"Mafia Jargon" February 2, 1987

[Canofceleri]

"Mafia Jargon" February 2, 1987

 

Edited July 16, 2009 by Candarelli

[poikly]

Well done for the award Frank!

[lloydo]

Looks good!

[mark-2007]

I like the desciptive bits but one a few bits confused me.

 

 

We shared time over the Cross Bronx Expressway. And by then we had gotten coffee.

 

"I don't know, Frankie. What would you think if you were Jesus and you were doubted and it wasn't lies."

 

"No."

 

"No? I'm Michael f*cking Falco. What would happen if you died, what would you do if all of a sudden you opened your eyes and you were surrounded by fire, and there was my face and I said, 'WHAT THE f*ck ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW, FRANK?! HELL IS REAL, YOU'RE f*ckED!' and I stabbed you in the heart and that was what the rest of eternity was going to be like?-- c'mon, I parked the car. Let's go get the money for these jewels."

 

This bit seemed out of context and really didn't fit in.

 

Also, comparing this next piece of Michael speaking:

 

 

"f*cking piece a sh*t," Michael spit. He adjusted his tie and lit up a cigarette, propped his foot up on Ritchie's heaving chest, "Your money's real good for you know, ain't it?"

 

He seems to be quite the typical tough-guy talking. Then this next bit totally goes against it and is out of character:

 

 

"Well that's nice, it's something that's positive. I've read, and it makes a lot of sense, that it can really add something to a person's life. That maybe it could make one feel whole like they've never felt."

 

Also the opening sentence and a part of the closing paragraph went against eachother. "Michael Falco, the man that would end up killing me." compared to "Mike Falco would one day die of cancer," "Me, I'm 17... I'll die one day,". How can Mike Falco kill him if he's dead...?

 

Sorry if I didn't understand this.

[Canofceleri]

Nah, you're fine. It's not really about understanding, more about feeling it. I wanted to do a piece about a mob veteran and his protege at odds with themselves... but there are problems with that. If I have a character who at one hand asks himself existential questions and who wonders if they're in the right lifestyle and then commits brutal acts unflinchingly, that doesn't make sense does it? Internal struggles in characters such as these can't be subtle in a one page short... I contrasted absurdities, or at least tried to. There's a whole lot in there, a lot of it really happened which is why I didn't change names... I guess it's sort of rushed as I did it within an hour and without proofreading or revising it... but I'll just set it out there almost impressionistically.

 

Plus, I've been wanting to do a different take on a mob thing.