tuff_luv_capo Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Surgen: Operation success......but we lost him. Wife: What happened Surgen: We showed him the Bill too early. ------------------------------------------------------------ Awesome, DxK well heres mine: two friends are talking, 1st friend: Why are you sad, Friend? 2nd: Dont ask, I've written her so many letters, but still she didnt replied 3rd: Well u have written the letters, but have you posted them?? Man, I'm asking you, please stop. I think we can all agree. It was funny because they were dumb but now it's just a waste of time. iF U DONT LIKE THE JOKES THEN DONT DONT POST, U R BORING LIKE UR SIGNATURE Nah, I'll keep posting. You're not funny. And I strongly believe you and dxk are the same person. You have the same comma problem, compliment each other's lame jokes, and you're altogether about as funny as my dad's thyroid cancer. you are a S.A.M Whoa, whoa, you take that the f*ck back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H4milton Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 Uh huh, why should I?? Anyway, we are making an argument so stop offtopic posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxk Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 @Tuff Luv:- I don't care if you hate him, just don't bring it to me... The dude is from Bangladesh and me from India. Yes, I have comma problem. No I am not him. Whats a SAM? (the only one I know is Surface to Air Missile) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beavis Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 This isn't really a joke, but more of a comeback... Dude 1 - You're a mothaf*cker you know that? Dude 2 - Well maybe if you didn't put your mother on the street I wonder f*ck her so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxk Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 This isn't really a joke, but more of a comeback... Dude 1 - You're a mothaf*cker you know that? Dude 2 - Well maybe if you didn't put your mother on the street I wonder f*ck her so much. lol, it is funny...still a bit sticky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hymoglobin Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Why did the little girl fall off her bike? Because somebody threw a fridge at her. No You got it wrong, it's funnyer this way: Why did the the boy fall off his bike, because he got hit by a fridge (More random and unexpected) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adz_1001 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Man who walk sideways through airport terminal is going to bangkok Man who fall asleep with problem in hand wakes up with solution on chest Man with tool in hand is not necessarily a mechanic Man with hand in pocket is not necessarily jinglying change Man who put dick in peanut butter is f*cking nuts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nikofan112 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Alright I got one, So two men go moose hunting in Canada, and the airplane pilot they hire tells them to only bring back one moose. So the guys go hunting and get two moose. THe pilot detests, but lets them on board. The plane crashes, the pilot dies, but the hunters are relatively unscathed. One hunter asks "Where are we?" and the other replies "About 50 feet from last year." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H4milton Posted April 25, 2008 Author Share Posted April 25, 2008 @Tuff Luv:- I don't care if you hate him, just don't bring it to me... The dude is from Bangladesh and me from India. Yes, I have comma problem. No I am not him. Whats a SAM? (the only one I know is Surface to Air Missile) no worries, Heres S.A.M: If you played GTA SA, on the first Woozie mission, Carl enters the betting shop and the first triad says, "We are closed, Pogkai", Carl Says "Easy, I'm here to see woozie" and when he goes up says a comment "Stupid A** M***********" Thats what S.A.M stands for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhoda Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H4milton Posted April 25, 2008 Author Share Posted April 25, 2008 A huge operation is going to be held in a mental hospital, Doctors are ready nurses have prepared the O.T. but where's the patient, Ohh no he is busy reading this joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kraxxuz Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 Man who walk sideways through airport terminal is going to bangkok Man who fall asleep with problem in hand wakes up with solution on chest Man with tool in hand is not necessarily a mechanic Man with hand in pocket is not necessarily jinglying change Man who put dick in peanut butter is f*cking nuts Some of the funniest things in the topic . Great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stefan. Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 Eeshan's comments are so funny and so unoffensive, I feel like I wasted my $14 on watching 'Step Up: 2'. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bartleby Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 Eeshan's comments are so funny and so unoffensive, I feel like I wasted my $14 on watching 'Step Up: 2'. But it's called THE STREETS! That title is so hardcore and arbitrarily aggressive and urban, it's just got to score some points with kids in touch with the inner-city lifestyle! That movie gets me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stefan. Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 Eeshan's comments are so funny and so unoffensive, I feel like I wasted my $14 on watching 'Step Up: 2'. But it's called THE STREETS! That title is so hardcore and arbitrarily aggressive and urban, it's just got to score some points with kids in touch with the inner-city lifestyle! That movie gets me! That's the thing; I loved the movie so much, yet Eeshan's comments are so bad, they are more entertaining then one of my favourite movies. See my point? Here's another one (racist): Why do Jews have large noses? The air is free. By the way, what ever happened to Hayden? Did he get banned or something? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hayden Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 By the way, what ever happened to Hayden? Did he get banned or something? No, I've been in Sydney just taking a break from everything. I got back yesterday but haven't found anything worth replying to yet. I hate racist jokes, just stupid. Taking a leisurely stroll through a park, a person spots an old man sitting on a park bench, crying. Feeling sympathetic the person walks up to the old man and sits down next to him. "Hi, I noticed you crying and was wondering what was wrong. Would you like to talk about it?" "Well," sobs the old man, "I just got married to the most beautiful 25 year old woman. I come home to a great meal every night and afterwards engage in hot steamy passion that lasts for hours..." "So... then what's the problem?" the person asks. "I forgot where I live!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bartleby Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre...so he gives it to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H4milton Posted May 13, 2008 Author Share Posted May 13, 2008 Sorry, for reviving this old topic, but i just got 2 of them: 1.An aeroplane and a rocket are talking, Aeroplane says:We both fly in the air, but why are you a lot faster than me all the times, hearing upon this the rocket replied: What will it feel like when fire is burning on your ass. 2.A plane has just taken off and the pilot is informing the passengers about how long the flight is gonna be and such things. However, he forgot to turn the microphone off and said: "Well now I just need a coffee and a blowjob" Everybody in the plane heard him. An air hostess, embarrased, was going into the cab to tell the pilot to switch it off before he said more things like that. Before she'd arrived, a passenger stopped her and said "hey, don't forget the coffee!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Tequeli Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 1.An aeroplane and a rocket are talking, Aeroplane says:We both fly in the air, but why are you a lot faster than me all the times, hearing upon this the rocket replied: What will it feel like when fire is burning on your ass. Where the f*ck do you get these? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheTank Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 (edited) Eeshan, this is the FUNNY jokes-topic EDIT: AND YOU EVEN MADE IT! Jesus, You've made the topic and can't keep it on-topic. (Well, I went a bit offtopic, too...) Edited May 13, 2008 by TheTank Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H4milton Posted May 13, 2008 Author Share Posted May 13, 2008 Eeshan, this is the FUNNY jokes-topic EDIT: AND YOU EVEN MADE IT! Jesus, You've made the topic and can't keep it on-topic. (Well, I went a bit offtopic, too...) What, I guess I cant change the topic header to SAD Jokes. @Mike Tequili: I got these jokes from my brains storehouse. Dont you think that the aeroplane joke was funny, It looks very funny to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Tequeli Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 @Mike Tequili: I got these jokes from my brains storehouse.Dont you think that the aeroplane joke was funny, It looks very funny to me. I understand now. Well good luck with your future career in comedy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OGFlak Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Effy in Chains Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 Why are there no casinos in China? becuase they hate Tibet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO. Now thats a joke! Hehe Tibet Heres mine: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? [cpoiler]Nothing! She was too busy choking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hayden Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Heres mine: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Nothing! She was too busy choking Wow, that's clever. Nice work. Sorry, no joke here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Effy in Chains Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Heres mine: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Nothing! She was too busy choking Wow, that's clever. Nice work. Sorry, no joke here. Indeed that is a good joke. Now for another from me... Why does Michael Jackson like 26 year olds? Because there's 20 of them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PistolwhipU Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 This is a setup joke to do around friends.I thought it was pretty good.3 midgets are on a park bench when the guiness book of world records bus drove past them.Midget #1 says "I'll bet you 2 that I've got the smallest hands in the world."Midget #2 says "I'll bet you 2 that I've got the smallest feet in the world."Midget #3 says"I'll bet you 2 that I've got the smallest penis in the world."So they find the bus and find out if they hold the records or not.Midget #1 comes out and says"I told you guys I had the smallest hands in the world."Midget #2 comes out and says"I told you guys I had the smallest feet in the world."Midget #3 comes out and says"Who the hell is(Place anyones name here)." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Eeshan, this is the FUNNY jokes-topic EDIT: AND YOU EVEN MADE IT! Jesus, You've made the topic and can't keep it on-topic. (Well, I went a bit offtopic, too...) He did? When? I demand proof. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 *** MAN RULES *** 1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work. 2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man. 3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic. 4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks! 5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction. 6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard. 7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with. 8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah". 9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like. 10. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb. 11. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are drunk However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that. 12. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings. 13. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad. 14. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it? 15. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles. 16. TAKING OUT 200 POUNDS FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later. 17. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya." 18. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver. 19. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah. 20. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage". 21. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?" 22. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - A visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized poo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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