Writers' Ideas

[Omnia sunt Communia]

How about?

 

 

Eyeing the svelte women outlined by the fluorescent blue of the bar, Dean Morgan quietly stalked his way across the empty aluminum dancefloor towards her, his groin throbbed with pure animal lust as he hunted down his prey like a vicious predator.

 

 

[Eminence]

All you did was add in a pretty lame simile, though.

 

Part of the problem with the sentence, I'd say, is the word choice. 'Svelte', for example, doesn't really roll off the tongue perfectly well, and as such, tends to hamper the flow a touch when you're really trying to build up steam in the early lines of a piece. But, that's your choice, so I'm not going to change that; alternatives, should you choose to edit, could be graceful, slender, attractive, and the like.

 

Furthermore, the use of 'the' is also a flow-stopper; we have yet to be introduced to any character, so 'a' would fit nicer before characterising the woman with the 'her' that ends the segment. Oh, and it should be 'woman', not 'women'.

 

Part of the reason it also doesn't really open snazzily is some ever-so-slightly redundant phrasing, for example 'of the bar'. You can instead introduce the bar in later sentences, or simply leave it as an implied location, at least for now. Another is 'towards her' - you can cut this out completely and again leave it to be implied.

 

The whole thing could be worded like this:

 

 

Eyeing a svelte woman outlined by fluorescent blue, Dean Morgan quietly stalked his way across the empty aluminum dancefloor.

 

Now, that still might not sound like the best hook for a piece, so it could be altered further - this time, I'll take the liberty of exchanging and adding words to see what suits best.

 

 

Eyeing the delicate figure of a svelte woman, outlined by a shimmering fluorescent blue, Dean Morgan quietly stalked his way across the empty alumium dancefloor.

 

Don't like the additional parenthetical phrase?

 

 

Eyeing the delicate and shimmering fluorescent blue outline of a svelte woman, Dean Morgan quietly stalked his way across the empty aluminium dancefloor.

 

Keep toying round with the sentence structure, don't be afraid to change words, take them out - do whatever. Start afresh with the same intentions in mind, narrating them in different ways. It'll come.

[Rhoda]

Eminence once again shows us the way. Got anything planned Phil? What happened to Falcon?

[Eminence]

Falcon is finished, just didn't wind up posting it in its entirety here.

[Rhoda]

Falcon is finished, just didn't wind up posting it in its entirety here.

You sneak. Do you have bigger plans for it then? I know there's a copyright issue here with posting content. Are you seeking a publisher or an agent?

[Typhus]

 

Falcon is finished, just didn't wind up posting it in its entirety here.

You sneak. Do you have bigger plans for it then? I know there's a copyright issue here with posting content. Are you seeking a publisher or an agent?

What copyright issue? What are you talking about?

[Rhoda]

I thought there was something on the forum that states that anything posted here is the property of the forum owner and the forum itself. I may be spinning a spiel here but I'm sure there's something of that effect in force.

[Typhus]

Oh, now that's not good.

Erm...okay then, I shall have to be careful. I want to be published this year. Somehow, some way. It's my only goal really, I wouldn't want to get sued or something by GTAF.

[Rhoda]

Like I said, I may be wrong, and I'm sure getting permission is going "Hello Tank..." and then asking him what the next step would be. If you're that concerned, edit your entries and remove the content. I'm careful of what I post now as I seek to be published myself. I post my work here to constantly improve, I want to be as good as I can possibly be.

[Eminence]

I don't specifically know what the specific copyright issues are concerning the forum, but I'm just a tad wary of the entire public access thing and plagiarism, all that. So I figure I'm not worried about posting small things or the likes to receive feedback and to improve, but not too keen on posting full-length pieces or ideas, I guess.

 

I do intend to seek an agent/publisher in the somewhat near future, probably after Uni rather than during or before, so the time between now and then will be working on perfecting a manuscript - whether for that piece in particular or something else entirely I haven't looked into yet.

[Rhoda]

Public access to works posted is a problem, though fortunately we're not renowned for being a primarily popular board for writing; when I say this, I mean this isn't a site people would usually trail looking for work to steal, though you can never be too careful and it's wise to keep something safe if you wish it to go any further. If you don't, and you're posting it for recreation, you may only have to deal with the annoyance of proving you're the original author, which isn't too tricky providing you have the original Word documents. All documents on Word display the date the original was created.

[Eminence]

though you can never be too careful and it's wise to keep something safe if you wish it to go any further.

Pretty much my ideology, so that's the course of action I've decided to take.

 

Regarding Word documents - it's not totally foolproof, because you could have an old document and save something into it at a later date. Whilst the 'modified' date would be recent, the 'created' would still be 'old', for example - so it wouldn't be something that is incredibly reliable. I wouldn't count it as proof of anything.

[Rhoda]

Regarding Word documents - it's not totally foolproof, because you could have an old document and save something into it at a later date. Whilst the 'modified' date would be recent, the 'created' would still be 'old', for example - so it wouldn't be something that is incredibly reliable. I wouldn't count it as proof of anything.

God I'm thick. Of course you can do that, f*ck, I've done it myself... though not to steal anything except every film release in Europe and the USA since 1997.

 

Would there be any way to share your work here and protect your rights? Such as proof of ownership which can be considered relatively foolproof and would stand up to the average Joe?

[Omnia sunt Communia]

Print out your work, and send it to yourself. Usually the best way to protect your work.

[Rhoda]

Print out your work, and send it to yourself. Usually the best way to protect your work.

That sounds like a good idea, there'll be some form of proof of date through post I imagine?

[Typhus]

Well, as long as one of us prooves him wrong.

Yes, I want to be published very badly. I've been rejected time and time again. Sooner or later I'll get through. I hope.

Edited February 17, 2009 by Typhus

[Eminence]

Print out your work, and send it to yourself. Usually the best way to protect your work.

The 'poor man's copyright'. Sure, it'll (probably) stand up to the average joe, but it's never been proved to hold up in court; no precedent has been set, so it wouldn't really be 100% safe. Again, too, one could send an empty, open envelope and then put the work inside it and seal it at their leisure, with the date therefore being accurate - there's ways to trick the 'system'!

 

I really don't think that, in general, copyright is something to worry about - you own the rights to whatever you produce effective immediately, and it's highly unlikely that you'd need to prove authorship to anyone. If you're extremely paranoid you can register works with writers guilds to seal their copyright (you definitely can in the American guild anyway, not sure about whether the UK offers this), of course for a fee. But really it's nothing to be concerned with, even if you had an absolute dynamite manuscript.

 

That's the way to think, Typhus - just be extremely positive and optimistic and it may come; don't be afraid of rejection. I'm pretty sure when I eventually plunge into the waters of agent searching I'm going to get dozens of rejections, but I'll always hold out hope for being accepted. May take months, probably take years, may not happen at all; gotta just give it a shot, hey?

[Rhoda]

Actually, all this talk of publishing has got me interested in your quest Typhus. How long have you been trying, and what works have you been submitting?

[Omnia sunt Communia]

I've always interesting in getting my work published (which serious writer hasn't?). I'm not sure how to even start though. I've read a few websites (not the most reliable sources - I know) and most have said that you need to send your work off to publishers, and what not, but all this talk of agents has got me curious. Explain Phil?

[ToyMachine]

 

I've always interesting in getting my work published (which serious writer hasn't?). I'm not sure how to even start though. I've read a few websites (not the most reliable sources - I know) and most have said that you need to send your work off to publishers, and what not, but all this talk of agents has got me curious. Explain Phil?

You have to buy about 200 yellow envelopes, buy about 3 cartridges of ink and a durable printer. Then send, send, send and hope at least ONE publisher deems you worthy for an interview. Then you hope he likes you. Then you hope he likes your other work. Then you hope you get a good editor. Then you get sh*t on and you're told everything you've ever known about writing is wrong.

 

It's all a lot of hoping. I actually found two publishers interested in my work but on the other hand I have major connections. Even despite those I will most likely not get published.

 

It's about who you know and how many dicks you've sucked, nowdays. Or just die and hope someone finds your work and deems you a genius.

 

Edit: Speaking of copyrights, and not to sound like a pompous asshole here, from what I've seen on this forum, none are necessary. The level of writing isn't exactly out of this world and I doubt anything written by anyone other than maybe the top 2-3 posters in this specific section could even be on par of being good enough to be sent out to a publisher. It's a harsh world out there. If you like writing, and you're writing for the right reasons, you shouldn't be worried about someone stealing your sh*t on an internet forum. Unless you're a one trick pony and you'll ride one "masterpiece" short story for the rest of your life.

Edited February 18, 2009 by ToyMachine

[Oxidizer]

Am I the only one who'd prefer to see their stuff turned into a film or TV series rather than be published? It's just, in written form, the stories being told could be a bit tedious if it's got hundreds of pages whereas three one-hour episodes or something would be more satisfying for your audience and really bring the characters and plots to life. Once it's aired or premiered, then you can post the original written version of it online for all to see, compare and [hopefully] enjoy. I think that'd be a wicked thing to do one day.

 

Cheers for all the AM feedback and critique by the way, it's appreciated.

[VCRules86]

Hey I've been working on a new project that I won't be posting for awhile but I wanna know how the concept sounds from you guys. It's set during the IV canon and focuses on the LC biker gangs but is from the point of view of the AOD not the Lost. I have written up a short premise and a few short character bios so you can get the jist of it.

 

 

In Liberty City 2009 the Angels of Death biker gang are slowly losing power and influence among the city's criminal underworld. The drug trade for them has fallen off the radar with supplier Niko Bellic constantly raising his prices. The AOD are also at war with the Lost and McReary family who are weakening them day after day bit by bit. To try and regain their past prominence the AOD form an alliance with the Pegorino family led by newly appointed boss Phil Bell and Capo Ray Boccino. What ensues is a massive power struggle between both sides for control of LC.

 

Main characters:

 

Jeffrey Sinclair: Senior Member of the AOD. He is 34 years old and fiercely loyal to the gang and never questions an order or goes against the AOD's leaders, he is extremely trusted by his superiors.

 

Felix Meredia: A spanish American AOD member and Jeffrey's best friend, he is somewhat panicky and can become quite hysterical when put in extremely tense situations but is reliable and a trustworthy soldier. He is one of the top AOD Lt.'s

 

Roger Schultz: Roger is the leader of the Liberty City Angels of Death. He is smart when it comes to running a criminal business but has a very short fuse, he will resort to violence if pushed but always tries to use good judgement over rage.

 

Robert Carter: Carter is an LC detective, he is a very shady character and is a former FBI agent. He is very corrupt accepting bribes from everyone from the Lost all the way up to the Gravelli family.

 

 

 

 

These are the main characters, lemme know what you think

 

 

P.S

Oki, i know exactly how you feel.

Everyday I think of how awesome it would be to have one of my stories turned into a film or TV show, I always try to picture myself making an Oscar acceptance speech.

Edited February 18, 2009 by VCRules86

[mark-2007]

VCRules86:

 

I'm not so sure on this. Have you played IV? I'd say playing IV is a necessity, and even the new DLC is required if you're going to write a story on a biker gang in Liberty City. Some of the ideas you have don't seem to match with the storyline. For instance, Niko doesn't strike me as a drug-dealing character. He seems to only be out to find that "special someone". I'm not sure if you have played GTA IV, so I won't give too many spoilers.

[Typhus]

Actually, all this talk of publishing has got me interested in your quest Typhus. How long have you been trying, and what works have you been submitting?

I've been trying to get stuff published since around 2006. Since that time I have sent off a lot of stuff, mainly to the BBC. A film script, two intended radio plays and two comedy scripts. All rejected. The only feedback I got from them was that my writing style was good, they said I was original. Which picked me up a bit.

But apart from that I have worked on a story which I sent to a womens magazine. That was rejected to.

But I'm going to try again with it, it's called Goldman's Mouse, and whilst it's just a short story I've gotten some great feedback from my family.

I know that your family members are rarely a good source of criticism but it really meant a lot to me to have them like what I create.

I've never had much support you see.

But enough about me, have you sent anything off?

[Omnia sunt Communia]

@VCRules86: As much as I like the basic premise of your story, I think it deviates to far from the IV storyline to even be considered fan fiction. There are so many inconsistencies and out-of-character moments that I'm not even going to mention them.

 

I'd suggest creating your own fictional universe to set these characters loose in. Create your own New York parody, your own biker gangs etc. That way you have a lot more freedom, and you wont have people calling you out for completely missing the point of IV's storyline.

[Rhoda]

But enough about me, have you sent anything off?

I've certainly considered it but I have no idea where to begin. For starters, I don't know who to speak to regarding sending work in. Secondly, I assume they have a set criteria; I can't imagine they'll accept anything as they have a demographic to satisfy at the end of the day. I imagine they'll want something tried and tested. Third, I've no idea where to send it, though that'll come with my first point of not knowing who to speak to.

[Eminence]

Look up a myriad of publishers. Google them, I'm sure you'll find something. Send it off to all of them, and then find more and continue to send.

 

The only other thing is to ensure it's all printed in a fashionable manner or they might not even look at it. Usually set the font as Times New Roman (man, I hate that font but it's the standard), size 12, double spaced. It sounds silly but I've read that things might not even get looked at if they aren't presented at least in a similar fashion.

[Rhoda]

Usually set the font as Times New Roman (man, I hate that font but it's the standard), size 12, double spaced. It sounds silly but I've read that things might not even get looked at if they aren't presented at least in a similar fashion.

Sounds like college. In college, when essays were submitted that exceeded 2000 words we were told to double space them, size 12, basic font (I always opted out of Times New Roman, that font's older than me for Christ's sake). Even then, our work fell onto the 7/8 page mark, so I'm horrified at the thought of a 400 page novella under those conditions... imagine the postage costs!

[Eminence]

I think that's what ToyMachine was touching on with buying the masses of envelopes, paper and ink cartridges. It's not as simple as just print off a couple pages and send, hehe. So yeah, it's a long process.

[Rhoda]

It'd be a nightmare for my printer, I don't doubt I'd have to find a machine in a newsagents. My printer at the minute is appalling, I can't print out 5 pages without the print-out becoming streaky and wonky. I imagine an A3 jiffy-bag is the most ideal for catering pieces.