Oxidizer Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 (edited) *deleted* Edited November 19, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remember This. Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 This sounds good, but I think you should only post when you have a chapter, or at least a prologue. Don't get me wrong, I love your stuff and I'm not attacking you, its just that I have noticed you make a lot of these threads promising stuff to a certain deadline, and then you get set back, then you re-write a chapter etc. etc. I think you ought to try not to keep tying yourself to a deadline, instead just update when you want and write before you post. Anyway, I'll be looking out for this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted July 18, 2007 Author Share Posted July 18, 2007 I get what you're saying, that's why I mentioned it above the summary. I've only posted a thread once in advance without a chapter and that was Products - which turned out to be my best. The other stories I posted with a chapter (M&P and NOUAS) are the ones that turned out wrong and I needed to re-write, lolz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remember This. Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 I get what you're saying, that's why I mentioned it above the summary. I've only posted a thread once in advance without a chapter and that was Products - which turned out to be my best. The other stories I posted with a chapter (M&P and NOUAS) are the ones that turned out wrong and I needed to re-write, lolz. Lol, I guess you just can't win eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 My eyes are fixated on this topic . Seems all the other writers and stories are dying out in here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted July 19, 2007 Author Share Posted July 19, 2007 Lol, I guess you just can't win eh? I know! My eyes are fixated on this topic. Seems all the other writers and stories are dying out in here. Heh. Thanks! That is a compliment, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Lol, I guess you just can't win eh? I know! My eyes are fixated on this topic. Seems all the other writers and stories are dying out in here. Heh. Thanks! That is a compliment, right? Yeah, it was. It just means that alot of the writers I started writing with have gone and left now. So, there really is no stories I read much anymore, apart from yours. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted July 19, 2007 Author Share Posted July 19, 2007 Cool. Ah, I see. Yeah, I noticed that things had seemed more quieter lately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Land Of Confusion Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Yay! Another one! God, within the first paragraph of Products, I was totally hooked... I totally can not wait for this one! Hurry up and write!!!! Before I go insane from the wait! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted July 20, 2007 Author Share Posted July 20, 2007 Hee. Thanks! I'm glad you seem hyped. Into Her Web should be up sometime over the weekend. I'm going to add similiar bios for the characters like I did with Products for this later today, so expect a bigger summary etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Land Of Confusion Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Sweet!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 I got a serious case of writersblock. It's really starting to annoy me because I want to finish Into Her Web! The only good thing is that I've thought of more things I want to add in description-wise, but that's not really all that good, because it means more things to write. Urgh. On a lighter note, Wentworth "Lennox Jones" Miller icon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted July 29, 2007 Author Share Posted July 29, 2007 (edited) Here are some details regarding the chapters to explain why a couple of themes from M&P and Products may appear in the first part of this one: Into Her Web - This is where any similiarities with my other snuff fictions will come into play. This is solely as a kind of 'best of' seeing as I won't be writing anymore stories with snuff films as a plot. At Your Mercy - This one will be completely fresh, raw and 'real' material. I'm fairly certain this will be some of the nastiest stuff I'll ever write. So read at your own risk. Edited August 2, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted August 1, 2007 Author Share Posted August 1, 2007 (edited) *deleted* Edited November 18, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryunday Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Great story man as always. To be honest with you I find the model scenes a bit boring but that’s probably just me. Plus you were just introducing the characters so I don’t think the models dialogue and all that would be like that in the rest of the story. But It really got good as the story went on and it got more sinister. So again great story looking forward to the next part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted August 20, 2007 Author Share Posted August 20, 2007 Thanks for the feedback! You'll be pleased to know that none of the models (other than Lacey) will be making any more appearances. They're done. I only added them to get that 'gang' feeling again and to give Lacey some friends (big aww). The next part will probably seem like a completely different story because it's quite fast-paced and kicks off right from the start. It'll also be the most dark and nasty stuff I'll ever write - so you've got that to look forward to. As a small teaser until it's finished (which might be a while yet) I'll give you a hint as to how Sadie's organization capture their victims: Lacey's mugged. Stay tuned... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryunday Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Sounds good man cant wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 There's not much I can say, really - I can't go on a long tirade correcting errors and suggesting improvements - simply because of the fact that, yes, this is that damn good. The dialogue is intriguing and believable to the characters as always, and the description is superb - right from the beginning you describe everything in such good detail, yet always manage to keep the writing flowing well, which can be difficult to do. Perhaps the only thing I don't like is how it's virtually the same thing again - group of people; decide to go to some club; get preyed upon by sickos from the underground. It seems like you're recycling the same idea too many times - in essence, it's a rehashed M&P. I know you already know this, but it's pretty much the only thing I can pick out from all of this. The rest is excellent. Great stuff to read, really. Ah, but one thing I do want to mention. Once again, as I often gripe - punctuation during dialogue! "No." Lacey amusedly narrowed her eyes to meet with the naïve blonde's, whose typical reaction had caused the others to stifle their laughter. "Once we're done here." she simplified. Colby Larson was one of the nicest guys anyone could meet, but most often pretty dense. If there is further attribution to the quote/dialogue, you mustn't finish the dialogue with a full-stop, it should be a comma. So, the above quote should look like this: "No," Lacey amusedly narrowed her eyes to meet with the naïve blonde's, whose typical reaction had caused the others to stifle their laughter. "Once we're done here," she simplified. Colby Larson was one of the nicest guys anyone could meet, but most often pretty dense. I know it's only a very minor point, and most people wouldn't even pick up on it - but it's really annoying to me when I'm reading through something to see this error time and time again, as I do with this piece amongst others. It's a very simple thing to fix, and it makes things look so much better knowing they're grammatically correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted August 27, 2007 Author Share Posted August 27, 2007 Thank you for the phenomenal feedback! Perhaps the only thing I don't like is how it's virtually the same thing again - group of people; decide to go to some club; get preyed upon by sickos from the underground. I know. I did have a more original plot to begin with where Aiden ran the modelling agency and the nightclub stuff was completely erased, but it would've only have made the first chapter 'plausible'. Plus, it really didn't stay true to Aiden's character, who I wanted as much of a victim as the actual victims. It's a shame because I really liked that stuff, but afterwards in the second chapter - if I had used those ideas - there would've only been 2 scenes and probably a lot of filler, which really wouldn't have worked. I prefer the stuff I'm using now though because it's quite criminally intelligent and realistic - it'll definitely give the reader the idea that this stuff really does go on unnoticed (you'll get what I mean once it's finished ). Ah, but one thing I do want to mention. Once again, as I often gripe - punctuation during dialogue! Instead of 'she simplified' I should've put 'elaborated' or 'clarified' as there was supposed to be a pause in her sentence like: "No. Once we're done here." Either way, I'm really glad you like it! And I hope you'll be impressed with the last half, as I think it's my best stuff yet plot-wise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 Sounds good, I'll be eagerly awaiting the next chapter then. Regarding the dialogue, the specifics regarding the attribution don't really matter - I just used that paragraph as an example as it was the first piece of dialogue showcasing said error that I came across. There are numerous other examples where you're simply punctuating the dialogue - for lack of other words - incorrectly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted August 27, 2007 Author Share Posted August 27, 2007 I'll definitely use those tips for the remaining scenes I've got to write for At Your Mercy (which is only 4). I think since M&P, my writing skills have improved a fair bit and it's definitely 'cause of the constructive critisism, so thanks. Oh, and I've updated the summary too. Not a great deal, as I don't want to give too much away. I would post a teaser but I want this stuff to be a total surprise - other than the hint I gave before about Lacey being mugged. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted September 13, 2007 Author Share Posted September 13, 2007 (edited) *deleted* Edited November 13, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluenothing65 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 i myself found it ok but tbh i just get sick of snuff films at first they were shocking but now its like ok i get it u jerk off to people getting killed for pleasure your wweirdo k gd now go away lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gta phil gta Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 i myself found it ok but tbh i just get sick of snuff films at first they were shocking but now its like ok i get it u jerk off to people getting killed for pleasure your wweirdo k gd now go away lol Do shut up now, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Argh, I don't understand how your stories can be this good! I'll be waiting for when you post the full chapter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted September 13, 2007 Author Share Posted September 13, 2007 i myself found it ok but tbh i just get sick of snuff films at first they were shocking but now its like ok i get it u jerk off to people getting killed for pleasure your wweirdo k gd now go away lol I won't rip into you on account that you called me a weirdo (and that you're right about the same plot being used two too many times). But they are different from one another: in M&P the snuff film was a one-off request from a sick collector who had connections with underground organizations, the film in Products was a recorded memento/act of vengeance by a somewhat disturbed gangster who became twisted due to his dark past, and this story is solely about the snuff film industry and my spin on how they're produced/screened. I would elaborate but then I'd be giving things away. On another note - I don't get off on this stuff - they're just stories. Do shut up now, please. Stole the letters straight from my keyboard. Thanks dude! Argh, I don't understand how your stories can be this good! I'll be waiting for when you post the full chapter! Hee. Thanks! I'm glad you're still interested. I'll try and have it finished in the next couple of weeks - but no promises - I've still got writersblock. This is probably some of my more disturbing and complex stuff and I hope think you'll be impressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryunday Posted September 15, 2007 Share Posted September 15, 2007 Great teaser man I will be waiting for the second chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted September 18, 2007 Author Share Posted September 18, 2007 (edited) All if not most of the character mugshots have been updated with new pictures to keep things fresh. Sorry for the delay - At Your Mercy should be complete later this month or sometime in October. Edited September 20, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 (edited) *deleted* Edited November 15, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted November 15, 2007 Author Share Posted November 15, 2007 (edited) Right. I'm re-writing At Your Mercy from scratch on account of how god damned poor it was! I'm sorry again for the delay - I'm determined to have this finished by the end of the month. It's just so difficult because when I finally am in the mood to write again I can't slip back into the same style used for the first chapter - making it look like a completely different story. It's pissing me right off! Anyway, I hope you guys understand, but I'm putting all of my other projects - including Syndicate - on a definite hiatus until NFTU is finished. Hopefully it won't be too long now! Edited November 15, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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