Vercetti21 Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 "It's a Wonderful Life" He died on a Monday, Such a terrible day to die. And it's such a blessing that he did not suffer, Yet it's so hard to say goodbye. But there was no struggle, no conflict nor strife, And for that, it's a wonderful life. Death descends upon the unexpected, Like a knife in the back of a friend. And next morning comes mourning for family and loved ones, With one another no comfort to lend. But I still have you, my lover, my wife, And for that, it's a wonderful life. But you offered no comfort as well. You shrugged it away as if it were dirt, Refused to help me at a time I was hurt. Instead you shoved your burdens right into my face, Meaningless stresses, instead of embrace. You piled it on to my tower of stress, And now it's all collapsed into one big mess. My collossal strains are, I confess, All thanks to your f*cking PMS. But wait, there's more. You're spoiled, bitchy, selfish and greedy, You wouldn't give a single penny to the needy. That penny, that one precious ounce of hope, Would have been just enough to help me cope. But you kept it for yourself and even asked for more, You robbed me of my sanity and walked out the door. Why do I put so much effort into pleasing you? Because I find joy in finding joy for others, Joy for friends, fathers and mothers. I gave so much joy away and kept none for myself, I was always the support and you were always the shelf. But for you, darling, the support is now gone. And for you, this revelation has yet to dawn. But it will. Oh how I love the sight of a crimson-stained knife, Because revenge is a bitch, just like you, And for that, it's a wondeful life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Typhus Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 You know, I really like this. Even if the guy is a psycho I find myself sympathising with him. It's very hurtful when your feelings are invalidated by the actions of others. You've got good structure, theme and rhyming scheme. Overall it's a very good poem, well done Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickstick Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 As always, good work. Not much else I can say on poetry (damn, I sound like a broken record sometimes) because I couldn't do any better and it's hard to give feedback on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vercetti21 Posted May 20, 2008 Author Share Posted May 20, 2008 Yeah, I'm not much for writing or critiquing poetry myself, but due to the extreme amount of stress I have been dealing with lately, writing this was a good escape for me. I'll admit, this is the first poem I have ever written for pure self-satisfaction and not school-related, and I scribbled it down in about half an hour. Just wanted to get some feedback. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Struff Bunstridge Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Love it. Just love it. I love how the tone gets so much darker as the poem goes on. Good stuff mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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