad I was sexually attracted to my car, he just said that there are lots of different people out there who are attracted to lots of different things.

 

“I’m not ready to tell Mum, though. She sees the world in a different way and is always asking me if I’ve found a nice girl.”

 

Jordan is one of just a handful of extreme car lovers in the world known as mechaphiles, and says his obsession was fuelled as a child.

 

He says: “I had hundreds of toy cars as a kid and often played in my dad’s Beetle. I used to talk to it, but I didn’t think it was odd as all my mates had imaginary friends.”

 

After Jordan passed his driving test at 16, he spent his £750 savings on his first car, a 1967 VW Beetle.

 

Jordan says: “I just knew she was a ‘girl’ car and I named her Ingo. She hadn’t worked in years, but as soon as I saw her, I had to have her.”

 

It was only while restoring Ingo that Jordan, who has never been attracted to women, realised his feelings were sexual.

 

“I could feel myself falling in love while I worked on Ingo,” he says. “I once became so aroused, I started rubbing her bodywork and masturbating. It didn’t feel strange, just really exciting.

 

“After a few minutes, I felt a desire to connect with her further, so I had penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.”

Jordan began making love to his car a couple of times a week, while his parents were out. He recently moved out of their home to make it easier to carry on his relationship.

 

“I don’t always have sex with the car,” he explains. “Sometimes I stroke and kiss her bodywork, or rub myself up against her. If I’ve just been driving her, I have to wait for the exhaust pipe to cool down before I have sex. And I always use a condom because of all the dirt and dust inside.”

 

Jordan, who also masturbates while reading car magazines, has spent over £2,500 refurbishing Ingo. Most of Jordan’s earnings from his job stacking shelves at a supermarket are spent on her.

 

Now he has spent a further £200 on a “boy” car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a “gay” relationship.

 

Jordan says: “He’s very masculine. When I first bought him, I felt like I was cheating on Ingo, but now we all work well together.

 

“I have sex with Ingo more than Todd because Todd is kept in the driveway, not in the garage,” he explains. “I have to sneak outside in the middle of the night to have sex with him.”

 

Unsurprisingly, Jordan from Missouri, USA, describes himself as a bit of a loner – though he has now made friends with another mechaphile over the internet.

 

Jordan says: “I enjoy my life. If I end up an old man, living on my own with just my cars, I’ll be happy.”

http://www.closeronline.co.uk/RealLife/Rea...day+23+May+2008

 

lurch, i must admit that I am appalled! Quite frankly, I don't believe there is enough Jesus in your life, and as one of the pioneers of what is today known as Vehicle Chat I'd like to form a mass-prayer for our friend lurchseesu420 and may he stop this mechasexuality he seems to have been entrapped in by the Devil and may he find pleasure in a woman!

 

 

mikal prays.

 

edit: proof! (here!)

Edited May 24, 2008 by Desmosedici

[lurchseesu420]

It's true. I'm ashamed. I need jesus.

Edited May 24, 2008 by lurchseesu420

[kevin2006rhs]

edit: proof! (here!)

lol. Lurch is the one on his knees. Hes the catcher.

[lurchseesu420]

edit: proof! (here!)

lol. Lurch is the one on his knees. Hes the catcher.

........ You say that like it's a bad thing.

[swolo yaggins]

lurch must've discovered a new way to accomplish oil changes.

[Picolini]

I thought I was the only one who wanted to f*ck some cars until a kid at school (HUGE Ferrarifag) said he wanted to f*ck an F40. Couldn't believe some one else shared my attraction!

 

Seriously though, I'd be afraid the tailpipe is too hot, dirty, or sharp. I'd rather stick it in a scoop or something

 

Lol at this part

 

 

Now he has spent a further £200 on a “boy” car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a “gay” relationship.

[Mega]

I thought I was the only one who wanted to f*ck some cars until a kid at school (HUGE Ferrarifag) said he wanted to f*ck an F40. Couldn't believe some one else shared my attraction!

 

Seriously though, I'd be afraid the tailpipe is too hot, dirty, or sharp. I'd rather stick it in a scoop or something

 

Lol at this part

 

 

Now he has spent a further £200 on a “boy” car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a “gay” relationship.

rofl, turbo downpipe middle exhaust.

[lurchseesu420]

 

Seriously though, I'd be afraid the tailpipe is too hot, dirty, or sharp. I'd rather stick it in a scoop or something

I'd say that I he has the big 3 inch stinger tip. I wouldn't be f*cking mine without it.

[*MURDOC*]

Just remember to use protection.

 

I'd hate to see those babies.

[chris cambo]

So thats how transformers are made.

[Damo.]

I wonder what his neighbours think?