Claude GTA3 Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 (edited) This is my first fanfic, so be gentle with the comments. Chapter 1 - Prologue ...After shooting Catalina's chopper and rescuing Maria (and shooting her afterwards), Claude became paranoid; Everytime he'd wake up he'd fear that day would be last. Every gang in Liberty hated him, meanwhile, the Yakuza had a tape of Kenji's murder. it was allegedly taped by a civillian in the apartment block behind the carpark. The NEW Yakuza leader Yuzuki Kasen, Asuka's cousin, never liked Claude. Claude did do a few basic missions for him, BUT Yuzuki did know who killed Kenji. He was there when the murder happened. He saw a man in a leather jacket, but it happened so fast, he couldn't recognize the face. Here's where the tape comes in, it was shown on the local news. The reporter said who taped it, and the Yakuza found the man. Yuzuki saw the man's face in the car, and he found out it was Claude. Chapter 2 - The City is mine Claude woke up one morning, with a gun under his pillow, a knife in his sleeve, a bulletproof vest, and hand grenades in each of his pockets. He was taking his car keys from the pocket, yawning. He opened the garage, and what he saw was shocking. His Banshee was trashed up, the tires were slit, and the engine smelled like gasoline. He turned around and noticed a message on the back of his garage door. " You will pay for what you did to Kenji, if you think the car mishap was bad, it'll be mild compared to your face when I catch you. PS: Remember, I own the City, you CAN NOT run or hide -Best regards Yuzuki" Claude was enraged, he got out of the alley his apartment was in,and stole a Sentinel. He is on the run, trying to hide. That's it for now,more will come when I come up with it Edited December 31, 2007 by Claude GTA3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freak2121 Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 thats great im gonna vote 400/10 i hope it's used in SA:LC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Therman Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 wanna hear more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted December 31, 2007 Author Share Posted December 31, 2007 Chapter 3 - Life is short Claude was speeding in his car towards Shoreside Vale,he noticed a few Yakuza trailing him. He slowed down,and pretended like he doesn't see them. He drove normally, until he heard the lift bridge was going up,he sped up,and got to the beginning of the bridge. He forced the car go as fast as it could, But the Yakuza had unmodded Stingers, and were gaining on him. Claude barely got to the rising part of the bridge at the last moment. The Yakuza were too fast to stop,and they fell into the Sea. Claude sped up again, and jumped from the bridge's raising part. His care didn't sustain the impact, and was totaled. Claude dumped the Sentinel,and continued walking. He lit up a cigarette and thought to himself: "Life is too short to be wasted...why the hell am I even doing this crap? I should've stayed in San Fierro,and fix cars in that cappy garage." He was walking along the bridge until he noticed the Yakuza are at the Airport, his only chance of freedom. He had no choice but to fight. The only people who could repay him with protection were the Red Jacks. He stole a Blista from a lady who was apparently in a shopping spree. The trunk was full of clothes. Claude took some men clothes from the trunk. They were apparently meant for the lady's husband. but hey,their loss is his gain. He noticed the fuel was low,and the nearest gas station was in Portland. Saint Mark's to be more specific. He couldn't risk his life for a gallon of gas. Claude forced the Blista,and got to about 60 mph (100 kmh). He jumped from the broken bridge to Wichita Gardens ( This one). The car didn't take the impact,and was completely trashed. Claude got out,and left the car go up in flames. Claude was holding a few ZIP bags in his hands,smoking a cigarette,and started looking for D-ICE. Thanks for the feedback guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted December 31, 2007 Author Share Posted December 31, 2007 Chapter 4 - Boyz in da 'hood Claude was walking in Wichita Gardens towards his old Safehouse,and accidentally bumped into a Red Jack. "Ay,watch out Motherfu--Claude? Did you become a shoppin' lady? Hahaa,ay,man,let's go to Ice,he gonna take care of you,man,he owes you big time!" It was Lil' G,D-Ice's brother. The guy Claude helped in 'Rumble'. "So,I heard you was in deep sh*t. those chinks are lookin' all over for you, every criminal in town knows that. What'd you do,man, they are badass muthas, if they find you...well,you don't wanna know,man". Claude thinks:"sh*t,i'm really in deep now..." 20 Minutes later Claude walks in Ice's apartment. "AAAY,MAN! Whaddup. You in deep sh*t man,and since I owe you,me and my boys are gonna help you out! Here,take this." Ice throws an uzi to Claude. "Claude,when you need help,just come here,we always help a friend in need! Now go get some sleep." Claude goes downstairs to his safe house apartment,and goes to sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted December 31, 2007 Author Share Posted December 31, 2007 Chapter 5 - ICE makes a call Claude wakes up,not knowing what happened last night. He goes to the window and sees cops. tons of them. D-ICE enters the room... "Yo,man I lost 20 men last night.The Yakuza found out you are here,dawg! We can't get rid of these cops in broad daylight,so we wait.I know a guy from 'Santos,he's been in Liberty in '91,helped me out a lot,he an Ice Cold killa,just like you. Imma ring 'im,a'ight?'" Claude thinks: "Is it the sucker I gave my garage to?" Meanwhile "Yuzuki-san,we found out where your target is,do we attack?" "No,Hiroshi,I know someone,a real madman,fought with me in 'Nam." (Hiroshi was recruited because he lived in the US in the 70's) *Yuzuki calls the guy* "Hello,Rodriguez,remember me? You owe me a favor,and I think you just may repay it..." ...Who is the guy from Los Santos? Who is the mysterious Rodriguez? Find out in the next chapter of The Story after III Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthTemplar Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 (edited) Ive got a question. How did the Yakuza get a tape of Claude murdering Kenji. He did it specifically so that there would be survivors. So they would start a gang war with the Cartel and real estate prices would go down just like Donald Love said. Claude was in the Cartel Cruiser and it possibly had tinted windows. So unless they had a tape of him doing it INSIDE the car it wouldn't make much sense But it is a good way to start a storyline though Edited December 31, 2007 by DarthTemplar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted December 31, 2007 Author Share Posted December 31, 2007 Ive got a question. How did the Yakuza get a tape of Claude murdering Kenji. He did it specifically so that there would be survivors. So they would start a gang war with the Cartel and real estate prices would go down just like Donald Love said. Claude was in the Cartel Cruiser and it possibly had tinted windows. So unless they had a tape of him doing it INSIDE the car it wouldn't make much sense But it is a good way to start a storyline though There was no tinted windows. It all happened too fast for the yakuza,and they didnt see it. But a guy in the apartment block overlooking the carpark heard shooting and taped it. they showed it on the news,and they said who the author is. The Yakuza got to the author,killed him and seized the tape. They zoomed in,and filtered the frame that shows a distinguished face in the car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vercetti21 Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 Okay... here's the problem with this: The events after GTA 3 have been done soooo many times. To be honest, the idea is so unoriginal that it makes me not want to read it. Therefore, I'm not being critical on your writing, but please be more original. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Share Posted January 1, 2008 I really don't care about your opinion,nor anyone elses. If you don't wanna read,don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 I really don't care about your opinion,nor anyone elses. If you don't wanna read,don't. First off, it's constructive criticism, and if you don't like it, don't post a story in here. Secondly, he's got a point. This whole post-GTA III "Claude is on the run and outnumbered" thing is really been done to death. Think of something new and original, not just something that came to you while you were on the john. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthTemplar Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 I really don't care about your opinion,nor anyone elses. If you don't wanna read,don't. First off, it's constructive criticism, and if you don't like it, don't post a story in here. Secondly, he's got a point. This whole post-GTA III "Claude is on the run and outnumbered" thing is really been done to death. Think of something new and original, not just something that came to you while you were on the john. Some of the best ideas of all time come to you in the john Anyway I agree with Claude GTA3. If you don't like it don't read it. Or do your own fanfic and see how hard it is to think of something original every single chapter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 I really don't care about your opinion,nor anyone elses. If you don't wanna read,don't. First off, it's constructive criticism, and if you don't like it, don't post a story in here. Secondly, he's got a point. This whole post-GTA III "Claude is on the run and outnumbered" thing is really been done to death. Think of something new and original, not just something that came to you while you were on the john. Some of the best ideas of all time come to you in the john Anyway I agree with Claude GTA3. If you don't like it don't read it. Or do your own fanfic and see how hard it is to think of something original every single chapter I have, and it's not that hard. El Linko Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Share Posted January 1, 2008 Chapter 6 - An early birthday present Claude was on the move again,hoping that the guy from Los Santos would help him. He was trying to get a new car,since his unprofessional behavior and recklessness made his last one a pile of junk. He saw a beautiful dark blue Infernus roaring down the road. It belonged to a rich movie star named Chuck Shwartz. The car is probably bulletproof,and maybe fireproof. The car stopped at a red light. Claude quickly drew his Colt,and ran towards the car. He barely got the bodybuilding filmstar out,since he weighed like a tank. Claude sat in the car and drove away. The car was obviously tagged with a tracer,since the police spotted him immediatelly. Claude went into a small back alley in Shoreside Vale. He got out,and checked the car's engine. He found the tracer in the car's carburator. He manafed to get it out,and he threw it as far as he could. He heard the police sirens going away,and he felt deep relief. He went to Ice's safehouse,in a small back alley in Staunton. "Oooeee,where'd you get that whip,man?! It looks familiar...Oh sh*t,I saw this one on JTV Pads (Jam Television). It's that german guy's car. You better get that sh*t cleaned man,the cops would recognize this anywhere." Claude changed the license plates,and got rid of all the serial numbers. meanwhile,at Yuzuki's... *Rodriguez walks into the room* "Heeey,If it isn't my old amigo,Red Falcon. Heh...nice Casino you got here,really classy,but you should see my own mansion,down in Cuba! So,what was that favor,amigo? You need drugs? I've got plenty!" "No..I need you to kill a certain someone." "Hey,amigo...uhh,that service is quite expensive..." "Don't worry,I've got plenty of money...Now let's get to the planning" In the meantime,Claude was checking out the car's specs,and found out it's the fastest and safest car in Liberty. It was bullet proof,fire proof,and explosion proof. Claude thinks "This certainly will be crucial to my mission,I better keep this one..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Typhus Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 May I just ask: As a player of GTAIII what do you consider Fido/Claude's personality to be? Do you feel that we see any glimpses into his mind? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Share Posted January 1, 2008 May I just ask: As a player of GTAIII what do you consider Fido/Claude's personality to be? Do you feel that we see any glimpses into his mind? I am trying to make him be robot-like,like he is in GTA III,but I'll add his thoughts,what he thinks and so on. I don't think I'll make him speak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 (edited) Anyway I agree with Claude GTA3. If you don't like it don't read it. Or do your own fanfic and see how hard it is to think of something original every single chapter If you truly are a good writer, or even an adequate writer, thinking of something original for every single chapter is not hard. I've done a few fanfics, one of which with fifty chapters, and not a single chapter was hard to write. In fact, some only took minutes, but I still had fans who were waiting every second for me to update it, to see something new. Constructive criticism in Writer's Discussion is obviously going to happen. It's meant to help the writer, not to offend them. And this is merely my opinion, but if you want to be serious about writing, drop the fanfics. I learned this the hard way. Yes, it's fun to write about Claude and Catalina and all of that, but it's been done to death. People don't want to read a story, then go "let's read it again, but with one tiny detail done differently!" They want to read something new, something original, a story they've never heard before. I am trying to make him be robot-like This is a big no-no if you're writing a story. While Claude may act like a robot in GTAIII, he still has a personality. If you have a story with a main character who has no personality at all, it's going to get real boring real quick. It's going to be, "Claude did this. Claude did that. Claude did this." Keep in mind, this is all meant to be constructive. It is meant to help your writing. Please, don't take it the wrong way or reply with something like, "well i dont care what you think because this-and-that-and-this-and-that," because it'll get you no-where quick. Edited January 1, 2008 by EmoPat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Typhus Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 This is a big no-no if you're writing a story. While Claude may act like a robot in GTAIII, he still has a personality. If you have a story with a main character who has no personality at all, it's going to get real boring real quick. It's going to be, "Claude did this. Claude did that. Claude did this." But the problem is that Fido exhibits no personality traits during GTAIII. So how can anyone flesh him out. He is a void. he is a black hole. He is not really a suitable protagonist for a story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Share Posted January 1, 2008 Chapter 7 - The arrival Claude and D-ICE were at the airport terminal,waiting for the backup to arrive. Claude played Doom on a nearby arcade machine,and D-ICE was trying to get free soda from the soda machine. *The flight from Los Santos has arrived* D-ICE was waiting for the guy to show up,while Claude was preoccupied with killing stuff on the videogame. "AAAY,ICE,MY DAWG!" "Aay,CJ! How you been?" "Ahahaaa,you know..." Claude turned around,and readied his gun. "Hey,man,What the F--,YOU MUTE ASSHOLE!" Both CJ and Claude pulled their guns at each others face at the same time. "Ey,ey,ey,ey,CJ,cool it man,this is the guy that needs yo' help!" "Oh really,now what did he do? Aw don't tell me,did he rob a liquor store or sumfin'? Anyway,where's that psycho bitch? She's bound to be around him." "Long story,I'll explain it on the way..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 (edited) But the problem is that Fido exhibits no personality traits during GTAIII. So how can anyone flesh him out. He is a void. he is a black hole. He is not really a suitable protagonist for a story. The writer can use his imagination. As you said, he was emotionless in GTAIII. This gives the writer a full pallet to do with whatever he wants. He can make Claude a helpful guy, an asshole, etc. It's all up to him. Anyway, Claude GTA3, at least try to work on your chapters. You've released chapters that don't even equal a paragraph length-wise. Don't write a few lines of dialogue, then say "lets post this lol," take a few days to work on it, or even a week. Edited January 1, 2008 by EmoPat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Share Posted January 1, 2008 But the problem is that Fido exhibits no personality traits during GTAIII. So how can anyone flesh him out. He is a void. he is a black hole. He is not really a suitable protagonist for a story. The writer can use his imagination. As you said, he was emotionless in GTAIII. This gives the writer a full pallet to do with whatever he wants. He can make Claude a helpful guy, an asshole, etc. It's all up to him. Anyway, Claude GTA3, at least try to work on your chapters. You've released chapters that don't even equal a paragraph length-wise. Don't write a few lines of dialogue, then say "lets post this lol," take a few days to work on it, or even a week. Thanks,I'll try making this sh*t longer from now on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Share Posted January 1, 2008 ...aaanyways,here's Chapter 8 - First Blood After a short ride to Wichita Gardens,ICE explained the whole situation to Carl. "Man,you in deep sh*t,I better help yo' sorry ass. Anyway,I admire you for killing that psycho bitch." Claude just chuckled,and had a devilish smile on his face,and thought to himself "The bitch got what she had coming to her..." They parked up the alley and got out of the car,they went into the apartment building. They went to sleep. Claude couldn't sleep,he had to clear his head,his heart was pounding with excitement and fear. The next morning they all met at ICE's room and started planning. "A'ight Ice,what do you suggest we do?" "I think we should take 5-6 of our men,and blast right in--" "--No...That would be too risky,I suggest we do it ninja style. We sneak in at night,and kill all these idiots!" "What do you think Claude?" Ice said Claude was about to speak,but suddenly a bullet hit Lil' G,that was just across Claude on the table. Claude and CJ quickly pull out their guns,and shoot trough the window,while Ice was trying to help his brother... "GRANT,GRANT,TALK TO ME MAN! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME NOW!" "I'm cold,man..." Claude quickly took G and carried him while running. Grant was bleeding. "What the hell,man,where you taking my bro?!" Claude had no time to talk,he sat into his Infernus and rushed towards the hospital. In the meantime,at Yuzuki's "So,Rodriguez,how did things go?" "Eh,I'm afraid not so well,amigo,you see,he moved just when I was about to shoot..." Yuzuki was enraged,he pushed Rodriguez at the wall and said: "ONE MORE MISTAKE,AND I'LL HAVE YOU HANGING BY THE BALLS,UNDERSTOOD?!" "Si,amigo,no problem,we cool..." in the meantime,Claude was sitting infront of the operation room,and thinking: "That bullet was intended for me...if that kid doesn't make it...Who the hell fired the shot anyway?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abel. Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 Great so far, but didn't Yuzuki Kasen die in LCS? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 Great so far, but didn't Yuzuki Kasen die in LCS? That wasn't his name. I haven't read much of this, but you need to work on the sentance structure. ""Man,you in deep sh*t,I better help yo' sorry ass. Anyway,I admire you for killing that psycho bitch."" > ""Man, you in deep sh*t. I better help yo' sorry ass. Anyway, I admire you for killing that psycho bitch."" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Share Posted January 1, 2008 Great so far, but didn't Yuzuki Kasen die in LCS? That wasn't his name. I haven't read much of this, but you need to work on the sentance structure. ""Man,you in deep sh*t,I better help yo' sorry ass. Anyway,I admire you for killing that psycho bitch."" > ""Man, you in deep sh*t. I better help yo' sorry ass. Anyway, I admire you for killing that psycho bitch."" It's CJ,He's supposed to have innacurate grammar... Oh,and thanks for your support and help fellow writers and readers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 Great so far, but didn't Yuzuki Kasen die in LCS? That wasn't his name. I haven't read much of this, but you need to work on the sentance structure. ""Man,you in deep sh*t,I better help yo' sorry ass. Anyway,I admire you for killing that psycho bitch."" > ""Man, you in deep sh*t. I better help yo' sorry ass. Anyway, I admire you for killing that psycho bitch."" It's CJ,He's supposed to have innacurate grammar... Oh,and thanks for your support and help fellow writers and readers. I meant that you don't space after using commars. Instead of like this, where I use a space right there, you do it like this: Instead of like this,where I use a space right there,you do it like this. If you understand me? I know CJ's grammar is meant to be that way . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Share Posted January 1, 2008 Great so far, but didn't Yuzuki Kasen die in LCS? That wasn't his name. I haven't read much of this, but you need to work on the sentance structure. ""Man,you in deep sh*t,I better help yo' sorry ass. Anyway,I admire you for killing that psycho bitch."" > ""Man, you in deep sh*t. I better help yo' sorry ass. Anyway, I admire you for killing that psycho bitch."" It's CJ,He's supposed to have innacurate grammar... Oh,and thanks for your support and help fellow writers and readers. I meant that you don't space after using commars. Instead of like this, where I use a space right there, you do it like this: Instead of like this,where I use a space right there,you do it like this. If you understand me? I know CJ's grammar is meant to be that way . Ah,the space thingy was done because of Starion,and those other correct-grammar addicts,lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vercetti21 Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 No matter how it started, you should always try to use proper grammar and sentence structure when writing a story you plan to share. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claude GTA3 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Share Posted January 2, 2008 No matter how it started, you should always try to use proper grammar and sentence structure when writing a story you plan to share. xD lol,I'll cut out the spaces behind commas. But don't blame me if Starion and the guys start a protest . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 lol,I'll cut out the spaces behind commas. No no no, he's saying you need to add spaces behind commas, not stop. In fact, I don't see how you can "cut them out," considering you aren't even using them. This is an example of one of your sentences: Blah,blah. This is an example of a grammatically correct sentence: Blah, blah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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