longkissgoodnight Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 Oh ok - I hope everything is fine with your family and everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickstick Posted April 25, 2008 Author Share Posted April 25, 2008 Fifteen: Vince The cool air hitting my face is a relief. I’m pulled out of the trunk like a piece of meat, dumped on the hard gravel, and have the air knocked out of me for a minute. Vince forces me roughly back up and cuts through the ropes round my wrists. The numb feeling that has pervaded in them for the last ten minutes starts to fade a little as the blood rushes back into my hands. Vince gives me a dirty look, making me get up instantly. He has a gun hidden under his shirt, so obviously there that even a rookie could have spotted it. As much as I want to kill that bastard (that bitch!), I’m not stupid. I’ll wait till the odds are tipped in my favour rather than his. We’re in the warehouse district, close to the docks. I recognise the architecture from a case a few years ago. Some small time bootleggers had decided to take part in a kidnapping. Stupidly, the target they chose was the teenage daughter of one of the most powerful and feared Yakuza heads in Central. By the time we got to the warehouse where the girl was being held we didn’t need to free her. Her dad had already done that. The hapless kidnappers were spread all over the building. One was still alive- barely- when we found him. His upper body was lying in a pool of blood, hidden underneath a dark stairway. We found his legs outside in a garbage can. Needless to say, nobody ever tried to kidnap the daughter again. Kat is stood away from me, her face buried in her hands. She lowers them and gazes straight at me. For a moment I almost fall in love with her all over again- there’s something about those eyes that I can’t resist- but then realise what she’s done. “Why?” I demand of her. She looks down at the floor, her eyes flooding with tears. “Why?” My voice gets louder. “Why are you doing this? The Kat I knew would never have done this. What’s in it for you, f*cking me over?” She ignores me. I start to get angry. “Answer me!” “ I…” she finally replies. A short pause, and I’m shouting at her again. “Well? Why?” “I wanted to be safe. Even for just a little while.” She turns away. Rain starts pouring from the sky. My teacher at Sunday school, a perky young blonde named Miss Bouvier, had once said that when it rains God is crying tears of joy for his people. Whether the rain that falls on Central comes from God or not is debatable, but one thing is certain: its not tears that drench this city. I turn round to face Vince and see the smirk on his face. f*ck him. f*ck his gun. I grit my teeth and send my fist sailing through the whistling air towards his grizzled jaw. He sees it, and draws his gun. I’m just about to connect when he pulls the trigger. ************************************** Yes, I have finally updated. During the three or so weeks I've left this, I've scrapped pretty much the entire second half of it and started it again, after reading through it and feeling it just wasn't up to scratch. Now that I can get on more often, I intend to return to my old routine of one new chapter a week (usually at least) until it's completed. I was really dissapointed at this chapter. Truth be told, I'm not really satisfied with anything I write anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Typhus Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Don't be so hard on yourself, it's good that you're keeping up with this. The thing is that the chapters, in nature, are short. Therefore it's only natural that you get a few duds here and there, but I personally liked this. As usual your talent for narration shines through, my only criticism is that there isn't more to this chapter, it leaves you hanging sure but I'd like the noose around the readers neck to be just a little tighter Keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galvanize Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 kick ass but can iask sorry if i havn't read stuff properly but whos vince Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickstick Posted April 25, 2008 Author Share Posted April 25, 2008 Thanks Typhus. I agree about the short chapters. When I started this that was my primary writing style but now I've developed a style using much longer chapters (as a random example, some of the chapters for Harville that I've made a half hearted attempt at are up to six times as long as these in BBB), and actually find it difficult to write in such short busts. But then, if I changed to longer chapters, the story would suffer as I would be putting more effort into the second half. I'll stay with short chapters for this, then once this is completed I'll adopt a style I'm more comfortable with. galvanize: Vince is the man Kat cheated with on Ross years ago, and that's pretty much all we know about him so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-/TNT\- Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 I don't see anything wrong with it. Kickass as usual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Land Of Confusion Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 Agh, sorry for not keeping up to date Chickstick been rather busy with school. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, your writing is still very good, and is most likely better than anything I could do, (damn my procrastination.) But anyway, cheer up, remember, your writing should be an expression of you, and it should be fun, if it's not fun, then why write? Anyway, cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 Glad to see this has been picked up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickstick Posted April 26, 2008 Author Share Posted April 26, 2008 Thanks lads. Looking again at what I wrote last night, I now look like a bit of a tool, so thank you for making me realise that needlessly whingeing never results in anything. Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 Don't worry about it. I know exactly how you feel about not being able to write to your own satisfaction anymore. And we're not the only ones either - a few of the people I know who are very talented writers seem to be losing their abilities too. Either way, don't give up and keep at it. If need be, maybe write a oneshot or something that's completely detatched from your main project(s) until you're happy with a new adapted style? Hope you work something out soon and are pleased with what you got. From my point, I can't see anything wrong with your stuff, so it's probably just a perfectionist thing (I know that's a major problem with me - I want my new stuff to be the best-to-date and so I've got an expectancy of it being too good, so I'm not and won't be satisfied with what I produce - it's a vicious cycle ). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickstick Posted May 4, 2008 Author Share Posted May 4, 2008 I'm discontinuing this for the forseeable future, mostly due to the fact that I'm getting frustrated with it, and after all, there's no point in doing something you don't enjoy. This goes for everything I did have planned- Harville, Angel of Death and the like, until I can get back to enjoying writing again. Sorry folks. From now on I'll sporadically post one shots, but I'm pretty much finished with longer stories. Hopefully now I can finally get up to date with some of the fantastic stories here in Writer's Discsussion, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vercetti21 Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 Holy sh*t, WD is losing some great writers. I hope this'll be more of a temporary thing and you'll come around to enjoying writing again. Until then, do what you need to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 I'm discontinuing this for the forseeable future, mostly due to the fact that I'm getting frustrated with it, and after all, there's no point in doing something you don't enjoy. This goes for everything I did have planned- Harville, Angel of Death and the like, until I can get back to enjoying writing again. Sorry folks. From now on I'll sporadically post one shots, but I'm pretty much finished with longer stories. Hopefully now I can finally get up to date with some of the fantastic stories here in Writer's Discsussion, eh? Take your time mate, this forum is for leisure, not pressure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Typhus Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 I saw it coming a mile off. Oh well. Love not, want not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now