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Cand's Poetry


Face McDougal
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Face McDougal

 

 

============================

 

July 20, 2008

 

 

No one could blame such a cock

 

 

 

In death you’ve lost even your painful solitude,

Are you really at peace as they say?

And what about the child that has picked up

The cross where he found you lying?

He knows your weakness, it is now apart of his life.

And your strengths,

They don’t even exist in memory.

 

The lies were clean, we were all very domesticated.

It is a fine day; you were a truly remarkable friend

And fiend and when it came time to further your species,

A wonderful provider. What can I say?

 

In your vain we should all disconnect,

Get higher and write a philosophy of convenience

And nearly embrace contradictions, it’s easier that way.

 

The fruit of your loins; the pleasure was too great

And a million fearless tadpoles met their fate

In the great canals of a woman’s soulless cave.

All but one.

Did you inject heroin into your cock too?

 

Enough about you though, let’s talk about

My cock. My cock is healthy, often proud.

My cock is simple, it need not lie… it wants

To make a baby.

No one could blame such a cock.

 

========================

 

April 3, 2008

 

 

Call a guy named Tom, Tom

 

 

 

Who's got it now?

I wanna show it to you Lord. I wanna show it to you Lord.

I wanna show it to you Lord!

Because everybody

in the ew ew yeah, everybody's got it in their jeans

and I've got vibrations in my groin today.

 

Brothers and sisters gonna get a manicure

and I've got vibrations in my groin today.

 

=======================

 

March 28, 2008

 

 

What is a tiny black ant on sea sand?

 

 

 

What is a tiny black ant on sea sand?

The white crest of the tide drew back leaving behind a tiny black ant.

A tiny black ant? Out here? So close to the mouths of red clay pillars,

sea gulls, sand?

 

The sun cracked her shell like a snare, guts fizzing like burning polyethylene.

She'd take all the shortcuts she could but she can't, she's stuck

a tiny dead ant on sea sand.

 

========================

 

March 12, 2008

 

 

but even the great basin bristlecone pine dies

 

 

 

but then i turned over and lost to my own reflection,

i'd seen it a thousand times before and each time marred, filtered through

the distorted lens of self-image. what had i learned?

 

leaned in over the sink i studied my face;

a million whiteheads, what had i done?

and the fine hairs that cover most of our bodies,

they even come right up to my eyes..

didn't have to squint hard to see evidence of a unibrow with its

five o'clock shadow, odd.. why shave it?

 

and then i remembered being a kid, probably four.

on the first morning of summer my dad poked in over the threshhold at around eight a.m.

after just shaving off his winter beard.

dad? i was so frightened, should i trust him now? i couldn't tell.

 

1818 hilltop dr. our home out my window through the trees over mahopac lake.

it's been eleven years and now they've built in a two-car garage.

i couldn't tell where i was going, so i just thought of that woman's breasts (the

woman at the lake one time, she wore her bra instead of a bikini and it took to

water almost too well, and dad flirted with her right in front of mom and talked

about the average lifespan of parrots).

 

now dad's dead, he died. but, i don't care, even the great basin bristlecone pine dies.

i know of one of those trees, its name is methusala... alive over two thousand years

before jesus christ and still alive today. i don't know exactly where you'd find one,

but i hear they're hard to miss.

 

i feel so easy and at peace, even if only one sock is on.

it's quiet, dark for a change save for the light emitting from the computer monitor.

i've been real good lately about not taking breathing for granted,

it feels so good to breathe. whether through the nose or mouth, it's nice for now.

is there anything so underrated as my chest swelling up with each breath

i take?

i don't think so.

i don't.

 

========================

 

February 12, 2008

 

 

we all grow old with pain

 

 

 

when you're a kid you ain't got no heart,

and getting old is just no fun.

when you're a kid that frolicks grown old to break,

we all grow old with pain.

 

i don't want to leave without the skies i now hold in my fists enclosed,

or the golden meadows unseen the same.

but it's you that i want to keep forever, it's for you that i cry,

still i grow old with pain.

 

=======================

 

February 12, 2008

 

 

in the wooded fields of home

 

 

 

death don't make you hungry

 

or make you cum no quicker

 

in the wooded fields of home.

 

 

no warmth for sparks through liver or knees;

no bowl for pasta, no cup for drinks.

ewan crawls on four legs, eats his plastic

bags of an industrious man lived short.

 

but if asked a question of that sort

i might have made a case for the use of a period.

 

===========================

 

January 26, 2008

 

 

cancer and the all things bad

 

 

 

cancer and the all things bad

clutching on the letting go

of shade and left for another's noon.

 

swings cascades o'er prickly ropes

the unstable granite boulders

the hollow spots--no water fills.

 

cancer and the all things bad

the children losing and miss

their eyeless toys to no one parent.

 

and the people downtown all

jump off their towering polished marbles

and suffocate in the glass of their car--weeping.

 

cancer and the all things bad

the phallus of an oak can break away

and in an instant kill us all.

 

there is no one to save us and there never has been.

there is no reverence in physicality.

there is no care.

 

==========================

==========================

==========================

==========================

==========================

THE ARCHIVES

 

the poems listed in the archives were written by me from the ages of 16 through 20. generally, the newest ones are on top, generally.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

today is a simple day.

it is going on without you.

once you knew,

but now it is as if

it never happened--

i empathize quite well.

my friend, i would say,

i love you!

but not because i would mean it,

i do not love any person.

 

chopin, heroic now

chopin. you are

not special.

but i love what you've

done with the place.

it is genius.

but not for you.

not for your music.

 

 

i look into a soldier's eyes,

i once knew of him

and i guess i still sort of do.

but now his eyes are different.

i see in his eyes an obsession,

and an obliviousness to

all in which he is not involved.

he cannot understand.

that's okay.

there are outcomes,

we know now.

 

my father struggles,

as i do.

he can't get the brain to

accept.

just as the natives

to the ships,

he cannot see death.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

there he goes

taking shots

and brushing against you

and all your infinite wisdom.

we're told you know so much

about us

but where were you in '87?

where were you when skies were born

of their impregnable pigeons (landing whereever they pleased)?

 

there he goes

taking shots

and brushing against you

and all your infinite wisdom.

he loved you, baby

and you ripped him apart.

you let him see that we're just animals

and he could be happy without you.

 

idle trees with weak leaves,

giving up is always hard

until just after.

and that car you had sitting there,

in yonkers with italians and no philosophy...

the sun shined brightly then,

set stronger than the clouds.

but you, baby,

not making any sense at all

just keeping to yourself

hung about your dentures.

 

there he goes

he's dying old

and telling fables.

he's living a lie,

though still he'll see heaven

and he'll see it very soon--

it's in the sun, he's f*cked

with all his infinite wisdom.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

the fat of her calf in a swallow of hairless skin

hangs free, lovely, unfelt.

i circle the hams of her legs and the breadth

of her lactating organs

and shiver without hope.

and the fat of her calf like the fruits of her stalk

runs down and down and down.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

i'm drowning and pedestrians are smiling.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

Taxed again and headed home

for an Autumn skyline

drawn by trees and other things.

 

'Spirit-marks' highlight the Summer highlife,

heads on a dock preaching, somber,

sewn like threads into this evening, bare.

 

We must always remember how this space felt

between us all.

 

The skies above show yellow spilling out

behind the random branches

to fall leaves which mark our citizen efforts.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

there's something i've observed

about much more than myself.

in the mirror i see an animal,

and though stirred

with wet swollen eyes

and a trembling jaw,

nothing more.

 

i hear cheaply produced porn music

behind many grunts and groans and

the sound of a lamp being switched off

coming from the bedroom.

the porn (probably softcore) fades

and i'm left with just that.

these challenging observations

are made at my expense and

i'm left with my dick in my hand.

so i turn off the computer

(i didn't like the poem)

and i go to bed.

 

at dawn

the phone ringing will send me,

still sleeping, stumbling into

the living room.

"hello?"

and then i'll spend the rest of the day

smoking marijuana and

hoping that whoever is calling right now

is not someone "uncool".

inevitably i'll squabble with

her (diana) and at some point or another,

possibly tomorrow,

my mood will be jarred by some startling

life observation that would

without a doubt be thought of as trite

by many far more intelligent than i.

but that's okay.

that's all okay.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

it came as a gift

a childhood ago,

this symbol i hadn't

seen in years.

i'd nearly forgotten.

but its foil familiar,

this cell came back

to remind.

cadbury creme egg,

you've been missing

so long.

your green, your blue,

your red evoke something

i now cannot know.

cadbury creme egg.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

i'm gonna be in big trouble

some day.

i'm gonna be in big trouble

some day soon.

i can feel it in my chest,

i'm f*cked.

 

i look down at my keyboard

and let out a sigh

at once contemplative and meloncholic.

i hear her blowing her nose around the corner

and when she stops i can hear the

tv again.

and my heart beating.

and my thoughts again escape paralyzation

from knowledge of death.

 

a light is switched off

and my eyes grow.

 

i'm a living drunk.

 

 

my walk through the day

on the dark and thicklky laid pavement

of a lower-class section

was full of life.

there were dogs on piles of trash

muzzled and chained to the bottom

of hollow trailers

barking. literally

trying with all the energy they had

to come loose of the chains

and get to me

enjoying bird music

though squinty eyed

and sad when thoughtful.

i once came upon a dead squirell

on one of these thoughtful walks

and i stared at it then.

i thought,

one of me is gone.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

her breasts were huge and swollen

her nipples pink and horny

a pin-up climbing the pool ladder to freedom.

she explained to us then

in the most feminine german:

the men i worked with were kind

they smiled and offered me cigarettes.

(those cigarettes tasted awfully funny

but how they did relax me

on those dog days of summer).

 

"fischen is for boy

kochen is for woman!"

and he screamed from his pulpit

the bible in german

with his signs

with his pointing at the pews

with his unacknowledged fury

and impotence.

 

"fischen is for boy!

kochen! for woman!"

the cerbral palsy girl

was the executioner's example of "kochen"

he held the sign against her twisted red body--

 

and look

she's fashioned her friend doll

in a similar palsy-manner.

 

"fischen is for boy!

recht minderwertig is girl!"

the german bible suddenly becomes

a lot more violent

there's blood even.

 

outside the pin-up girl

with the huge and swollen breasts

with the nipples pink and horny

is free.

she can't seem to shake stupid

retreating into the german cathedral

looking for a rapist

to understand her

through reading of her huge and swollen breasts

pink and horny nipples

and english subtitles.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

back when cars used gasoline

and you had that camarillo brillo

when death stirred restless only in

the most obscure lumps of man-brain

(and form-- what form?).

i was there too

but i didn't much like it--

those years of buddy-cops wearing suspenders

in brand new color tvs with shiny guns

in your apartment every week--

so i'm here write now.

and i can't stand anything anymore

really the timing is off.

find a faster way to stop work

and smoke bongs and listen to

frank zappa and say the word "sh*t" with friends.

i can't imagine what anything means

but i'm sure it doesn't matter anyway.

so time spent with the girl

is time spent best

even better when she's in there

and i get to write and still think about her--

here she's come up.

i enjoy things more when i think about them.

existence is a disappointment

retrospect is best.

i'm in a lost time capsule

enjoying what i piss in.

i deliver pizzas in 1970s america

listening to "camarillo brillo"

from frank zappa in my ultra sh*tty motor-car

and i get paid $2.10 an hour

but i don't

and it isn't 1970s america.

that doesn't exist anymore.

i live at a time in a place

they've called it

they've called me

they've called you.

 

the brass section wails

and the piano is saying

whatever hands tell it to

and he's speaking in terms

that i don't understand

that i've never even heard.

but dammit, it sounds like

i will die in yonkers afterall!

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

I am a cold frugal man,

a thin and wispy line.

My sheets are green and wrinkled

and I haven't paid my window in awhile.

 

When I ran the country looking

for a room wherin I'd write,

I found for me a foreign mule

whom nodded my way right.

 

Since then I've stayed here lying

for I cannot sit to set it straight.

It's as though the empty negatives

are multiplying further.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

lunges out of portises and high rise buildings

looking for a way out.

lunges out of backseat dwellings cold without moisture

settled into the microscopic crevices of the many rusty vestiges

of cars whose owners ran away

looking for an exit.

 

though the plains are dry and yellow

its nights are blue and ringing

and steal minds far greater than mine.

 

a family of rodents inhabit

an abondoned car

cold and rough from rust

a shell of its year on the road when it drove the country

on nothing more than gas and cheap cigarettes.

the '87 buick was destined to live

to die and then rot.

and then the sun cracks the already faded

paint and leaves it real thirsty-like.

o of the year when i traversed this yellow day terrain

with my poor passed auto

and hummed and rumbled and flattened rodents and rocks

and SAW THE FUTURE!

o of that day when i saw the future

and was so wrong, so wrong.

 

--but i am better off than the rodents, right?

 

 

 

 

There coasts an auto.

And there are paved streets

through dusty desert plains,

flashes of poor oil

garages willing to oblige,

a constant orange sun

perfect from so far--

settling down to cool my eyes.

 

It's been a long way.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

Mental bridges navigate through hearts and opened mind.

Eternal wishes gravitate; the pauper’s water, wine.

Nocturnal fog does captivate, the clearness therein lies

as does the fat when stowed away with something more divine.

 

Traffic in the stars lit bright which lull the kindness of your eyes,

with angels in their hair and dust daubed purple on their brow.

Spread bows of rain in-out-through space,

take from fountains in the sky.

And any place, find inner-calm

and let the mountains die.

 

Nerves set free let spark the fire no hindrance far nor wide,

just let the calling set it straight and feed the yearning mind.

Find your place in outer space, and float through yielding time.

Find your own and care for now, and let the living be.

Yes, “Let the living be“.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

This art is all evading like the picture in the painting,

inspiration surely fading like the face of Mother Mary--

into labor out the savior like a self-important poet.

Can you see the cave inside the ceiling where the quiet man stays sleeping?

Can you finger such a feeling, as a spark just short of fire?

It shines through the puddles of my dreaming, but goes thereafter.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

As curious as the Irises’ petals do curl,

as infant as the red bands from a bored blind sun…

Rain don’t come and wane the flower away,

so that I can feel Spring’s soft leather touching on upon my lips.

An infrequent droplet so deadly, so pure.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

Riding the shadows of trains to come,

reading black lines from a sun undone.

I gaze into the blue of a tired boy’s eyes

as I struggle to make out a man’s face in the mirror.

 

I never even existed.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

The shadows fall,

they lie down for the sun.

Broken light tangles itself through the branches

and rests on the dirt before lonely wood.

 

The sun is eternal,

its light shrouds the planes that birthed new life.

Trickery, the illusion of being is reality of the fall.

And they've got you all fooled...

 

This Earth, this beautiful earth,

the innocence of day, but the inevitability of night.

Open waters, deserts unaccounted for,

I walk the Nile just to understand and pray.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

I feel my breath.

Head in hands,

I see through these digits

and my urges blur.

 

What is it to feel?

Is it the loneliness in my stomach?

Is it the preponderance of the mind's inhabiting thoughts?

Is it to starve, drought, war, birth, fear?

Or is to truly feel to not feel at all,

and to yearn for humanity's sparse touch?

 

It is my drive,

and it is my hindrance.

It is my peace,

and it is my war.

It is my love,

and it is my loss.

It is my god,

and it is my sacrifice.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

She drags my bones all through the night

across a field of grain.

And though I've heard she speaks of love,

I float afar another plane.

 

Nocturne of hers

so drought and dark,

as dark as whim can be.

I see for her,

the contrast stark,

her warm naivete.

 

And though I know of futile things

I burn a hole into the night.

And though the motion reads with wings

this plane for now is lonely.

 

 

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

The day grows weary,

the lids of a sun who has

seen it all and will

see it all again grow heavy.

I draw the blinds and

fix myself in bed.

I hope tomorrow will get here late.

 

What of the night?

Too short, the haste of the moon

to be outshone.

Eleven, then two,

next half-of-four.

Then 'time'.

The middle left cold

and largely unfelt.

 

I strive to feel that balance,

the balance that comes with silence--

with life's oppressors on mute.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

The answers lie sleeping in her eyes,

sleeping like the ocean, existent but clandestine.

I am but sand to her waters, I earn my kiss for the tide,

pulled into the undertow and then released by her moons.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

She stands as real as nature with her finger on the tree

on the outskirts of the garden, green and naked like a dream.

Statuesque and looking through the tangled vine,

she forgives their contradictions and lets the widow pine.

 

It's numb, like cold rain on a porcelain cheek.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

The human puts beauty on hold for motion

and never ends its subjection to compromise.

Such life should not sustain

for its overwhelming powers of love and yearning

would die without the inevitable tragic loss.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

WHITE DWARF

 

It's pitiable really, in the most

gorgeous way yet. A life's remnants

obscuring the night sky for longer than

itself had shone. Merely a long-winded

swan song, a reminder of its overwhelming

mediocrity. Unworthy of a grand exit,

it exhibits its carcuss for nearly all of eternity

and whispers to any meandering spirit whom might

chance it, "I once was a great artist".

 

 

SUPER NOVA

 

All that I cannot be

I am much too human for that

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

Fireflies mate butterflies inside this dreadful row

to which the sermon certifies its willful ears do blow.

A pant that goes with solid shoes of woman's loveless labor

don't match the woes of common foes against the wilting saviour.

Match your dime against the cost of something thought as less,

but do it looking down.

 

"Condemn your sorrows! Shed no tears along the winnings!

Relinquish your morals and archaic etiquette for true divinity!"

Lose wind your voice! loose-ended heart

and break these perfect wings apart

and when you're shrill and picked regret not what you have done.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

A line of red forbearing fruits

cries, green jungles shake their roots

Men eyes hath filled a film less felt

fills flies abhor this soldier's clot

Change consumes, the striders high

life burrows, wilts, and surely melts

Sandy tide thus bulrush petals

Fall the Marches, Call to April!

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

Momentum steady drops the weight

and turns a dreadful stop.

Mask once red, so hid its face

now fades, behind it barren.

What once held light the shadow's lost

to serve some murky egg

and pass the marches to another

and on to never end.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

Such a cold wind

came from her mouth

and let me lay down

in awe of it.

And as the night let

on to the trappings

of George Gershwin on ice

I fell in love madly.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

Bad vibes--anxiety,

on top of the city,

the city's on top of me.

Good vibes, I'm only lying--

I hate the world,

the world hates me.

 

Vibrations felt,

the remnants of a man: his soul--

high flyin' over the city now.

Such a ghost, so white--

transient 'lectronics.

I'm gonna buy and

I'm gonna win and that's

just what I said to Her Majesty

Jesus.

 

Cold nuts--labotomy,

I'm not sure what that means

but it's inside of me.

Can't die unless you've lived--

so I'll scare my children

until they love me

or at least fear me.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

the damaged parts of once solid man

spoil it for all.

my brain wants payment for the vein

that burst my bubble--

 

the heart that got me here in the first place

has failed me again.

 

we all grow old with pain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

those damaged parts i use to run--

my heart is failing, mind withering,

liver spoiled.

karma? was it something i did (or didn't do)

many years ago out of thoughtlessness?

we all grow old with pain.

 

you can ration yourself out,

like food i suppose..

but once you've ran out,

you've ran out.

we all grow old with pain.

 

we all grow old with pain.

 

 

OH ANEURYSM...

ANUERYSM..

COULD YOU HAVE NOT WAITED

FOR THE FILM TO END?

FOR MY HEAD TO BOW FROM THE GLISTEN

OF THE HOUR-LONG STARE BETWEEN MY WIFE AND I?

COULD YOU JUST NOT COME AT ALL?

WHY'D YOU RUIN MY CIGARETTE BREAK?

I DEMAND AN ANSWER,

YOU IRREVERENT FUCK!

 

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

i'm a gloomy air balloon

filled with an anti-matter cool wind.

i'm floating

over miles of fire.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

flash.

a day advanced by

mischievous self-loathing

and irrevocable atheism.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

precepts wear

and crumble like a dying mountain

leaving its peak to a rising

upheaval.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

he lurks there

in the corner there

hiding his lights

from grown-ups

feeling obscene

in the dark

with his penis on.

 

he dreams there

in the bathtub there

feeding soap to

his pores awake

eyes burning clean

then in bed

tired monster's scribe.

 

he says nothing

he never does

unless spoken to.

but in there

in his room at day

He

is king.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

thump!

that's the sound of richard

killing a man in a snow storm in michigan

with the '85 pontiac he told he paid

a grand for because he doesn't believe

in car payments

 

hell, the a.c. don't work

but he got a good deal on it...

and it's michigan anyhow

he can handle a 2-50 system

for two or three months out of

the year--

that's two windows rolled down

goin' 50 miles per hour

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

hair as silk

flowing

streams of it

over her heart

silk

bathed in calcium rays

projecting life

in circles

around life

kissing her there

silk

smooth

free from heavy

and

oppressive thoughts

 

images of

silk.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

I pick the atoms of a space rock apart

from my old rockingship chair

and share my books with a space creature

whom I met on the darkside of a black hole

and watch his mind wither away before me

like a terrified infant crawling back and deeper

inside bumping into corners of the universe

which don't exist except inside a Mother's Love.

Singing about the red giant that ate his father

for death.

 

And now my legs are done

and my brains are mush like astronaut food.

Boy, I sure got a lot to do back home.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

i see them through my window

late at night, their shadows tall

like gods from fire.

they're burning cash and taking

the lord's name in vain.

 

they've been out there all night

and they're getting nowhere fast as daylight approaches.

they are american heroes

and their stories will be dead by morning.

 

they don't care

until their next paycheck kills the cause

and they're stuck like assholes on the freeway

with a f*cked car and a new philosophy:

submission for food.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

the phone rings

i put my book down

"who is it", i ask

diana gestures for me to hold on

i'm impatient

"who is that?"

"hold-on", she mouths

now...

why couldn't she have mouthed:

aunt bean

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

we deep thirsty ones

digging holes to find water

while it rains on our backs

we exhaust and succumb

with cracked and bloody throats

and die and rot into the jungle floor

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

ink and paper went to waste

when i thought i was a poet,

a serious artiste.

 

now i know better.

 

the best work i'll ever do

is right here getting written

and i'm happy to know

that i've never been better.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

the milkman every wednesday morning.

he's a beautiful man with his

eight, half-inch-thick, perfect jars--

i see my smiling eyes in the reflective glass

and all the glorious white calcium at once.

i kiss him. i love him. i wish only to be in his presence.

for what is two dimes for all this milk?

what a generous bringer of life,

all in his bottles.

 

the bill collector beckons me with his

startling ringing and his frightening tone.

trained to intimidate, he threatens me.

"f*ck you and your voodoo!" i wanted to yell,

but i hadn't the nerve. instead i offered,

"next time" meakly and cursed him later.

what an inconsiderate prick

with his calls at all ungodly hours.

 

but once the bill collector started bringing the milk

and the milkman came for his due,

i turned on one the other.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

i cannot do except to define the plots of your music,

to absorb it for my own thought.

i cannot think without the voice of

television running in the foreground, distracting me

from what i really feel.

i cannot turn off except to sleep

and even then this plane is lost to myself.

 

i cannot help wanting to be undone,

to not exist and to not be a part

and i cannot be anything but afraid to die.

i watch my commercials and i order my pizza,

i get my delivery and eat

and everything is fine.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

i know love for your golden floors---

floors of wheat, two feet standing,

hold close our grain

and harbor magnificent bugs (gleaming

with the sun-- the Star of No God)---

all living things.

 

meadow,

 

i know

your earth,

though its contents evolve and grow hair in the night.

 

and see now how we're served with night?

 

and so i fear the darkness

though i curiously close in on you---

your gravity is a force no matter the time of day.

 

o gayest meadow that i've known, when

shall we part?

at one or the other's destruction or perhaps long before?

might i chance another meadow (or perhaps a brief and lucid garden)

as once

you were chanced?

 

shall we conquer death?

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

a dragon lives in the brain.

 

and i live in the disorient that it brings

all red and smiling with great white teeth

and celebratory between the ears.

 

my thoughts aspire

from confetti adorned canals

and fire from islands

long rejected from the brain i am today.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

the other short lives which with mine are tied

do not exist in my own world.

 

not unlike you---

unknown and breathing

with a long yawn which does not cease

even for dreams.

you are carted through the dungeons of my day

within time which does not belong to you.

my reminders account no effect

and you're courted smiling with the most terrible breath.

you've founded in you someone else.

you dismiss the travel.

you dismiss its breakdowns and startups.

you dismiss everything.

me and you.

death and heaven.

 

life is much too long

and nothing exists outside of your own world.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

a country

a town

a cafe

a nook

a table and two chairs

stares at one sits in the other

 

gray

the room breathes

entraps him with not more sound

than a relentless dark droning

the train is coming for him,

his health,

his death

 

shaking!

screaming!

disorient!

in a fit his newsboy cap flies away with his sanity

as he gasps and his age-addled fingers tear skin for heart

collapse!

no longer do they eat, no

now they're in a moment

no longer animals but spectators

 

CRUNCH

CRUNCH

CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUTCH

and now friend lion out for the first bite of the day

HE is animal

WE are spectator

HE is animal

 

death ensues

all for pharmocology

who'd a thunk?

 

 

my eyes scan the paper

for worthy consumption

same ol same ol

when is something going to grip me?

when will MY crazy old man who i love to the depths

fall victim to my lion?

woe is me, woe is me

another one for the recycling binaintitashame

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

Such a cold wind

came out from her mouth,

it let me lay down

in awe of it.

 

And as the night,

it let on

to the trappings of

George Gerswhin on ice...

 

I fell in love madly.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

What monster sinned upon this canvas,

daubing fretful life upon us?

What daftness calls for the torture of a deity?

Connecting skies to waters unmercifully.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Edited by Face McDougal
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Face McDougal

user posted image

 

Bump just to show off the finalized thread. I'll notify of further updates in the UPDATES thread. smile.gif

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longkissgoodnight

Hey Face Mcdougal - (aka Candarelli): how come you told a lot of people that Candarelli has died? It says here: "This thread serves as a library for most of my work" and on those links is Candarelli - so you are the same person. Why did you do it?

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saltinespike

Oh my goddd. Drop it, dude; we already had this whole conversation. We don't need a whole new discussion in his poetry thread.

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