Oldsmobile Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 A while back, I wrote up a bunch of fake GTA IV radio advertisements. I posted them on some different GTA forums, and most of the people who read them seemed to like them, so I thought I'd post a few of them here. I'm aware that this is a pretty useless topic, and feel free to bash me for starting it, but I figured a few people might enjoy reading them. At the very least, it might make waiting the home stretch seem a little easier. Here's the first ad, it'll take me a couple of minutes to re-type the others. Announcer: "Life in Liberty City is dangerous. When you're walking down the street, you run the risk of being mugged." Mugger: "Gimme all yer money!" Announcer: "When you stay at home, you run the risk of attacked by burglars" Burglar: "Gimme all your money!" Announcer: "Even when you're at work, you run the risk of being attacked by jealous co-workers who make a smmaller salery than you do." Co-worker: "Gimme all your money!" Announcer: "Fortunately, there's one place in Liberty City you can ALWAYS feel safe, and that's behind the wheel of the brand new, 2008 Maibatsu Thunder "Liberty City" Edition!" (Victorious music starts playing.) Younger Sounding Announcer: "Whether you're cruisin' Star Junction or slumming it up in Bohan, you'll always be safe and secure!" Announcer: "That's because of our new "Total Inhibitive Theft System"! This equipment was designed for the mean streets of Liberty City and is specially implanted in every one of our "Liberty City" Edition Maibatsu Thunders!" Younger Sounding Announcer: "Nobody's gonna steal my Thunder; I've got Total Inhibitive Theft System!" Announcer: "When you activate your Total Inhibitive Theft System, a deadly electric current is sent through the outer body of of the car, electricuting anybody who touches it! Your side windows are also equipted with small-scale explosive charges, that, when detonated, release a blinding storm of glass shards into the face and eyes of any would-be carjacker" Younger Sounding Announcer: "And if the impossable should happen, and a carjacker does steal my Thunder, I can just dial 8487 on my cell phone. That'll stop that thief for sure!" Announcer: "The engine compartment of every "Liberty City" Edition Maibatsu Thunder is packed full of military grade explosives! If a car thief should somehow beat your Total Inhibitive Theft System and steal your car, you merely have to dial 8487 on ANY cellular phone. Dialing this number will detonate the explosives, thus stopping this criminal lowlife the way all crime should be stopped; with a massive explosion that can be seen from space!" Younger Sounding Announcer: "I'll save my car the American way, by blowing it and half of Liberty City straight to Hell!" Peppy Female Announcer: "The new 2008 Maibatsu Thunder "Liberty City" Edition! Now you can stop having nightmares about being carjacked, and start having nightmares about people punching 8487 into their cell phones!" Anyway, I hope you didn't find that to be a total waste of your time. I'll upload the others in about five minutes, or so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oldsmobile Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 Person: "Man, one of these days I'd like to fly down to Vice City. Unfortunately, air travel is so expensive, I don't think I'll ever be able to afford it." Airline CEO: "That's where you're wrong, my friend! Hi, I'm Stephen Bennett, founder and CEO of Crasho Burno Discount Airlines. You see, I, like the rest of you, was tired of airlines that charged too much money. But unlike you lazy S.O.Bs, I actually went and did something about it; I founded Crasho Burno." Person: "So, how much would it cost for you guys to fly me to Vice City?" Airline CEO: "We'll fly you to any major American city for less than $200!" Person: "Even I can afford that! How do you do it?" Airline CEO: " We do it by cutting all major costs! Seatbelts, bathroom facilities, pilot training, and basic aircraft maintenance; these are the unnessary expenses that the other major airlines want to pass on to YOU. Not so with Crasho Burno! Our fleet of converted Soviet bombers was declared "safe enough" by the aircraft inspectors we bribed, and our passengers have a proven 38% chance of NOT DYING in a fiery plane crash!" Person: "38%!? Wow, that's even safer than being shot in the head!" Airline CEO: "And if one of our planes does crash, and you lose your life as a result, Crasho Burno will refund 10% of your ticket price!" Lawyer: "Refund must be claimed by ticket holder within 24 hours of plane crash" Airline CEO: "Crasho Burno Discount Airlines. Life is expensive, Risking it shouldn't be!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fitbikesbmx Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 It sounds like something you would hear in a gta game, not bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
?!=+_- Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 That's real good, Just like the adverts you would get in gta, I'd sure like there to be a Maibatsu in gta iv. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oldsmobile Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 Here's a third one: Man 1: "Hey, that sure is one crappy lookin' car you've got there. I'll bet it even has a RADIO in it." Man 2: "Well, of course it has a radio in it. Why wouldn't it?" Man 1: "You are such a lame-iod. Nobody listens to the radio anymore." Man 2: "No?" Man 1: "Of course not, stupid. Nowadays, everybody listens to SATELLITE RADIO!" Fast Forward Announcer 1: "Are you tired of listening to boring, old, AM/FM radios? You should be! Anybody can listen to them, including poor people. Are you a poor person? I didn't think so! That's why you need a SATELLITE radio!" Fast Forward Announcer 2: "Here at Fast Forward In Vehicle Audio, we stock all the latest models of satellite radio receivering units, starting at the low, low price of $129.99! Just pick one out, buy it, and our certified team of licenced satellite radio professionals will install it for an amazingly low, one time installation fee of just $49.99!" Fast Forward Announcer 1: "Once that's done, you'll just have to pay the sixty dollar activation fee, and you'll be on your way to a never ending, musical paradise! Provided, of course, that you keep up with the $24 monthly payments!" Fast Forward Announcer 3: "With satellite radio, you'll be able to listen to over 300 variations of the same four stations! We've got country music, oldies, top 40, and...well that's pretty much it." Fast Forward Announcer 1: "It's a musical SMORGASBORD!" Fast Forward Announcer 2: "Only a poor person would wanna listen to something for free when thay could pay money for it!" Fast Forward Announcer 1: "So stop by Fast Forward In Vehicle Audio today!" Fast Forward Announcer 2: "Today!" Fast Forward Announcer 3: "Today!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BTS_Thor_2 Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 These are great, very good work. Its almost like I have heard these in previous GTA's. "Crasho Burno Discount Airlines. Life is expensive, Risking it shouldn't be!" Classic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wutangblade Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 The one about the Maibatsu sounds REALLY familiar.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oldsmobile Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 The one about the Maibatsu sounds REALLY familiar.... Like I said, I posted these before on different forums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wutangblade Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 The one about the Maibatsu sounds REALLY familiar.... Like I said, I posted these before on different forums. Nah, not on a forum but ah well. They're cool anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phs1234 Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Haha, good job mate. I like the sig too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HenTz Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Haha, this brings back the memories of San Andreas's dialogue, it was something like two boys playing war on eachother and then getting gadgets and stuff like boy 1 :'I have invincibility, you can't kill me ! ' boy 2 :'I have invincibility see goggles! Im going to own you!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaverRyan Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 (edited) Annoucer Man - Are you tired of listening to those spoiled brats that you call 'family'? Boy (In the background) - "...but maaaam, unlike you I DO have a social life." Girl (In the background) - " ...you only done that because I'm a much better slut than you." *sad music* Mum #1 - "Get out of my face, I hate you all!" *crys* Annoucer Man - "Well fear no more. Send them to Liberty's first school of punishment, Twat Camp. This unique programme will challenge the minds of all Twats. Our militery schedule will teach youngsters one thing, LIFE IS CRAP. And what better by making them take cold dirty baths and sleeping on nothing but the springs on the bed. We guarantee our lessons to be boring, unsafe but most importantly PUNISHING. We give them an idea of what you really all want to do, strung them by the neck, and kick the hell out of them. This is learning the hard way. We give them very little to eat but enough so they can still feel the pain you have to put up with every single day. Mum #2 - "My boy was off the rails. He sold his body for no money, and enjoyed local bangings in the woods. But after I've sent him to Twat Camp, he's a brand new 9 year old son anyone could want." Kid - "I learned that stealing stuff was wrong. Now, I'm just like any other citizen of Liberty City, getting pissed and shagging my next door neighbour. I now have a life to look foward to." *Funky Music plays* Woman Annoucer - "So what you waiting for? Send those retarted kids of yours to us for some pain but defiently no gain. We take speical pride in what we do, making sure kids never see day light for the next 6 months. So drag them along, kicking and screaming to Twat Camp, located in North Dukes. Man Annoucer - Twat Camp. Improving your life by messing up the kids ones. lol, took me about 20 mins Edited March 12, 2008 by RaverRyan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tranque Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Announcer: Are you ready for the latest reality show in all of the Tri-state Area? Its time to welcome the most real reality show that has ever graced the reality TV Circuit: The Real Lyfe: Liberty City. Announcer:Spoiled rich white people, ditzy blondes, and tough lesbians mixed with other stereotypes including: College-Fratboy-who-punches-every-other-male-in-the-house-eventually!! Heres a quick clip! Guy 1: Yeahhh, I thought Caitlin and Naisha were going to take their tops off! But.. on a serious note, I really like Caitlin as like.. a person, y'know? Announcer: And who can forget, Athletic-token-gay-guy! Guy 2: I wonder who will have a problem with my sexuality this season! Announcer: And many more athletic guys of random professions or ages getting drunk and hitting one another! Announcer: This season has much more of the REAL Liberty City Experience, from clubbing and getting into barfights, to doing miscellaneous challenges that have no impact upon anyone whatsoever! So next time you find yourself at a TV, tune into Channel 20 for all The Real Lyfe: Liberty City. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptimumPx Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Everyone always feels tired after they've been working hard for the man all day long. You know, when life in the big city is getting you down there’s only one thing you can do. Come on down to Bean Machine Coffee! With over 5 times the legal limit of caffeine in every cup you’ll perk right up...if the paramedics don’t get to you first. Bean Machine Coffee. You’ve NEVER tasted coffee this good before and you never will again. That’s the Bean Machine grantee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayt001 Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Nice work lol. T.I.T.S. sounds like an acronym R* would use lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaverRyan Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Everyone always feels tired after they've been working hard for the man all day long. You know, when life in the big city is getting you down there’s only one thing you can do. Come on down to Bean Machine Coffee! With over 5 times the legal limit of caffeine in every cup you’ll perk right up...if the paramedics don’t get to you first. Bean Machine Coffee. You’ve NEVER tasted coffee this good before and you never will again. That’s the Bean Machine grantee! haha I like that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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