Liberty City Stories (Don Edition)

[Ricardo.]

 

Notice: grand theft auto series has nothing to do with story other than setting and characters.

 

 

Salvatore Leone, the Leone Family Boss, is a well known Leader in Liberty City. He has ruled LC for 10 years ('90-'00).   In this outstanding story, It'll show you how he ruled LC for a decade. Salvatore, also known as Sal, has taken over two enitre islands and partly of the third. Killed off over 10 gangs and owned over 12 business across Liberty City. In 2001, the Leone Family faded away as many been killed off, Salvatore had lost every- thing and died September, 25 2001.

 

Introduction

 

Vice City, 1986: July 4

 

Sonny Forelli, the Forelli Family boss, has everything he ever wanted. He has his money, girls and in control of Vice City and Liberty City. After a long night, Sonny, in his black suit, walks into his estate, Tommy points a gun into his head yelling, "You set me up, you f*cking bastard!" Sonny tries to calm him down, but Tommy refuses to and pulls the trigger...BAM!

 

Blood is all over the floor and on Tommy's blue Hawaiian Shirt, Sonny is laying dead in his living room. Sirens can be heard 1/2 mile away and so Tommy ditches out the back door. He runs fast down a alley-way until a VCPD vehicle stops him from getting away, the officer has seen him come out of Sonny's back door. Three hours later, Tommy is sitting in a cell at the Police Department, serving life-time years for murder and interest in narcotics trade, gambling, prostitution, unions, corruption and racketeeting.

 

Sonny is dead, no-one to control Liberty City (nor Vice City). So then that's where the story unfolds into Don Salvatore's hands.

 

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Liberty City, 1989: Christmas Eve

 

It's been snowing all day in Liberty City, its 7:00pm and the Leone's are having fun partying at Don Salvatore's. Toni Cipriani, Leone Family's Caporegime, is just pulling in the drive-way in a black sentinel after his way back from 'business'. Bulletholes are seen in his rear windshield, Toni burstes in [mansion] with a bulletwound in his chest. The Don is shocked, "What the hell happend back there, Toni?" He drops to the floor bleeding badly, whispers to the Don "the...the Diablos hood, shot me." The Don looks up looking around to find a man for the job, he looks over at this guy in a black leather jacket and tannish cargo pants "I need YOU to give this guys a special Christmas gift from the Don," Salvatore demanded. He replies in a nod and leaves out the door.

 

Chapter I

 

 

Claude had a navy-blue Stallion that the Don had given him as a early Christmas Present. Claude knew every street throughout Liberty City, from the suburbs of Portland to the downtown area of Staunton Island. He needed to find the location the Diablos had shot Toni and get revenge.

 

Diablos hood is located in Hepburn Heights. Claude arrives with a 9mm hidden in his jacket and a AK-47 in the trunk of his Stallion. He sees nobody around, but the footprints on the snow seems to leave him a clue. As he follows the prints walking slowly, a white 4door van -known as a burrito- pulls up next to him. Claude keeps walking as if he doesn't notice the van, he turns right down a street and hears squealing tires as the van approaches him.

 

Claude runs and six rounds of bullets are fired at him, he gets shot twice, one in his left thigh and the other in back of his arm. He trips and lands on a small pile of thick muddy snow, the van flees off as the pedestrians scream and scatter. Claude manages to take out his 9mm and get three shots at the van, two of them hits the passenger's window shattering it and one hits the back license plates. He crawls back to his car and heads back to the mansion.

 

When Claude gets back to the Mansion, no-one was there but Maria. The Don had taken Toni to the hospital along with eight of Leone's bodyguards, they would always have their black Leone Sentiel's with them. Maria heals Claude and both waited until Salvatore got back.

 

The Don and Leones didn't came back until 11:00pm. "Kid?! Tell me you got good news..." Don said. "They shot him twice Sal, they nearly killed him!" Maria shouted, "WHAT?! Those smelly bastards think they can mess with the Leones?" Don questioned, "I'll teach them!"

 

Don Salvatore needed more info on why they tried killing Claude when it's only his first week at Liberty City. He knows Luigi is a close friend of Claude and would know more, so he decided to go speak to him in person. Sal went alone taking his hard-top Banshee, on his way to Luigi's, he stopped at a redlight. A Cartel Cruiser vehicle pulled up to his left for the redlight in dark tinted windows. Sal turns his head towards the Cartel Cruiser, finding a shotgun is pointing right at him! (To be Continued on Chp.2)

 

Chapter II

 

In a blink of a eye, Sal is going 65mph down the street. He had been fired at, blood is running down his forehead and all over his left side of his face. The gunshots had hit the Leone Sentinel's side door and driver seat's window, the shots missed Sal, but the shattered pieces of glass had hit the Don in the face causing him to bleed. The Cartel Cruiser refuses to let him get away and chases after the Don. Sal loses control while making a right turn and the car flips over three times landing on it's roof. The Cartel Cruiser slows down at gets hit at a intersection by a Linerunner (semi) going 30mph causing it to flip also, it catches on fire...taking their lifes.

 

Five minutes later the area is filled with police, ambulance, firetrucks and a helicopter with it's spotlight on. They approach the Leone's vehicle, but Sal is no-where to be found in it. He had minor injuries and had left the scene. Sal arrives at Luigi's doorstep injured on his face and left arm, blood is all over. After he cleans himself up he talked to Luigi about the problems he knows about with Claude. Luigi had said he didn't know anything about a white van, but does remember getting in a arguement at the Butchershop when he had just got off the plane from the airport.

 

The owner of the ButcherShop, Giovanni Casa, uses a white van to do his delveries. He is also known for doing other business with the diablos, he pays them to do the dirty work for him.

 

Liberty City, 1989: New Year's Eve

 

Everyone is at Don Salvatore's mansion partying again. The Don tells Toni, "Hey ah, Toni? This year we, the Leone family, will be taking over the city. Those diablos are gonna pay for shooting at you, we're gonna find out who shot Claude and of course, those damn Colombian Cartels." "Of course Sal," says Toni.

 

Outside, Claude just can't get enough of his new Stallion, so he goes take it for a ride. He decides to pay back the diablos by giving them a little visit. He arrives at Hepburn Heights. It was a quiet night outside, although he can hear the bass of a stereo in a apartment. Claude sat quietly in his car waiting for the right moment. After 10 minutes of waiting, he gets off and goes open the Stallion's trunk going for the AK-47. While closing the trunk, he hears a 'clicking' sound behind him and feels the tip of a gun on the back of his head. A manly voice says, "Drop it." (To be Continued on Chp.3)

Edited December 26, 2007 by Ricardo.

[protein]

hey dude. except minor spelling mistakes it's ok. you should try to describe the situation a little bit more. like for example what did the van look like and so on.

[poikly]

Welcome to the forums!

Its pretty good but, Salvatore hadn't met Claude until 2001.

[Chickstick]

It was okay, but there was one bit I didn't like:

 

 

finding a shotgun is pointing right at him! 

 

Never put smilies in a story! It makes it look so unprofessional, for want of a better word.

[Ricardo.]

 

Welcome to the forums!

Its pretty good but, Salvatore hadn't met Claude until 2001.

I know he didn't met Claude until 2001, but then again, i did said...

 

 

Notice: grand theft auto series has nothing to do with story other than setting and characters.

 

-------------------------------------

 

 

you should try to describe the situation a little bit more. like for example what did the van look like and so on.

???

What do you mean? Do you really want me to get into minor details? I said it was WHITE, 4-DOOR. Can you give me a example on what you meant, please.

------------------------------------

@ChickStick It's fixed, thanks!

 

Chapter 2 is up NOW!

Edited December 26, 2007 by Ricardo.

[Chickstick]

Everyone is at Don Salvatore's mansion partying again.

 

"Of course Sal," said Toni.

 

 

It's getting better, but work on your tenses. The chapter is written in the present tense, but then you write: "Of course Sal," said Toni. This should of course be "Of course Sal," says Toni.

 

There were a couple of examples like this, so be sure to go through and check again.

 

Apart from that it was better than I thought it was going to be. Keep it up.

[Ricardo.]

Thanks for the Tips ChickStick, this is the first time i ever wrote ANY kind of story (other than school) and i appreciate your help.

 

I just write every chapter without even knowing what's going to happen next neither, if i like what i'm writing i keep going, if not, i start over.

 

 

[Vercetti21]

 

Welcome to the forums!

Its pretty good but, Salvatore hadn't met Claude until 2001.

I know he didn't met Claude until 2001, but then again, i did said...

 

 

Notice: grand theft auto series has nothing to do with story other than setting and characters.

 

How are you going to borrow GTA's setting and characters if you claim they have nothing to do with GTA?

 

You can't simply change the characters by yourself. When two characters meet, such as Claude and Sal, they influence eachother, therefore changing the character a bit. By making them meet differently, you aren't exactly staying true to the characters.

 

Use them or don't. But if you do, please use them correctly.

[Ricardo.]

^^

The reason i used this characters is because most of you know them and i don't want to go through each of my characters describing them one by one.

 

There is no rule around here saying i can't used them in a specific way, if so, Show me.

[Vercetti21]

 

^^

The reason i used this characters is because most of you know them and i don't want to go through each of my characters describing them one by one.

 

There is no rule around here saying i can't used them in a specific way, if so, Show me.

You're right, there is no rule.

 

But like I said, if you are going to use the characters, use the characters correctly. Stealing characters and making them your own is frowned upon around here, or any other writing forum, and I'm trying to help you as a writer.

 

Look how I did it in my story, "The Russian": Niko Bellic is a character, and although I added in some of my own things to the character's story, it connected with the way GTA created him.

 

Now, if you want to BASE them off of a GTA character, that's fine, because that means that the character is created by you and you can do what you want with it. Other than that, please stay true to the characters you are using, if you use them.

Edited December 26, 2007 by Vercetti21

[Chickstick]

Thanks for the Tips ChickStick, this is the first time i ever wrote ANY kind of story (other than school) and i appreciate your help.

Hey, it's my pleasure. stick around Writer's Discussion, read a lot of the stuff that's being posted and you'll improve greatly. I know I definetly have.

[Vercetti21]

By the way, don't be discouraged by my criticism. I agree with a lot of Chickstick's tips, especially with the smileys. Other than that, it's a good story. Keep it up, my friend.

[Eminence]

Try to improve your description. Everything is too simplistic and generalized - for example, the description of a character at the start is that his suit is black. That's it. Black. One word. Doesn't paint a vivid picture, does it?

 

Half of the description that is there involves the types of cars being driven round. Sure, it's something that may need to be mentioned now and then, but all I see here is you constantly introducing irrelevant information. Black Leone Sentinel's, hard-top Banshees... it gets annoying, and I don't care for it. Especially annoying with this is the case of the Linerunner, with attached (semi) description - honestly!

 

Tying in with this last point, actually, is the description of the speed - who cares if it is going 30mph? If the point you're trying to get across is that it wasn't going too fast, then say that - you don't need to quote figures. Next time you introduce Sal, why don't you say he stood 5 foot 10 and a half inches in height, too? Get what I'm saying?

 

Additionally, it's unrealistic. Claude couldn't just get shot twice with no repercussions for his person whatsoever. Realism is key to creating a believable story, and a believable story is one that will be taken seriously.

 

Throw into this the huge gripes with tense - already pointed out - and the whole idea of Claude not legitimately being Claude as you've twisted the traits of his background, also a no-no.

 

Continue.

 

 

Toodles.