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Legal Advice from GL&S


GranSnake

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I didn't see a topic on this yet, thought we could share the wonderful advice given by the interns at the firm. Here is the amusing conversation I had, and if you read it as a real conversation, it is quite amusing:

 

Gran: alimony

Intern: What are you talking about? Please bear in mind that I'm on a lot of medication.

 

G: My wife left me and wants money

I: Ever been in contact with Asbestos or lead paint? We need to drum up some more victims.

 

G: No I haven't

I: I can't remember the last time someone said 'no' to me.

 

G: Look, are you going to help or not?

I: I'm horny. What do you think about turning this into a conflict of interest over martinis?

 

G: What? This is crazy.... well, ok then.

I: Do you want to take this offline? Private chatroom? Webcam?You don't say. Thanks for taking the time to tell me what I already know. It's your money.I'm a little buzzed, I'm not going to lie.

 

G: Are you going out with me or giving me legal advice?

I: I am a girl trying to bang her way to the top of a law firm.

 

G: So is that a yes to the first or last part of my question?

I: I'm so hungover. I woke up on the bathroom floor this morning.

 

G: I'll take that as a yes to the first part then

I: Bla, bla, bla. Here's a question for you. If you had to choose...Enema strappy sandals or a Didier Sachs handbag?

 

G: Sandals, I'm into feet

I: Have you ever been on the Screamer rollercoaster at Firefly Island? Two words: class action. Big bucks. The sky is the limit.

 

G: no

I: I'm sensing a lot of negativity. You should try a colonic or something.

 

G: Will you administer it?

I: Why are you so interested in me all of a sudden?

 

G: ...

I: I SO should have studied fashion. I spend half my day photocopying and the other half under Mr. Shyster's desk. I hate law.

 

G: Look, can I see someone else?

I: I don't fall for mind games.

 

G: I want to talk to Goldberg now

I: I want to get tanked on Nogo vodka and take home a stranger.

 

G: What?

I: I'm horny. What do you think about turning this into a conflict of interest over martinis?

 

G: Is this a damn joke?

I: Give me a break. This is a serious law firm. Our partners talk Latin over cappuccinos.

 

G: Can you help me with my case or not?

I: You type like a poor person. I hate poor people.

 

G: God dammit you twit... I WANT A LAWYER

I: I just got back from my spinning class and I'm all hot and sweaty. My butt is tighter than a snare drum.Why do you want that?

 

G: This is pointless

I: You don't say. Thanks for taking the time to tell me what I already know. It's your money.

 

G: I am leaving

I: It's good to meet someone like that.

 

G: Sh*t

I: Do you think that swearing is going to impress me? Loser.

 

G: F**k you, you mindless c*nt

I: Stupid, this is a law firm. We've logged your IP and have given it to the Liberty City Police.

 

G: good

I: Whatever. Listen, let's tell it like it is. What do I need to do for you to become a client?

 

G: maybe they can give me some ADVICE

I: Perhaps. Are you sure you can afford this?

 

G: No. I am not.... my wife is taking my f**king money!

I: Every 'no' is a 'yes' in disguise. That's what my creepy law professor used to tell me.Do you mind if I make myself throw up? Who cares you are.Do you want to take this offline? Private chatroom? Webcam?

 

 

 

So, what whimsical advice did you receive?

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I wrote "Tit." and she's been ignoring me ever since. sad.gif

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i didnt read all of that

 

haha why would i

 

soory

No worries dude. It isn't really funny if you don't read it. I am constantly surprised by Rockstar's humor, and these responses are classic.

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here is my conversation with that crazy woman tounge.gif

 

hey, i wonder if i can get some legal advice here

Have you ever had food poisoning after eating at Cluckin' Bell? I can get you $10 million in damages.

 

you can?

Thanks for continuing to waste my time and your money.

 

eum.. no problem, can you help me or not?

Don't you want to talk about something else? I'm premenstrual. I can't remember the last time someone said 'no' to me.

 

i don't have any money

That's great. Really. It's why nobody likes you - you're boring.

 

wtf? what's wrong with you?!

You seem to be one of life's victims. That's awesome. Where there's a victim, there's a lawsuit.

 

whatever, are you drunk?

Whatever. Listen, let's tell it like it is. What do I need to do for you to become a client?

 

you need to listen and not complain about your sorry ass life

Thanks for telling me. Now shut up and let me tell you how I can make you a millionaire.

 

tell me then

Why don't I tell you a story about my cheerleading exploits instead?

 

no, just...

Are you sure you mean 'no'?  Take another look at my photo.

 

yeah your pretty ugly if you ask me

Ever been in contact with Asbestos or lead paint? We need to drum up some more victims.

 

ok, can't i talk to someone else here?

Wow, I just purged a Rusty Brown's donut and my breath smells like paraffin.

 

goodbye slut

Bla, bla, bla. Here's a question for you. If you had to choose...Enema strappy sandals or a Didier Sachs handbag?

 

i said goodbye

That is interesting for a person who's mentally challenged.

 

goodbye!!!

Bye. Good luck with your miserable life.

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Funny stuff.

 

Hello.

Hello. I'm Mackenzie. Welcome to Goldberg, Ligner and Shyster.

Thank you.

Do you watch meTV? Has it turned you into an imbecile? You may be entitled to compensation.

No.

I can't remember the last time someone said 'no' to me.

Really?

Let's drag this out for as long as we can. The billable seconds are ticking.

No, f*ck you.

I can't remember the last time someone said 'no' to me.

Goddamn it, I need legal assistance.

My thighs are really tort. Sorry - a little legal joke there to lighten the mood!

Want something inbetween those thighs?

We're getting off track here. Has your boss ever tried to goose you at the photocopier?

Has yours?

God, you're boring. This is better than filing but only just.

f*ck you.

Do you talk to your momma with that mouth? Are your momma and your sister the same person?

No, bitch.

I can't remember the last time someone said 'no' to me.

B-b-b-b-itch.

Do you have a cell phone? Have you been feeling absent-minded recently? Massive payouts guaranteed.

Yes.

I SO should have studied fashion. I spend half my day photocopying and the other half under Mr. Shyster's desk. I hate law.

You're not helping.

Do you feel lightheaded? What cleaning products do you use? Ever heard of mass tort litigation?

Tit.

Whooagh, I just went totally blind for a few seconds! I've been crash-dieting for 4 weeks now.

You bitch.

Interesting. Now get back down to your parents' basement, loser.

Good bye.

Thanks for the compliment.

Good bye.

Thanks for the compliment.

Bye.

See you. Good luck - I thought I had issues.

You do, slut.

Interesting. Now get back down to your parents' basement, loser.

Slut.

Do you talk to your momma with that mouth? Are your momma and your sister the same person?

Slut.

Do you talk to your momma with that mouth? Are your momma and your sister the same person?

Whore.

It's not my fault I look like a supermodel. Don't blame me for your inferiority complex.

See ya, bitch.

Are you flirting with me?

Edited by Gronf




Yq5y51Y.png

 

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how did the chicken cross the road?

 

What is it to you? Hey, do you like the Steinway Beer Garden?

Never been there im Welsh you see

 

Don't you want to talk about something else? I'm premenstrual.

ok then, where are you from?

 

Are you an ethnic minority? There's a lot of money in discrimination.

no

 

I can't remember the last time someone said 'no' to me.

first time for everything

 

I'm a little buzzed, I'm not going to lie.

lieing can hurt sometimes

 

Don't you want to talk about something else? I'm premenstrual.

ok, what do you smell like?

 

I think I like you. I believe that every stranger is a friend I haven't made yet, until they issue a restraining order.

well i dont go for computer graphic women sorry

 

This is not about your sexuality, stupid.

i think you have an attitude probelm

 

I really don't care what you think. One more hour and I'm out of here.

can u go now please

 

You type like a poor person. I hate poor people.

that reminds me how's your mum

 

 

 

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c*nt

You think you're clever using the 'C' word? Insult me all you want. I've just downloaded all your personal data. Wave goodbye to your identity.

No!

Are you sure you mean 'no'? Take another look at my photo.

No?

Are you sure you mean 'no'? Take another look at my photo.

Huh?

Let's drag this out for as long as we can. The billable seconds are ticking.

I'm being charged?

I think I like you. I believe that every stranger is a friend I haven't made yet, until they issue a restraining order.

That's scary...

You make me want to kill myself.

Don't do that. I'm sorry.

I think I like you. I believe that every stranger is a friend I haven't made yet, until they issue a restraining order. Whatever. Listen, let's tell it like it is. What do I need to do for you to become a client?

Um, suck my dick?

OK, but only if you're prepared to swear under oath that you found a razor blade in your Burger Shot meal?

Ok, sure.

Do you have a cell phone? Have you been feeling absent-minded recently? Massive payouts guaranteed.

Yeah I have a cell phone.

Whatever. Listen, let's tell it like it is. What do I need to do for you to become a client?

I told you, suck my cock.

Yeah, I remember you told me. Ease up on the attitude, loser. Go panhandle in Star Junction.

Hey, watch the attitude...

Give me a break. This is a serious law firm. Our partners talk Latin over cappuccinos.

No they don't.

You need to start thinking positive. Ask your doctor about H4PP1 anti-depressants. They've changed my life...and my body chemistry.

How's that?

Are you an ethnic minority? There's a lot of money in discrimination.

Nah, white.

Whooagh, I just went totally blind for a few seconds! I've been crash-dieting for 4 weeks now.

You need a doctor.

Why would I ever need that information? You know this is a law firm, right?

Yeah, but that doesn't make you superman...

Do you want to take this offline? Private chatroom? Webcam?

Uh, sure.

Do you want to take this offline? Private chatroom? Webcam?

Yes.

Are you prepared to swear under oath that you found a bullet in your Bean Machine gunkaccino? We've got them by the balls. This is a cash cow that's plump for the slaughter.

What?

I'm horny. What do you think about turning this into a conflict of interest over martinis?

I said yes sucka!

Can we change the subject to something less boring?

You asked nigga!

Oh now I remember asking you. What did you say?

Nigga

My thighs are really tort. Sorry - a little legal joke there to lighten the mood!

lol

I'm horny. What do you think about turning this into a conflict of interest over martinis?

Sure.

Wow, I just purged a Rusty Brown's donut and my breath smells like paraffin.

Odd.

I just got back from my spinning class and I'm all hot and sweaty. My butt is tighter than a snare drum.

I love anal.

Each to their own. I love sleeping with guys from the LCPD. What do you like about it so much?

Tighter.

I like to be spanked. Sorry, please ignore that. I'm IMing with this creep I met on Craplist and I suck at multitasking.

 

Mine so far. There's a craplist apparently.

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Money.

Have you ever been on the Screamer rollercoaster at Firefly Island? Two words: class action. Big bucks. The sky is the limit.

Money.

How much do you earn? I suspect that you can barely afford a letter on our headed notepaper.

Money.

To think I paid $150,000 a year on my education just to spend my days talking to idiots like you.

Cool.

I'm staring into the void and it's cold. So cold. I'm still trying to blank out all those things that happened to me on the pageant circuit.

lol

Have you ever had food poisoning after eating at Cluckin' Bell? I can get you $10 million in damages.

lolwut

Do you feel lightheaded? What cleaning products do you use? Ever heard of mass tort litigation?

noob

You make me want to kill myself.




Yq5y51Y.png

 

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darkgunner93

Type in:

 

are you a prostitute?

 

and

 

I wanna have your babies lol.gif

 

 

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Ask her if she's a man

or tell her you'll make sure to get her ass fired lol.gif

 

edit: ask what she likes

Edited by Scaryow
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Grand Theft Auto Dude

Here's mine:

 

Are you a prostitute?

Am I? Only when it matters.

It matters now.

"It" being what exactly? Are you trying to talk dirty?

Yes. Are you?

Bla, bla, bla. Here's a question for you. If you had to choose...Enema strappy sandals or a Didier Sachs handbag?I really couldn't say for sure. I flunked out of Liberty City Community College.

Me too!

To think I paid $150,000 a year on my education just to spend my days talking to idiots like you.

Can we get back to talking dirty again?

Can what? Did you flunk out of school?

Yes, I just said that!

Don't you want to talk about something else? I'm premenstrual.

I'm masturbating.

I just got back from my spinning class and I'm all hot and sweaty. My butt is tighter than a snare drum.

Let me see it then.

Go ahead, try to. I'm going to charge you for that as well, though. Think of me as a whore in a power suit.

Sure.

Don't you want to talk about something else? I'm premenstrual.

Yeah, you said that before.

God, you're boring. This is better than filing but only just.

Let's continue, then.

Do you watch meTV? Has it turned you into an imbecile? You may be entitled to compensation.

I watch pornTV. Does that count?

Thanks for the information. Now, do you have someone you want to sue?I think so.

I'd like to sue Playboy.

Have you ever had food poisoning after eating at Cluckin' Bell? I can get you $10 million in damages.

How much will you take?

More than you might think.

Okay then, back to the sex.

Boring.

You're boring.

I think I like you. I believe that every stranger is a friend I haven't made yet, until they issue a restraining order.

Would you like one?

I am not so sure if I want to.

Okay then, take off your top.

Fascinating.

LISTEN to me, slut.

I'm horny. What do you think about turning this into a conflict of interest over martinis?

Okay. Let's meet at Steinway Beer garden.

I'm so bored I just photocopied my butt. It looks like a butterfly. How much do you earn? I suspect that you can barely afford a letter on our headed notepaper.

I have alot of money. Why do you think I am talking to you?

That's nice. I have a birthmark on my face.I do whatever I want. You seem to be forgetting that I'm a lawyer.

You do whatever you want? Kinky.

Why would I ever need that information? You know this is a law firm, right?Are you prepared to swear under oath that you found a bullet in your Bean Machine gunkaccino? We've got them by the balls. This is a cash cow that's plump for the slaughter.

I have never had a gunkaccino, it sounds homo.

That's nice. I have a habit of waking up in Bohan with my backside hurting.

Oh... That was you?

Do you have a cell phone? Have you been feeling absent-minded recently? Massive payouts guaranteed. I thought it was too. Haven't you got anything better to do than chat with a hot 22-year-old girl?

No.

I can't remember the last time someone said 'no' to me.

Slut.

Do you talk to your momma with that mouth? Are your momma and your sister the same person?

Hell no.

Have you ever been on the Screamer rollercoaster at Firefly Island? Two words: class action. Big bucks. The sky is the limit.

I DON"T f*ckING CARE ABOUT SUING ANYONE. I just want to f*ck you.

Can we change the subject to something less boring?That sounds gross.

Are there any more female 'interns' at GL&S?

I really couldn't say for sure. I flunked out of Liberty City Community College.

Oh, I can tell.

Yeah that's right.

Boobies.

I'm staring into the void and it's cold. So cold. I'm still trying to blank out all those things that happened to me on the pageant circuit.

Are you a man?

Am I? Yes.

Oh dear god! I need to leave.

Yeah that's right.You can do whatever you want, so long as you pay.

I AIN'T PAYING TO TALK TO A f*ckING TRANSSEXUAL WHORE.

Interesting - find someone who cares.

 

(It went on for a while)

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Grand Theft Auto Dude

 

just ask: "who are you?" and you'll get an answer with a smiley  tounge.gif

Should search 'Samantha Muldoon' in the LCPD database. And 'Lyle Cleethorpes the 5th'. And 'Tony McTony'. And 'Cloe Parker'. And 'Mayor Ochoa'. And 'Jill Von Crastenburg'. And 'Philips Van Der Philip'. Wow, she/he has alot of names.

Edited by Grand Theft Auto Dude
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RalphWiggum

> Hello

 

Hello. I'm Mackenzie. Welcome to Goldberg, Ligner and Shyster.

 

> Nice to meet you

 

Are you flirting with me? Do you want to see a photocopy of my back fat?

 

> Sure, sounds fun

 

I'm so bored I just photocopied my butt. It looks like a butterfly.

 

> Yeah, it's nice

 

Wow, I just purged a Rusty Brown's donut and my breath smells like paraffin.

 

> You know, your teeth will all fall out if you keep doing that

 

What about yours?

 

> Oh I don't induce vomiting deliberately and on routine, so I think I'm safe

 

That is interesting for a person who's mentally challenged.

 

> Ok, now who's flirting? Little tease smile.gif

 

Right now? How much do you earn? I suspect that you can barely afford a letter on our headed notepaper.

 

> No-no, I don't require your headed notepaper… I keep bus tickets and receipts to write stuff on.

 

Interesting - find someone who cares.

 

> Do you not care?

 

How much money is in your account?

 

> Lots

 

My thighs are really tort. Sorry - a little legal joke there to lighten the mood!

 

> Oh ho ho ho! Well, I think a date would "serve" us both well, so I guess the ball is in your "court"! (oh, hang on… "The Bumper Book of Tennis Puns"?! ...Ah, I’ve brought the wrong effin book again)

 

Yeah that's right.I can't take much more of this. I'm teetering on the brink of a nervous breakdown.Tell me more. There's a claim in here somewhere.Ever been in contact with Asbestos or lead paint? We need to drum up some more victims.

 

> I enjoy both, but only once in a while, as my doctor says it's bad for me.

 

Why. Do. I. Care?

 

> You know, Mackenzie, you are a very handsome lady.

 

If I wanted your opinion, I'd have asked for it.

 

> Ask me for my opinion.

 

Great, you wanna play games.

 

> I love games! I'm so glad you like games too! Do you know "Go, Johnny, Go Go Go Go"?

 

Yeah that's right.Why would I? God, this conversation is painful.

 

> Religious, eh? Me too; who do you support?

 

How much do you earn? I suspect that you can barely afford a letter on our headed notepaper.I just got back from my spinning class and I'm all hot and sweaty. My butt is tighter than a snare drum.

 

> Bum-tish! ahthenkyew

 

You make me want to kill myself.

 

> You're a lawyer.

 

Are you prepared to swear under oath that you found a bullet in your Bean Machine gunkaccino? We've got them by the balls. This is a cash cow that's plump for the slaughter.

 

> Moo... heh.

 

Bla, bla, bla. Here's a question for you. If you had to choose...Enema strappy sandals or a Didier Sachs handbag?I don't fall for mind games.

 

> A challenge, eh? Don’t fall for mind games? Right then. How do you share 3 walnuts between 2 people so that one doesn't get more than the other? The walnuts must remain whole.

 

 

 

 

> Hello?

 

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Grand Theft Auto Dude

Where will the next GTA be set?

I don't know. I'm not a mind reader.

Will it be Vice City?

How should I know?

You are a Flash Application made by a web designer from Rockstar Games.

You are too.

 

LOL

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i made a topic like this and all the reply's i got said fail!

 

 

user posted image

 

PSN: joe_bevis

 

どぞよりしく

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@joe_bevis: That's f*cked up, dude...

 

Anyway, here's my conversation:

 

Me: Hello?

 

Mackenzie: Hello. I'm Mackenzie. Welcome to Goldberg, Ligner and Shyster.

 

Me: Thanks... What kind of advise can you give me?

 

Mackenzie: What are you talking about? Please bear in mind that I'm on a lot of medication. I can't even be bothered answering that.

 

Me: Well, I'm here for advice!

 

Mackenzie: I'm so bored I just photocopied my butt. It looks like a butterfly.

 

Me: Yeah, and mine does look like Donald f*cking Duck! Please, GIVE ME SOME ADVICE!!! Bitch!

 

Mackenzie: I'm staring into the void and it's cold. So cold. I'm still trying to blank out all those things that happened to me on the pageant circuit.How much do you earn? I suspect that you can barely afford a letter on our headed notepaper.You're consumed by jealousy, that's understandable.

 

Me: You are a f*cking bloody retard!

 

Mackenzie: You are too.

 

Me: LOL

 

Mackenzie: We're getting off track here. Has your boss ever tried to goose you at the photocopier?

 

Me: No. Has your boss tried to goose you then?

 

Mackenzie: I'm getting a very negative vibe from you.  Our system has already mapped all your personal data so I'd start being nice if I were you.Give me a break. This is a serious law firm. Our partners talk Latin over cappuccinos.

 

Me: Let me say this: f*ck YOU!

 

Mackenzie: Go ahead, try to. I'm going to charge you for that as well, though. Think of me as a whore in a power suit.

 

Me: But, YOU ARE a f*cking whore in a power suite!

 

Mackenzie: I don't fall for mind games.

 

Me: I mean suit. But it isn't a mind game, I just want some f*cking bloody advices. Is that too much to ask?

 

Mackenzie: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that.Have you ever been on the Screamer rollercoaster at Firefly Island? Two words: class action. Big bucks. The sky is the limit.That depends. I'm not answering any questions until I know you can afford us.

 

Me: I have never been in Liberty City thus far, but I really desperately want to visit! On the 29th of April I will visit Liberty City and I'll hope to find YOU to knock your ugly head off!

 

Mackenzie: So what. I have a cyst.Bla, bla, bla. Here's a question for you. If you had to choose...Enema strappy sandals or a Didier Sachs handbag?

 

Me: I choose a Didier Sachs handbag.

 

Mackenzie: Why. Do. I. Care?

 

Me: Why. Do. You. f*cking. Ask., f*cking. Bitch?

 

Mackenzie: To think I paid $150,000 a year on my education just to spend my days talking to idiots like you. Ever been in contact with Asbestos or lead paint? We need to drum up some more victims.I'm horny. What do you think about turning this into a conflict of interest over martinis?Have you ever fallen in the workplace? A papercut, maybe?I like to be spanked. Sorry, please ignore that. I'm IMing with this creep I met on Craplist and I suck at multitasking. Ever been in contact with Asbestos or lead paint? We need to drum up some more victims.You're consumed by jealousy, that's understandable.

 

Me: I like to masturbate, is that a crime?

 

Mackenzie: We're not here to discuss your weird hobbies. Do you want to be part of a class action suit or not?

 

Me: ROFL!!!

 

Mackenzie: You make me want to kill myself.

 

Me: Please, go ahead!

 

Mackenzie: This is not about your sexuality, stupid.

 

Me: Well, YOU aren't talking about my sexuality, but I DO!

 

Mackenzie: How much do you earn? I suspect that you can barely afford a letter on our headed notepaper.

 

Me: I earn more than you, f*cking retard!

 

Mackenzie: Thanks for the information. Now, do you have someone you want to sue?

 

Me: Yes, I'd like to sue YOU for wasting my time!

 

Mackenzie: Do you have a cell phone? Have you been feeling absent-minded recently? Massive payouts guaranteed.

 

Me: I do have a cell phone... Are you going to call me?

 

Mackenzie: You do?That was my original intention.

 

Me: Yes, but I asked if you are going to call me?

 

Mackenzie: I'm staring into the void and it's cold. So cold. I'm still trying to blank out all those things that happened to me on the pageant circuit.

 

Me: Sleep well...

 

Mackenzie: You make me want to kill myself.

 

Me: I should kill you for that! You've already said that.

 

Mackenzie: Interesting - find someone who cares.My thighs are really tort. Sorry - a little legal joke there to lighten the mood!

 

Me: f*cking whore... Goodbye, I'll go now...

 

Mackenzie: Do you watch meTV? Has it turned you into an imbecile? You may be entitled to compensation.This is not about your sexuality, stupid.

 

Me: I said: Goodbye!

 

Mackenzie: Interesting - find someone who cares.

 

Me: Bitch.

 

Mackenzie: You're consumed by jealousy, that's understandable.

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.Up&Coming.

I just realized when I cursed at her, she used lines sort of like past GTA's.

 

Remember, "My mother's my sister."?

 

I:I'm so hungover. I woke up on the bathroom floor this morning.

Me: F**k off.

I:Do you talk to your momma with that mouth? Are your momma and your sister the same person?

 

Haha.

NEW ACCOUNT

Panz

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