I found this on the Internet Spoilers

[movado2]

http://www.pocketfives.com/poker-forums/13...tonight-2840993

 

 

Credit goes to the writer bfactor

 

The stuff in bold is optional reading, cuz its just the intro to what I was doing when my mom walked into family room to read her book

 

 

 

Lolololol, I guess you'd probably have to know my mom to comprehend how great/funny this was. She's like, a super duper goodie goodie tooshoo or whatever. No cussing or drinking or drugs or anything remotely politically incorrect etc. Like, if you burp too loud, that's a serious offense etc. She's a great person, but I guess her parents were the way she is, so that's just how she was raised etc, I don't hold it against her or anything, its just kinda funny when it clashes with my style lol.

 

So tonight I was lying on the couch (it's some baller couch that's shaped like a giant "U" was like iono $5,000 or something probly (I'm poor as hell but my mommy is pretty baller) so I'm like, lying on one of the side of the U, playing GTA 4, and my mom walks into the family room and lies down on other side of the U to read her book.

 

Anyway so Roman keeps calling me on the cell about how he wants to go out drinking, but I had just recently finally gotten some weaponry, cuz I guess I didn't even realize I had a knife, i dunno if u start with one, or if I randomly got one when I killed some gangster pedestrian without realizing it, but when I realized I had a knife I killed a cop and took his gun, and killed another cop or two and got their ammos, so then like, I kept running around killing cops to get more and more ammo off them before they shot me to death, so I was up to like 200 bullets of ammo or something for the pistol. But I only had like $200 or $300, so I wanted to make more money, so now that I had a pistol I was running around killing pedestrians with the pistol to get money off their dead bodies or wahtever. Cuz I figured Roman's drinking mission would probably cost me at least $100, and if eating aand drinking is like $100, I wanted to have at least over $1k cuz I have no idea how much more I'm gonna have to spend on this eastern european bastard and my girlfriend in the future, so better be prepared I figured, so I'm just running around grinding up some cash and ammo off pedestrians plus cops. Plus I found some gangsters and I hit the jackpot cuz I guess one of the gangs I shot to death had Uzis, so now I have an Uzi with like 150 ammo for it lol (I don't use it, I'm saving it in case I need heavy firepower in a mission later on or something) plus I have no clue where I got a shotgun but I randomly have a shotgun with no ammo for it dunno where I got it tho.

 

 

K so anyway so I'm in the middle of doing that, and my mom lies down on couch and sees me just murdering a bunch of people with my pistol, and killing cops and sh*t, and she's like

 

"Oh my god what are you doing, what is this game this is terrible!!!"

 

and so my response if I remember correctly was:

 

"Well, my cousin in the game wants me to take him out for drinks, but he'll probably spend a bunch of money at the bar, so I'm killing a bunch of people to get their money off their dead bodies, and then since its like 4 or 5 bullets a person unless I hit them in the head, then I need lots of ammo, so I kill the cops to get the ammo off their dead bodies."

 

So she's like

 

".... James.... .... this game is REALLY REALLY REALLY disturbing..." or something like that.

 

and I'm like

 

"Ohhhhh!!!!!!! did you see the guy I just killed, look at how many green things are near his body, that means he had a lot of cash on him compared to most of the people I killed, that's probly like $200 or more yay!!!!"

 

and she's like

 

"Sigh.... this is unbelievable..."

 

So then she's like

 

"I can't watch this, I'm going to read my book."

 

and I'm like "That's fine, after I get a little more money and ammo I'm gonna go to the bar with Roman my cousin..." but she wasn't listening to me at this point, she was trying to block out the game and read her book.

 

So then I go off to the bar with Roman (first time I went to the bar with him, so hadn't been drunk yet in the game, didn't know what to expect, lolz

 

So my mom hears Roman's loud obnoxious voice and looks up from her book and sees me and my cousin falling all over the place on the sidewalk, acting like drunk assholes, and she's like

 

"What?!?!????? Are you guys drunk or something?"

 

and I'm like "Yeah, lol, check out how wasted we are, we can't even stand up hahahaha" and she's all "Oh my god that's horrible, they should be ashamed" etc

 

So then she's like still watching now, I guess she was mildly curious at this point wtf two drunk guys are doing in a video game.

 

So she's all "What is the point of this, what are you guys doing?" and I'm like "Well, now that he's drunk, he wants me to take him home, or something, so I guess I have to take him home..."

 

And she's like "Well, you can't drive, you are drunk." and I'm like "Hold on I'm trying to find a good car, all these ones look slow and crappy."

 

and she's like

 

"What????? You are going to try to drive, you can't even walk."

 

And I'm like "Ya, well I was going to but all these cars are crappy I want to find a good one to steal before I steal one."

 

so she's like

 

"Steal???? You are going to steal a car and drive drunk, oh my god this game is so bad, I can't believe they sell this to kids." or something like that.

 

So then I see some fast car and try to get in its way to stop it, but it crashes into me and sends me flying onto the ground and my mom is like

 

"AAAAHHHH!!!!! You got hit by a car!!!!!!" she was like genuinely concerned lol even tho its a video game.

 

And I'm like, "Yea but now I'm in his way so he cant go anywhere so I can steal his car watch." So I steal his car lol, and Roman gets in the passenger seat, and my mom is just like, pissed off at this point....

 

but then I start "driving"

 

lolllllllllllllll

 

So I'm going like 100mph or something, smashing through street sign poles and into cars and pedestrians and sh*t, and the cops are on my tail, and I'm like "Oh no, the cops are onto me, I cant get arrested or I'll lose all my guns and ammo, I better drive faster!"

 

And she's like "Faster!?!???? You are killing so many people, I can't believe you are driving drunk like this, look how terrible you are driving, you just flew over a central divider and crashed into three cars in the past ten seconds, and you killed so many people on the sidewalk blah blah blah"

 

So finally I get out of the cop-wanted circumference and get out of the car and hail a taxi to get back, and I'm like

 

"Yay, look mom I got Roman home safely, lemme go check the game stats to see if his %liking me and % respect for me stats increased"

 

and she's like "You got Roman home SAFELY!?!???? This game is unbelievable.... that was the worst driving I've ever seen blah blah blah'

 

so I'm busy ignoring her checking my stats and I'm like

 

"Ohhhh!!!! my game stats show that Roman has increased respect for me mom!!!! Roman respects me more now, isn't that awesome!!?????"

 

and she's just like, she was about to say something, and then she just sighed and looked back at her book and didn't say anything and started reading her book again lol.

 

 

 

Hahaha this game is soooooooooo fun, why can't my mom stop being such a party pooper lolz

 

: P

 

[Eagleheart]

Lol, that's kinda funny.

[Dem57]

Lol, that's kinda funny.

It was

[eyelark]

moms.

gotta love them,

haha.

[thornton2k]

 

Ermmm Are you sure this kid is old enough to be playing GTA4. Dont wanna be a party pooper but there is a reason games are given 18+ ratings. If he is under 18 how did he get his copy. If his mother was that discusted take it off him

[Copilot]

I can't believe they sell this to kids." or something like that.

 

Well they don't sell it to kids...

[Tsuroki]

The punchline: Mom bought the game for the kid the day before without knowing anything about it.

 

It's funny that parents have this ridiculous reaction to the game; they seem to miss the fact that the game is rated M and stores won't sell it to anyone under 17 (unless they're pigf*ck retarded and think "17+" means you have to be 18 or older, which is the situation I ran into a few years ago). Hell, Future Shop was carding people that were coming into the store, casino-style.

[ObscuredHD]

 

The punchline: Mom bought the game for the kid the day before without knowing anything about it.

 

It's funny that parents have this ridiculous reaction to the game; they seem to miss the fact that the game is rated M and stores won't sell it to anyone under 17 (unless they're pigf*ck retarded and think "17+" means you have to be 18 or older, which is the situation I ran into a few years ago). Hell, Future Shop was carding people that were coming into the store, casino-style.

Exactly. But im so f*cking glad my mom wasnt like that when I lived with her. Im not insulting anyone's parents, but for common sense and understanding.