The Wishing Well

[Pat]

 

The Wishing Well

Be Careful What You Wish For

 

Jason Hinckley was the nine year old son of two very rich people, in the United States of America, 1937. He didn’t see his parents much, they were always away on business, or counting their money. Unlike most kids would be in his position, Jason was not a spoiled boy. He was not a cruel, heartless boy. He just wanted a friend. No matter how much his parents bought him, he was never happy.

 

One day, Jason walked down the flight of stairs in his parent’s mansion, and walked to the living room. He found them packing suitcases, and the butler carrying them to the limousine parked outside. “What’s going on?” asked Jason. “We’re going on a trip, Jason,” said his father, “on a new blimp, known as the Hindenburg. Unfortunately, for once, we cannot leave you here with Jenkins. He will be coming with us. You will have to stay with your aunt and uncle, in Kentucky. I’m sure you’ll have a great time, with the fresh air and such”. “Brock, we’re going to be late!” said Jason’s mother. “Oh, yes, your mother’s right Jason. Come, we will be taking a train to meet them.” said his father. Jason nodded, and his father told him to go upstairs and pack. He did, and they left for the train station. They boarded the train, and were off to Kentucky.

 

They arrived in Kentucky, and found Jenkins waiting for them, along with the limousine. They also found Jason’s aunt and uncle, sitting in a small, worn out pickup truck. Jason’s mother kissed him goodbye, and his father gave him a hug. He waved, as they got into the limousine and left. Little did he know he would never see them again. He walked over to the truck, and his aunt exited. She had a very warm and hearty smile on her face, and she helped Jason into the middle seat of the truck. He looked up at his uncle, who had a very mean looking scowl. The uncle looked at him, then back at the road. Jason was already missing his parents.

 

The truck slowly pulled into a dirt road. Jason looked left and right, and saw nothing but trees, and two or three small, green ponds. They finally reached a small, two story farmhouse. Jason did not see any animals, nor large fields; only forests left and right. The farmhouse was in terrible condition, and looked as though it could collapse at any second. The aunt and uncle exited the truck. Jason scooted to the uncle’s side, and was about to get out, until the uncle slammed the door shut. He walked to the house without looking back. Jason opened the door, exited the truck, and shut the door. His aunt was already halfway to the house, while his uncle was opening the screen door. Jason got his suitcase out of the back of the truck, and went inside the house.

 

Jason looked around. To his right was a living room, and behind that was a kitchen. To his left was a dining room, and behind that a bathroom. In front of him were stairs, on which his aunt and uncle were descending. He followed, and they led him to a door on the left of the stairs. “This is where you’ll be stayin’, boy,” said the uncle, “it ain’t no fancy bedroom, so don’t get ya’ hopes up. C’mon Lillian, I need to talk to ya’ in private”. Jason entered the bedroom. In the right corner, directly across from him, was a small cot. To his left, was a dresser. In the left corner, across from the cot, was a window. Jason walked over and looked outside. He had a view of the front area of the house, and part of the dirt road leading to it. He sighed, slipped his suitcase under the cot, and sat on it. It was very hard and uncomfortable. He looked on the bright side though, and knew his parents wouldn’t be gone long, or so he thought.

 

Later that night, Jason was sitting in the living room. His uncle was listening to the radio, and polishing a very large rifle. In the kitchen, his aunt was preparing dinner. “We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin,” said the radio, “many of you have heard of the new German blimp, known as the Hindenburg. We regret to inform that the blimp has.. I don’t know how to say this.. Been destroyed. No survivors have been found, and officials believe none will be found. The blimp caught fire, and had been completely burnt within half a minute”. The uncle opened his eyes in shock. The aunt ran from the kitchen, her hands over her mouth. Jason began crying uncontrollably.

 

Jason laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He was cold, the sheet which was on the bed was very thin. He thought about his parents. He would never see them again. He would never see Jenkins again. He would never return home. Being that his aunt and uncle were his only living relatives, he would be forced to live with them. He wept a little at the thought of this. He sighed, stood up, and walked over to the window, and looked out onto the dirt road. He saw a few chickens, attempting to eat anything they could find. “This place is hell on earth,” said Jason. He walked back to his cot, and got onto his knees. He folded his hands in front of himself, and prayed. He prayed that God would show him a way out of this horrible place, and back home. He stood up, got back into bed, and fell asleep.

 

Jason woke up earlier than his aunt and uncle that morning. He felt a strong urge to take a walk in the forest. He stood up, and slowly walked to the door. He opened it, trying to be as quiet as possible. He slowly walked to the stairs, and begun his descent. He skipped a step every few seconds, having a feeling that said step would be one of the creaky ones. He made it to the first floor, and went out the door, closing the screen behind him as slowly as possible. He went around to the back of the house, finding a trail leading into the woods. He followed it for about half an hour, before coming across a clearing. In the middle of the clearing, he found an old well. The roof looked as though if a fly landed on it, it would instantly collapse. An old wooden bucket lay beside the well. Jason remembered his parents telling him that if he ever found a well, that he should make a wish. He walked up to the well, got on his knees, and made his wish. He wished something would happen, something that would give him the ability to leave this horrible place. To go back home, to have his old life back. He stood up, and walked back onto the trail. He crept up to the house, hiding behind each tree, looking for a sign of one of his relatives. Not seeing them, he entered the kitchen door. He walked back to the stairs, and walked up. He entered his bedroom, and went back to sleep.

 

For the next three days, Jason helped his uncle with the farm work, and his aunt with the cooking. Every morning, he would return to the well, and repeat his wish. Little did he know that on the third day, his wish would come true. He sat on his bed, looking out the window. Looking for some sign of life. All of a sudden, a dust cloud engulfed the dirt road. He immediately stood up, and walked to the window. A black sedan was parking infront of the house. A rather portly man, in a pinstripe suit, knocked on the door. Jason could hear his uncle's footsteps as he walked to the stairs, swearing under his breath. The uncle exitted the house, and began to talk with the portly man. Jason cracked open his window to hear their conversation. "Two million dollars, you say?" asked the uncle. "Indeed", said the portly man, "your sister left the boy two million dollars in her will. The check will be delivered in one week". "Well, I'll be sure to tell him, I'm sure he'll be pleased to hear!" said the uncle. They shook hands, and the portly man left. "Damn it!" said the uncle, "I must have that check! I have to get rid of the boy..". Jason's eyes opened an impressively large amount, and he closed the window. My uncle is going to.. get rid of me? he thought to himself. No.. no.. he would never do that! Aunt Lilly wouldn't let him.. would she? No, of course not! Though he knew deep down inside, that he would not be safe.

 

The next day, Jason did not visit the well. The smell of fresh bacon and eggs had distracted him. He hurried down the steps, taking no extra time to avoid the noisy ones, and found his uncle sitting at the table, eating breakfast. "Ah, Jason," he said, "come eat!". Jason had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He remembered the night before, when his uncle had mentioned something about getting rid of him. He shrugged it off, and sat down, while his aunt brought him his food. "So, Jason," said his uncle, while trying to shove bacon into his mouth at the same time, "how about we take a little walk after breakfast?". "That might be fun," replied Jason. "Good, good, now finish your breakfast and I'll meet you behind the house," said the uncle, before excusing himself from the room.

 

After stuffing himself, Jason went outside to meet his uncle. He was distracted from what he saw last night, being so used to his uncle being so negative towards him. He reached the back of his house, finding his uncle waiting. "Come on, Jason," said his uncle, "I'd like to show you something". Jason nodded, and they began to walk the trail Jason was so familiar with. They finally came upon the well, and stopped. Jason realized what was happening; his uncle was going to get rid of him. He walked toward the well, and looked down into it, something he had never done while wishing. For the first few seconds, all he saw was darkness. Then, he started to see a body, his own body. He shook his head, and all he saw was darkness yet again. All of a sudden, he felt himself being lifted over the well. "I suppose you realize why I've brought you here, Jason," said his uncle, "you heard me last night, didn't you?". "How.. how did you know?" asked Jason, feeling himself slipping. "Those windows aren't the quietest things in our house. I've noticed you come here for the past few days, and I know what you've been doing. You've been wishing. Well you know what I wish?". "N.. No," replied Jason. "I wish you would stay in this well forever!". And with that, he dropped Jason into the well. He screamed, hearing his uncle laugh to himself, and walk back down the trail. That was the last thing he heard, before hitting the bottom of the well.

 

A few years later, the couple had built a hotel over the well. It was very successful, until three days after the grand opening. A woman had complained that there was a small boy in her bathroom. The uncle was confused, how could a boy get into her bathroom? She was on the second floor, after all. He went upstairs, and looked. To his shock, it was Jason. "Your wish was granted, uncle," said Jason. With that, he dissapeared, and the hotel collapsed, killing everyone inside. Since then, people have tried to build over that spot, but a horrible accident has occurred every time. Whether Jason's ghost is real or not, is up to you to believe.

[silvermanblue]

Wow Pat, bravo. It is a little long winded but all and all a good story. The uncle got what he deserved. On a unrelated note you're Pat. account is unbanned.

[HawaiianHardHitter]

[Deleted by user]

[VercettiVice]

That was great, Pat. Very well written.

 

[Pat]

On a unrelated note you're Pat. account is unbanned.

It never was banned, I just felt like going back to this account.

 

And thanks for the comments everyone, glad you all liked it.

[Vanilla Shake]

I enjoyed it.

 

Good job.

[Ez[TPP]]

Nice Story Pat.

[Pat]

' date='Nov 4 2007, 01:19'] Nice Story Pat.

Haha, you registered just to comment on it Aaron?

 

Your comment on MSN would've sufficed.

[Ryunday]

Nice story Pat, I enjoyed it.

[Eminence]

I'll admit I can't remember too well your previous efforts, but in all honesty, this seems to me like a backwards step. You're a good writer, so I see this in a negative way - I'm pretty sure, unless my memory is truly deceiving me - you've written better than this before.

 

It never really picks up its pace. It rambles on and on with little direction, and once it gets to the end, very little has happened. The description, on the whole, is sub-par; you're describing everything you can, but you're getting by on just the bare-minimum - you're not giving out any detail. It's all just the most simplistic description that comes to mind, and most of it is cliched; it's the description you'd expect to be applied in every situation.

 

Sure, it finally comes to a conclusion - a twist, if you will - but are we really supposed to care? The scene hasn't really been set up; no suspense has been built; I don't, as the reader, care about this character. So he dies. I'm not affected.

 

The introduction seems too much like a fairytale or something similar. Honestly, that's how it reads in my head. Once upon a time there was a young boy named Jason Hinckley. You may argue it sounds clever and sinister, referring to him right at the start in the past tense, was, but at the end of the day, it just sounds so cliche.

 

As well as this - the climactic scene; his death. Honestly, could this scene be stocked with any more cheese? The dialogue especially, how cheesy can you get?

 

Ah, and that leads me onto this - before I forget - dialogue. Nobody ever taught you to put any new line of dialogue (by that I mean anything spoken by a different character, for example) on a new line? I swear, if I got a penny for every time I'd said that on this forum, I'd have at least 10p. (Joke may be lost on people who don't understand currency. Well, to be honest, if you don't get that joke, I don't know what you're doing in a forum that caters to language - 10 pennies obviously makes 10p. I'll stop now.)

 

Oh, and one more thing. That last paragraph - totally unnecessary. You're trying to make it into an everlasting supernatural myth of some sort, as though you're trying to instill fear into the reader or trying to make them think ('you decide') - but really, it's a cheap attempt at doing so. The whole situation deserves more than a sentence or two of description - as it is, it just seems pretty lame, if I'm honest. "Oh, and then suddenly he disappeared and then everything collapsed and everyone died and then it happened again and that's the end of the story... or is it? mwahahahahahahaha". Not quite, no?

 

Yeah, maybe a tad harsh. But true. If nothing else, I'll say this...

 

You asked for it.