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The Confessions of a Hitman


TubbyJ

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I know everyone's tired of these short previews of stories, but I've really got to get this one off my chest. I hope you guys like it (also I promise to not let this one drag on like my previous stories).

 

 

Detective William Denney sat in a small, compact, blank room with concrete walls, looking over the dossier for what must have been the twelfth time. Joseph “The Hammer” Hammond, Caucasian, 6’8, 320 lbs., brown eyes, auburn hair, numerous tattoos. The description could fit almost every wise guy, mobster, or criminal boss’ muscle that the detective had dealt with, but there was one thing that really distinguished this particular convict from the others. Denney stared at the criminal offenses list, not really understanding what he saw. 87+ first degree murder charges. What really struck him at awe was the plus sign. How many that plus sign stood for was anybody’s guess, but only Hammond knew the true body count.

 

 

How do you like it so far?

Edited by TubbyJ
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I absolutely love how you introduced him right away with the detective reading over his dossier. Kul man! icon14.gif

 

I don't know why you are worrying, cause this has your own special touch to it...

 

Overall, awesome, continue pleez.

 

My story updated

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I absolutely love how you introduced him right away with the detective reading over his dossier. Kul man! icon14.gif

 

I don't know why you are worrying, cause this has your own special touch to it...

 

Overall, awesome, continue pleez.

 

My story updated

Thanks, glad you like it. The first chapter is coming soon. I'll check out your story, man.

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I guess you want honesty so I'll be honest.

 

It looks pretty good, except for that whole 87+ thing. I'm not an expert on crime or the police but my guess is that a dossier wouldn't have a plus sign in it. I mean, if he was charged with 87 first degree murders it would say 87. If it was more, it would say more. It just seems like the cops are unsure of how many times he's been charged.

 

I know it's being a bit nit-picky but if it was me, I'd like to know these details! I'll keep an eye out on this one though, looks promising.

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I guess you want honesty so I'll be honest.

 

It looks pretty good, except for that whole 87+ thing. I'm not an expert on crime or the police but my guess is that a dossier wouldn't have a plus sign in it.  I mean, if he was charged with 87 first degree murders it would say 87. If it was more, it would say more. It just seems like the cops are unsure of how many times he's been charged.

 

I know it's being a bit nit-picky but if it was me, I'd like to know these details! I'll keep an eye out on this one though, looks promising.

Before I say anything, I appreciate you being honest, it really is the only way a writer can improve himself. I thought the same thing while writing, but I wanted to really convey that this guy could have killed only 87 people, or he may have killed 500. That's how little they really know of him, and how brutal he really is. That's what I want to center this whole piece about, this character. Getting to know him, get inside his mind. I want to show just how much of a sociopath he is, without really any regard towards human life.

 

By the way, the main inspiration I drew from for him were some of the most sadistic serial killers (Dahlmer, Bundy, BTK). But the biggest inspiration I got was from watching this TV special with this guy John (I believe that was his first name) "The Iceman" Kuklinsky. He was a hitman, and killed something like 60 people. He would describe these killings in the most brutal fashion, even giving pointers and bits of advice he would use i.e. he would only use a meat cleaver to chop up bodies, saws were too messy. I'm also going to write out these flashbacks to these murders or important times in his life to keep it interesting, also so I can "flex" my descriptive muscle.

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The Unvirginiser

 

I guess you want honesty so I'll be honest.

 

It looks pretty good, except for that whole 87+ thing. I'm not an expert on crime or the police but my guess is that a dossier wouldn't have a plus sign in it.  I mean, if he was charged with 87 first degree murders it would say 87. If it was more, it would say more. It just seems like the cops are unsure of how many times he's been charged.

 

I know it's being a bit nit-picky but if it was me, I'd like to know these details! I'll keep an eye out on this one though, looks promising.

 

Its called the willing suspension of disbelif. Your probaly right, but if the dossier did have that, it would give the effect that Tubby is going for. Depending on how relistic the story is then stuff like that can or cant be in it colgate.gif

Looking good! It's from a detective's viewpoint?

Edited by The Unvirginiser
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Land Of Confusion

 

I know everyone's tired of these short previews of stories, but I've really got to get this one off my chest. I hope you guys like it (also I promise to not let this one drag on like my previous stories).

 

 

Detective William Denney sat in a small, compact, blank room with concrete walls, looking over the dossier for what must have been the twelfth time. Joseph “The Hammer” Hammond, Caucasian, 6’8, 320 lbs., brown eyes, auburn hair, numerous tattoos. The description could fit almost every wise guy, mobster, or criminal boss’ muscle that the detective had dealt with, but there was one thing that really distinguished this particular convict from the others. Denney stared at the criminal offenses list, not really understanding what he saw. 87+ first degree murder charges. What really struck him at awe was the plus sign. How many that plus sign stood for was anybody’s guess, but only Hammond knew the true body count.

 

 

How do you like it so far?

I only have a few questions.

 

 

 

Has he been CONVICTED 87 times?

 

 

Or charged 87 times?

 

 

And if he's been charged 87 times, wouldn't he be a pretty sh*tty killer and no one would want to hire him?

 

 

or did was he jus a suspect 87 times?

 

 

and if he has....dontcha think he has a pretty crappy reputation for stealth if the cops have an idea of how many times he's killed?

 

Other than that, I really like it! Keep going smile.gif

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As Unvirginiser has stated, it's called the suspension of disbelief - to simply accept the circumstances of something despite the fact that they may be unrealistic or what have you.

 

However, I see the whole idea of it in this piece as more of a plot hole. It's a nice start - the writing is intriguing and flows well. But the plot is, well, completely contradictory. He wouldn't be much of a good assassin if he was charged with 87 first degree murders. If he had managed to accomplish this, and it was recognized as such by the authorities, he would surely be caught; and, if still at large, it still makes him a poor assassin for having his dealings known. Surely he would not be linked to any of these murders, let alone 87 of them?

 

Just my thoughts. I don't see what the direction of it is - if he had actually been charged, would he not have been caught - and if not, then they're trying to catch him, which leads me back to his inefficiency as an assassin.

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As Unvirginiser has stated, it's called the suspension of disbelief - to simply accept the circumstances of something despite the fact that they may be unrealistic or what have you.

 

However, I see the whole idea of it in this piece as more of a plot hole. It's a nice start - the writing is intriguing and flows well. But the plot is, well, completely contradictory. He wouldn't be much of a good assassin if he was charged with 87 first degree murders. If he had managed to accomplish this, and it was recognized as such by the authorities, he would surely be caught; and, if still at large, it still makes him a poor assassin for having his dealings known. Surely he would not be linked to any of these murders, let alone 87 of them?

 

Just my thoughts. I don't see what the direction of it is - if he had actually been charged, would he not have been caught - and if not, then they're trying to catch him, which leads me back to his inefficiency as an assassin.

Maybe this will clear up the whole "87+ murders" thing (whereas it is a spoiler, it's not going to ruin the story for you):

 

SPOILER WARNING

 

He was convicted of a few murders that they could finally link to him to, so he was sentenced to life after his trial. He has no chance of parole, so he decides that he's going to talk about other murders, for what reason I'm not going to say yet. He mentions and describes 87 murders to other investigators and detectives before we get to the confession with Detective Denney.

 

 

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Loving the story already and if its anything like The Cipriani/Leone War its going to be great good job mate.

Edited by Ryunday
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