Insolent Bastard

[flicko]

Holy f*cking sh*t, there he was, laid there looking at me, as stiff as his unusually oversized penis, which was currently occcupying my wife of fourteen years wet c*nt, with his two middle fingers firmly placed up her sh*tfilled arsecrack. In short, the bitch had cheated on me.

 

"What. The. f*ck?!?!" I shouted aggresively.

 

The two of them just laid there, looking at me in disbelief as I stood there with my chainsaw. He literally pissed himself, all inside her, it was f*cking discusting. The twat begged me for forgiveness, fearing for his life.

 

"Thi- this isn't what it looks like, honest, trust me on this one man."

"How the f*ck can it be not what it looks like, you've got your dick and fingers inside my wife, what else can it f*cking be?!" I yelled as they both wiped away saliva coming from my fuming mouth. Still he begged for mercy,

"Dude, just put the chainsaw down, we can sort this out in a civil manner, please, don't do anything synical."

"Civilised manner, CIVILISED MANNER, you're f*cking my wife, YOU'RE f*ckING MY WIFE. Tell me, how can we possibly sort this in a civilised manner?"

My wife butted in.

"We can explain."

"Finally speakng are we dear?"

"Please, baby, this isn't what it looks like, ju-, just let me explain."

"Sure, fine, I'll let you explain, but first, first I've got to do something."

 

I angrily yanked the chainsaw, then chucked it onto the floor, before grabbing the insolent bastard excuse for a brother out of the car, as well as out of my wife, sh*tty fingers and all. And then I pressed him against the car, shutting the door on Sandra to avoid bloodstain. That's right, I was going to chop his dick off. I slowly picked the chainsaw up, and turned to him.

 

"Now, tell me brother, how can this be sorted in a civilised manner?" I said in a calm tone.

"I don't know man, I just don't know. But please, don't do anything stupid, I'm begging you."

I looked down at his penis.

"f*cking hell, didn't realise it was that big, that's inhuman. How about we cut it down to size, if you know what I mean?"

"No, god no, please, I beg of you, brother to brother, please don't do that, it'll ruin my life, PLEASE."

"And why shouldn't I? So you can f*ck my wife again, or perhaps you can f*ck my three year old daughter, or maybe our seventy six year old mother, you wanna give her a go? Wait, it all makes sense now, no wonder you were the favourite and mother always sent me and dad out, leaving you two alone, you sick bastard."

 

Before he even replied I dangerously edged the chainsaw down to his lower region, and yanked on it constantly. He was screaming like a little girl, and my future ex wife was trying desperately to persuade me not to do the unthinkable, not to cut of his penis.

 

"Please Eric, please don't do it!"

 

I started playing games with them.

 

"What, I can't hear you through the chainsaw darling, what did you say?" I shouted sarcastically.

 

"Eric, if you do this, it will be over, I will have custody of the children, and you will be spending life in prison, do you really want that? To not see your children grow up?"

"To be honest Sandra I don't really care, as long as this insolent bastard gets what's coming to him."

"Fine, neglect your children, ruin your life, and for what? Revenge? Revenge against your brother for making a mistake?"

"Mistake? This is a fatality darling, not a f*cking mistake."

"Do it Eric, DO IT", my brother interrupted.

"Um, ok, have it your way."

 

Inevitibly I aggresively chopped his humungous dick down to size, and laughed loudly as blood covered my face, as his penis was flung into the air, and flopped about before landing and started bouncing like a fish stranded on land. I then picked his shattered remains of a penis up, and slapped him round the face with it, before pushing him over, opening the car door and jamming it down Sandra's throat.

 

"Talk about deepthroat, you were always good at that baby."

 

My brother was bleeding to death, his dick was shooting blood like a fountain, my wife was choking on his decapitated penis. As for me, I was pissing myself, the only action I could lead myself to doing. It started to rain heavily, the puddle of blood surrounding my brother was slowly moving away, he was now unconscious and practically dead, I mean, how can anybody live without a dick? I knelt down to my brother.

 

"Those anger management classes you forced me to take don't seem to be working, shame really, maybe you could've lived, penis in tact and all. Ah well, you've been a sh*t brother, nice knowing you."

 

At this point I turned to Sandra, who was shaking as she sat there in the back seat, as naked as a new born baby. I shut the door and quickly ran into the car. Expecting screams and aggressive lashes from Sandra, I headbutted her in the nose and knocked her out, and drove off. I drove for hours, until I reached a remote lake, where I stopped the car, pulled my unconscious wife of fourteen year's body out. Kissed her on the head, and placed my now certainly dead brother's amputated penis into her palm, and, without a care in the World or thoughts for our children, simply rolled her into the lake.

 

I then got back into the car, sat there motionless for at least an hour, and decided that I had nothing to live for, my kids wouldn't see me for at least twenty five years, and I will miss them growing up. My mother of seventy six years was dying of cancer, my father was already dead, and I simply thought, what's the point? So I slowly released the handbrake off the car, and let it slowly roll down the slope of the lake, and into the lake, to destroy my life.

 

And then, before my life ended, I felt something, it was a sudden urge, I needed the toilet, and I got out of bed and went. Half way through my piss I actually realised that the whole incident was just one great nightmare, and nothing had happened. After exiting the bathroom, I shouted my wife to wake up, no response. So I went over to the bed to see if she was awake, but she wasn't there. Curious, I headed downstairs to see where she was, and there was no sign of her. So I went out onto the front drive, taking my chainsaw with me, and noticed our car had gone. What the f*ck was going on?

 

I walked down the street for about a mile, and then, in the far distance of a remote jitty I saw our car, and instinctly started walking over to it. When I got close enough to touch it, I looked into the car.

 

Holy f*cking sh*t, there he was, laid there looking at me, as stiff as his unusually oversized penis, which was currently occcupying my wife of fourteen years wet c*nt, with his two middle fingers firmly placed up her sh*tfilled arsecrack. In short, the bitch had cheated on me.

 

f*ck.

 

Ok that's it, this was done simply out of boredom, purely for enterainment value. Oh, and incase anybody's wondering, the main character's job was a tree hugger, hence the chainsaw.

Edited March 25, 2008 by flicko

[poikly]

I will read it soon

[Oblivionz]

Haha, I laughed.

I knew it was going to happen after he woke up from the "nightmare" that it would all be true, but it still kept me anticipating. Great job.

[Oxidizer]

I'm never to drink Pepsi (or any liquids for that matter) while reading your stuff ever again.

 

In conclusion: !

[Cubanwhip]

A day in the life of my mind. Oh I love it. Sent shivers up and down my spine and sent me giggling. Pretty good. Continue.

 

The way the first and last paragraphs are the same to tie it all up, perfect. All you really need to work on is punctuation though, but nothing to major, like here for example:

 

 

"Civilised manner, CIVILISED MANNER, you're f*cking my wife, YOU'RE f*ckING MY WIFE. Tell me, how can we possibly sort this in a civilised manner?"

My wife butted in

"We can explain"

"Finally speakng are we dear?"

"Please, baby, this isn't what it looks like, ju-, just let me explain"

"Sure, fine, I'll let you explain, but first, first I've got to do something"

 

Missing some periods and stuff, but nothing too major. Write it up in word first or some other program so it can check your grammar for you. Keep up the fantastic writing style.

[flicko]

A day in the life of my mind. Oh I love it. Sent shivers up and down my spine and sent me giggling. Pretty good. Continue.

 

The way the first and last paragraphs are the same to tie it all up, perfect. All you really need to work on is punctuation though, but nothing to major, like here for example:

 

 

"Civilised manner, CIVILISED MANNER, you're f*cking my wife, YOU'RE f*ckING MY WIFE. Tell me, how can we possibly sort this in a civilised manner?"

My wife butted in

"We can explain"

"Finally speakng are we dear?"

"Please, baby, this isn't what it looks like, ju-, just let me explain"

"Sure, fine, I'll let you explain, but first, first I've got to do something"

 

Missing some periods and stuff, but nothing too major. Write it up in word first or some other program so it can check your grammar for you. Keep up the fantastic writing style.

Glad you liked it. About the punctuation, I am aware that there will be errors (punctuation, typos etc), however I did this only for entertainment value, I didn't run through it properly to rectify my mistakes, which I know there will be. Thanks for pointing that out, though. If I have time I may rectify the errors. Trust me, in everything I write I check it on word (take The 11th day for example), only this time my Word has gone all epileptic on me, and is malfunctioning, so obviously I couldn't check it. But thanks for the crit.

 

Lol @ Oxidizer and Oblivionz, and cheers for the comments, much appreciated, there will be more of these in the near future.