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H4milton

Funny Jokes

Recommended Posts

Taste Of Chaos

A guy and his girlfriend walked up to a block of flats in which the girl lived, before they parted ways they kissed and the bloke said "How about a blowjob?".

 

Reluctant the girl said "Your mad, here?" "Yea, right here right now." the man replied, the woman continued "But what if someone I know walks by?". As she said that, the door opened. It was the girls sister, she says:

 

"Look, just give him the blowjob, I'll give him a blow job...Hell even dad will give him a blowjob but for the love of god just get your finger off the f*cking intercom!"

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Oblivionz
A guy and his girlfriend walked up to a block of flats in which the girl lived, before they parted ways they kissed and the bloke said "How about a blowjob?".

 

Reluctant the girl said "Your mad, here?" "Yea, right here right now." the man replied, the woman continued "But what if someone I know walks by?". As she said that, the door opened. It was the girls sister, she says:

 

"Look, just give him the blowjob, I'll give him a blow job...Hell even dad will give him a blowjob but for the love of god just get your finger off the f*cking intercom!"

Nice job stealing that from the banned Mastercard video. icon14.gif

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Claude GTA3

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TubbyJ

There's these two guys hunting, one guy has this super high-powered rifle with a really good scope. First man looks down the scope and says "Wow, I can see your house all the way from your house, and it looks like your wife's f*cking another guy!". The other man says "Dammit, I'm tired of that cheatin' whore, shoot her in the head and shoot him in the dick." The first guy says "Alright, I think I can get that in one shot."

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thatsoccerguy

A blonde goes to the doctor with third-degree burns on both ears.

 

The doctor sees her and asked how she managed to get them, the blonde replied, "I was ironing my clothes, when the phone rang, I mistook the iron for the phone on burned my ear."

 

The doctor asked, "Well what happened to your other ear?"

 

"The son of a bitch called back."

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Taste Of Chaos
A guy and his girlfriend walked up to a block of flats in which the girl lived, before they parted ways they kissed and the bloke said "How about a blowjob?".

 

Reluctant the girl said "Your mad, here?" "Yea, right here right now." the man replied, the woman continued "But what if someone I know walks by?". As she said that, the door opened. It was the girls sister, she says:

 

"Look, just give him the blowjob, I'll give him a blow job...Hell even dad will give him a blowjob but for the love of god just get your finger off the f*cking intercom!"

Nice job stealing that from the banned Mastercard video. icon14.gif

Haha, is that where its from? I was only told it my a friend. biggrin.gif

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pizza guy

There was a man sitting down at a bar when another man came in and sat beside him. The first man looked at the second, and said, "Do you want to hear something that's pretty neat?"

 

The other guy said, "Sure, go ahead and tell me." Then the first guy said, "Well, if you jump off of a building, the air will catch you and throw you back up onto the building.

 

The other guy didn't believe him, so they went up to the roof to see. The first guy jumped off of the building and fell a few feet, and then popped right back onto the roof.

 

The other guy couldn't believe it and asked him to do it again. Again he jumped off of the building and popped right back up, and he said, "Now you try it."

 

The first guy jumped off the building and fell all the way, hitting the ground hard. The guy walked back down from the roof to the bar and sat down. The bartender looked at him and said, "You know, you're a real ass when you're drunk, Superman."

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xXGTAPHREAKXx
A guy and his girlfriend walked up to a block of flats in which the girl lived, before they parted ways they kissed and the bloke said "How about a blowjob?".

 

Reluctant the girl said "Your mad, here?" "Yea, right here right now." the man replied, the woman continued "But what if someone I know walks by?". As she said that, the door opened. It was the girls sister, she says:

 

"Look, just give him the blowjob, I'll give him a blow job...Hell even dad will give him a blowjob but for the love of god just get your finger off the f*cking intercom!"

Nice job stealing that from the banned Mastercard video. icon14.gif

Haha, is that where its from? I was only told it my a friend. biggrin.gif

You fail at epic cover ups.

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crazymodder

this joke is based on the Hakka Chinese video...i just translated them into english so check this out

 

One day, there are two man in a forest. They are the hunters. They are hunting a deer to have dinner. Then, the hunter's assistant saw a woman nearby. Then the assistant says, "Look!(meant deer by hunter)". Then the hunter saw the deer (woman) and shoot her in the head. Then they go there and see what happened with the 'deer'. After that, the hunter was angry because his assistant lied him. Then the assistant replies, "I say look! not 'look'! (deer)".

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Rocketkiller
this joke is based on the Hakka Chinese video...i just translated them into english so check this out

 

One day, there are two man in a forest. They are the hunters. They are hunting a deer to have dinner. Then, the hunter's assistant saw a woman nearby. Then the assistant says, "Look!(meant deer by hunter)". Then the hunter saw the deer (woman) and shoot her in the head. Then they go there and see what happened with the 'deer'. After that, the hunter was angry because his assistant lied him. Then the assistant replies, "I say look! not 'look'! (deer)".

I don't get it. confused.gif

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Fleckz

Probably because it's either a sh*t joke or the poster is a dumbass.

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crazymodder
Probably because it's either a sh*t joke or the poster is a dumbass.

seriously, do not insult me and REPORTED

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The Killa
this joke is based on the Hakka Chinese video...i just translated them into english so check this out

 

One day, there are two man in a forest. They are the hunters. They are hunting a deer to have dinner. Then, the hunter's assistant saw a woman nearby. Then the assistant says, "Look!(meant deer by hunter)". Then the hunter saw the deer (woman) and shoot her in the head. Then they go there and see what happened with the 'deer'. After that, the hunter was angry because his assistant lied him. Then the assistant replies, "I say look! not 'look'! (deer)".

This is the funniest thing I've read in the entire thread, because of the fact it makes no sense whatsoever.

 

More jokes please

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makeshyft
Probably because it's either a sh*t joke or the poster is a dumbass.

seriously, do not insult me and REPORTED

Well... would you care to explain your 'joke'?

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Starion

 

“BETTER NATE THAN LEVER,”

 

Best joke I have ever seen. Ever. Full stop.

 

 

I'm still bloody laughing. biggrin.gif

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Runey
this joke is based on the Hakka Chinese video...i just translated them into english so check this out

 

One day, there are two man in a forest. They are the hunters. They are hunting a deer to have dinner. Then, the hunter's assistant saw a woman nearby. Then the assistant says, "Look!(meant deer by hunter)". Then the hunter saw the deer (woman) and shoot her in the head. Then they go there and see what happened with the 'deer'. After that, the hunter was angry because his assistant lied him. Then the assistant replies, "I say look! not 'look'! (deer)".

What? Well looks like I'm not the only one that excuse for a joke confused.

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crazymodder

ok stop arguing, now another one i know

 

 

There are three good friends. Their names are Fight,Crazy and Brain. One day Fight was lost. Crazy and Brain go to the police station.

Crazy:Sir, im looking for Fight.

Police:What? Are you looking for fight?

Crazy:Yes, sir.

Police:Are you crazy?

Crazy:Yes, sir. Im crazy.

Police:Did you have brain?

Crazy:Yes, sir. Brain is just beside me.

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Tuff Luv Capo

 

A guy and his girlfriend walked up to a block of flats in which the girl lived, before they parted ways they kissed and the bloke said "How about a blowjob?".

 

Reluctant the girl said "Your mad, here?" "Yea, right here right now." the man replied, the woman continued "But what if someone I know walks by?". As she said that, the door opened. It was the girls sister, she says:

 

"Look, just give him the blowjob, I'll give him a blow job...Hell even dad will give him a blowjob but for the love of god just get your finger off the f*cking intercom!"

Nice job stealing that from the banned Mastercard video. icon14.gif

Haha, is that where its from? I was only told it my a friend. biggrin.gif

You fail at epic cover ups.

I also never heard of that commercial, but have heard the joke several times. Also, this is not 4chan, so "fail" and "epic" can kindly be left out until there is Siriouz Biznis.

Edited by Tuff Luv Capo

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crazymodder

two peoples f*cking

 

Barbara:Oh my god! oh my god!! oh my god!!!

CJ:What did you want more?

Barbara:GIMME YOUR LITTLE PENIS!!!!

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TheDude5000

-so he says "Do ya love me?" and she says "No! But that's a real nice ski mask!"

 

Hahahaahaha happy.gif

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Tuff Luv Capo

 

 

A man is hitchhiking when he comes upon a farm. Deciding to try his luck with the owner, he knocks on the door. To his surprise, a dwarf answers, and welcomes him in.

 

"You can kindly stay in any of the three towers," says the dwarf, and leads the man beyond the back door, where there lie a whole town and castle below the hill. But the dwarf warns, "Just don't wake the dragon."

 

Before the man could ask, the dwarf slammed shut the door, and the man was left standing. He headed off for the first tower, and climbed it to the top. Just as he was about to fall asleep, curiosity got the best of him and he decided he would explore this town before he missed the opportunity. He climbed down the tower, and walked around the town's paths.

 

As he approached the last unexplored area of the town, the man noticed a cage, unlocked. Curious, he approached the cage and saw an enormous sleeping dragon laying curled up inside. "Oh my god" whispered the overwhelmed man. But it was loud enough. The beast awakened, and immediately sat up.

 

Fearing for his life, the man took off for the nearest building. Behind him he heard the dragon breaking through the cage, and taking flight to catch up.

 

Just as he felt the beast at his neck, the man flung himself through a rickety door and into a fire-lit workshop. He stood up and slammed the door shut behind him. Inside, he could hear the banging of someone working around the corner. The man approached a dwarf, at work on a spinwheel. The dwarf noticed the man, and shot a look up at him.

 

Embarrassed and out of place, the man asked, "What the hell is this place?"

 

The dwarf answered, "How should I know, I just work here!"

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Californian

JOKE

A 2nd grade teacher tells the class to say a sentence using the words "Liver" and "Cheese" in the same sentence.

 

So the teacher picks a white kid to go first, he says, "My mom made me a Liver and Cheese sandwich, it was really good!"

 

Then the teacher picks a black kid to go second, he says, "My mom bought the wrong kind of cheese, so my dad punched her in the Liver!"

 

Finally, the teacher picks a mexican kid to go third, he says, "2 boys were trying to look up my sister's skirt and i said 'Liver alone, Cheese my sister!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't get it? Liver=Leave her. Cheese's=She's

Edited by Californian

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The Killa
JOKE

A 2nd grade teacher tells the class to say a sentence using the words "Liver" and "Cheese" in the same sentence.

 

So the teacher picks a white kid to go first, he says, "My mom made me a Liver and Cheese sandwich, it was really good!"

 

Then the teacher picks a black kid to go second, he says, "My mom bought the wrong kind of cheese, so my dad punched her in the Liver!"

 

Finally, the teacher picks a mexican kid to go third, he says, "2 boys were trying to look up my sister's skirt and i said 'Liver alone, Cheese's my sister!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't get it? Liver=Leave her. Cheese's=She's

O MAN

 

LOL OVERLOAD.

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Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus
JOKE

A 2nd grade teacher tells the class to say a sentence using the words "Liver" and "Cheese" in the same sentence.

 

So the teacher picks  a white kid to go first, he says, "My mom made me a Liver and Cheese sandwich, it was really good!"

 

Then the teacher picks a black kid to go second, he says, "My mom bought the wrong kind of cheese, so my dad punched her in the Liver!"

 

Finally, the teacher picks a mexican kid to go third, he says, "2 boys were trying to look up my sister's skirt and i said 'Liver alone, Cheese's my sister!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't get it? Liver=Leave her. Cheese's=She's

O MAN

 

LOL OVERLOAD.

"Cheese's" has an extra syllable. You should have put cheese, because 'cheese' sounds like 'she's.'

 

The way you put it, it sounds like the pun is "Jesus my sister," which make absolutely no f*cking sense.

 

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Don Garcia aka NjNakedSnake

These aren't jokes but brain teasers:

 

Someone tells you their a compulsive liar. Do you believe them?

 

&

 

Why doesn't glue turn solid in the bottle?

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Californian

JOKE

 

One time a black guy was in a sh*tty ass car driving 35mph down the road in a desert, a white guy in a lamborghini (that he just got) wanted to go faster and overpassed the black guy. The white guy kept doing this over 3 times. The black guy was so mad, so he overpassed the white guy and made him stop.

 

He got out, took a bat out of his trunk, went up to the white guy, and dragged him out. The black guy drew a small circle on the sand and told the white guy to stand there and don't come out of the circle until he says so. So he did.

 

The black guy starts smashing the Lamborghini so bad, while the white guy is just laughing and laughing. The black guy stops and looks over at him, he walks up to the white guy and says, "What's so funny?" The white guy replies, "I stepped out of the circle when you weren't looking, when you told me not to!"

 

 

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Pat

Technically a riddle, but whatever.

 

And if you're in AMF, you're not allowed to answer this, for obvious reasons.

 

A man was shot inside of his car. The gun used is laying outside the car. There are no bullet holes in the car, all the windows are rolled up, they are all bulletproof. All the doors are locked, and have not been opened all day. There is no sunroof. How was he shot?

 

Give up? The car was a convertible.

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H4milton

Ok here goes another:

Once a man lost his hand in an accident.He became very sad,everyone tries to evade him.So he went up to the hill for comitting suicide.Suddenly he saw another man who lost both of his hands n were laughing n jumping.The one-handed 1st man went 2 him n askd,''U've lost bth of ur hands bt u're still hapi.Can i ask y?''.''f*ck off!I'm nt laughing in joy.My dick is itching!!'',replied d 2nd man.

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Ottae
JOKE

 

One time a black guy was in a sh*tty ass car driving 35mph down the road in a desert, a white guy in a lamborghini (that he just got) wanted to go faster and overpassed the black guy. The white guy kept doing this over 3 times. The black guy was so mad, so he overpassed the white guy and made him stop.

 

He got out, took a bat out of his trunk, went up to the white guy, and dragged him out. The black guy drew a small circle on the sand and told the white guy to stand there and don't come out of the circle until he says so. So he did.

 

The black guy starts smashing the Lamborghini so bad, while the white guy is just laughing and laughing. The black guy stops and looks over at him, he walks up to the white guy and says, "What's so funny?" The white guy replies, "I stepped out of the circle when you weren't looking, when you told me not to!"

Did you come up with that yourself? Because that was awful.

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Bad~Boy#17

Who puts poison in your cornflakes ?

A serial killer.

 

I still love this one biggrin.gif

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