Grand Theft Auto 5

[GTA Beta]

After my sucess with me GTA 3 story and the failure of me and Poikly`s story i have decided to write another on MY OWN!!

 

Our main character is John Yancy who is in the military and is stationed in San Andreas.The year is 1989.The story will have a lot of refrences to Vice City Stories and Vice City.

 

Chapter 1: Welcome to the Military

 

John Yancy sat in the back of the military truck half alsleep if the radio has not been playing music all of the ride.Yancy yawned as he thought.He was going to San Andreas,best city in the world.San Andreas had every thing possible a man could think of, Casinos,Clubs,Bars and a beautiful country side.Yancy decided to sit back and listen to the music instead of trying to sleep."Your listenin to Lazlow here on V-Rock playing the best music in the country.Coming up we got the number one hit in America.So sit back and enjoy Guns N Roses Welcome to the Jungle."

As Yancy sat he thought the lyrics were like a welcome to San Andreas.

 

The truck turned off the road onto a dirt road which appeared and felt like it was going to turn over in a second.After what seemed like forever the truck stopped at the gates to the military base which was nicknamed Area 69.John had heard rumors about this place,Aliens,UFOs,weird planes the works.John never belived in that kind of stuff. The people telling him the rumors were

probably had watched too much Star Trek or something.Space was in the news these days and it loomed over every thing including a Russian invasion.John just didn`t believe in that kind of stuff.The truck stopped in front of the barraks and Yancy grabbed his stuff and jumped out of the back of the truck.As he stood up a man dressed like a drill instructor came up to him and greeted him."Welcome to military base sixty-nine.I am Vic James but you can call me Vic."John saluted him and headed off towards the barraks.upon entering he saw only a few people sitting around.He thought t him self "Probably on a coffie break or something".He found his bunk and as he put his stuff down his bunk mate jumped down and greeted him "What up man" he said.John replied "not much".The man then jumped back up on the top bunk and picked up his Guitar again."You play pretty good" john said as he finshed putting his stuff down."Thanks the man and the names Joe, Joe Ox".John replied "John Yancy".

*****************************************

This was an idea that poped into my head.This is going to be a long story of Yancy`s involement in San Andreas.

[GTA Beta]

John sat around on his bunk just thinking of what was out there in San Andreas.He decided to talk to Vic.As John walked in to Vic`s bunk he was nearly hit by a lamp."Stinking Son of Bitches!!!" Vic said as he prepared to throw something else.He then saw John."John can you believe this!!Their gonna discharge me!!Do you know what this means!!!????" Vic said as John replied "Why??Who`s they????".Vic yelled back at him "The frecking Commander of the military in San Andreas!!Look how about you take care of this for me??Huh!!listen i pay you and here take this" as Vic handed John a AK-47."sh*t man is this antigue???" john said as he took the AK.Vic replied "It`s the best i can do without taking one of the guns from the base which would get everybody fired up.Okay.That thing is in good condition.I took with me from my time in Nam."

John walked out and looked around for a vehicle and then seeing Vic`s bike."Vic wouldn`t mind if i take his bike for this job." and with that he hopped on the bike and took off through the open gate.

 

The bike stopped right in front of the place where the officers hung out.John waited out front for the commander to come out.A few minutes later the commander walked out."Sir something has happened" john said as he tried to get the commander down a alley where he could kill him instead of killing him in Public and probley gettin discharged and getting no Veterans rights."What is it?" the commander said as he looked down the alley.With that John hit the commander in the head with the butt of the gun.As the commander droped down John shot him quciky and then decided to get the f*ck out od dodge.As he got back on Vic`s bike.The cops started arrving and never saw John leave."What the hell have i got myself into??" john said as he headed back to Area 69.

[poikly]

Nice story GTA Beta

[VCHolmes]

Nice idea, but you should try to improve on grammar and spelling. Also formattng the text properly will be quite appealing to the eyes. And there's no hurry to type, take your own time and type it out well. Quality is better than quantity.

 

If you've got Microsoft Word, write the story there, copy and paste here. Word will check spelling and grammar and will point out and correct most of the mistakes.

[GTA Beta]

John Yancy finally got back to Area 69 and put Vic`s bike at his place.As he walked into his bunk Joe jumped down and handed his the newspaper."What is so special about this?" john asked as he put the paper down.Joe replied "Didn`t you read??the commander of Military forces in Andreas was killed!".John sighed as Joe finshed talking."What`s the matter John you look like you killed him or something?".Suddenly Vic charged into the bunks saying "John you discharged from the military!!!".John replied "Huh??What the f*ck do you mean?" with Vic replieing "You bitch you killed him".Vic then called 2 M.P.s and along with his stuff John was put in a military truck and driven out to town.As he was pushed off the truck Vic pulled his Dogtags off while saying with a smile "Bye Corpral John or should i say motherf*cking killing John"and with that the truck drove away."Damn" john tought as he sat down."That motherf*cking Vic!!".John eventually decided to find someone in this town who could give him some directions to a place out of this f*cking dustbole.Then a biker went into the barber shop right behind John.With a sigh John hoped onto the bike and road out of town.He eventually came to a bridge and went over into San Ferrio.John was surprised at this.Then on his cell phone he got a call from Joe."John there kicking me out too!!.Meet me and Bayside docks" and with that Joe hung up.John tought to him as he turned his bike around "Vic`s gonna be in deep sh*t when i find him!".

[Vercetti21]

 

He was going to San Andreas,best city in the world.

 

Isn't San Andreas a state?

 

I pretty much agree with everything VC said, but also be sure to put a space after each period. It cramps up your writing when your sentences look stuck together like that.

[GTA Beta]

Chapter 4: Deep sh*t

NOTE*GO to YOUTUBE and put in Guns N Roses November Rain and read this while listening to the song*****

 

John pulled up right next to Joe as he met him at the Six Dragons Casino."Hey John" Joe said as he got on the bike.But as he did 5 men on military bikes came around the cornor and started firing their pistols at John and Joe."Oh sh*t GO GO GO!!!" Joe said as he jumped on the bike and John pushed the bikes speed to it`s limit.John ducked as bullets went past his head.John handed Joe a pistol and said "If any of those bastards come close to us pop em!".Suddenly one of the bikes guns shot Ox in the stomach.John suddenly then jumped over the dune and the bikers crashed.John stoped the bike and pulled Joe off the bike and found that he was dead.John left Joe in the sand dune knowing that the sand would cover the body.he got back on the bike and headed for a Hotel.He found one and rented a room their with a radio in it.he turned it on and Guns N Roses started playing November Rain.The lyrics hit John like a bullet going into his brain

 

“Don`t you know need some time on your own?”

“Don’t you know you need some time your own?”

 

John thought back on the past couple of hours. He had been kicked out of the military, Vic was trying to kill him and Joe had been killed.

 

“I know it hard to keep an open heart”

“When even friends seem out to harm you”

 

What would John do?He had no place to go,no job and hardly a couple of bucks in his pocket.

 

“Cause nothing lasts forever “

“Even Cold November Rain”

 

Suddenly John had an idea.There was only one way to get money in San Andreas.Crime or Drugs or Drug Crimes.He would have to fall to crime

 

[VCHolmes]

 

NOTE*GO to YOUTUBE and put in Guns N Roses November Rain and read this while listening to the song*****

 

You can embed videos here.

 

The text looks better formated than before; but you can do better than this. Also please take more time to explain in detail; it looks like a a lot of things are happing at once.

 

Overall, good story.

[GTA Beta]

Gone

Edited February 2, 2008 by GTA Beta

[GTA Beta]

POST GONE&

Edited January 5, 2008 by GTA Beta

[GTA Beta]

Sorry Guys but i`am discounteing the story because i don`t feel like writing a story anymore thanks for you comments everybody

 

SIGN GTA BETA

[poikly]

It wasnt really going anywhere anyway.

Try and use less G'n'R next time.

[GTA Beta]

Chapter 5 Revamp: 5 Years Later

 

5 Years Later

 

The hot Las Ventures desert. The place had much fame to it as it was the spot of the many casinos that made San Andreas a popular tourist spot. Also it was the spot of the famous robbery of the Caligula’s Palace Casino by Carl “CJ” Johnson and other accomplices. However it had been 2 years since CJ had been killed in a huge massacre by the Ballas and the Mafia. The attack had been repelled but with heavy casualties including CJ and a close friend of his, Cesar Vialpando(leader of the Los Aztecas gang) were killed when the Mafia arrived with a stolen Liberty City National Guard tank. With this turn of events the Grove Street defenders started to retreat but the tank cut them down. Only 5 members and Sweet escaped from the massacre, but with the death of CJ the gang disbanded. Ever since Los Santos was controlled by the Ballas.

 

In Las Ventures the Mafia had taken over everything including the Six Dragons Casino. Because of this many members of the 3 cites had plans to retake the state but with the Police bribed by the Mafia nothing could be done. The only true person who could stop the Maifa was John “Axel” Yancy but he had gone into hiding and was presumed dead by the Mafia and the Police. However he was not dead. He was preparing for the battle to take back San Andreas. In his house in the desert he lived alone with his fateful dog Killer. His house was stocked full of weapons including 1 atomic bomb, which had been stolen from the Area 69 military base. Also in the stockpile were at least 15 AK-47s, 20 M-4s, and also a dozen 9-mm pistols. Axel had spent the past 5 years recruiting members for his new gang the Las Ventures Angels. The gang contained at least 70 members who lived in the deserts of Las Ventures near the now deserted Area 69 base. Inside the place was wreaked with lights hanging on the ceiling only by a couple wires. Walls and lockers had been torn or fallen onto the floor of the base. Bodies were littered all over the place.

 

San Fierro had remained mostly the same, save a few changes. Pier 69 had been torn down and replaced with a factory. CJ’s garage had been turned into a Private Security Office. The cars that had been kept in the garage at the place had been sold to a car museum. Many of the safe houses that were owned by CJ had been sold or destroyed. Jizz’s place had been deserted for years and had been turned into an unofficial hobo house. Also a huge maximum security prison. Back at Axel’ s house a new war was about to take place……

 

“Alright men” Yancy said to his gang members around him “We are about to begin a long war. It is a possibility that many of you will not come back. If anyone does not want to go step out now.”

 

No man stepped out.

 

“Men this what we have been training for. We are going to bring down the Mafia and the Ballas. We will make San Andreas free once again!” Yancy continued, which brought a rising cheer from many of the members. “ Alright lock and load” Yancy said as he picked up and AK-47. Many of the men did the same grabbing M4s and 9mms.

 

“What about the bomb one man?” said one man.

 

“I’ll deliver it to the airport and load it on my personal plane.” Yancy answered as he headed for the door.

[GTA Beta]

As Yancy left his home he got into his Bobcat and began to drive towards his abadoned airport that he had taken over in the years since it's pervious owner had been killed. As he arrived he used a cargo loader to get the bomb on the ground. After that he loaded the bomb into his hyrdra and began to to drive back towards the hideout.

[mark-2007]

Sorry, but that is far too short. Was that last post meant to be a whole chapter? It's a colossal two and half lines long! Try think things through with your story first. Plan a bit ahead of where you are so that when it comes to writing it, you'll have plenty to talk about. That last post could have been mixed with the second last post, and had you thought about it, then perhaps you could have done it back then and improved it.

 

I've noticed the same thing in several of your stories (currently three in the five most recent posts), the chapters are ridiculously small. Describe more, put in more dialogue, take criticism positively and target the areas people have suggested. At the moment, most of your stories look half-arsed. Sorry.