Rhoda Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 Fantastic fight sequence there, Will. Nice and gritty. It's also beginning to remind me of a war diary thanks to short, snappy sentences often used. Very nice, I'm glad it's updated as often as it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted May 20, 2008 Author Share Posted May 20, 2008 I'm going on holiday for a week tommorow... so Bravo Seven Down is going on hold. Don't worry, next week I will continue. Things are not as they seem... Marshall is on the brink of losing his mind after weeks of taking care of the ungratefull, critically ill Jackson. The negative but likeable Jackson has given up, he is days from death. Hopkins isnt giving up yet, he is determined to get out of the Jungle and back home. He isn't letting Jackson give up this early either, the brave Hopkins will carry him through the treacherous jungle if need be. Treachery, death and danger are not far around the corner... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carbine23 Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Just read Chapter 2 and Chapter 3. I liked how you show the characters emotions, and you describe the situation. I loved the fighting scene where he shoved the bayonet into his throat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted June 1, 2008 Author Share Posted June 1, 2008 Chapter Nine Marshall Night had crept upon us quickly. The mosquitoes and crickets played their usual Friday night symphony in the thick bushes, However this weekend it was more soothing than anything else. Jackson was in the chopper wreckage “asleep”. Occasionally we heard his coughing and spluttering. He just didn’t want to speak to us. I began to realise why he didn’t like Marshall. Marshall was a nineteen year old barber from Brooklyn. I tried to make conversation. He couldn’t discuss football, girlfriends, fun times with his buddies… Nothing. I leaned on a piece of wreckage sticking out of the ground with him, smoking a cigarette, “So you just dragged him away as soon as it crashed?” “Well yeah” Marshall replied “I could only manage to save him, Lieutenant Miller stayed behind and shot two gooks, but they blew him away. Marshall stared in to space. “So you didn’t stay and fight? You just got your sh*t and ran?” “No!” “Well that’s what it sounds like to me.” “You weren’t there man, I couldn’t get everybody out of there alive.” Jackson violently spluttered from the chopper. “I’m worried to death about him, he’s not got long left, he can barely stay awake for more than an hour without resting.” Another splutter. “So you escaped from a POW camp?” “Yeah.” “Damn, you will get a purple heart or something for that.” “Maybe.” “I wish I could get a purple heart man.” “Just concentrate on getting out of here man.” I finished my cigarette. “I’m going to go and check on Jackson.” “Alright man, I’m gonna get some sleep.” “See you in the morning, bright and early, were getting the f*ck out of here!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gouveia Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Does that mean that the story is ending? sh*t, that's the best sh*t I've read coming from you. Congrats dude, really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 Chapter Eleven Jackson I approached Jackson, he was leaned against the chopper, pretending to be asleep. “Jackson?” … “Jackson? Stop playing around!” “What do you want?” “Your coming with me tomorrow whether you like it or not.” Jackson laughed “Is that right boy? And what are you going to do? Carry me through the jungle?” “If I have to.” He laughed even harder “Oh your one crazy guy, man, and where are we going to go? Were miles away from anybody!” “Well them choppers are coming from somewhere! We could get our hands on one of them maybe..” “There coming from a base about two miles South East of here, that’s what we were investigating before gooks shot us down.” “A base?” “Well, more of a big village, few buildings and a few helicopters.” “How far from there to the American border?” “Border? What you mean where gook territory dies down a bit and there’s the sight of a few American boys?” “Yeah..” “Over the hills, high, high hills, crawling with Charlie.” “Well we could find the base, get a chopper and then fly over the mountains?” “It isn’t that f*cking simple! We don’t even have any decent weapons, one rifle each with hardly any ammo, we don’t even have f*cking helmets! Those gooks have heavy weapons and vehicles there! You can’t f*cking waltz in can you? Jesus f*cking Christ!” “Right! I get your f*cking point Jackson! But I’d rather take my chances with them ass holes than rot and die here spending the rest of my life with a god damn fag and a depressed motherf*cker who doesn’t even have the balls to try and survive!” “Sergeant Miller was my f*cking best friend! Best friend! I tried to f*cking fight! I tried to fight the good fight and do the noble thing! I would have rather died there blowing gooks away with my best buddy wouldn’t I? But now that little sh*t over there dragged me away! I listened to Miller get f*cked up by them gooks and I couldn’t do anything about it! I‘m f*cking here now, mangled and f*cked, I cant even walk! I can‘t even f*cking walk! I got dragged through the bushes by that ass hole and had to listen to Miller get blown to pieces! Thrown in a bush for hours on end until the gooks left! Then I had to go back and see Miller splattered all over the floor! So don‘t even f*cking speak to me about trying to survive!” I was stunned “Look, what good is sitting here waiting for death going to do? What’s the worst that could happen? We could get a bullet to the head, a quick death? Or maybe we could kill the gooks who killed Miller, what a horrible thing to happen to us! Or maybe we could get a chopper and escape, wow this really is an awful plan! Jackson get saddled up, tomorrow morning we’re leaving, get some rest.” “f*ckin’ cowboy! I’ll see you in the morning..” And with that Jackson climbed on to his side and went to sleep. I walked away with a sense of pride and accomplishment. Marshall approached me warily, he had heard the entire conversation “Get some rest Marshall, tomorrow your gonna kill a lot of men.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 Chapter Twelve Good Morning Vietnam I knew I was dreaming, but it was too beautiful to wake up, I was back at home, drinking with the boys, no worries in the world. I was aware.. Aware of the birds singing.. The sun shining.. The light breeze blowing.. And that whimpering.. That shaking.. What was that? I realised I was being shaken Slowly I opened my eyes to the face of a quivering Marshall, his face full of tears, he was white as the fluffy clouds above him, he was sweating, nervous, and desperate for me to wake up? “Hopkins, Hopkins!” He whispered as he shook me “What?!?” I whispered back? “Don’t you hear it? Jackson’s over there, there gonna get him!” It took me a minute to come back to planet Earth Then I could hear it, the loud noise of the engine, the rustling of tress and loud voices talking not twenty feet away. “Help me Hopkins, please men, help me!” “Who is it?” “The gooks, there here, there looking at the crash site, Jackson is in there!” sh*t! “Get your f*cking gun ready man!” Marshall did as he was told, with shaky hands he steadied his rifle. I edged upwards, leaning slightly over the bushes that were covering me. Two jeeps, all full of men. I leaned back down. “Marshall?” Marshall was shaking, apparently he hadn’t heard me. “Private!” He jumped “Ye- yes sir? “I’m going to take out the ones in the trucks ok? You take out the two looking at the crash site, ok? “Yes sir, yes sir.” “On three…” I took a deep breath “One…” Marshall took a deeper breath “Two…” Marshall made the sing of the cross and momentarily closed his eyes, scrunching up his tiny face Now or never Ben.. “THREE!” I jumped up, gunfire ripped through the calm, misty, tranquil jungle air. They didn’t know what hit them, one spray each truck, left to right, then back again. I aimed for the chest Death by tissue damage, organ trauma, and blood loss Some were still breathing, struggling, I took steady aim. Headshot, headshot, headshot, hea- click No sh*t. I strolled over. He was covered in blood, struggling, shaking. I inspected my art work. One to the throat, the shoulder, collar bone. Marshall rushed passed me, bayonet high in the air. Blood splattered as Marshall ripped through his stomach and chest with the blade. Slashing, stabbing, twisting. It wasn’t until a piece of lung hit me on the cheek that I stopped him. “I think you got him” That boy has some issues I tried the car keys, the engine struggled and sounded as if it would ignite Busted The other bullet ridden care was no hope either, too badly damaged to ride in. I opened up the trunk It was Christmas morning It was loaded with rifles, mortars, rocket launchers… all types of goodies “Jackson, I think it’s about time that you got off your ass and came to see this!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Oh man, has anyone not even abused "I love the smell of napalm in the morning." because I totally shotgun first dibs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 Oh man, has anyone not even abused "I love the smell of napalm in the morning." because I totally shotgun first dibs. Go for it You don't want to miss the next four chapters, all non stop action! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhoda Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Things have certainly picked up, though there was a rather slow start it was still a great read. Noticed things are getting tense between characters now too, I want to see some more deaths! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted July 7, 2008 Author Share Posted July 7, 2008 Expect an update soon boys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted July 7, 2008 Author Share Posted July 7, 2008 Chapter Thirteen The Hills Have Eyes Two miles South East Two miles… south East The longest journey of my life, I carried Jackson on my back all the way, his weight was unbelievable, all the way uphill, through the thick trees. Marshall carried the bag of weapons, I carried the cripple, Jackson wouldn’t have it any other way The sun was starting to set when we finally made it.. We had to rest, we took an hour break on the hill, planning our attack on the base below. The base was surrounded by hills on three sides, I would position myself on one hill, Marshall on the next and Jackson on the third. Me - Sniper Marshall - Heavy weapons Jackson - Sniper The plan was to kill as many enemies in the base as possible from the hills, then go down taking out the rest, with Jackson keeping us covered from the hills Then while Marshall steals the chopper in the centre, I would go back up and grab Jackson, then bring him down to the chopper The rest is history; over the hills and off, BBQs all night Jackson couldn’t walk, so I lay him down in a good spot, in the tall grass Marshall handed him a sniper rifle, the Dragunov, taken straight from the yellow hands of the Vietnamese Apparently Jackson began his career as a sniper, according to Marshall, his skills are exceptionally good We need a good shooter for this job, our asses are on the line Marshall got set up, he positioned the mortars, loaded grenade launcher and waited on pins and needles to use the bazooka. “Marshall you incompetent sh*t! If you hit a chopper with that thing I’m gonna cut your f*ckin’ head off! You understand me boy?” “Yes Jackson I got you!” Those two idiots kept arguing, Jackson looked ready to kill him and Marshall looked ready to kill himself. I mooched over to my hill, in the trees I got set up, my Dragunov rested on a log, ready to kill. The AK on my back buzzed with the thought of slaying the gooks. My body shook with anticipation, I was pumped and ready for murder, ready for freedom and ready for anything. It was time, slowly, with great care and delicacy… I aimed my first shot. The two gooks smoking, my first shot is the signal, Jackson then takes his, then Marshall blows sh*t up. Right in the eye… I positioned the crosshairs with care Think he can feel it? I pulled the trigger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmachine Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 ...Those two idiots kept arguing, Jackson looked ready to kill him and Marshall looked ready to kill himself. ... The best line in the chapter . It's a really, really great story. Can't wait for the next chapter. The way you write the story makes me want more of it. Like now, I finished reading, but I really, really want to know what's next... Keep up the good great work We will be the arms that lift you up We will be the hand that strike you down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oblivionz Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 This chapter was sweet. Can't wait to see if they make it back to base or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA Beta Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 When's the next chapter coming? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daviescirca93 Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Second that, I've read it all the way through. It's bloody brilliant. Can't wait for the next part Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 Chapter Fourteen Death From Above Before the blood had even splattered the floor… Jackson had taken his shot. The two gooks were blown to the ground, headless. The unmistakable sound of a mortar firing then erupted from Marshall’s hill. One of the buildings exploded, sending bodies flying in all directions and tipping a truck. Men were frantically running around, aiming their guns in all directions. Perfect pandemonium. Before I could even line up my next target, Jackson has taken another pro shot at a soldier. I aimed, held my breath, then blew away out a tall, mean looking gook. Straight for the chest.. internal bleeding will take care of him. Another explosion blasted through the village, Marshall was doing his job. A man ran for the chopper… not on my watch. I took a shot at his knee.. He spectaculary catapulted in the air, then landed face down in the mud. Jackson finished him off. Another boom, more fire engulfed the panicked men. Brilliant I dropped the sniper rifle and picked up my AK… show time. Jackson kept me covered as I made my way down the slope. Explosions and sniper bullets still reigned down above me. When I reached the bottom of the hill, most where dead… Jackson really was a pro sniper. I made my way through the smokey wasteland, shooting at anything that moved. The chopper in the middle was our ticket out, a small Vietnamese one, with some light machine guns on. I couldn’t wait to fly that thing, straight over the hills and on to America’s ground. The mortars stopped, Marshall made his way down the hill with his AK. “Marsh! Get that chopper started! I’m getting Jackson!” Marshall was shaken… pale white.. “What’s wrong?” He didn’t answer.. Just walked straight past and in to the chopper. Freaky kid. Adrenaline pumped through my veins as I darted up the hill! We were going to be rescued! I couldn’t wait. Jackson was lying in the tall grass, in pain as usual. “Hang on buddy, were getting out of here!” I picked up the crippled Jackson in a fireman’s lift. “YEE-HAAW!” He shouted as I sprinted down the hill. I was smiling, laughing, my heart pumped with excitement as I made my way through the dead bodies. Marshall waited in the chopper, ready to fly us to safety. My excitement was cut terribly short. The sound of a truck haunted me from behind. Next came the noise of whizzing bullets. Finally, a sound I had never heard before… knee caps shattering as bullets flew though them. I lost my balance, Jackson’s weight drove me to the ground. He screamed and screamed.. Three bullets had hit him.. One to the knee.. One to the hip.. One to the lower back. I dropped him and hit the floor. Twisting over.. my Ak automatically raised to the truck All five of them aimed their guns… I tasted blood Next chapter soon.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 Nice shiny banner there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carbine23 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Woah that was intense. Reminded me of Platoon and Forrest Gump a little bit, seeing as those are the only two Vietnam movies i've seen. I liked the ending though, and i'm wondering if this could be the end for him! Will he somehow escape? Will he die? Will Jackson die? Will rescue come? I'll wait and find out i guess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radicell Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Sweet, glad you updated it. I like the writing style used in this story and each chapter's ending is unique but still cliff-hanging. Great work, waiting for the next chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmachine Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 ... I like the writing style used in this story and each chapter's ending is unique but still cliff-hanging. Great work, waiting for the next chapter. x2. I think everyone who has read it has the same thoughts as the rest of us. When I read it, it's like I am there, I feel kinda worried if they'll make it, etc., because it's a really well made story. It makes me want more of it . Keep up the great work . We will be the arms that lift you up We will be the hand that strike you down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daviescirca93 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 that was awesome, cant wait for the next bit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 Chapter Fifteen Knife To The Back I was too fast... just too fast Firing guns from a speeding truck cannot compete with pure American Army training. Straight for the driver... two shots... then I was on the move I barely waited to see the windshield get covered in blood before I was rolling away from the incoming bullets. The truck lost control, the dead driver must have fell on to the wheel.. It turned too fast and flipped Two tonnes of petrol filled metal flew in my direction My brain let go... instincts kicked in My body threw itself backwards, down to the ground… the truck’s wheel swept past my face as it catapulted through the air I felt the spinning, thick, black tire as it skimmed my eyelashes It all seemed to happen in slow motion…. I could measure what happened in heart beats After I felt the tyre… I was met with the smell of petrol The truck whizzed over my head and slammed in to the ground behind me, smashing and ripping apart against the grass It rolled and rolled until it finally came to a crashing halt against a tree Maybe... just maybe…somebody could have survived that crash I had to check to be sure “Marshall! Get Jackson in the chopper!” Jackson was wasted… on the floor, shaking and bleeding everywhere, screaming in pain Home soon... we’ll be home soon Cautiously I walked over to the truck with my AK… blood leaked from the doors and windows Glass was everywhere… the engine still ran and fuel was leaking F*ck this! I’m out of here! I sprinted for the helicopter, in any second the truck would ignite… we had to go now I was about twenty feet away from the chopper… The chopper took off! The chopper took off! Marshall had taken off in the f*cking helicopter! I leaped through the air and managed to grab the landing gear as it rose. My hands blistered as I struggled to hold on Marshall had taken off! He left me! He left me there in the middle of the jungle! Why? I climbed in to the chopper… Jackson was on the floor... unconscious Marshall was fly- No he wasn’t... nobody was flying! Marshall was above me, he smashed me in the back of the head with the butt of his gun I felt my skin rip apart and my skull crack Through desperation I managed to push him over using an old Ju-Jitsu move I learnt as a kid While I held on to his ankle, I pushed his shin with my forearm Marshall fell backwards.. nearly falling out of the chopper I pulled myself inside using his legs.. The little sh*t was too quick.. as I got to my feet he kicked me in the jaw The end of his shoe cut my lips and cracked the tip of my nose I fell backwards, out of the hovering chopper I used the last of my adrenaline and grabbed on to his dog tags At a forty degree angle, I dangled out of the chopper, hanging on only by Marshall’s dog tags The truck exploded about thirty feet below me I could feel the heat and my feet were singed by the fireball Smoke quickly filled the gap between me and Marshall I was losing my grip… the helicopter has no pilot and could lose control at any second The dog tags snapped Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 I can't really offer anything for this chapter besides the ol' "Marshall is a dick, I hope he crashes and burns." I'm gonna need an update soon dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted August 2, 2008 Author Share Posted August 2, 2008 Goona' wait a while so eevrybody can read until I update.. in the next few chapters..... Hopkins is gonna' find himself in some sh*t situations Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted September 29, 2008 Author Share Posted September 29, 2008 (edited) Chapter Sixteen Red Valley I was ready to give up My exhausted body ached from head to toe I’d had enough The dog tags snapped in my blood stained hands My heart felt as if it dropped from my chest in to the deep bowels of my stomach This was the end The trees below would become my place of eternal rest I wasn’t too bothered now; after all I’d been through Apart from the shells, shooting and sh*t… Vietnam was a beautiful country My heels momentarily gripped the floor of the chopper before I began to fall I didn’t bother to feebly attempt to hold on, I was destined for doom It was all too much As I fell out of the chopper, I caught a last look in the little bastard’s eye… Marshall I rescued them both He has betrayed me Why? It didn’t matter now I was about to plunge to the endless jungle below I caught his eye; the expression of pure anger had turned to one which was impossible to read A sparkle danced around his blue eyes like a shooting star across the midnight sky Hope was with me There was good in him yet Marshall grabbed me by the hand; I pulled myself forward and back in to the chopper Why? He threw me out, now he has pulled me back? None of it mattered now, one thing I could never stand was un-appreciative people… and backstabbing murderous people came in a close second Before I could even think about where I would punch Marshall first, Jackson had withdrawn his knife… like a crashing meteor he rammed it straight in to his kneecap The scream made birds forty feet below us flock from the safety of their nests I didn’t give a sh*t Marshall’s hair ripped under my fingernails as I drove my forehead in to his sh*tty little face The head butt knocked him straight to the floor; his bloody knee squelched and gave way under his weight “Why?!” “Ahhh-” “WHY?!!” “Please, don’t!” “Why the f*ck did you do that? I f*cking rescued you, you little piece of sh*t!” “Because! Because you get all the glory! You get all the fame! You’re the solider I can never be! I wanted to say I was all them things! I wanted to say I escaped myself!” “You little mother f*cker!” Rage took over Pure rage I picked up Marshall as if he was a crash test dummy “So long!” I threw Marshall upwards in to the rotor, his body splattered and rained down upon the vast jungles like a dense fog engulfing the valley below “Well that’s that, a fitting end, wouldn’t you say?” Jackson didn’t look in a state to say anything, the gunshots on the round can’t have done him any good, that leg looked as if it was about to drop off with infection “You hang in there, okay?” Jackson managed to choke an okay back to me “Seeing that pathetic little f*cker splattered has kept me going...” “Good!” I climbed in to the pilot’s seat “Time to get us home Jackson, we’ll be having BBQ before you know it.” There was another chopper ahead of us, coming our way fast… “Jackson, hand me them binoculars!” He feebly passed them up to me “Hang in there buddy” He coughed blood all over the floor The chopper came closer… “Jackson… Hey Jackson! What type of helicopter is that?” Jackson dragged himself over and pulled himself up the chair A look of total fear swept across his face “That… is an American... AH-1 Cobra attack helicopter… and if I’m not mistaken… we are in a Vietnamese, lightly armed transport chopper…” Jackson managed to pull me to the ground as the bullets tore through the glass Edited September 29, 2008 by The Unvirginiser Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC93 Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 I wont use my regular orange wrapper so as not to clash with the story Great stuff, can't wait for the next chapter. Was well worth the wait Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now