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Build Up Your Gang

BUYG: Build Up Your Gang

Recommended Posts

Skimask101
This is cool,can I join?

 

 

Edit-Nevermind,I've read the rules,now I understand.I'd like to join the Russian Mafiya at the Atrium.

..Oh hey there, Angelo?

 

I mean really, unless someone has been lurking the GTAForums for a while beforehand, I don't think they'll immediately go here after they've just joined.

Yup, I don't think some one will find out about BUYG right away. Also it says one guest is reading this page so that might be him logged out checking if it is safe.

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mark-2007

I gave him a poem. An ode, a nice little ditty.

 

I'll get on and read those awaiting stories. Unfortunately, the second post contains links to pics of weapons and stuff like that, so editing it will mess that up. Nonetheless, I'll read them soon.

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Flesh-n-Bone

I have a recommendation. Why not adding the gangs that got 'wiped out' during the timeline. But anybody joining them has to write the stories based on before the time they got wiped out.

 

I would love to take over the Mendez Cartel if they were added.

 

Such as:

 

Gang: Mendez Cartel

Places to join: Downtown Mendez Building, The Mendez Mansion in Prawn Island

Gang car: Sentinel XS and a bonus vehicle randomly added.

and the rest is just like every other gang, money, weapon etc...

 

This is just a suggestion because if Mendez's are added I'll be happy to write for them.

Edited by Flesh-n-Bone

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mark-2007

 

I have a recommendation. Why not adding the gangs that got 'wiped out' during the timeline. But anybody joining them has to write the stories based on before the time they got wiped out.

 

I would love to take over the Mendez Cartel if they were added.

 

Such as:

 

Gang: Mendez Cartel

Places to join: Downtown Mendez Building, The Mendez Mansion in Prawn Island

Gang car: Sentinel XS and a bonus vehicle randomly added.

and the rest is just like every other gang, money, weapon etc...

 

This is just a suggestion because if Mendez's are added I'll be happy to write for them.

The Sharks in Vice City are the remnants of the Mendex Cartel from Vice City Stories, which is three years prior to the story of Tommy Vercetti. Feel free to take over one and write them in the time of the Mendez brothers.

 

But you do raise a good point. Maybe the Diaz Gang can be introduced, although the Vercetti Gang and Forellis own most of their property. Perhaps we can share them, the Vercetti gang writers must write their stories after '86, and Diaz gang writers go before then, so both can use the Diaz Mansion and other assets. Maybe the Junk Yard can be used for the Diaz gang too.

 

EDIT: P.S. Angelo Leone and his many aliases have been banned. 'Tis the season to be jolly!

Edited by mark-2007

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Flesh-n-Bone

Yes exactly what I want to say. Vercetti gang stories have to be after 86 because they didn't exist before that. Diaz's gang stories must be before 86 because they ceased to exist afterward.

 

If we play honest that will say Ballas and Vagos were wiped out of SA as well since you takeover their territory. So yeah - I think you should add the 'wiped out' gangs. Specially Vance Crime Family!

 

Thank god Angelo Leone is finally banned, annoyed the hell out of me with his dumb stories and posts.

 

EDIT: In case the Mendez Cartel will be added, I'd like to take over their Mendez Mansion in Prawn Island. So I just say it rather than taking time to point it out again.

 

EDIT again: So what is the decision? If the wiped out gangs are going to be added then move me over to Mendez Cartel at The Mendez Mansion. Then I can get back and write more stories.

Edited by Flesh-n-Bone

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Omnia sunt Communia

The problem with including 'wiped out' gangs is that it could create property and timeline clashes. I think the best bet would be to say that B.U.Y.G. takes place in the present, and all 'wiped out' gangs have been wiped out. Setting one gang's story in '86 then one gangs in '92 would lead to confusion; especially when it comes to Gang Wars etc.

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mark-2007
The problem with including 'wiped out' gangs is that it could create property and timeline clashes. I think the best bet would be to say that B.U.Y.G. takes place in the present, and all 'wiped out' gangs have been wiped out. Setting one gang's story in '86 then one gangs in '92 would lead to confusion; especially when it comes to Gang Wars etc.

Good point with the gang wars, I didn't think of that. That basically rules out the possibility of them then.

 

Also, Vagos and Ballas weren't necessarily wiped out at the end of San Andreas, it was the player's decision.

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Flesh-n-Bone

But they can be out for gang wars. So if the player in that gang is given the choice to switch to another gang and if not, then they'll have to stay out of gang war.

 

EDIT: The 'wiped out' gangs bosses can have their own gang war based on before-time. Keep in mind the Forelli's were wiped out by GTA3 same with Sindacco's in LCS.

Edited by Flesh-n-Bone

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Build Up Your Gang

Yeah, but the Forelli and Sindacco gangs were always left really anonymous, and we were never told that they were out completely, even if they didn't appear in GTA3. Neither have a defined leader either, whereas Diaz gang and Mendez Cartel do, and the three of them died. And it gets too confusing, having some gangs who can't fight each other and some who can.

 

---

 

Hi everyone,

 

---

 

Marlord911

The Bikers

10th story

$40

$176 + $40 = $216

Multiple of five bonus

$100

$216 + $100 = $316

I rather like your writing. It might just be me, but I’m sure your break has done wonders for your skills. Maybe you could do with a little more action in your next instalment? Though I felt this was possibly more of a atmosphere-building one to lead up to some action. Also pick a weapon/item of your choice under $150.

 

---

 

Gabriel Constantin

Yakuza

Ingram Mac-10 purchased

$155

$190 - $155 = $35

4th story

$48

$35 + $48 = $83

More great writing. Definitely amongst the best here.

 

---

 

Vinnie Leone

The Leones

30th story

$17

$2621 + $17 = $2638

Multiple of five bonus

$100

$2638 + $100 = $2738

Poor dialogue, with very limited use of descriptive words in it (you use “he said” far too much). Spelling is awful too. Punctuation isn’t too great either, try running it through word first. Also note that, after dialogue ends in a question mark or exclamation mark, then the following letter outside of the quotation marks isn’t capitalised, unless it is an “I” of course, or someone’s name. You don’t describe anything either, which stops you from earning above $25.

 

---

 

mrgypsie

Added to the Southside Hoods

Southside Hoods Club

 

---

 

Any problems, just notify me in the topic. Also, share any ideas and we'll give them a good thinking through.

 

I'll update once the codes are fixed, otherwise the links to the images of weapons will screw up.

 

rated by mark-2007

Edited by Build Up Your Gang

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Flesh-n-Bone

That leaves me with the options to either drop out or change to another gang without any other writes even if that's already so at Grove Street. If mrgypsie has moved to Southside Hoods I think I'll go for the Triads at Belly Up Fish Factory once I can come up with a good number of names for the characters as the Triads of LC were so random and street-ish. Damn Mendez, I really wanted to write for them. /rant.

 

I'll do the thinking tomorrow whether to switch, stay or drop out. Because I really had a lot of good things coming with the Mendez cartel.

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Omnia sunt Communia

Why not just write for the Colombian Cartel?

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Flesh-n-Bone

 

Why not just write for the Colombian Cartel?

A good thought, I may go to the Colombians as well, but the thing is the Mendez's could make an interesting back story and the Colombians were kinda underground around 1998 and only starting to gain power as time progressed. Keeping things in mind, Mendez Cartel are probably pretty much my favorite gang. Well I'll decide it all tomorrow. At least the thread can relax without Angelo Leone cluttering it up from the head to the toe.

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Omnia sunt Communia

In lieu of the recent scrapping of the Gang War Competition, who here wants a gang war?

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Skimask101
In lieu of the recent scrapping of the Gang War Competition, who here wants a gang war?

Well I would enjoy one because my last story leaves me hanging at one scene (Where the meeting gets ambushed) so I would enjoy finishing that story already.

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Flesh-n-Bone

I'm switching over to the Triads at Belly Up Fish Factory, Liberty City. biggrin.gif

 

Prologue: Francis International Airport, Shoreside Vale - 2003

Today am I, Xie Huang, an important member of the Triads in Portland coming back after the fall of our crew. Chunky "Lee" Chong got assassinated, three of our warlords got murdered in a gang war with these filthy Leone's, our fish factory were destroyed by a trashmaster bomb, it's now been about two years ago and we are currently at year 2003. I know just the way to smoke these Mafioso bastards out of our turf and get revenge on them. After the death of Chunky Lee Chong, we got us a new leader and that's Tan Wong. I'm about to arrive from my flight to the airport in Francis International Airport and Lee Kang Su is coming to pick me up and we'll have a lot of stuff to talk about on the way.

 

As I arrived at the airport, Kang (Lee Kang Su) is waiting there with one of our Fish Vans. We give each other a hug and I get inside the car while putting all my money, clothes and other things in the back.

 

"Hey Kang, how are you my friend? I heard a lot about these stupid Leone's defeating our organization but shortly afterward Salvatore got killed as well. Who did all of it?" - I started talk and looked happily while pretty glad to want to know about all the thing from two years ago.

 

"Huang, well there was some street thug who went by the name 'Claude', he did a lot. He killed Chunky, our warlords, Salvatore and destroyed our fish factory but the front is now back and repaired, the Leone's couldn't recover from the death of Sal, now Toni Cipriani - that fat bastard has got a heart attack and his stupid soldiers are dying for him. If he dies, then the Leone's are finished. But about this Claude dude, well he destroyed our Cartel alliance, weakened us, and the Leone's both in one, he also destroyed the Cartel. He's a badass man! If I could get my hands on him - but if we would call for his help then it would be great as he did all of it for money and work." -Kang said but I hardly had the interest in listening to all of it because of being a long story.

 

"So that's how? Guess this Claude would make a good hitman, but where the hell is he?" -I said while driving over the Callahan Bridge from Newport.

 

"Who knows, guess he escaped because everybody wanted him dead on this town." -Kang said while he seemed kinda tired.

 

Our talk came to an end and I finally arrived at my safehouse in Atlantic Quays. When we arrived, Kang took over the driver seat in the van while I ran inside home.

 

"We'll talk about this later, now take care of our factory because it costs to repair it and we can't trust any random cars anymore. The Leone's have a big front called Sex Club 7 which is at the Red Light District, it is owned by Luigi Goterelli and Mickey Hamfists, the two will have to pay once we're there! We'll take over Red Light and this front at the same time when plans speak for themselves." -Kang said as he drove off.

 

I went inside my new safehouse and took a quick shower and then got a couple of 'Triad style' clothes and went to bed.

 

-----------------------

Sorry for the confusing names but I had to search for Chinese surnames, lol.

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Stefan.

Woo, I'm back! Glad to see AngeloLeone gone, although a shame about the gang wars.

 

We can write normally now, yeah?

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mark-2007

Yep, everything is back to normal. Take note Stefan, if you decide to rate the stories, then don't edit the second post tables. There's clickable links to photos in them, so any editing will bugger that up.

 

I'll get on and rate Flesh's story soon.

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Flesh-n-Bone

Yes I think it's time for normal stories again. Here's my 2nd story for the Triads. And mark - I just wrote my second story during the time you posted.

 

Chapter II: The Triads - Strictly Business (2003)

 

I looked through the windows of my house, the sun was amazingly shining outside. I changed my clothes and wore some blue suit. Surprisingly my phone started ringing. It was Kang who was ringing. I picked up and started to talk.

 

"Hey Kang, how are you, what's going on?" -I said as I walked over to my TV.

 

"Huang! Hey you, we got some problem and need to talk about it. It's time to get started and sort this mess out, then we'll take care of the Leone's and get ourselves in the dirty business deeper. Maybe we get to expand our turf onto Staunton. There we do business more and more... You hear me?" -Kang said over the phone.

 

"Yeah I do, NOW - where do you want to see me, huh?" -I replied as I fed the flowers besides my TV inside.

 

"There's my apartment in Chinatown. We'll do our business more carefully. The first thing we'll do is take down that boy Joey Leone, Salvatore's son. Then we'll see what Toni Cipriani is up to at the hospital. I see you here then!" -Kang said as hung up.

 

I went outside and found a Greenwood parked. It was unlocked and a letter was left inside. The letter was reading something alone the lines...

 

"This is my present to you for returning, we'll surely need you. This car belongs to you Huang.... -Wong."

 

As I read it then the keys were left inside and I got in. It must be Wong's present for me as a car to start with. I might buy a better vehicle when I get me some money. A AK-47 was inside the car as well, that must be something to get me started. I started to drive over to Kang's house as I saw a couple of dead Triad bodies. I found one of our gang members walking and I got out and asked him what happened.

 

"Hey over here, what's going on? Why are here these dead bodies, who did it?" -I said as I watched carefully at our gang member.

 

"No no no... it was not me fault, some damn bastards came and did a drive-by." - The gang member said when he looked scared.

 

"Ok, but was it the Leone's?" - I asked as I went inside my car again.

 

The gang member ran away for unknown reason, I decided to ignore him and drive over to Kang. When I arrived his garage was there and I parked my car inside as well as entering Kang's apartment.

 

"Hey Kang, you called me." -I said as I walked inside his house.

 

"Yeah I did. Now take a seat." -Kang said when he put brought some banana and other fruits over to the table.

 

"Alright, so how are we going to get started again? And who's that Joey boy, who you talked about?" -I asked while I ate a banana.

 

"Oh that guy, we'll have to kill him and the Leone's will admit their lose." -Kang said as he looked kinda serious.

 

"Are you sure this guy ain't guarded?" -I replied as I brought my attention towards the TV.

 

"Well, we'll act like robbers and rub him out with some outfit. That should convince him to give up. And I doubt he's got any guards but after what Salvatore got then the Leone's are fearing their enemies." -Kang said when he was shaking his head.

 

"You could have said it over the phone rather than bringing me over here." - I said angrily because there was nothing special going on and nothing important.

 

"HEY! We need to get over to the Cartel and open up something with them. Let's get down and drive over there, I'll explain on the way." -Kang replied as he started preparing to go out.

 

We both walked out and got in my Greenwood. I had to get over to Cedar Grove because the Cartel got something to talk about.

 

"Nice wheels, where did you get them?" -Kang asked on the road as we were driving through Staunton Island.

 

"I just found them outside my house with a letter from Mr. Wong, he even left me an AK." -I answered when concentrating on the road.

 

"Nice." -was the only thing Kang had to say.

 

While on the road, we went through Torrington and saw some Yardies fighting in a heavy gun fight with the Yakuza. It was a serious fight so we could not watch the scene for any moment. Even a Yakuza spotted us on the car and tried to run over to my car. It was kinda confusing since they were actually fighting the Yardies. We finally arrived at Cedar Grove and a number of Colombians were waiting inside a mansion.

 

"We're there. Let's get off and talk to them." -Kang said as he got out of the car.

 

We walked towards the Colombians and they seemed pretty ruthless.

 

"Hello Colombians, so what are the plans about our alliance with you guys?" -Kang said while he shook hands with one of the Colombians.

 

"Yeh ese, we do you any favor to help us out. We lost our leaders, it's done, SPANK got eliminated." -A Colombian said when he started looking at me.

 

"We need to get rid of these stupid Leone's over at Saint Marks. But we'll do it on self." -Kang said as he started to walk towards my car with me following.

 

We both went inside the car and I drove off back to Kang's house. When we drove through Torrington again, the fight seemed to have died down with lots of dead Yardie bodies on the floor. I just drove over as fast as I could to stay away from trouble. We finally reached Chinatown and Kang walked out to his home. My house ain't that far off so I drove as slow and relaxing as I could and eventually reached home. When I went inside I turned on the TV and my AK was beside my bed. The news talked about a big war about to get started between the Yardies and the Yakuza with lots of Jamaicans slaughtered on the gang war at Torrington. I decided to turn it off and eat something.

 

------------

 

END.

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Build Up Your Gang

Hello again,

 

---

 

Flesh-n-Bone

The Triads

1st (22nd) story

$29

$100 + $29 = $129

It's quite good, really. There's still the odd error here and there in tense mix-ups and bad phrasing, but for something light-hearted as BUYG, they're not huge. One thing that does sort of irk me with your work is the huge chunks of dialogue. Try splitting it up by putting the "I said" bit in the middle of it, breaking the dialogue into two section and making it more reliable. Also inject a few phrases like "He scratched at his bald spot and continued", just bits to give the dialogue a bit character. There's also no need for the "-" after dialogue. It should be '"So, we're going to pop over and see Kang, you coming?" I asked, gathering up my car keys.' kind thing, comprende?

 

---

 

Flesh-n-Bone

The Triads

2nd (23rd) story

$24

$129 + $24 = $153

Not as impessive. Not enough description. The same problems remain as I stated above.

 

---

 

Again, I will update everything was images and links are hosted again.

 

So, as usual, keep the stories coming everyone. We need a new lease of life injected into BUYG, any ideas? We might look further into putting the gangs and properties from IV, maybe, if possible, ask the mods to move it to the IV section to save us from having to start again.

 

rated by mark-2007

Edited by Build Up Your Gang

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Flesh-n-Bone

$100 + $29 + $24 = $153

The Triads would like to buy a Streetfighter for $115. That leaves the gang with $38.

School has just started and before I start getting serious exams I'll write as many as stories as possible, but in weekends it'll be better. New story tomorrow!

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Build Up Your Gang

Okay,

 

---

 

Flesh-n-Bone

The Triads

Streetfighter (Vehicle) purchased

$115

$153 - $115 = $38

 

---

 

Sorted.

 

Any suggestions welcome, as usual.

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Skimask101

Can I go to war with The Colombian Cartel?

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mark-2007
Can I go to war with The Colombian Cartel?

Nobody writes for them, I think. So it'll be a bit one-sided! Haha.

 

Feel free to write about it in stories, although Jacky Fiend of the Yakuza is after a gang war. You're based in the same city, same turf interests. Go for it!

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Skimask101

 

Can I go to war with The Colombian Cartel?

Nobody writes for them, I think. So it'll be a bit one-sided! Haha.

 

Feel free to write about it in stories, although Jacky Fiend of the Yakuza is after a gang war. You're based in the same city, same turf interests. Go for it!

Hmm, not a bad Idea but I have the feeling I will be destroyed.

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Omnia sunt Communia

I'll be gentle... I promise. inlove.gif

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Skimask101
I'll be gentle... I promise. inlove.gif

I wont. Well Jacky you just finished my fourth story for The Yardies, so all we have to do now is wait for it to be official.

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Omnia sunt Communia
I'll be gentle... I promise. inlove.gif

I wont. Well Jacky you just finished my fourth story for The Yardies, so all we have to do now is wait for it to be official.

Come again? dontgetit.gif

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Skimask101
I'll be gentle... I promise. inlove.gif

I wont. Well Jacky you just finished my fourth story for The Yardies, so all we have to do now is wait for it to be official.

Come again? dontgetit.gif

Yes I just declared war on you in two sentences. I have the reason if BUYG wants to know it(It'll be in my next story).

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Flesh-n-Bone
The Triads are from Liberty City as well, but I wouldn't go on war with anyone because I don't want to lose another war with a bunch of my money gone as well as other precious stuff, lol.

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Skimask101
The Triads are from Liberty City as well, but I wouldn't go on war with anyone because I don't want to lose another war with a bunch of my money gone as well as other precious stuff, lol.

Are you talking to me? Because if you are I have almost no money and nothing much to lose.

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