"Finish the Story 2" Sign-up Thread

[Phil112]

I made a possible "Radio Station" rivalry storyline, with all the stations trying to buy each other out.

But the firestation one (I can't remember the name) is over because they have got a new dj what they wanted, and the russian one doesn't involve Niko because he doesn't wan't them to know he's still alive, so ...

[VCHolmes]

@France:Thanks for the radio stations. Let this be enough for time being, its going to be boring if we go on writing about radio stations..

 

Off-Topic : Just wondering.... Why is your username 'Vive La France' while you've got the Filipino flag?

[Mokiesmoky]

@France:Thanks for the radio stations. Let this be enough for time being, its going to be boring if we go on writing about radio stations..

 

Off-Topic : Just wondering.... Why is your username 'Vive La France' while you've got the Filipino flag?

That's not filipino fool...

[VCHolmes]

@Mokie : Thank you. You free now? Want to write the next part?

 

@France : Alright, I got it now, its the Czech Republic. It so similar to that of the Philippines. Still, why have your name as 'Vive La France'? Just curious, thats all.

Edited August 27, 2007 by VCHolmes

[Don Garcia aka NjNakedSnake]

404: Post not found Edited March 14, 2013 by Don Garcia aka NjNakedSnake

[Phil112]

Sorry for the soon to come, HUGE-ASS write-up.

 

I just kept having ideas come to mind and ran with them. I won't write so much next time.

7 pages and 4381 words, that must be one of the bigist posts in GTA forums history.

[Vercetti21]

Sorry for the soon to come, HUGE-ASS write-up.

 

I just kept having ideas come to mind and ran with them. I won't write so much next time.

Agreed that you should limit the amount of writing a bit, but it was a very good read. I also noticed that you seemed to mix between tenses a bit; in the future try to keep all writing in past-tense (it makes the story flow better if we all write as uniform as possible.)

 

But on top of that, like I said it was an excellent read. Glad you joined up on the story Don Garcia, and I hope to see more writing in the story from you in the future.

[Don Garcia aka NjNakedSnake]

404: Post not found Edited March 14, 2013 by Don Garcia aka NjNakedSnake

[Phil112]

Well, with the tenses thing, I wanted to tell it in present, but use past as Niko did things. It's hard to explain, and I thought it was fine. Didn't even think tenses would be a problem, I'll try to not do that next time, but don't hold it against me if I do it anyway, it's just the way I write.....

 

7 pages, huh??? And 4381, really, wow, that is a lot, Awesome. But I enjoyed writing it, it was real fun and good practice.

 

EDIT: By the way, how'd you know how many pages and words, you copy and paste it? Anyway, I'm still lovin' my first write up. What did you guys think about my approach? I was inspired a little by Bruce Lee's Game of Death where he had to go up the levels of the pagoda fighting enemies along the way. I wanted to do a Jason Bourne fight scene at the end there to incorporate the 'new' fight system in the game. And I just wanted to set the mood by describing the mansion, hope that was appreciated. Can't wait to go again.

Yeah I copied and pasted it.

Can't wait to read one of your posts again.

[Don Garcia aka NjNakedSnake]

404: Post not found Edited March 14, 2013 by Don Garcia aka NjNakedSnake

[Vercetti21]

@Don Garcia: Well, you wrote that the triad thugs wielded UZIs, I was just continuing on with that.

 

So here's how I'm thinking the story could go from here. What if the cops (and maybe a few triad bikers) started following the Don's limo, and Niko had to fight them off from his car behind. Eventually, the limo would wreck, Mario and the driver would be killed, and the Don (who barely survived) is taken into custody.

 

With the Lombardi's nearly wiped off the Liberty City crime scene, Niko gets sidetracked with tasks for other people while meeting new people along the way. Then something will happen that will trigger the motive for this bank heist, and when they start to pull together a team, Niko decides to break the Don out of jail. Eh?

Edited August 28, 2007 by Vercetti21

[TheJonesy]

Well, with the tenses thing, I wanted to tell it in present, but use past as Niko did things. It's hard to explain, and I thought it was fine. Didn't even think tenses would be a problem, I'll try to not do that next time, but don't hold it against me if I do it anyway, it's just the way I write.....

 

7 pages, huh??? And 4381, really, wow, that is a lot, Awesome. But I enjoyed writing it, it was real fun and good practice.

 

EDIT: By the way, how'd you know how many pages and words, you copy and paste it? Anyway, I'm still lovin' my first write up. What did you guys think about my approach? I was inspired a little by Bruce Lee's Game of Death where he had to go up the levels of the pagoda fighting enemies along the way. I wanted to do a Jason Bourne fight scene at the end there to incorporate the 'new' fight system in the game. And I just wanted to set the mood by describing the mansion, hope that was appreciated. Can't wait to go again.

I really liked it. I hope it goes into a movie. The only problem I had with it was the 'informal' writing.

 

Like this:

 

...a bloody mess that needs no describing.

 

During the story, it was as if you were talking to the reader, but it's no biggy.

 

I think your story was a lot like the first mission you do on Scarface. The last scene where Niko shot that diamond chandlier reminded me of that one scene in D. A. D. aswell.

 

@ Vercetti- sounds aight!

[VCHolmes]

@Don Garcia : Great write up. You seem to have made up for the time you missed.

 

 

About this bank heist, lets have something different. Vice City had a bank heist and San Andreas had a casino heist. How about a mint heist ?

Edited August 28, 2007 by VCHolmes

[TheJonesy]

@Dona Garcia : Great write up. You seem to have made up for the time you missed.

 

 

About this bank heist, lets have something different. Vice City had a bank heist and San Andreas had a casino heist. How about a mint heist ?

Dude, you got a strange mind. I don't really think this will work out...

 

 

 

 

What exactly do you mean?

[VCHolmes]

A mint, where money is made.

[TheJonesy]

A mint, where money is made.

I was just joking around. What if you put a twist and Niko steals a bunch of money and replaces it with counterfit. Then the people at the mint would get arrested. It's just a little thought. The breath money mint idea sounds great...

[VCHolmes]

 

What if you put a twist and Niko steals a bunch of money and replaces it with counterfit. Then the people at the mint would get arrested. It's just a little thought.

That's a great idea. We could something like that. Better than a plain old robbery.

[Vive La France]

I like this idea. It should end with a daring escape by jumping off the top of the building on to a helicopter.

 

BTW What do you guys think of the tank chase?

[VCHolmes]

 

BTW What do you guys think of the tank chase?

Nice one, I used it to cover up the whole gang war. But then a tank is too much for a gang.

 

Also, I fell that you started this gang war prematurely. You started a Radio Station war; why start a gang war immediately after that? Still, the gang war was a good idea.

Edited August 28, 2007 by VCHolmes

[TheJonesy]

BTW What do you guys think of the tank chase?

Nice one, I used it to cover up the whole gang war. But then a tank is too much for a gang.

I thought the tank seemed a little much, but it was pretty cool.

 

The helicopter/jumping idea sounds alright. I'm glad ya'll like my counterfit idea....yeah me!

[VCHolmes]

Lets hold down the heist for now. Let Niko do some more work, become a top player in Liberty City and then pull off the heist.

Edited August 28, 2007 by VCHolmes

[Phil112]

I expanded on the "Car list" idea in the story. With the first image in the story that hasn't been a banner.

[Don Garcia aka NjNakedSnake]

404: Post not found Edited March 14, 2013 by Don Garcia aka NjNakedSnake

[VCHolmes]

I expanded on the "Car list" idea in the story. With the first image in the story that hasn't been a banner.

Nice one, but please write a bit more. Maybe we could ad screenshots and artwork (Thumbnails) here and there?

[TheJonesy]

@TheJonesy

 

"A bloody mess that needs no describing."

 

That was actually one of my favorite lines of the whole thing because it made you imagine what it would look like. And I was talking to the reader basically, I didn't consider if my writing was "formal" or not.

Gah! Don't worry about anything I said. I get what ya mean. Great action scene writing!

[Ryunday]

Well I’m back, I am going to try to get cached up with the story and then I should write something.

[Phil112]

Well I’m back, I am going to try to get cached up with the story and then I should write something.

It would be quicker if you use the re-cap by me {signature}

[Ryunday]

Well I’m back, I am going to try to get cached up with the story and then I should write something.

It would be quicker if you use the re-cap by me {signature}

Yeah I read that but I don’t want to miss out on any details that could be mentioned in the story.

[Vive La France]

Added a new section

[Vercetti21]

To be honest, I think this story is beginning to become like the last one.

 

Remember how the first story got so twisted up? I've noticed that some people will set up the end of their post for a big event, and the next writer will take it in the complete opposite direction. Instead of actually playing the game and continuing the story, people are writing just to write.

 

For example, my last post has Niko chasing after the Don's limo with his 9mm, after telling Mario he would follow them to a safehouse and protect them along the way. They can hear cop sirens, and their pretty sure the Triads are on their tail. That sets it up for a big chase, right? Wrong.

 

The next poster has Niko and the limo actually turn around and go back to the mansion, to put in some unneccesary action and an unrealistic tank scene. WTF mate? Also, the police had just disappeared. Not to mention, I had noted in the same post that Niko only had his pistol, but for some magical reason in the next post he has the amazing ability to pull sticks of dynamite out of his ass and use them against the Triads. (Honestly, who forgets they have sticks of dynamite on them?)

 

I'm not personally getting at the poster who was after me (I forget who it was) but this is for people in general. I'm just using this post as an example.

 

Please remember not to contradict the post above yours (or any other previous post, for that matter). If you have an idea for the story (such as a tank scene), include the scene in the story at the right moment. You don't have to put it in the second you think of it, because usually it is at the wrong time in the story and will twist everything up.

 

So, if someone writes that Niko only has a pistol, be considerate of them and go with that on the next post. Don't invent other weapons that he gets out of thin air.

 

If someone says Niko is walking over to steal one of the cars on Blue's list, don't start your post with "The next day, Niko woke up blah blah blah..." (This happened earlier in the story but I forget where.)

 

Another thing to mention is: if you don't know what to write, but have some ideas, don't just put them all in there at once because you can't think of anything else. This is what I was talking about when I said that people weren't playing the game, but just writing to write. Be considerate to the other writers and the story. Go through a mental list of all of your ideas, and ask yourself: is it honestly the right time to include this idea into the story, or am I just anxious to get my idea out? If it isn't the right time, please don't post. Wait for the next writer to contribute and see if you can go anywhere with that, or include your ideas with that.

 

Make sense?

Edited August 29, 2007 by Vercetti21