DarthTemplar Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 PEOPLE stop criticizing on how his grammer is. Claude GTA3 I will recommend IE spell It allows you to spell check whatever you write on the internet. It works on forums, blogs, websites whatever. Anyway stop spamming on how he needs to improve. I think he knows already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltinespike Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 PEOPLE stop criticizing on how his grammer is. Claude GTA3 I will recommend IE spell It allows you to spell check whatever you write on the internet. It works on forums, blogs, websites whatever. Anyway stop spamming on how he needs to improve. I think he knows already. Quite obviously you don't know how things run here in the Writer's Discussion. Don't you dare tell us to stop criticizing. How on Earth will he get better if he doesn't receive criticism? You're the one spamming, my friend, by littering the post with your stop criticizing post. On topic, I agree with all the criticism given. Do not take offense to it. Treat it as a gift. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poikly Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 Chapters are too short and too much dialouge. And work on grammar. Apart from that, great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Share Posted January 2, 2008 I'll make that stuff longer from now on. But now I gotta think of something... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theg33kboy Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 You have a intresting story. I think you are talented of making stories and stuff. Hey maybe i can make a mod of this, may I have your permission? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IS90 Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 why don`t you continue it? it`s like a comic book for some of us:D c`mon ..do the next one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthTemplar Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I'll make that stuff longer from now on. But now I gotta think of something... If you read his last post you would notice that he is still thinking of chapters It is hard to write fanfictions people. Especially when you have to be original. Give it time, I am sure that he hasn't forgotten. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 I'll make that stuff longer from now on. But now I gotta think of something... If you read his last post you would notice that he is still thinking of chapters It is hard to write fanfictions people. Especially when you have to be original. Give it time, I am sure that he hasn't forgotten. I got some family issues to clear up,but maybe I'll post the net chapter soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 Chapter 9 - The argument After many hours of sitting in front of the operation room in the Shoreside Vale hospital,Claude finally fell asleep.20 minutes after Claude fell asleep,the doctor came out.Claude heard the door closing and woke up in a flash.He got up and was about to speak,but the doctor interrupted and said: "He's fine,he had a bullet lodged near his heart,so we had to be precise(that's why the operation was taking so long),so we don't hit the heart.Is a Dwayne Banks here?" D-ICE replied and said: "Yeah,that's me." The doctor was explaining the severe damage his brother had withstood,and that he is infront of a long stay in the hospital.Ice was OK with that,and he thanked the doctor for saving him. They went back to their safehouse(The place Donald Love was after his bankrupt).The whole gang argued around,and thought one of the who the shooter might be,but one of the 'Jacks said: "I saw a Mexican guy running and holding a guitar case,he looked suspicius,I thought he was a Cartel member,but he denied it when we threatened him." "What was in the case?" Ice asked... "We didn't ask him..." "You degenerate! He could've been holding a sniper inside!" CJ added... "Leave him alone,man,it could've been anyone,it might've been a guitar inside too!" Ice argued... After one hour of arguing,they considered to send a search party after the Mexican,and to send a few guys to protect G. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IS90 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 great! i don`t think CJ would have used DEGENERATE:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltinespike Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 (edited) Alright, seeing as I'm tired of the ensuing debate that the criticism given is no help, and everyone who gives criticism is an "ignorant critic", I'll go into a detailed breakdown of your latest installment. Remember, I'm taking my time to try to help you get better, so please do not be rude and tear me down, for I'm certain this topic will be locked if the spam persists. Let me begin by first saying that this story has sufficient potential. I can see the epic story behind the small narrative in which it is told. It seems you have the idea perfectly reserved in your mind, but can't seem to place it into words, at least in a fashion that engages the reader. Your great idea is cloaked by common amateur writing errors. First of all, you do not want to directly dictate the actions of a character to the reader, which seems to be something you are struggling with. What you want to do is paint a vivid picture of everything, harboring a character's actions within a sea of adjectives. Am I saying drenching the story in adjectives will make it better? Absolutely not, but using adjectives in the right places creates a grand image of things, which intruiges the majority of readers. Readers who like to read stories (not ideas) like that kind of thing. That is what attracts all of the "ignorant critics". Furthermore, your spelling and grammar must improve. Although this is less important than engaging the reader, it is still a very important factor. Every story thread I view, I first skim through it, checking for not only detail, but also for correct spelling and grammar. If the piece is full of mistakes, I do not bother reading it, as I cannot take the piece seriously. This includes the bloody spaces you leave out between sentences. It is also essential that you expand your characters' vocabulary. Seeing things like "Mexican guy", "Cartel member", and "degenerate" make me gag. Replace those words with ones that have much more emotion and feeling put into them, such as "Cholo motherf*cker", "Cartel bitches", and "overripe asshole". Even if you do not wish to cuss, there are plenty of more vivid words out there, and they are not hard to find. To be honest, I use Thesaurus.com actively in my stories, and I've even used it in writing this response. Anyways, that's all the advice I have for now. I truly hope you take those words into consideration, they are there for you, so you can improve. Best of luck to you, friend. Edited January 8, 2008 by saltinespike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vercetti21 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 100% agreed with saltinespike. Don't get so defensive when people criticize, just take the advice and use it to your advantage - actually consider what the critics have to say, and follow through with it. You can't just ignore constructive criticism, for it will not help you improve your writing the least bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 It is also essential that you expand your characters' vocabulary. Seeing things like "Mexican guy", "Cartel member", and "degenerate" make me gag. Replace those words with ones that have much more emotion and feeling put into them, such as "Cholo motherf*cker", "Cartel bitches", and "overripe asshole". Totally agree with Salt's post, but I think that this portion is very important to improving Claude GTAIII's writing. When I see things like "A guy walked up to Claude and gave him some dap, then said that the sh*t is in the same place as where you park that one car in that one mission in LCS". When you're at this point of horrible description, you're almost breaking the fourth wall. You need to suddlety to your writing, don't say that "Claude drove his car to the Colombian Cartel member's house to kill him", be suddle about. Hint at this type of stuff, it engrosses your reader. For example: Claude loaded a clip into his pistol, knowing the magnitude of this decision he had made. It would shake Liberty City's underworld to it's breaking point, completely shattering all reservations any player in this game of vice had. As he climbed into the Sentinel, it's windows tinted to a pitch black, he began to wonder if he'd even be alive to see the consequences of his actions. See how I did that? Is Claude going to kill anyone? Yes, anyone who reads this is going to understand that. Did I bluntly say he was going to commit murder? No, but you get the picture. I hope you put this and Salt's advice to good use. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Share Posted January 9, 2008 I'm trying not to put the word f*ck,since GTA3 didn't have one. I also have major problems both at school,and at home. I don't have time to serve your demands,because I really need to solve my own problems first. And as I said. Don't like it? Don't read it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltinespike Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 If you do not take writing seriously, and do not wish to get better, why are you here? You will get no fanbase with the respected members with a story like that, just to let you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waddy Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Locked on request of topic starter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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