Jump to content

Myths Busted!


meathead316

Recommended Posts

meathead316

MYTH BUSTED!!!

 

I keep hearing a lot about sasquash, weird characters, infinte sea etc etc so thought id do some investigating, here is my story.

 

Niko was in his helicopter flying at 1234.6 feet at 134 mph true north for exactly 78 minutes 43.5 seconds and all of a sudden the chopper exploded and he tossed out in the explosion and almost died, Niko was free falling for what seemed like forever and landed on a little island and died, just as Niko’s ghost was leaving his body he could see two mysterious figures approaching.

 

1st guy "jesus christ look, its another one of them bigfoot mythbusters"

Jesus "yeh moses he looks hurt, stand back"

 

jesus kneels besides niko and bring him back to life using the touch of god

 

moses "nice one jesus"

 

the two high five and help niko up

 

niko "who the f*ck are you two? and where am i"

jesus "relax my friend, i am jeses, and this here is moses, we were sent by god to save your life"

 

moses "yeh wat he said"

niko "oh really, i dont suppose any of you have got another helicopter or a boat do you?"

moses "er.. f*ck, jesus you said you called him"

jesus "yeh yeh i did, chill out dick wad, you know what noah is like after he has had a few beers"

moses "yeh, that pisswasser goes straght to his head"

niko "..."

jesus "i know! hey moses do that thing that you do"

moses "what thing?"

jesus "you know, that thing"

moses "oh yeh that thing"

 

moses then pulls out a rubber chicken, a condom, and some lube from his robe

 

jesus "holy f*cking sh*t, not that thing you sick f*ck, you know, the other thing"

moses "oh my bad. ok you two, hold my rubber chicken and watch this"

 

moses hands his strange assortment to jesus and niko and walks up to the edge of the island and stares out at the vastness of the ocean.

 

jeses to niko "watch this, its gonna be the best thing youll ever see"

niko "oh really"

jesus "you damn right, moses is gonna clap his hands together, as he does the sky will fill with ligtning, all you will hear is thunder, the sea will become violent and look alive. then moses will slowly seperate his hand and the sea will part leaving you a path way to walk back to liberty city, just you watch"

niko "wtf..."

jesus "come on moses"

 

rob schneider randomly pops up from behind a bush dressed as a hill billy

 

rob "you can do iiiiiiiiit!!!!"

 

moses "ah f*ck this sh*t"

 

moses takes a step back, snaps his fingers and the sea is split

 

jesus "..."

niko "..."

moses "there ya go"

jesus "moses what the f*ck, that was totally lame

moses "meh f*ck it, i cant be bothered, i have places to see, people to do"

niko "..."

jeses to niko "what you waiting for, jog on"

niko "ooooook, thanks"

 

niko started to walk between the sea, the hot sun beating down on him, he must have got about 10 miles when he saw somethign up ahead, he thought it must be his imagination playign tricks on him. he got a little closer and he saw what looked like a motor cycle

 

niko "a motorcycle... in the sea... what a day"

 

niko starts to run to what would be salvation. as he gets closer he sees that the bike belongs to a guy pissing up the sea wall, he finally catches up with him, the biker dressed in all black leather and a big black shiney motor cycle helmet. th biker turns around and niko can see hsi own reflection in the bikers visor

 

niko "er.. yeh... hi"

biker "the f*ck are you?"

niko "im niko bellic"

biker "oh yeh i heard of you, youre the new guy in town"

niko "just trying to get by, a little hard all the way out here though"

biker "not my problem"

niko "..."

biker "ah what the hell, im on my way to san andreas, but i guess i could give you a lift to liberty city if ya like, itll cost ya though"

niko "how much?"

biker "not money... suck my cock"

niko "WTF?!!!"

biker "just kidding, lighten up, 100k should do it

niko "100k?!!!!?!!?!!"

biker "no, enjoy your walk"

 

the biker starts up his zombie motorcycle

 

niko "wait, i have the money, i mean, all that cash is no use to me if im dead right"

biker "exactly, get on"

niko "you have a spare helmet?"

biker "nah sorry, but f*ck it, all there is to crash into is water... fag"

niko "true, lets go"

 

niko gets on the back of the bike and they set off, kicking up a load of sand and a crab as the wheel spin on their way.

 

about two hours later the bike comes up on the beach by funland and the biker does a spectacular jump up the stairs and lands on the board walk, revs a little and shuts off his engine. niko steps off the bike

 

biker "so jesus and moses eh, you are starting to sound like them n00bs on teh internetz"

niko "no really jesus brought me back to life, and how do you think the sea parted like that?

biker "you were just knocked out, and the sea... global warming id say"

niko "fine, belive what you want, i suppose you want your money"

biker "that would be nice"

niko "you take a cheque?"

biker "you have a guarantee card?"

niko "of course"

biker "let me see it then, dont wanna be mugged of"

 

niko hands the card to the biker while he writes out the cheque

 

niko "who should i make this out to"

biker "Mr Saskia Squash"

niko "ok... Mister... Saskia... squ... hold on a f*cking minute"

 

niko looks up as the biker removes his helmet to get a closer look at his guarantee card.

 

niko "OH... MY... f*ckING... GOD!!!"

 

the biker takes off his helmet to reveal his hairy head and face dripping with sweat, he looks closely at niko's card with his dark eyes and hands it back to him, then snatches the cheque off of him"

 

niko "... wtf..."

 

sasquash then puts the cheque in his pocket and starts his zombie. niko is still in awe as sasquash puts his helmet back on, he then leans in to niko"

 

sasquash "you aint seen me, right?!"

 

he then flips his visor down and wheeel spins off back down the parted sea, the sea closing up behind him. niko gets his phone out and dials roman

 

niko "hey cousin, you are never gonna believe this..."

 

END

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Whatever your smoking, please pass it here.

puff puff pass, dont be f*ckin up tha rotation now!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

camelenchilada
Whatever your smoking, please pass it here.

Hahahaha, ditto.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

NikolaiBellic1889
MYTH BUSTED!!!

 

I keep hearing a lot about sasquash, weird characters, infinte sea etc etc so thought id do some investigating, here is my story.

 

Niko was in his helicopter flying at 1234.6 feet at 134 mph true north for exactly 78 minutes 43.5 seconds and all of a sudden the chopper exploded and he tossed out in the explosion and almost died, Niko was free falling for what seemed like forever and landed on a little island and died, just as Niko’s ghost was leaving his body he could see two mysterious figures approaching.

 

1st guy "jesus christ look, its another one of them bigfoot mythbusters"

Jesus "yeh moses he looks hurt, stand back"

 

jesus kneels besides niko and bring him back to life using the touch of god

 

moses "nice one jesus"

 

the two high five and help niko up

 

niko "who the f*ck are you two? and where am i"

jesus "relax my friend, i am jeses, and this here is moses, we were sent by god to save your life"

 

moses "yeh wat he said"

niko "oh really, i dont suppose any of you have got another helicopter or a boat do you?"

moses "er.. f*ck, jesus you said you called him"

jesus "yeh yeh i did, chill out dick wad, you know what noah is like after he has had a few beers"

moses "yeh, that pisswasser goes straght to his head"

niko "..."

jesus "i know! hey moses do that thing that you do"

moses "what thing?"

jesus "you know, that thing"

moses "oh yeh that thing"

 

moses then pulls out a rubber chicken, a condom, and some lube from his robe

 

jesus "holy f*cking sh*t, not that thing you sick f*ck, you know, the other thing"

moses "oh my bad. ok you two, hold my rubber chicken and watch this"

 

moses hands his strange assortment to jesus and niko and walks up to the edge of the island and stares out at the vastness of the ocean.

 

jeses to niko "watch this, its gonna be the best thing youll ever see"

niko "oh really"

jesus "you damn right, moses is gonna clap his hands together, as he does the sky will fill with ligtning, all you will hear is thunder, the sea will become violent and look alive. then moses will slowly seperate his hand and the sea will part leaving you a path way to walk back to liberty city, just you watch"

niko "wtf..."

jesus "come on moses"

 

rob schneider randomly pops up from behind a bush dressed as a hill billy

 

rob "you can do iiiiiiiiit!!!!"

 

moses "ah f*ck this sh*t"

 

moses takes a step back, snaps his fingers and the sea is split

 

jesus "..."

niko "..."

moses "there ya go"

jesus "moses what the f*ck, that was totally lame

moses "meh f*ck it, i cant be bothered, i have places to see, people to do"

niko "..."

jeses to niko "what you waiting for, jog on"

niko "ooooook, thanks"

 

niko started to walk between the sea, the hot sun beating down on him, he must have got about 10 miles when he saw somethign up ahead, he thought it must be his imagination playign tricks on him. he got a little closer and he saw what looked like a motor cycle

 

niko "a motorcycle... in the sea... what a day"

 

niko starts to run to what would be salvation. as he gets closer he sees that the bike belongs to a guy pissing up the sea wall, he finally catches up with him, the biker dressed in all black leather and a big black shiney motor cycle helmet. th biker turns around and niko can see hsi own reflection in the bikers visor

 

niko "er.. yeh... hi"

biker "the f*ck are you?"

niko "im niko bellic"

biker "oh yeh i heard of you, youre the new guy in town"

niko "just trying to get by, a little hard all the way out here though"

biker "not my problem"

niko "..."

biker "ah what the hell, im on my way to san andreas, but i guess i could give you a lift to liberty city if ya like, itll cost ya though"

niko "how much?"

biker "not money... suck my cock"

niko "WTF?!!!"

biker "just kidding, lighten up, 100k should do it

niko "100k?!!!!?!!?!!"

biker "no, enjoy your walk"

 

the biker starts up his zombie motorcycle

 

niko "wait, i have the money, i mean, all that cash is no use to me if im dead right"

biker "exactly, get on"

niko "you have a spare helmet?"

biker "nah sorry, but f*ck it, all there is to crash into is water... fag"

niko "true, lets go"

 

niko gets on the back of the bike and they set off, kicking up a load of sand and a crab as the wheel spin on their way.

 

about two hours later the bike comes up on the beach by funland and the biker does a spectacular jump up the stairs and lands on the board walk, revs a little and shuts off his engine. niko steps off the bike

 

biker "so jesus and moses eh, you are starting to sound like them n00bs on teh internetz"

niko "no really jesus brought me back to life, and how do you think the sea parted like that?

biker "you were just knocked out, and the sea... global warming id say"

niko "fine, belive what you want, i suppose you want your money"

biker "that would be nice"

niko "you take a cheque?"

biker "you have a guarantee card?"

niko "of course"

biker "let me see it then, dont wanna be mugged of"

 

niko hands the card to the biker while he writes out the cheque

 

niko "who should i make this out to"

biker "Mr Saskia Squash"

niko "ok... Mister... Saskia... squ... hold on a f*cking minute"

 

niko looks up as the biker removes his helmet to get a closer look at his guarantee card.

 

niko "OH... MY... f*ckING... GOD!!!"

 

the biker takes off his helmet to reveal his hairy head and face dripping with sweat, he looks closely at niko's card with his dark eyes and hands it back to him, then snatches the cheque off of him"

 

niko "... wtf..."

 

sasquash then puts the cheque in his pocket and starts his zombie. niko is still in awe as sasquash puts his helmet back on, he then leans in to niko"

 

sasquash "you aint seen me, right?!"

 

he then flips his visor down and wheeel spins off back down the parted sea, the sea closing up behind him. niko gets his phone out and dials roman

 

niko "hey cousin, you are never gonna believe this..."

 

END

Dude That Anserd All Of My Questions

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I thought for a second, was I seeing random text or what because I really didn't know people write on these forums being high or what the f*cking ever, but this is some hard bullsh*t my friend, I would only believe you if you had a video of that, otherwise, go smoke some more and f*cking die, just don't make posts while at it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Screenshot or it didnt happen lol tounge2.gif

SIG-2.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good stuff. Don't mind the dickweed who don't have the attention span or competency to read.

 

 

....and you f*cktards don't need to quote the entire original post!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ha ha. Good post. That would be a great script for a GTA spin off or spoof game. Something like, GTA: dude, where's my car?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

meathead316

lol, glad u liked my "story" really happened tounge.gif

 

oh and by the way, i dont do drugs, i just have a weird brain, also cheap energy drinks make me kinda hypo biggrin.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • 1 User Currently Viewing
    0 members, 0 Anonymous, 1 Guest

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using GTAForums.com, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.