The Spectres

[Damo.]

Recently, David Danvers reclusive grandmother passed away of a very rare and unknown disease. In her will, she left David the family home, as well as a strangely shaped key with a cryptic note attached. He doesn't know what to make of this note, and upon his first night in the old Victorian house, strange things begin to happen. This is his story:

 

 

The Spectres

 

 

Chapter 1

 

As I drive up to the front door of this isolated old mansion, I get the feeling someones watching me. I keep looking in my mirror, but I see no one. Maybe I'm just paranoid. I finally reach the front door, but the feeling doesn't go away. I do my best to ignore it, dismiss it as mere paranoia, but I know deep down that someone is watching.

 

First impressions of the mansion: It's delapitated, it's creepy, and it's in the middle of nowhere. As I walk in the door, I think I see something move out of the corner of my eye, but there's nothing there. I peek into some of the rooms: old, worn and wicked. This place probably hasn't been lived in in a long time. I look at the key and the note again. It reads:

David,

You are the last hope for us.

At exactly midnight, tap the floor of the cellar with the key twice, then once more.

A keyhole will appear,

All will be made clear then.

The paranoid feeling won't abate. I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I go into the kitchen, surprisingly modern, with a fridge and stocks of recently bought food. Someone's been waiting for me. The kettle is even hot. Something definitely isn't right here. I have a snoop around in the cupboards, but nothing unusual, apart from this rooms stark contrast with the rest of the mansion. I decide to check out the second floor.

 

Upstairs, I notice a few things: lightswitches, which means someone has been living here; Also, amidst the delapitated bedrooms, one luxurious bedroom, well taken care of, with a telephone, king size bed, en suite and TV. It seems like someone's been planning my arrival, but only the rooms I'll use: kitchen, bedroom, bathroom. I leave my stuff in this room, and check my watch: 5 O' Clock. Clare, my girlfriend, should be arriving soon. I still have that paranoid feeling as I walk through the old corridors, down the stairs, and into the kitchen. Sensing movement out of the corner of my eye, I look back, but no one's there. I open the fridge and take out some microwave noodles. I put them into the microwave, looking over my shoulder every few seconds. There's a knock at the door. Clare's here. I set the microwave to 3 minutes and walk back through the corridor. Suddenly, I stop. I'm hearing whispers. I can't make out what they're saying, it seems to be in a different language. The slight movements in the corners are appearing more often. I murmer "Hello?". No answer. The whispers stop. There's another knock at the door, reminding me why I left the kitchen in the first place. I walk to the front door and open it.

"Hey, David."

Clare steps inside, looking a bit shaken, and I quickly close the door behind her.

"All the way up here I felt like I was being watched," she says to me.

"In fact, I still feel like that now."

She takes a look around.

"What a creepy place."

I start to hear the whispers again.

"Do you hear that?" I whisper to Clare.

She clings onto me, tears rolling down her cheek.

"What is it, David? What the hell is it?"

"I don't know."

She clings onto me closer. The whispers stop.

 

She follows me into the kitchen, and asks me how it's so different to the rest of the mansion. She tells me she feels safer here than the rest of the mansion. Come to think of it, I do too. We eat the noodles. I tell her about the bedroom upstairs.

"There's definitely someone else here. It has something to do with that key," she says.

After we finish eating, we go upstairs through the dark corridors, turning on every light as we pass, trying to ignore the shadowy movements and whispers. We finally get to the bedroom and lock it with the key that was already in the door. We're safe. For now, at least.

[longkissgoodnight]

Sounds interesting - I will read along.

[The Unvirginiser]

Wow

Very creepy... you achieved a good atmosphere... hope you have a good idea planned for this because it would be a shame to let all this tension go to waste on a secret sex stash under the attic.

The only problem I had was like, you kept repeating:

I do this

I do that

 

You should expand your volcabulary and find alternative ways of wording things

 

Otherwise good so far, I will read the next chapter.. i'm impressed

[Damo.]

 

Chapter 2

 

Frozen.

We've been sitting completely still for the last 10 minutes, paralyzed with fear. We've been hearing the whispers again, but this time they won't stop. It feels like they're coming from outside, but also in the hallway beside us, like they're surrounding us. The voices have a distinct darkness about them, as if the devil himself was speaking through them.

BANG!

There's a loud crash from downstairs and the whispers stop. I stand up without meaning to, as if someone else is controlling my body. I'm walking over to the door. I can't stop it, no matter how hard I try.

"David...?", Clare whispers uneasily.

I don't answer, even as I try, my mouth won't move.

"David!"

I fight as hard as I can against whatever's controlling me, but it's no use.

She runs over and tries to pull me back, but I push her onto the ground and open the door to the hallway.

I'm picking up speed going down the hall, breaking into a run. As hard as I'm trying to fight it, I still scramble down the stairs and down the hall, until I automatically pause when I enter the dilapitated living room, where I see the scariest man I've ever seen.

His eyes are red. His skin is a pale grey colour and his face is horribly cracked and scarred, and his right eye is an empty hole. He's wearing a dark black robe, with a snake on it. "Come to me, my puppet", he says, in a deep, sadistic voice. I walk over to him slowly, it's as if he's pulling me in.

There's a loud sound of footsteps behind. Clare bursts in. He loses his concentration and I regain control of my body.

I kick him into the face, but it barely hurts him. He picks me up telepathicly and flings me across the room. I smack off the hard wall, and land painfully. Clare screams as she tries to run over to me, but he takes control over her and pulls her in. I spring up and to try and save her, but just as I do, five strange werewolf-like creatures appear around me.

"CLARE!!"

I try to push the creatures out of the way, but they force me to stop.

No matter how hard I try to move, I'm frozen on the spot. As Clare walks over to the man, he cackles maniaclly, before disappearing, taking Clare and his minions with him.

 

To be Continued...

[longkissgoodnight]

Awesome

[Damo.]

I haven't been updating this as much as I'd like, but hope to update it more often in the future.

Anyway:

 

 

Chapter 3

 

It's 11pm. I've been sitting in the bedroom for the past few hours with my head in my hands, going over what happened in my head. That creature took Clare, and I was powerless to stop it. I hate myself for being this weak, this scared.

The paranoid feeling I had when I came is now eating me alive inside.

Every few seconds, I keep seeing things out of the corner of my eye. I know that the key my grandmother left might help me, but I'm not sure if I could work up the courage to leave the room.

 

My dad never got along with his mother. We never visited her or even spoke of her, when I asked about her, my parents quickly changed the subject. She was a dirty secret. I wish they were still alive to help me, so I could make sense of the letter and so they could have warned me about this place. I wouldn't have had to go through this and Clare would still be with me.

 

My watch alarm separates me from my thoughts. 23:45. The note said to be in the cellar at midnight. I'm going to go, but I'll need a weapon, just in case. There must be something in this room that can be used as a weapon.

Scanning the room, I eventually settle on a metal bar from a towel rack in the bathroom. I'm shaking, scared out of my wits.

Very slowly moving to the door, I take one last look behind me, to satisfy my paranoia, before scrambling out the door and slamming it behind me.

 

The feeling is overwhelming, I'm definitely being watched, but I can't let that stop me. I sprint down the stairs and across the hall, until I come to a stop at the worn-looking cellar door. 23:53. Seven minutes left. The door handle feels moist, fungal even. I really wish I had a flashlight. Slowly pulling the handle and opening the door, I hear a faint whisper. It's like the one I heard when I first came into the house, only it seems less hateful. Peaceful. Friendly?

"Hello?"

Another series of whispers follow.

"Who's there?"

"Come, David."

"What? Who are you?"

"All will be revealed when you open the door to our realm. We will not speak here. The Spectres will hear us."

There is silence.

 

Spectres? What could they be? Who was that voice? I shake these thoughts off and continue down the cellar, which turns out to be nothing more than a very long flight of stairs with a wooden floor at the end. I have six minutes left until midnight. Closing the door behind me, I start descending the stairs as quickly as possible. Counting the steps as I go down:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5.............. 74?

 

I sigh with relief as I finally reach the bottom, out of breath from running down the stairs. 00:00. It's now or never. I tap the floor twice, pause, then once more. There is a bright flash of light and a keyhole appears in the gound. My hands shaking, I insert the key into the keyhole.

To be continued...

 

Feedback would be appreciated!

[Oblivionz]

Definitely kept me on the edge of my seat. I loved it, you're a great writer. The chapters could use a bit more length, but that's how all three of them so it didn't really bother me.

The cliffhanger was great, update this more often.

[Damo.]

 

Chapter 4

Everything is fading. The floor is gone. I'm rapidly falling down through a vast blue void.

My body is frozen, I can't stop myself from falling.

 

******

 

I don't know how long I've been falling. Minutes? Hours? Days?

As I look down, I see what appears to be a hole leading out of the blue emptiness. It keeps getting larger and larger as I descend, until eventually I fall through it. Just as I do, everything slows down, the void disappears, and I land comfortably on my feet.

This place is strange. It appears to be a forest, but the trees and grass are an unnatural black, and the sky is green. It feels so unreal, yet it's strangely familiar. I have the same paranoid feeling as I had in the manor. The trees seem to curve around me, trapping me in. I can't tell if they are, or if it's just paranoia. I can't see anything but trees in every direction.

No animals, no life.

 

*Snap!*

 

I look behind me to investigate the sound. I see a figure some distance away, walking towards me. It doesn't have the same aura as the creature that took Clare. It seems lighter, like the voice that called me in the cellar. I decide to stay still and let it come to me. As the figure gets closer, I see that it's a youngish man wearing a hooded black robe, with a sword holstered on his right leg. He stops a few feet away from me.

 

"Are you the one called David?"

"Yes. Who are you? Where are we?"

"That is of no importance. I am a representative of the Palatini, and that is all that you need to know."

"What?"

"All will be explained when we reach the enclave to meet with the masters. We do not have time now, it is not safe here."

 

He walks ahead of me and motions to follow. I'm completely baffled as to what's going on, but I don't want to spend another minute in this place, so I follow him. He then breaks into a sprint.

 

"Hey, slow down!"

 

He slows to a walk.

 

"We must leave this place as quickly as possible. The Spectres control it. We cannot alert them to our presence."

 

He then starts jogging at a pace I can follow.

I want to ask what these "Spectres" are, but I know I won't get a straight answer, so I don't bother.

I think I see movement in the trees. The man obviously thinks the same because he draws his sword.

Suddenly, something hits me in the back of the head and I fall to ground. Before losing consciousness, I see a werewolf-like creature, like the one in the manor. Then... Nothing.

To Be Continued...

 

C&C please!

Edited May 7, 2008 by Damo.

[Oblivionz]

Sweet. Glad my PM got you to post an update.

Keep it up, man. This is great.

[Damo.]

 

Chapter 5

 

Everything is spinning. Blurry. I don't know where I am. Feeling a heavy rush of blood to my head, I realise I'm hanging upside down. Trying to move my arm, I am met by an incredible, mind-numbing pain. I cry out in pain, but my scream is muffled by some kind of sticky substance covering my mouth. I'm trapped. I can hear growls and groans from different sides of me.

I'm trapped and surrounded.

 

As my eyes come back into focus, I see that I am in some kind of cavern. I feel something drip along the top of my head and hear it as it slides off and hits the ground with a light dripping sound. Blood. I try to put my hand up to my face to see where it's coming from, but I'm instantly reminded of the terrible pain of the first time I moved my arm. After a few seconds, the pain subsides. I look up and realise that I'm wrapped inside some kind of cocoon. Looking to my left, I see the man I travelled with, horribly scraped and clawed. He has a large scar, going from his cheek up to his eyebrow, dripping blood. He looks back at me, whispering something frantically, but his words are drowned by the sticky substance that covers both our mouths.

 

*Growl*

 

I look to the right, and see a pair of red eyes looking back at me. Slowly crawling towards me. I try to wiggle out of the cocoon, but I recieve another blinding pain, this time all over my body. All I see is darkness...

 

*****

 

"David?"

 

Someone is calling me. I let out a groan. I get pulled up by the arm. I attempt to stand but stagger when I feel a sharp, throbbing pain in my leg. I grab on to the other person to prevent my fall.

 

"Argh, my leg!," I groan. "It's excruciating!"

"I will support you, but we must move fast."

 

The man I travelled with puts my arm around his shoulder and his around mine. As my eyes come back into focus, I see that we are still in the dark cave. We are both covered in blood.

 

"What happened to the creatures that trapped us here?"

"I slew as many as I could, but some escaped. We must leave here before they return to their masters."

"What were they?"

"They were once men, but the Spectres destroyed their minds and transformed their bodies. They are but animals now, and must feed on our kind to live."

"What are these Spectres?"

"Spectres are the opposite of us Palatini. We try to defend your realm, they try to destroy it. This realm was once neutral ground. Spectres and Palatini were forbidden to fight here. Over time, however, one of the Spectres was consumed by his greed, and slew a Paladin travelling through the forest. This sparked a violent war between us, that rages still.

Now come, we must go."

 

We slowly trudge through the narrow halls of the dark cave...

 

To Be Continued...

[Oblivionz]

Whoa, totally looked past it. Didn't see that there was a new update.

I like how you're only revealing the history of it and what's going on slowly, and not just rushing it so people know what's going on.

Do me a favor, and PM me when you update.

[Damo.]

 

Chapter 6

 

The dark, damp tunnels are suspiciously silent. The only sound to be heard is the slight echo of our careful footsteps. There is no sign of an exit, not even the most minuscule gap of light in the black, stony cave walls.

The Paladin and I are both badly cut and bruised. Even now I can feel blood dripping down my painfully scarred face.

We've been laboriously struggling through these dark halls of death for a considerable amount of time, possibly hours. We've rarely communicated. The Paladin has been supporting me all this time, though he rarely shows the fatigue that he is doubtlessly suffering. Although I am indentured to him because of this, I can't help but feel a slight annoyance at his apparent lack of knowledge as to how we can escape this wretched place.

 

"How far are we from the exit?," I whisper, finally breaking the silence.

"It is difficult to tell. The werewolves make their dens deep in these caves. It may be hours before we reach the mouth of the cave."

"Do you have any idea where the mouth is?"

"It is to the north, in the direction we are traveling in."

"How do you know that?"

"All Palatini are trained to "connect" with their environment. We can tell which direction we are traveling in and when the landscape changes."

 

Not quite sure what to make of this, I stay silent as we continue through the darkness.

 

******

 

It feels like an eternity since we began our escape of the caverns. We've been tiredly trudging though these black halls, slowly but surely, for hours. I could almost fall asleep if I wasn't suffering from such excruciating pain.

When I see a bright crack, dimly shining through the small gaps in the rock walls, I think my eyes are playing tricks on me.

Looking again, I realize I'm not imagining things. The light is, in fact, real!

 

"Look! Light! We're nearly there!," I shout louder than I intend to, creating a massive echo.

 

*Growl*

 

"Fool! You have alerted the creatures of this place to our presence!"

 

There are a large series of growls, followed by loud rumbling..

 

To Be Continued...

[Vercetti21]

Despite the fact that my first impressions were wounded from reading the first two chapters, glancing over your last installment I can already see an improvement. The story, from what I've read, is pretty interesting and not as cliche as I had originally expected. All I can say is keep up with the writing, as practice makes perfect. Also feel free to read around this place more and get some ideas flowing about how and what to write.

[Claude GTA3]

It's nothing more than a big pile of f*cking awesomeness.

[Oblivionz]

I always forget to leave a comment when I read a story, that's a habit I need to get out of.

 

This is nothing but awesome, seriously. Continue to let me know when you update.

[Damo.]

 

Chapter 7

 

The damp cave floor is shaking. Stalactites and stalagmites are crumbling around us. We can hear the loud growls of the creatures in the cave. The Paladin lets go of me, as I can support myself now, and scrambles ahead towards the light. I follow him closely, using all the speed I can with my severely cut leg. I can feel the creatures gaining on me.

The light is starting to get bigger and brighter as we run. The creatures are much faster than us, and it's only a matter of time before they reach us. Hopefully, we'll be out of this dark hellhole before they can catch us, although as they gain on us, I'm starting to get doubtful.

 

The creatures are about 100 metres away from us, but the light is close. In fact, closer than the vile animals are to us. The Paladin begins to sprint forward, and I fall behind. I feel something pull on my scarred leg, and yelp with pain before collapsing to the ground.

The creature that pulled on my leg sinks it's teeth into my calf. I cry out loudly, before hitting it in the head with my fist. My head hits the floor hard from the pain.

Semi-conscious, and almost blinded by the horrible pain, I see the Paladin rushing towards me. He jumps in the air and delivers a heavy kick to the creature feasting on my leg. The wolfman falls off me and smacks hard off a stone. I gather what little strength I have left to momentarily look back and see an entire legion of the horrid monsters.

 

The Paladin grabs me by the arm and quickly drags me to the mouth of the cave while the creatures slowly advance on us, confident that they have us trapped.

The incredible pain I feel becomes distant, I seem to be numb to it. My surroundings begin to fade to black. I'm falling unconscious, unsure if I'll wake up this time...

 

To Be Continued

Edited May 28, 2008 by Damo.

[Oblivionz]

Wow! Intense chapter! Kept me on the edge of my seat the whole way through. I sure hope he pulls through.

Awesome, man. Remember to keep me updated.

[Struff Bunstridge]

A little short, but as Oblivionz said, you crammed a lot of intensity in there, nice one.

 

Just so's you know, you missed the 's' out of unconscious. Otherwise, all good mate.

[Damo.]

 

Chapter 8

 

White light is all I see. The pain has gone from my body and all I feel is a strange sensation, not too unlike butterflies in my stomach. It feels like I'm slowly rising up from the ground, except I was never on the ground in the first place.

The white light changes to a view of my parents house. The house is brand new, we're just moving in.

I'm a toddler. While my parents are moving boxes in from the van outside the house, I'm kicking a red and yellow soccer ball on the grass outside the house.

Kicking the ball out of my hand, it flies into the air above me, and I scramble to catch it. I fumble it and it bounces onto the road. Just as I hobble onto the road to get it, a pickup truck speeds down the narrow street.

Completely oblivious, I continue to awkwardly toddle across to pick the brightly coloured ball up.

The truck is getting closer and closer as I pick up the football. I look up as the truck is about 4 metres away from me. Just as the truck's bullbars are about to hit me, my mother grabs me and strongly pulls me back onto the grass.

 

As tears start to flood the eyes of the young me, my view is once again obscured by a blinding white light.

When my vision comes back into focus, I'm staring at a young child of about 10 in a mirror. The clock above my bathroom mirror states that it's 8:34 AM. I finish brushing my teeth and put on my jacket for school.

I say goodbye to parents before quickly leaving through the front door. As I rush to the bus stop, I see a long queue to get on the old, rusted school bus. When I join the back of the line, I see that, much to my dismay, the bully, John Matthews is one place in front of me.

 

"Hey Danvers, how's it going?," he asks loudly as he pushes me onto the ground.

"John, what's your problem? What did I do to you?," I say, quickly getting to my feet.

"Danvers, you're such a loser, you deserve it for looking at me!"

"Why won't you just leave me alone?" I push him back and he hits into a girl standing behind him.

"What do you think you're doing?"

 

He punches me hard into the face and my head hits the ground hard. Blood dripping out my nose, and tears rolling down my eyes, I get up and try to punch him back, but he hits me straight into the chest and winds me as I hit the ground once again. The malevolent bully kicks me in the ribs before jumping onto the bus, laughing.

After walking back home miserably, I lie to my parents and tell them I fell over and hit my nose on the footpath.

As I cry alone in my room, waiting for my mother to call the school and tell them I won't be in, the scene changes again.

 

This time, a young man of 15 is walking home on a stormy night. Looking at the reflections in the puddles, I see that it's me. When I reach my front door, I notice that it's already open. It isn't like my parents to leave the door open, particularly on a night like this. I cautiously push the door open and leave my schoolbag down.

The house is very quiet. Deathly quiet. I notice a red substance dripping on the wall and panic. As I walk towards the kitchen, I see the back door is wide open. Whoever was here is gone now. Spotting more blood on the wall near the stairs, I proceed to slowly climb the creaky wooden steps.

 

When I finally reach the top, I see a large splatter of blood on the wall. Looking to my right, I see the bloody corpse of my father, with several stab wounds on his body, and a bloody knife beside him.

"DAD!," I scream frantically. I run over to his body, tears flooding my eyes. I listen for a heartbeat, but there is none.

"Dad, please! Don't do this to me! Please wake up!"

I try in vain to coax him back from death, but to no avail.

"DAD! NO!," I shriek, as thunder claps outside the house.

 

To Be Continued...

 

I know this has little to do with the Spectres, but I felt David needed more of a backstory.

[Oblivionz]

I thought it fit in, it was giving him more of a background, making him easier to understand. It was intense, and it was great.

Sweet, dude.

[Damo.]

 

Chapter 9

 

I want these terrible flashbacks to end. I'm tired of reliving all these painful memories.

A long time ago, I swore to myself that I wouldn't dwell on the dark events of my past and the loss of my parents.

I'm blinded by more white light and I know what I'm going to see next.

 

This time I'm nineteen years old. I'm sitting on the old couch in my mother's apartment, watching TV.

After my father died, my mother had trouble making ends meet, and she had to sell the house and move into this old, dilapidated apartment.

She works in a bank in the city centre, using the meager salary she earns there to support both of us.

Looking at my watch, I notice that she's late. She usually gets home at five o' clock. It's now a quarter to six.

I'm starting to worry, but I shrug it off, convincing myself she just got caught in traffic or something trivial like that.

Deep down, however, I know something is wrong. She's never been this late.

 

*knock knock*

 

I sigh a breath of relief. How could I have been so foolish? I was just being paranoid. I get up and open the door, expecting to see my mother, but no one's there.

A cold shiver goes down my spine. Something isn't right. Who knocked on the door? Why is my mother so late?

I walk out into the hall to see if there's anybody there. It's empty. Not a soul inhabits the old hall.

I'm feeling a bit sick. Drowsy. Did I just imagine the knock on the door? I'm about to go back inside when something catches my eye.

There's a small white piece of paper stuck onto the door. I quickly tear it off and go inside to read it, locking the door behind me. It reads:

 

Look out the window, David!

 

I quickly pull back the mouldy old curtains. Gazing out into cold December night, I see what appears to be the shape of a woman hanging from the fire escape of the apartment opposite mine.

Just as I try to focus on the silhouette, I see a pair of red eyes staring at me from behind the body.

As I call out, it disappears. Looking back at the woman, a horrible feeling spreads throughout my body as I realise who it is.

 

"MOM!," I cry out, hoping against hope that the body isn't my mother. Tears flood my eyes as I climb out my window and onto the fire escape.

I jump across the gap to the other fire escape and the body of my mother. There is no note, but it can only have been a suicide.

As my mother looks at me with a vacant stare, I cry out for help. People in the apartment turn on their lights and rush down the fire escape to me. People on the street run into the alleyway and look up at us.

A large crowd forms, and a mixture of screams, crys and dialling tones can be heard from the crowd.

As the tears run down my eyes, I hear sirens in the background. The police and medics are on their way, but I know it's too late.

 

She's dead.

[Damo.]

 

Chapter 10

 

As the scene of my mother's death fades to white light, I begin to ponder what really happened that night. Did she really commit suicide?

And what of the knock on the door, the note? As these thoughts flood my mind, the white light begins to fade, as I awaken...

 

My first sight as I wake is a bright stone ceiling with strange Romanesque carvings. As more of the room comes into focus, I see two men standing over me.

The first has a bright cloak with a hood, and the other is wearing a dark robe much like that of the man I traveled with in the forest.

When the feeling comes back to my body, I am greeted with a terrible pain in my leg and the realisation that I'm lying down in what seems to be a sickbed.

 

"It looks like he's in our world again," the man in white says. "Get him some water."

"Yes, my lord," the man in black says obediently before running off.

 

The man in white comes closer and examines me.

 

"You pulled through. We feared for you after you were attacked," he says quite calmly.

"Who are you?" I manage to stammer.

"I am Carilius, leader of the Palatini. This is Fort Latherius. Training ground and base of the Palatini."

"What happened in the cave?"

"The beasts attacked and wounded you. Garthus, the Paladin that was with you, brought you back here. You have been slipping in and out of consciousness for the past week."

 

The man wearing black comes back in, holding a wooden tray a jug of water and a few glasses. He hands one glass to Carilius, and places the other one on a stone cabinet beside my bed, before filling them.

 

"Thank you, Leroth," Carilius says before taking a sip from his water.

 

Leroth quickly exits.

 

"How is your leg?"

"It still hurts, not as bad as it was, but still painful."

"That is to be expected. The healing magic we used will take some time before taking full effect."

"Healing magic?"

"In our dimension, things that would be impossible in your Earth are possible here. Magic, incredible physical feats, improved healing rates, a Paladin can do all these things."

 

I take a large gulp from my glass of water and lay it back down gently. Thinking back over what happened in the past few days, I remember my girlfriend.

 

"What happened to Clare?"

"Clare?"

"My girlfriend. She was taken. By a monster in my grandmother's manor."

"I did not know of this. Please, tell me what happened."

 

*****

 

After I recite everything that happened in the manor, Carilius tells me he needs time to consider how this affects his "plans for me," and leaves me alone with my thoughts.

 

To Be Continued...

 

Any feedback would be appreciated.

[Oblivionz]

Oh, awesome. I totally forgot to leave feedback on the last chapter.

 

This story is really shaping out well. Is he going to find out what happened to his mother later on in the story? Is there some crazy history going on with his whole family?

Can't wait to find out what happens.

[Themanwiththeplan]

Horror stories aren't usually my preference, but this one is pretty good. Nice one Damo.

[Carbine23]

Wow, i'm going to start reading this after i take my Earth Science Regents. I read what the story is about and it sounds very interesting!

 

For some reason it reminds me of Elder Scrolls 4 Oblivion where you can get that mansion for a very cheap price mysteriously. Then after sleeping in it, you find out its cursed with ghosts and you have to go into the basement to destroy the cursed body.

 

I'll be reading this soon

[The Unvirginiser]

Damo, feedback isn't aways brilliant here on WD, especially to a relativly unknown writer such as yourself, the secret is to prove to everybody what an excellent writer you are... and this story does just that

Suprised me with this one mate, keep it up and i'll be sure to read it all, DO NOT STOP WRITING IT DUE TO POOR FEEDBACK

 

[Carbine23]

Damo, feedback isn't aways brilliant here on WD, especially to a relativly unknown writer such as yourself, the secret is to prove to everybody what an excellent writer you are... and this story does just that

Suprised me with this one mate, keep it up and i'll be sure to read it all, DO NOT STOP WRITING IT DUE TO POOR FEEDBACK

That statement gives me inspiration to finish my story but i'm just afraid that it will be all for nothing if people stop reading after just one chaper.

 

@Damo - I will leave feedback as best as i can. This is the kind of story that i'm interested in

[The Unvirginiser]

Damo, feedback isn't aways brilliant here on WD, especially to a relativly unknown writer such as yourself, the secret is to prove to everybody what an excellent writer you are... and this story does just that

Suprised me with this one mate, keep it up and i'll be sure to read it all, DO NOT STOP WRITING IT DUE TO POOR FEEDBACK

That statement gives me inspiration to finish my story but i'm just afraid that it will be all for nothing if people stop reading after just one chaper.

 

@Damo - I will leave feedback as best as i can. This is the kind of story that i'm interested in

I'm getting on to reading the man who once spoke, just give me time, it's hard enough keeping two stories updated at the same time

[Carbine23]

Damo, feedback isn't aways brilliant here on WD, especially to a relativly unknown writer such as yourself, the secret is to prove to everybody what an excellent writer you are... and this story does just that

Suprised me with this one mate, keep it up and i'll be sure to read it all, DO NOT STOP WRITING IT DUE TO POOR FEEDBACK

That statement gives me inspiration to finish my story but i'm just afraid that it will be all for nothing if people stop reading after just one chaper.

 

@Damo - I will leave feedback as best as i can. This is the kind of story that i'm interested in

I'm getting on to reading the man who once spoke, just give me time, it's hard enough keeping two stories updated at the same time

Oh i wasn't asking you to read it lol. I don't want to sound like a dick in the writing section. I'm just being tempted at writing new things. I have a whole list of ideas of what to type up for GTAForums.

 

Oh and i finally read the first chapter. Sounds interesting at how the character is paranoid and how the mansion is described as a dark, creepy place like it's haunted. I can't read the rest now though, because i have to study for the damn regents tomorrow

[The Unvirginiser]

Damo, feedback isn't aways brilliant here on WD, especially to a relativly unknown writer such as yourself, the secret is to prove to everybody what an excellent writer you are... and this story does just that

Suprised me with this one mate, keep it up and i'll be sure to read it all, DO NOT STOP WRITING IT DUE TO POOR FEEDBACK

That statement gives me inspiration to finish my story but i'm just afraid that it will be all for nothing if people stop reading after just one chaper.

 

@Damo - I will leave feedback as best as i can. This is the kind of story that i'm interested in

I'm getting on to reading the man who once spoke, just give me time, it's hard enough keeping two stories updated at the same time

Oh i wasn't asking you to read it lol. I don't want to sound like a dick in the writing section. I'm just being tempted at writing new things. I have a whole list of ideas of what to type up for GTAForums.

 

Oh and i finally read the first chapter. Sounds interesting at how the character is paranoid and how the mansion is described as a dark, creepy place like it's haunted. I can't read the rest now though, because i have to study for the damn regents tomorrow

Oh I know but I also know you havn't got phenomanal feedback

trust me, theres no greater satisfaction that posotive comments from people who have genuinly enjoyed your story and are begiing for more from all over the world!

The people who comment on pretty much every story are Eminence and Oblivionz and they may not write much, but it is why they are two of the most respected people in this section