Bluenothing65 Posted September 19, 2007 Author Share Posted September 19, 2007 thnks im trying hard im going to a creative writing course soon to further my capabilities Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VCHolmes Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 You've improved, Bluenothing65. Now please make it a point to use correct spelling and grammar while writing so that its more appealing. Also improve you style of writing. Read some books. @TonyZimmzy : What's up with you? "Goodbye World"? I liked the bearded child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluenothing65 Posted September 19, 2007 Author Share Posted September 19, 2007 This story in the series was loosely inspired by emopats story although this time its redjacks .v. yardies not 9s .v. yardies D-Ice D-Ices mansion was at the the top of shoreside vale. To be honest it was what you would expect from a gangsters house.3 swimming pools about 10 different cars stashed in garages littered around the mansion. A couple of homies on lookout each armed with a shotguns. Then there was inside now if you thought the outside was amazing then you should check out the inside. Platinum lined the walls, he had his own personal bar and in the lounge was not only 2 large sattelite tvs built in to the wall but a couple of stripper poles as well. A couple of redjack ogs sat on a few of the handmade leather couches from bulgaria. A few were snorting coak off a small coffe table while another few were drinking whiskey while getting lapdances. All of a sudden shots were heard. a redjack got up and picked up an ak47(guns were a common thing and were easy to find around the mansion). The redjack walked out the lounge with the gun raised a couple of red jacks behind him with there 9s out an loaded. the redjack with the ak walked down the hallway and into the front room. There was a shout followed by a chatter of gunfire and the redjack jumped back round in to the hallway blood dribbling from where a bullet had clipped his arm "the f*ckingy yardie boys are her..." he fell forwards as bulets ripped through him. The redjacks behind aimed there 9s an wildly fired. There was a grunt and a redjack fell back against the wall. A large blood stain left on the wall from where he had fell. the last couple of redjacks fell back shouting for help but were cut down as the yardie gunmen advanced killing anyone in there way. D-ice had been in his master bedroom smoking his personal stash of weed while one of his bitches gave him head when he heard it. He stumbled out the bedroom his senses dulled by weed and jizz and zipped up his tracksuit pants. D-ice looked much like most people would guess. his fingers were filled up with platinum rings while about half a dozen medallions hung over his bare chest. He had his hair braided to perfection and he always wore his $360 trainers. D-ice picked up a colt.45 and walked down the stairs "you stupid motherf*ckers what the f*ck is going on her..." he stopped dead a couple of yardies were in his living room. a bunch of dead redjacks lay at there feet blood soaking into the fur carpet "you f*cking pussy heads" yelled D-ice bringin his 45 up and shooting a round off.2 of the yardies were flung back on to the floor with blood spurting out there chest while the other 3 aimed there guns up and fired. D-ice dodged out the way but only just in time and in doing so he fell down the rest of the stairs lying in a tangled heap on the floor below. D-ice picked himself up and punched the nearest yardie to him right in the face. there was a satisfying crunch and the yardie fell back clutching a bloody nose. D-ice then looked about and lunged at a yardie to his left. the yardie was knocked backwards and cracked his head on the coffe table a line of coke slipping in to his skull. the yardie nearest D-ice fired a shot but D-ice manged to grab his hand and twist it violently making the shot spin off into the ground. D-ice then picked the yardies gun up and shot the yardie with the broken nose till he was nothing but a fleshy heap of a person on the floor. "f*ckers" croaked D-ice as he walked back up the stairs to his bedroom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poikly Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 @TonyZimmzy : What's up with you? "Goodbye World"? I liked the bearded child. Damnit, something is going on. Do you think he is leaving GTAForums.com? He took his member photo away and everything. On-Topic: BlueNothing65, great! You are now putting effort into it. Now try to use Capital's at the start of a sentence. Instead of: "the f*ckingy yardie boys are her..." Try: "The f*ckingy yardie boys are her..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluenothing65 Posted September 19, 2007 Author Share Posted September 19, 2007 thanks i really do like positive feedback off topic if tony does go then hell be greatly missed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xNamexTakenx Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 Good job. These are good short stories. But, guys, just face it...bluenothing65 is never going to change his grammar and spelling. No matter how much you tell him, he won't. Even if he does say that he will, I don't think he intends to. No disrespect to you, bluenothing65. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluenothing65 Posted September 20, 2007 Author Share Posted September 20, 2007 lol none taken.Actuall tbh(to be honest) ive spent most my life like using slang and sh*t so thats normally how i write because to be ffair i find it much easier but when i find a place that uses proper grammar it is preety hard to do i mean i am trying and shizzle but you know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluenothing65 Posted September 20, 2007 Author Share Posted September 20, 2007 The Yardies pulled up outside the old warehouse. "How many you say there were?" asked the first Yardie drawing a tec 9 from his army jacket "I dunno about 5 ni**ers at most. 1 driving 3 loading the crates and 1 on guard.All packing 9s of course" "sh*t and king courtney just sent us 2 to take em down. Mon dat is f*cking harsh" "Yeh i know but come on mon we got the element of suprise" The second yardie smiled and loaded his tec 9 whilst pulling the safety off. Inside the redjacks had been loading up on spank and weapons because unlike most other warehouses this 1 was a drugs and weapon storage facility for D-ice. "sh*t this is so f*ck" the redjack on guard was thrown forwards as bullets ripped into his back. 2 of the redjacks who were loading the van turned round while the other ran to cover. both of the redjacks dropped there crates and went to draw there 9s but were mown down as the yardies advanced firing. The redjack in the van got out a uzi in his hand. The redjack driver fired off a round and ducked to cover behind some crates as the yardies fired back. The redjack who had also been loding the crates lay hiding behind the back of the van. He came round firing and a yardie barreled backwards as a round hit into him. The other yardie however had seen this and jumped out the way firing. the redjack fell back grasping his chest as his vest and skin were ripped to shreds by 9mm bullets. The last redjack who was the driver made a run for it firing behind. He had made it no more that three steps out of cover when he fell to the ground...dead. The first thing the yardie did when it was over was run over to his partner "sh*t man answer me" nothing "Aw sh*t man im so sorry" the yardie bowed his head a single tear trickling down when he decided it was time to get to work. He loaded up the van with as much as it would hold and took it back to king courtney. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VCHolmes Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 You should put more detail in the story. Take your time, there's no hurry to write stories. Quality is better that quantity. Think carefully, and then write. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluenothing65 Posted September 20, 2007 Author Share Posted September 20, 2007 "In recent crime news Gangland warfare has risen with the shooting of many diablo and leone members alongside this there is also the recent rise of the Jamaican drugs gang The Yardies as they have taken over most of stauton and much of the yakuzas old territory and are currently spreading in to areas of shoreside vale, however on a lighter note Colonel Juan Cortes the notorious gunrunner was arrested today at hi..." D-ice turned off the tv and walked to the ringing phone before picking it up and answering "Speak to me ni**er" "Yo D-ice look man theres been a bit of trouble with the yardies." "WHAT THE f*ck. f*cking hell those jamaican dope pussys need to be tought a lesson" D-ice paused and lit himself a cigarette toking deeply on it "Go on" said D-ice sounding resigned "What they do" "They...well boss they raided the warehouse took everything and killed the homies there" D-ice was half way through a draw when he coughed it up "What the f*ck you mean everything" "Yar man everything the only thing they left was a few crates of rusty guns and some of that really strong cocaine that gave you a nosebleed for 3 weeks" "sh*t..." D-ice rubbed his nose remebering the cocaine "So what you wanna do" asked the redjack at the other end "Get my bro and round up some homies and meet me at my place were gonna take those pussys down once and for all" D-ice then hung the phone up and spat the ends of the fag onto the floor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xNamexTakenx Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 Very good, indeed. You are using most of the gangs in Liberty City in your stories...I like that. But, man, you're writing too fast. I can hardly keep up because everytime I look, there's something different! I suggest you take your time, dude. Like one a day, or so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluenothing65 Posted September 20, 2007 Author Share Posted September 20, 2007 kk itsjust recently ive had f*ck all to do (YES IM SAD LOL) lol but yeh ill make em up less lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Lol, I've not gone anywhere . I was seeing if anybody noticed I was gone for a few days at work lol. Stories' are getting better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluenothing65 Posted September 22, 2007 Author Share Posted September 22, 2007 The apartment was large and expensive and a shootout was underway. D-ice leaned out of cover by a smashed up car at the entrance and fired off a spray of bullets into the ground floorlounge. a yardie fell to the side against the wall leaving a bloody smear on it while another was flung back, his chest turned to mush by bullets. D-ice ducked down as a yardie to his left let off a small burst of gunfire killing a redjack next to him. There was a brutal exchange of gunfire and 2 more yardies were killed. The redjacks were slowly advancing picking off the last of the yardies however they were soon knocked back. King Courtney and his personal bodyguards were coming down the stairwell letting off short violent bursts from there aks. D-ice jumped to the side as bullets ripped up the plaster behind him. "Hahahah run you stupid wananbe gangster ni**er RUN" yelled king courtney letting off another burst of gunfire and ripping a redjack to pieces. D-ice ran to the side firing off a round from his mac10 and smiled as they shreded king courtneys bodyguards to pieces "f*ck you" yelled D-ice firng off another round which smashed into Kingcourtneys knee and upperleg sending him sprawling to the ground. As King courtney fell though he managed to fire off a last round from his ak and watched with satisfaction as it buried itself into D-ices brother killing him before he hit the ground. "Noooooo" yelled D-ice running over to his brother. A look of horror spread over D-ices face as he relised he was dead "f*ck YOU COURTNEY" Screamed D-ice "f*ck you". D-ice clambered up the stairs and caught Kingcourtney dragging himself up the stairs "Prepare to f*cking die you scum bag" yelled D-ice aiming his uzi at King Courtney. However as D-ice aimed his uzi King courtney had managed to bring out his 9 he kept in his jacket and fired off a round. D-ice was thrown to the side and toppled down the stairs blood spurting out of him The redjacks were advancing up the stairs but were cut off as a fresh gang of yardies emerged with aks mowing them down. The small group of surving redjacks picked up D-ice and legged it out of the apartment building with bullets richocheting around there feet "Hahahah f*ck you. f*ck you" yelled king courtney as he slowly lost conciousness from blood loss "f*ck...Fu.f*ck you"mumbled king Courtney as he slipped into unconcious in a pool of his own blood Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluenothing65 Posted September 22, 2007 Author Share Posted September 22, 2007 D-ice had died overnight. His bullet wounds had been to vicious and try as they might the surgeons at Staunton island general hospital couldnt save him. The redjack gang had fallen apart on itself and smaller gangs erupted from it each trying to fight to be the new boss. The Yardies however were in a lighter mood. Kingcourtneys left leg had been shattered and hed lost alot of blood but atleast he was alive. It would take around a year before he could walk again and even so it would be a painful limp but still he was alright. Meanwhile in Portland the Gangwar between the Diablos and The Leones had come to a halt. Both sides had lost heavily and a small stalemate was underway. Joey had gone into hiding and was rarely seen by anyone but the most senior members of the leone family. He had gone very quiet and withdrawn since the death of Misty his girl and his Pop along with his Capo Toni Cipriani. The Triads who had suffered heavily at the hands of the leones and claude speed were only just building there way up again while the forelli family had left Liberty City to go to "richer pickings" and they had little influence left over there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poikly Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 Not trying to be a bumper but Bluenothing65, just because you are banned, you should still post stories elsewhere. I hope you can read this. Post them on Fanfiction.net or gamefaqs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gta phil gta Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 And that'll do for this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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